When Beyonce went to the Met Gala last week, some said that there was clearly a first trimester Tempur-Pedic baby bump underneath her dress. But I figured that since Beyonce wore a rug, she had a little bump under her belt, because she shoved a bottle of carpet cleaner, a hand-held vac and a lint roller in there. Well, now "music industry insiders" (read: Basement Baby's Campbell Soup phone finally got a clear connection) tell Page Six that Blue Ivy Carter better make some room in her 40,000 square foot nursery, because she's getting a roommate soon.

P6's sources say one of Jay-Z's camel sperms humped its way into one of Beyonce's ovary eggs and now she's got the third coming growing in her womb. Beyonce is currently twerking her lace front off all over Europe in her Mrs. Carter Show world tour. Beyonce's rep wouldn't open their mouths when Page Six asked for a comment.

I refuse to beylieve any of this until Beyonce shamelessly rubs her bump after performing at a second tier awards show. The Billboard Music Awards are this weekend... No, I'm sure Beyonce's baby announcement will be much more subtle this time around and by that I mean three extras dressed as Wise Men will carry her knocked up ass on a bed covered in golden hay through the streets as white smoke billows out of the House of Dereon's chimney. When Catholic abuelitas start fainting over the news that the second reincarnation of Jesus will be here soon, then we'll really know that Beyonce is knocked up.

Meals on Wheels: Zombie Apocalypse Edition - Sweetas

Runners-up:

Pro tip: ALWAYS use a professional escort to fulfill your "UPS Man" fantasy, otherwise you'll get what you pay for. - Furry-Hunk-Of-Man-Beef

When she heard "$2000 for anything you can push, pull, or drag in!" it was as if her prayers had been answered. - GingeMinge

via Break

Dawn Meehan's missing teeth gap, which made its appearance during the final tribal council of last night's season finale of Survivor: Caramoan!

For those of you who didn't watch Survivor this season and are probably thinking to yourself, "SURVIVOR IS STILL ON?!" let me give your ass the backstory for as to why Dawn served up some excited bulldog realness last night. During the season, Dawn, who had a meltdown over everything, lost her fake teeth in the water and had a breakdown. Dawn never told anyone that she wore fake teeth, because she was embarrassed and didn't want anyone to see her looking like a non-cute vampire kitten. (Note: One of my teeth in the front never grew in and before I got a bridge, I wore a retainer with a fake toof on it, so I sort of feel her pain.) Now, if I was Dawn, I would've just made some teeth out of a coconut, stuck them in and called it a day. But Dawn threatened to quit the game if she didn't get her teefs back.

So Dawn's alliance mate Brenda put on a snorkel, got in the water and found her teeth. Dawn didn't have to quit the game and she owed it all to Brenda. Cut to a few episodes later when Dawn betrayed Brenda by voting her teeth savior out.

Dawn, the secret love child of Kate Gosselin and Don Knotts, made the final three and during the last tribal council, Brenda got her revenge. Brenda told Dawn that she would've quit the game if she never got her teeth back and she wouldn't be sitting in the final 3. So Brenda asked Dawn to take her teeth out in front of everyone. Dawn could've easily showed Brenda two middle fingers instead, but being that close to a million dollars will make a crying bitch do some crazy things. Dawn pulled out her teeth and gave us the image above.

Brenda is oh-so-wrong, but oh-so-right for that. And now the image of Dawn looking like a hillbilly Gollum will forever live in my brain.

(Pic via Tumblr)

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Blonde.... hairy... sturdy... and built for multiple wild rides... Alex Rodriguex just fell in love.

Billionaire owner of everything Richard Branson and billionaire owner of everything Tony Fernandes made a little bet in 2010. Since both of them are owners of an airline and a Formula One racing team, they bet that whoever's F1 team loses to the other has to serve as a flight attendant on the winner's airline. Richard Branson lost, so today, the men all paused when he walked onto an AirAsia plane to serve drinks on a flight from Perth to Kuala Lumpur.

While firmly tucked and puckered up, Richard served drinks, handed out meals and made announcements. Yahoo! says that the flight also helped raise money for an Australian charity for hospitalized children. Tony Fernandes told reporters that Miss Richard's flight attendant skills get a 1 out of 10 and Miss Richard said that he can't wait to get into his regular clothes.

"[I'm] glad to have gotten the bet over with and (am) looking forward to getting back into my clothes. I always wanted to be an air hostess, but it looks like I have to get back to normality.

