It’s a paycheck: Henry Winkler & Steve Guttenberg are doing panto in England – SOW

Anne Hathaway’s new beard is still better than her last one – Celebitchy

Blind Item solved? Coldplay might be breaking up soon – I’m Not Obsessed

Shanna Moakler just won’t shut up – ICYDK

Kerry Katona is too fucked up for reality TV – Holy Moly!

Fishy’s marriage might be in the toilet – Socialite Life

NeNe wants Mah Boo to come over to her side of the street. Not a chance, bitch – Mollygood

The new “Project Runway” won’t air until next Summer – E! Online

Don’t eat grapes from Costco – Scandalist

Guy Ritchie has opted out of wrestling any money from Vadge’s cold, dead vagina. Guy could have filled his pockets with up to half of Vadge’s $600 $450 million fortune in their divorce settlement, but he’s reportedly done the saintly thing and is voluntarily walking away with nothing. Gold diggers of the world, let’s all bawl our eyes out together.

The Daily Mail claims that the divorce settlement has been reached and an announcement will be made any day now. When Vadge throws all her millions on the bed and rolls around in it, not one bill will be missing. She gets to keep all her cash. The only thing Guy asked for is joint-custody of his two boys, Rocco and David. A source said that the two boys will split their time between London and New York. Lourdes will stay in New York with her mommy. I hope Guy also demanded his nuts back. He’s going to need those in the future.

A source said, “It will be all over by the end of the month. The priority for him has always been the children. Ritchie has not wanted her money. He has done exactly what Billie Piper did when she divorced Chris Evans. She walked away without any of his money, much to her credit. Guy Ritchie has done the same.”

Guy Ritchie obviously has a heart made of gold, rainbows and tears of joy from the Live Feed Puppies, because I would have bled that bitch dry! Even if he didn’t want any money for himself, he should have taken as much as he could, cashed it out at the bank and then walked the streets, throwing her precious money in the air like a fucking modern-day Robin Hood!

There was a time when some of us would gladly put our asses up in the air for Jean-Claude Van Damme, but nowadays we’d only raise our butts to fart in his face. Jean-Claude still thinks he’s got the shit, because he’s still shamelessly hitting on girls old enough to be his daughter. Jean-Claude is infamous for being a manwhore who can’t keep his cheesy peen in his surfer pants, so it’s no surprise that he hit on a 22-year-old reporter from Newsweek during an interview.

Sarah Ball talked to 48-year-old Jean-Claude about his new movie “JCVD” and the conversation quickly turned creepy. Oh and JC is currently married to wifey #5:

Beautiful? Why?
I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

OK —
It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.

Well, I —
Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

So you’ve no regrets at all?
Believe me—I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Yes, I am.
And are you 27, or 32?

I ‘m 22.
Oh, fuck. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

I don’t know. When is it?
I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Uh —
You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

Jean-Claude forgot to say one very important thing. He forgot to say, “You are very elegant.” Did he not learn anything from Dimitri the Lover?!

With all that being said, I’d still put on a black dress, slip on some black high heels, peel the skin off of Jean-Claude’s fruit and cut his very hard seed. That sounds like some Lorena Bobbitt shit.

Brad Pitt and his pussy duster were on Oprah yesterday to promote that movie about a baby with pepaw face and during one part of the show, Oprah took questions from fans through Skype. Christina, a Bradaloonie for 17 years from Ontario, CA, called (Skyped?) in from her office to ask Brad about his tattoos. The crazy bitch wanted to know the details of his iceman and Daniel Pearl tattoos. Since Brad is such a private (HA!) person, he really didn’t want to tell her. He probably already signed a contract with W Magazine for a cover of all his tattoos with their meanings and shit. I love Cate Blanchett for asking Brad if he will show everyone his tattoos. What a bitch! Cate really knows how to add fuel to a Bradaloonie fire!

Christina wouldn’t let it go and finally said, “I know you’ve got one (a tattoo) on your tummy, don’t make me go there!” Oh, Christina. I’m sure you’ve gone there in your crazy head many, many times. Actually, I think she’s going there during this conversation! Show your hands at all times, Christina! Show em! I hear jelly being made. I know what’s going on!

I was seriously waiting for Christina to start showing all the Brad Pitt tattoos she has on her body. I don’t even want to know where her “Pitt’s Girl” tattoo is.

And I’m sure that 20-minutes after this interview, Maddox showed up to Christina’s door with a fresh restraining order in his hands.

VIA ONTD

The Live Feed Puppies are growing up! Why does this have to happen?! Why can’t somebody give them a cat cookie (puppies love that shit) that will make them puppies forever. Life is disappointing.

The puppies have outgrown their little box and now spend most of the day in their playpen. Because they are getting older, they play more and sleep much less. This is bittersweet. As much as I love watching them bite each other’s genitals, chew on each other’s ears and suffocate one another while screeching, this means they are going away soon to their new homes.

Apparently, the puppies will only be around for another 3 weeks or so. When the Live Feed Puppies leave our computer screens, the Internet must die! What’s the point of it existing anymore?

By the way, I’ve even come attached to their fucking puppy toys! That carrot is my favorite. OMG! Two of the puppies just attacked another puppy’s neck and it’s screaming like it’s being viciously murdered! Aww. How cute. My no-heart will be even emptier without them…..

If anybody knows the exact date these puppies are leaving our worlds, please hit me up . I need to organize some kind of liveblog/prayer circle for their last moments with us. Why do they have to leave? WHY GOD WHY?!

Just another Lohan Holiday… – Price for Prez

Runners-up:

A true lady crosses her ankles. – jiggywiddi

Pretty sure this girl has a Disney contract. – Zomay