Crazy shit always happens to Paula Abdul! Skat Kat must have put a curse on her or something.

The body of a woman was found last night in a parked car just a few yards from Paula Abdul’s house in Sherman Oaks, CA. The cops say she might have died from a drug overdose

Police believe that the woman was a crazed Paula Abdul fan and might have been stalking her for a while now.

The woman has “ABL LV” (Abdul Love or Lover) on her license plate and has pictures of Paula hanging from her rear view mirror. Police sources told TMZ that they’ve been called out to Paula’s house a few times to deal with the stalker.

The cops also got a call from the woman’s parents yesterday afternoon. They reported their daughter missing and said she might be at Paula Abdul’s house.

Paula was not at home last night, because she was off being insane while filming “American Idol.”

Paula’s handlers better clear the room of dolls and booze, because she’s going to have a major meltdown over this news. She probably has a nervous breakdown when one of her fake eyelashes falls off, so I can only imagine how she’s going to take this shit.

And I’ve never heard of a Paula Abdul stalker before. I mean, “Cold Hearted Snake” is a hot song, but damn!

Oh, Sasha Fierce, that motorcycle fuckery should’ve stayed in George Michael’s video – ONTD

Roger Moore thinks the new Bond movies are too violent. What does he expect? Puppy dogs and rainbows? – Celebitchy

The “Arrested Development” movie is on again – Mollygood

WTF does $800 underwear look like? – I’m Not Obsessed

Brit Brit takes sickly JJ to the alligator farm – ICYDK

“Days of Our Lives” is not getting canceled – SOW

This kid is awesome. Tommy Girl is so going to try and adopt him – Videogum.

The rappin’ granny is turning 90! – Popbytes

Salma Hayek will probably be getting thousands of letters from sick fuck dudes willing to suck on her magnificent leche balls in order to feed her addiction to breastfeeding. Salma said that she just can’t stop breastfeeding her 13-month-old daughter Valentina.

She told Style Magazine (via FoxNews), “I’m like an alcoholic. It is like, I don’t care if I cry, I don’t care if I am fat, I am just going to do it for one more week, one more month, and then when I see how much good it is doing her and I can’t stop. The myth that says you lose all this weight when you breastfeed! That is so not true! It’s like, please, will everyone stop telling me I look really well.”

Salma’s chichis are the 8th World Wonder, so I care about their well-being. Salma must check herself into Promises before it’s late. She’s going to start traveling around the world, sticking her titty melon into the mouths of any baby she comes across. And when she runs out of babies, she’s going to move on to toddlers and then… Well, hopefully it never gets to that.

Dear Salma, watch this clip below. Don’t let this happen to you!!!

Thanks Jill

It’s back to the janitor’s closet for CHERYL BURKE! Mop Head and her partner Maurice Greene were given the heave-HO on “Dancing with the Has-Beens” last night. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Yes, CHERYL BURKE is my arch rival and she makes my hair hurt, but she’s the only one that got any emotion out of me. When I watch CHERYL BURKE sweep the floor with her mop head, I have to sit on my fists (not in the nasty way) to keep them from punching my TV. I HATE HER.

CHERYL BURKE does that to me, but at least she does something! The other boring ass bitches put me to sleep. It’s like Ambien, Sominex, Nytol and Lunesta dancing around out there.

Whenever Brooke Burke prances around, I just get up and go pluck my nose hairs, because I know the judges are going to queef over her. And when the other three start their sleep dances, I get myself a big cup of Sleepytime tea and cuddle under a soft blanket, because I know I’m about to drift out to dreamland.

At least with Maurice and Mop Head gone, I don’t have to hear that “chicken dinner” shit anymore!

Is there a “shiny and greasy” tool on Photoshop, because Brit Brit looks like she was rubbed down in possum grease. Her skin looks exactly like that of a new Barbie right out of the box. You know, it probably is Barbie’s body, Jamie Lynn’s face and Jessica Simpson’s weave. If I didn’t smell the strong scent of crusty Frapp, I would’ve never guessed this was Brit Brit.

This shit looks like the White Chicks stumbled into “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

BABIES!!! Adam Sandler and his wife friend Jackie have added another human to this earth. You better get your oxygen tank out soon, because we’re running out of air to breathe!!

Adam wrote on his website yesterday: “Jackie and Adam had a beautiful baby girl, Sunny Madeline on November 2. Everyone is happy and healthy.”

Sadie Sandler & Sunny Sandler?! They sound like a failed folk duo whose greatest achievement was opening for The Partridge Family in the 70s. There’s too many fucking Ss there.

I also knew a Sunny once. She was really lovely, but she slept a lot. Slept a lot, because she was a fucking cat. These celebrities and their cat names!

P.S. – WHERE THE FUCK IS ASSHOLE SIMPONS’S BABY?! I don’t blame Emo Baby for not wanting to come out.

P.P.S. – I can’t wait to read the comments in this post while I nibble on my Pop Tart.