Uh huh.... Richard Branson is really trying to make us believe that he didn't join the Mile High Club with his own reflection in the lavatory. You know he was all up on himself. You know his tuck came undone when he spilled his juice all over Tony. He loves it.

But seriously, Richard should always wear his hair like that, because it is the look.

NBC announced today that when Jimmy Fallon takes over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno, Seth Meyers will slide into Jimmy's spot as the host of Late Night. Yeah, typing that made me picture Seth sliding into Jimmy's spot and I don't know how I feel about that image.

Because what late night really needs is more white men, Seth will take over Late Night next spring and Lorne Michaels will executive produce. Here's what the head bitch at NBC had to say about this:

“We think Seth is one of the brightest, most insightful comedy writers and performers of his generation. His years at SNL‘s Weekend Update desk, not to mention being head writer of the show for many seasons, helped him hone a topical brand of comedy that is perfect for the Late Night franchise”.

Charles Ramsey, Tan Mom and Sweet Brown were all ROBBED! Since Up All Night was finally thrown into the dead pile, I was hoping that Maya Rudolph as Ava would host Late Night... Oh well, hopefully this means that Stefan will finally take over Weekend Update. It's his destiny.

In the fame whore dictionary, the definition of "recluse" is totally different than the definition in the dictionary all of us use. Because Kim Kartrashian thinks that a "recluse" is a shameless 24-hour spotlight fucker who spends more time in front of a camera than behind a camera, gives the paps several servings of her knocked up kamel toe daily and poses in a bikini for the cover of Recluse Weekly (known to you and me as UsWeekly). Kim tells the UK's Fabulous Magazine (via HuffPo) that ever since Gay Fish's sperm fish were turkey basted up into her baby making parts, she has become even more of a recluse. Well, you can't say the word "recluse" without saying "wreck" and "loose," so the heffa might have a point.

"I'm definitely more of a recluse since I was pregnant. But I haven't necessarily decided to hold myself back, it's just preparing myself for respecting the privacy of my child and my boyfriend.

There goes Kim throwing out words she doesn't know the true meaning of! Ho wouldn't know "respect" or "privacy" if they were both shaped like a boomerang and tapped her on the ass cheeks in a straight-to-Vivid sex tape. Kim then goes on to say some stuff that makes me think that her and Kanyetta West's contract is coming to an end soon.

"We live different lives, but I love being open. That's who I've always been. That will never change because that is who I am."

Yes, Kim, we've seen you be all open around Ray-J's crooked crowbar dick, so we know how open you are. It made you a STAH! And really, Kim is just setting up her inevitable split from Kanye. We all know how this is going to go. Pimp Mama Kris is going to get even more tabloid covers and non-stop coverage on TMZ by turning this into an all-out kustody battle. PMK will want full custody of Baby Kimye, because she needs a new generation of Kardashians to whore out. Kanye will want full custody of Baby Kimye, because he needs a baby to dress up in Givenchy leather skirts and he'll need a friend to play with when he moves to the French countryside with his lovah. It'll be like Kramer vs. Kramer if both Kramers were shameless whores.

And here's Kim being all reclusive yesterday and Kanye leaving her house with the head wound he got when he lost a fight against a sign.

Didi Pickles from Rugrats!

Tommy and Stu's mom is a certified HSOTD for a million reasons including her undeniable fashion sense, her puzzle piece hairline, her fascination with wearing things that look like condom rings (examples: her neckline, her socks, her glasses her bracelets, her dress cuffs...) and she's the only one (besides Cynthia) who truly understands my soul twin Angelica. But more importantly, Didi Pickles is a gorgeous ginger with hair shaped like an orange starfish after getting pulled out of a garbage disposal.  It's like she's got the holy trinity of ginger pubes (Carrot Top's, Prince Hot Ginge's and Sheamus') on top of her head.

Happy Mother's Day to one of the best cartoon ginger mothers from the 90s!

And Happy Mama Je'e Day to all the mothers out there. I'll get drunk on pank wine with my mom in your honor today!

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Here's a video we can all relate to. Who hasn't wanted something so bad that you jump for it, cry for it, wait for it and just when you think you're never going to get it, you get it and then think to yourself, "That's it?!" I pretty much described 99% of my first dates.

And this little pooch is totally going to piss in its owner's shoe for being this cruel. (Strangely enough, John Travolta also pees in Kelly Preston's shoes when she keeps the sausage away from him by making him stay home.)

via HuffPo