Stirrup pants need to die already! Maggie Grace is that girl who died in "Lost" and she thinks she's doing something edgy here...but I'm sorry. Stirrup pants are the devil's work and serve no purpose.

If Justin Timberlake starts wearing those neon surfer pants from the 80s the world will end.

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Lindsay Lohan has concluded her NYC club tour and is back in Los Angeles. She was spotted at The Ivy yesterday with a book filled with Bible passages.

Please, that's one of those empty books that she uses to stash her coke.

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Sorry lesbos everywhere, Carmen Electra is not planning to marry Joan Jett. There were rumors that Carmen, 34, and Joan, 46, met after her divorce and instantly clicked and clicked clits. The rumor went as far to suggest they were going to get married.

Carmen is denying the story. Her rep said, "They are just friends. "Carmen is in London right now. She is performing in Palm Springs at the Dinah Shore Weekend with her group The Bombshells just as she did last year.”

Is it just me or does Joan sort of look like Dave Navarro?

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Xtina and Jordan BATman (I know it's Bratman, but he looks like a bat) celebrated her Nylon Magazine cover last night at The Gansevoort in NYC. She's hot, but I'd wish she'd stop trying to force the sexy.

Remember how Dallas Austin said that Joss Stone effs for tracks? Well, I sort of believe because homegirl is nuts! At the Brit Awards last month Joss started rambling in a crazy state to two interviewers. She kept going on and on and on.

The problem was that they weren't reporters, but security guards. This dumb ho thought their walkie talkies were tape recorders!

A source said, "It was absolutely hilarious and at the same time very sad."

I figured Joss as a pothead, but a crackhead?! Can pot do that much damage to your brains? It's probably that hideous hair dye that's seeped in her skull and warped her brains.

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Thanks Clint

Yes, Beth Ditto from "The Gossip" is fat but she doesn't care. She loves it, embraces it. I mean if a dumb ho like Britney can perform in a bra and panties why can't this girl?

She performed last Thursday at SXSW in Austin and didn't give a fuck!

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A couple of weeks ago the Desperate Housewives gardener, Jesse Metcalfe, was spotted acting like a drunken fool at the Mondrian Hotel. Witnesses say he was out of control and looked like he hasn't slept in days. Well, his rep issued this statement:

"On Monday, March 19, Jesse Metcalfe entered a rehab facility to deal with alcohol issues. He realized he had a problem and was anxious to deal with it immediately. The actor, best known as the hunky gardener on the ABC show 'Desperate Housewives' and the star of the film 'John Tucker Must Die,' hopes that the media will allow him the privacy to deal properly with his treatment."

I love that in the statement his rep has to remind us who he is, because most of us have no idea. He's probably in rehab for being gay! I mean he's trying to pretend he's straight and all by dating that British chick, Nadine Coyle.

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Kawasaki Ninja Motorcycle = $4,000
Approximately 28-year supply of fried foods = $102,000
Size 28 stretchy shorts on her size 42 frame = $53.00
Seeing a 400-pound hog stradling another 400-pound hog? Priceless. - Anonymous

Runner-up:

Somehow, I don't think this is what he meant when he ordered the new saddle bags for his bike. - MJF

Mo Rocca

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