Joe Jackson – Not to be confused with Jacko’s daddy. Obviously. I haven’t heard Joe’s shit in a long ass time, but was reminded of his brilliance when one of his songs played at a Halloweenie party I was at last night. This bitch is hot, but he needs a little Sharpie attention for those no-brows. Below is the amazingly hot video for Steppin’ Out. I mean, what maid looks like that?!

Penn Badgley (22) (shhh…don’t disturb him. He’s having a poo.)
Bo Bice (33)
Aishwarya Rai (35)
Toni Collette (36)
Jenny McCarthy (36)
Tina Arena (41)
Sophie B. Hawkins (41)
Rick Allen (45)
Anthony Kiedis (46)
Lyle Lovett (51)
Larry Flynt (66)

The Crackie of Camden is on the loose in London tonight after spending a few days in THE CLINIC (dun dun dun) for some kind of “chest infection.” (Cue eye rolls!) Wino was picked up by her daddy and friend Blake “not Blaaaake” Wood. Not Blaaake should’ve stayed at the hospital, because he looks like he could use a quickie with a defibrillator. After that, he needs an intimate dinner date with an IV for a couple of hours.

Being laid up in the hospital for a few days worked wonders on the little crackie. She actually looks sort of lifelike! Eating actual food instead of just feasting on crack smoke did her a little bit of good.

Even her ballet slippers look like they got a sponge bath. Now if she can just work on getting back in her crackhive’s good graces again. That crackhive bitch got sick of Wino’s shit and hit the road for less fucked-up pastures. I think it’s hiding in Beyonce’s wig closet. Wino should just sent it a Vermont Teddy Bear as an apology. That always works for me.

A vicar waddled into an emergency room at a hospital in Sheffield, UK complaining about a potato in his ass. (Note: The spud pictured is not the dildo tater in question even though it looks like it has butt bits on it.) The vicar used the oldest excuse in the butt fucking manual: he fell on it.

The clergyman said he was hanging up some curtains in the nude when he accidentally fell on a potato lying on the kitchen table behind him. That damn potato! It was just laying there, in his way, all lubed up and ready to go!

One of the nurses told The Sun that he insisted he wasn’t doing butt sex with the potato. The potato doesn’t swing that way. The vicar kept telling the hospital that he was simply decorating his windows while naked. Being nekkid probably brings out the Martha Stewart in him.

I don’t know why he had to go to the hospital for this shit. If he was doing his daily sphincter exercises, like everyone should, he could have easily mashed that potato with his ass. Then he would’ve had a delicious side dish of mashed taters and ass gravy!

Vadge and A-Rod are continuing to bump dicks on the down low and are using friend’s houses to do so. According to Page Six, last week Vadge and A-Rod tried to be all slick by traveling on two different helicopters to the Hamptons. One was probably for them and the other was for her ego.

Some source said that Vadge and A-Rod landed separately at different times. They were each picked up by one of the Seinfelds. Jessica picked up A-Rod and Jerry picked up Vadge. They all met up at Jerry’s estate where they tag teamed Jessica. No, they are saving that for the next time.

A friend of Vadge’s said she’s been chummy with the Seinfelds for a while since they both live in the same neighborhood in Manhattan.

They only stayed four hours and left the same way they came.

Damn. That’s a lot of work for a roidy call. A-Rod and Vadge probably barely spent any grossy grossy time together. For the first 2 hours, Vadge held a meeting with the Seinfelds and the staff to tell them the rules of her visit and what words they can use when speaking to her and how she takes her grains.

Then she went up to a bedroom with A-Rod and they arm wrestled for 90-minutes. They were supposed to go 2 hours, but Vadge went flaccid because she kept beating A-Rod.

A lot of work, for not a lot of action.

Next time they should just meet up at a motel that rents by the hour like normal people do. It’s cheap, easy and there’s usually enough used lube on the sheets, so you don’t have to worry about bringing your own.

What in Sears Portrait Studio hell is this shit?! Maybe they are trying to scrimp on the budget so they bought a leftover pic from a Jessica Simpson photo shoot from Papa Joe. Then they copy and pasted our little Cheetoling’s face right on top. They didn’t even bother to fix the wonk in her eye! The bitches who put this mess together were definitely having a “fuck it” kind of day.

Britney.com also released the official tracklisting for this crap:

1. Womanizer
2. Circus
3. Out From Under
4. Kill The Lights
5. Shattered Glass
6. If U Seek Amy
7. Unusual You
8. Blur
9. Mmm Papi
10. Mannequin
11. Lace and Leather
12. My Baby
Bonus Track:
13. Radar

#9 sounds like a chola lullaby dedicated to Chester Cheetah. And #6 is totally about the Brit Brit of the UK, Amy Wino!!!