Karolina Kurkova doesn’t have a belly button. I bet her bikini briefs ate it, because it looks like it’s moved on to eating her crotch – IDLYITW

Whitney Port gets a little help from a really hot lady (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Hugh Jackman needs to lose the hat – Lainey Gossip

James Franco is not afraid to play gay twice – Towleroad

Hot sexy piece of man meat in Barcelona – Popsugar

Excuse you if “Friends” is not your thing! – Just Jared

The paps still take pictures of Jerry Seinfeld’s old piece – Egotastic!

What did I tell you, Panatroll? Cover it up! – Hollywood Tuna

If ScarJo gets pregnant, her boobies will ask for a transfer – Hollywood Rag

The sad part is that I’d probably hit every single of them – Cityrag

Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital from Heather yesterday after she had some kind of medical issue while on the plane. Her PR bitch kept their lips shut about what Winona’s damage was. One of my suspicions was that Winona swallowed too many beautiful dolls. The Daily Mail claims that’s exactly what happened.

According to them, Winona passed out twice after taking too many Xanax pills. Winona was taken to the hospital, but released an hour later and is doing fine now.

Everybody knows you’re not supposed to pop Xanax like its Tylenol PM! If you’re too scared to fly in an airplane, just chop up one Xanax and one Ambien, snort that up, drink a few glasses of red wine, recline your seat, put on some headphones and let “The Piano” soundtrack serenade you to a deep sleep. I love “The Piano” soundtrack.

Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket……and pants! I don’t know if Suri’s $20,000 (I’m guessing) Burberry coat is made with real fur, but let’s tell Peta it is just for shits.

You know it’s colder than your heart on a block of ice when Suri is actually covered up. I stepped out last night for a quick minute and my nipples started crying icy tears. I can’t play with this cold shit. I have to wear a face mask, three hats, ear muffs, long johns, 2 jackets, 3 scarves, a battery-powered heating pad and a Taser in my ass just in case I need a quick jolt of heat.

It looks the cold didn’t bother Stepford Katie. She her rolled-up summer jeans into rolled-up winter shorts. F-U-G. Don’t worry about her. I’m sure her internal warming system is hard at work.

And I’ve always wondered what Suri sounds like, but now I’m thinking she doesn’t say words. Suri and Katie communicate by touching their heads together like in the picture above. That’s how all the alien talks!

This morning on “The View,” B. Walt told the former “ladies” of the show to shut their beaver traps and move on with their lives. It’s pretty that obvious that Barbara was talking to Rosie O’Donnell.

Yesterday, while promoting her variety show, Rosie told the L.A. Times that Barbara “wanted everyone to believe and think and act as if [the women on ‘The View’] get along and are really good friends and happy and hang out together, and, you know, that’s just not the reality. I’m not saying they loathe each other, but the fact of the matter is there was not a lot of camaraderie off camera.”

Babs, who wore some bows from my mom’s Christmas decorations box, said this shit this morning: “If the shoe fits lady…laaadeeeeez….get on with your lives. We are not perfect. We are not always happy, but we’re pretty good!”

Translation: STEP OFF ROSIE or Babs will sic her dentures on you!

Of course, Hasselcrack had to chime in. The dumb bitch actually said, “To do what we do every day takes a certain amount of respect across the table.”

The things this ho says! This bitch wouldn’t know respect if it pulled the stick out of her ass and then butt fucked her senselessly!

P.S. – Tell Sherri to take off those clip-on bangs ASAP. It’s not working.

When the world’s fattest dude, Manuel Uribe, got married to Claudia Solis last month in Mexico, my gutter trash mind immediately created pictures of how the two crazy kids spent their wedding night. I figured Claudia poured some guacamole and hot sauce on her cooze and Manuel had himself an all-you-can-eat fish taco midnight dinner.

Well, according to the Daily Star it didn’t really go down like that. Manuel’s friends really wanted him to bust a load of heavy cream (he really cums heavy cream) on his wedding night, so they made him a special sex ramp inspired by Liberator. The three-foot ramp is reinforced with concrete and what’s ever in Posh’s tits. Manuel just has to lay his lower half on the ramp, so that Claudia has easy access to ride his chorizo until she gets hers or until his heart calls “time out.”

Manuel confirmed the joyous news to the Daily Star, “We have finally had sex and we are a true couple in the eyes of God. We feel like we are in heaven here on Earth.”

Claudia better fuck in moderation. Every time Manuel busts one inside her, she gains 5lbs.

And when Manuel loses all the weight, they can donate their sex toy to the city to be used as a highway on-ramp!

Thanks jazzfish_77

What the fuck is up with all these celebrity skanks and their fugly grass dresses?! Grass should be smoked not worn! I would’ve smoked it up and followed it with three bag of Funyuns, but I doubt that’s what Vadge did.

You know that after Vadge wore this shit at UNICEF’s dinner in NYC last night, she probably had one of her slaves mow her ass down, take some grass, boil it and then serve it to her with bird seed and tree roots. That’s what cunt-cunt-cunt eats! I had a cunt slip, but quickly realized that’s the word I meant to say anyway.

The only bitch that can get away with wearing overgrown AstroTurf is Solange! Actually, she’s probably making this shit down in the basement using old scraps of green shag carpeting.

And the black part of Vadge’s dress was originally green, but then it touched her crotch and then…well…you know.