No, not the box of cornstarch named Kate Hudson. The hot airport bitch in the Bonnebell lipstick. This lady is no joke. Yesterday, while escorting Kate through LAX, she completely freaked out and cursed at all the pappies in her way.

This is the way all airport employees should act. Give this woman Employee of the Motherfucking Year! This video should be used during orientation to teach employees the correct way to behave in a tense situation. I mean, that’s how I act in crowds and it usually works for me.

And why are the pappies losing their shit over Kate Hudson? Um…. They should have gone and taken a picture of Katherine Heigl, Drew Barrymore or Reese Witherspoon and tagged it Kate Hudson. It would’ve been the same ass thing, because all those broads are the same.

Clip of the chaos is below and you might want to turn down the volume unless you’re craving a ringing in your ears.

Mackenzie Phillips will not be dressing as a sad little jailbird for Halloween this year. That’s because a judge ordered her into an 18-month drug deferment program after she pleaded guilty for being a failed drug mule.

Julie Cooper was arrested in August at LAX after she was caught by airport security trying to smuggle balloons of coke and heroin in her pant leg. Maria Full of Grace she ain’t!

The judge told her in court today that once she completes the program, he’ll throw out her plea and the entire incident will disappear from her record. She told the court, “I want to thank the Los Angeles Police Department and the Airport Police for stopping me — they saved my life.” Mackenzie went on to say, “And party at my house! I have the party favors, you bring the hooch!” No…

Mackenzie is just in Los Angeles for a quick minute, because she’s currently seeking treatment at a rehab facility in Louisiana. This is her 10th time in the tank. You know what they don’t say, the tenth time’s a charm!

TMZ also reports that the judge thought she was on “Diff’rent Strokes.” She corrected him and said she was actually on “One Day at a Time.” Mackenzie wasted a perfectly good “Watcha talkin’ ’bout Willis” moment!!

The “Today” hosts dressed as fairytale characters this morning for Halloweenie and Meredith Vieira was supposed to be Pinocchio. Honestly, she looked more like the Treeman of Indonesia than Pinocchio. I bet you Treeman’s peen looks like her nose.

Al Roker dressed as a sexually frustrated Gingerbread Man with one blue ball, Ann Curry was a “JLo version of Cinderella” (her words), Hoda Kotb was Old Red Riding Hood, Kathie Lee Gifford was her husband at a whore house and Matt Lauer dressed as his ego.

Always wanted to look like a leftover soggy fishstick without a deliciously flaky crust? Well, you’re in luck! Fishstick Paltrow’s latest Goop “rhymes with poop” newsletter is all about health!

Fishy says with the help of three doctors in London, NYC and Los Angeles, she’s found ways to deal with some health problems including pneumonia, anemia, stress and stick-up-ass syndrome. Obviously, she still hasn’t found a cure for the latter one.

Here’s what Fishy and her doctors recommend:

Sleep eight hours for two weeks. If you need help use herbs like valerian and chamomile. (Note from MK: Does weed count?)

Police your thoughts and deal with your feelings constructively. Most of the background chatter in our mind is worrying, judging, criticizing, defending and complaining. (Note from MK: FUCK THAT!)

Eliminate all white foods including flour and sugar. (Note from MK: Does that include coke?)

Don’t eat for 12 hours after your last meal.

After two weeks of sleeping and eating better, you’ll have the energy to exercise. Begin as you like.

If you are totally out of shape. Start by walking 15 minutes a day and add a minute every day for the first month. At the end of a month, you’ll be up to 45 minutes a day, which should make you ready for whatever more strenuous form of exercise you want to try.

Don’t drink a lot of caffeine or alcohol. (Note from MK: This bitch is stupid!)

This explains why Fishy is a pretentious drip with the sense of humor of a slug. The bitch needs more booze and sugar in her life! I’m functioning just fine on a strict carbs and sugar-only diet. Yes, I constantly have the sugar shakes, but that’s a form of exercise!

Click here to read Fishy’s entire newsletter of poop.

Surprise everyone! “The King of the Hill” is on still on television….but not for long. Fox has dethroned the King after 13 seasons. There won’t be a 14th season. Try not to cry. You’ll ruin your slutty Hallopeen make-up.

Mike Judge and Greg Daniels created the show which premiered in 1997. They went on to do other crap, but Mike Judge still does voices for the show along with Brittany Murphy, Tommy Petty and other hos.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full episode of this shit. I did meet a dude in a bar once and he claimed he worked on the show. I blew him in the back of his car, so I sort of contributed to the show in my own way.

For those of you that will miss seeing these hillbillies on TV, just remember that we’ll always have Brit Brit.

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Don’t have a costume for your night of debauchery? All you have to do is shut a door on your face and then apply a shit load of make-up using your feet. When people ask who you’re supposed to be? Simply answer, “The beautiful rose of Graceland Priscilla Presley!” If they respond with, “Who?” Just tell them you’re a post-stroke alien zombie.

Here’s the natural beauty known as Priscilla Presley trying to wink at a party for Veranda Magazine last night.