Dlisted | Be Very Afraid

Tulip Tripped Her On Purpose

Broken nose my ass! Paula Abdul told a FOX News station how she "chipped" her nose over the weekend. She said she fell face flat to try and avoid killing her chihuahua, Tulip. I'm guessing that Paula's real reason for visiting the hospital was to get more Vicodin. Bitch can hardly keep her eyes open! Tulip doesn't appreciate liars Paula!

VIA BWE

Posted by: Michael K

57 comments •

Paula Abdul

Move Over Posh

While Posh is spending David Beckham's money in Los Angeles, he's spending time with Helen Mirren. The two posed together at the Greatest Britons Awards and Helen was left speechless.

She said, "I am absolutely speechless. What can I say?

"He is the best of Britain in every way. He is a great icon for this country."

Helen should've tapped that shit! No doubt she would've showed him what a real woman can do. None of this "ouch it hurts" shit! Helen would've hopped on that and rode it till it broke.

Source: Daily Mail

Posted by: Michael K

68 comments •

Hotness • Posh & Becks

The Hottest Homeless Dude in History

Johnny Depp arrived to the premiere of "POTC3" in Tokyo looking like a homeless man again. Who cares, he's still one of the hottest bitches around. I'd still eat a ham sammie out of his butt cheeks.

In other Depp news! He said that kissing Keira Knightley was "awkward" because she smells. No, because she's so much younger than him.

He said, "The smooches are always so awkward, especially because Keira and I have never been in that kind of situation together. She's, like, three and I'm a thousand! We've known each other for a few years and suddenly it was, 'Are you ready for this?' And you just do it. It becomes more like a stunt in a way. She was a great sport about it."

Bitch looks hot for a thousand and Keira looks beat down and used for being 3.

Source: Post Chronicle

Posted by: Michael K

93 comments •

Hotness • Keira Knightley

Break Breakdown

Lady Sovereign had ANOTHER breakdown onstage on Friday night where she turned up an hour late. Before she even starts her song she talks about how she's broke and going to be evicted from her apartment. She then calls some dude in the audience a "cunt" and continues to ramble on about how she hates America. Lovely, especially since you're performing in AMERICA! She then runs offstage like a cry baby.

These people have it so hard and I think Angelina Jolie should start a charity to help them. Their lives are so hard. Erase Lady Sovereign and bring on someone that's actually grateful. NEXT!

VIA Holy Moly!

Posted by: Michael K

53 comments •

Dumbasses • YouTubes

"Help Me"

Awww! Tom and Suri Cruise almost look like a normal daughter and father and then you realize the crazy that lurks below. Tom played with Suri while on the set of Katie Holmes' new movie. I love the look on the dude's face in the third picture. He has that "you better have my money" look. He's totally blackmailing Tom!

Anyways, Suri is a doll. No, she's literally a doll.

Source: TC Forever

Posted by: Michael K

103 comments •

TomKat

Take Ten Years Off

Angelina Jolie will take a year off from making movies to spend time with her family. Angie told reporters in Cannes that she will take time off after completing her current movie.

She said, "I'm working this summer. I'm in Prague for a few months, then I take two months off, then I work for two months. And then I take a year off."

Take ten! Go ahead live a little, Angie. Actually, it's Brad Pitt that needs the time off. Homegirl needs like a 25-day nap followed by a deep tissue massage. He looks used and overworked. Angie's hypnotic vagina is finally taking its toll on him!

Brangelina and company will stay in Cannes for a few more days when Brad will walk the carpet for Ocean's 45 or whatever they are up to now.

Source: People

Posted by: Michael K

133 comments •

Brangelina

Rose McGowan Better Not Get Barbarella!!!!

That hunk of man, Robert Rodriguez, has signed to direct a remake of the cult-classic Barbarella. The original version starred Jane Fonda as a hot space chick battling alien hos and shit. The screenwriters of "Casino Royale" are currently updating the script.

Robert said, "I love this iconic character and all that she represents, and I'm truly excited by the challenge of inviting a new audience into her universe."

Rob is currently banging Rose McGowan who he left his wife for. He better not pull a Tim Burton and put that cokehead in it! Bitch can't act and she needs medical attention STAT, because her face is falling off.

There are only 3 women qualified to play this iconic character: CoCo, Jordan or Jodie Marsh. If he casts one of those he will be guaranteed an Oscar nomination or is it he will be guaranteed a blow job? Not sure.

Source: Coming Soon

Posted by: Michael K

38 comments •

Film

Laying It On THICK

Parasite Hilton made sure she was photographed holding two books in her hand: the bible and a self-help book called "The Power of Now." Notice that these books could have easily fit in her purse. DUMB WHORE! What's even better is that she has her scrawn-ass nipples out while holding the Bible. Jesus is not buying it Paris! He blackberried me this morning to tell me.

Some dude dressed up as a penis followed Paris around yesterday which was kind of hot. She was later found trying to mount it.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

126 comments •

Dumbasses • Paris Hilton

Daddy Can Kiss That Monthly Check Goodbye

File this under "books you won't see in Oprah's book club." Oprah isn't happy that her 74-year-old daddy, Vernon, is writing a tell-all. Oprah said that she laughed it off when one of her assistants told her about it. Oprah said that it wasn't true, but the assistant assured her it was.

Oprah said, "They say they heard your father is writing a book about you.' I said, 'That's impossible. I can assure them it's not true.'

"But then my sister said, 'I think you should call your father.' I called him and it turned out he is writing a book. The worst part of it was him saying, 'I meant to tell you I've been working on it.' "

Oprah said she's upset and stunned and was disappointed that she didn't hear it from her father first. The book will most likely be about how Oprah left her mother's house at 14 when she was pregnant to live with her father in Nashville.

Obviously Oprah doesn't care! She probably is helping him with it to paint herself in a "good" light. I mean she could easily tell her daddy "don't write the book and I'll buy you Vermont."

PS - That's a wax Oprah! Bet you couldn't tell the diff!

Source: NYDN

Posted by: Michael K

42 comments •

Oprah

Katie Holmes is Not Happy With This Girl

The girl above is a wannabe porn star that claims she's a virgin and will lose her cherry on video in her first porn flick. The girl has changed her name to Katee Holmes. Tom Cruise's little property isn't happy.

A rep for KATIE Holmes said, "It's a really cheap shot."

A rep for KATEE Holmes said that she's doing it as a tribute to KATIE, because she's portrayed innocence in everything she's doing. Well, up until she sold her soul for a quick paycheck and married Tom Cruise.

The virginal KATEE also said, "I know it's pretty extreme to lose my virginity on camera, but I like the fulfillment and excitement I get from watching porn, so I figured [a movie] was the best place for me to lose it."

KATIE's camp said that Tom will have the woman murdered by sunset. Ok, no...her camp said they were "weighing" their options.

KATEE Holmes is a boring porn name! She better watch herself though. Don't mess with Scientology! This chick is going to be found in a field somewhere barely alive saying the words "you had me at hello" over and over again.

Source: New York Post

Posted by: Michael K

1 comment •

Porn • TomKat