Last week The Smoking Gun displayed a bevy of gorgeous mug shots, but these two stopped my mouse dead in its track because of their serious eyebrow game. I bet you the beauty above didn’t even do anything wrong. She was just walking the streets, being hot, when a police officer became mesmerized by her glamour and realized a chola beauty like this should not go undocumented. Her mug shot could be on the cover of Vogue, Elle, Seventeen or a package of Sharpies. Ty Ty Banks needs to stop filming the next season of “America’s Next Top Model,” because I already found her winner right here.

And I’m sure the bitch below was arrested for attack with a deadly gorgeous eyebrow. His nose and mouth are trying to run off his face, because they know that they can’t compete with those exquisite eyebrows.

Thanks MO

While you’re getting tanked at your church brunch today, remember to bow your head and give a toast to 28-year-old Swedish socialite Lisa Persdotter for marrying 60-year-old Hungarian born billionaire Charles Simonyi in Sweden yesterday! It always makes me feel warm inside whenever a gold digger finds true love.

Guests at Lisa’s wedding included Bill Gates, Mick Jagger, Ulf Ekberg of Ace of Base and Elton John.

Lisa is an investment banker who apparently comes from a wealthy family, but they aren’t billionaires! Lisa’s family have known Charles for a while, because their homes in St. Tropez are close together.

Charles is some smart software genius who oversaw the creation of MS Word and Excel. He now runs his own company. He’s also in love with space or some crap. He recently spent $25 million on a trip outside of Earth.

Charles was with Martha Stewart for 15 years. They broke up earlier this year. He got engaged to Lisa this August. Damn. This is not a good thing for Martha, but a very good thing for Lisa!

Lisa trapped Charles at the right moment. You got to get their asses when they’re vulnerable and heartbroken! Now all Lisa has to do is find a surrogate to have a couple kids for her, so she doesn’t get fat. After that, she needs to hire a bitch to seduce Charles, get it on videotape and voila! She’ll be a multi-millionairess just like that!

I just hope Lisa didn’t sign one of those ugly prenuptial agreement things.

Lorna Luft – Since it’s Maxwell Caulfield’s birthday, I immediately thought of the cinematic masterpiece known as “Grease 2” and felt we should honor it. Lorna played Paulette Rebchuck, the Marilyn Monroe wannabe who was hopelessly in love with Johnny. Lorna is famous for other shit (like being Judy Garland’s “other” daughter), but let’s be real, “Grease 2” is her greatest achievement! Below is a mash-up of Grease 2 scenes featuring Lorna set to one of the most amazing songs ever written “Cool Rider.”

Maxwell Caulfield (49)
Miley Cyrus (16)
Lucas Grabeel (24)
Kelly Brook (29)
Trick Daddy (35)
Oded Fehr (38)
Vincent Cassel (42)
Harolyn Blackwell (53)
Bruce Hornsby (54)
B.J. Crosby (56)
Bruce Vilanch (60)
Joe Eszterhas (64)
Robert Towne (74)

I hate seeing Tess McGill like this. I know Melanie Griffith has had busted microwave face for a while, but the bitch needs to stop whatever she’s doing and let her mug breathe. She looks like she can only eat soft food. It’s not right. I just want to throw a bow tie on her, stick my hand up her ass and then take our vaudeville act on the road.

Here’s Melanie at Cafe Med yesterday. Alien Princess RiRi was also there looking like the test tube baby of Mr. T and Woody Woodpecker.