Stephen Amell (32)
Michelle McManus (33)
Martha Wainwright (37)
Enrique Iglesias (38)
Darren Hayes (41)
Melissa Gilbert (49)
Michel Gondry (50)
David Keith (59)
Alex Van Halen (60)
Gary Glitter (69)
Toni Tennille (73)
Phyllida Law (81)
Sir David Attenborough (87)
Don Rickles (87)

Britain's Grain of Salt Daily (aka The Sun) says that supposedly Macaulay Culkin and supposedly sober-ish Pete "Dreamboat" Doherty have become best friends 4EVER and are now living together in one apartment in Paris. Hmmm.... So a former child star with a bank account full of gold bars is living in the same apartment as a legendary mess who, if he had all the money in the world, would fill a giant empty concrete pool with coke and snort his way through it all night? What could possibly go wrong?

A source tells The Sun that Macaulay and Dreamboat met through a mutual musician friend named Adam Green and the three of them worked on a "ketamine-inspired" movie called The Wrong Ferrari. After making that movie, Macaulay and Dreamy got a place together. Macaulay wants to be in Paris, because he's done with acting and wants to be an artist type. The source said:

“Macaulay and Pete may seem an odd couple but they’ve got loads of interests and life experiences in common.
“They bonded over their love of poetry and art. Macaulay can’t get enough of listening to Pete waxing lyrical about his painting and music. He’s always been a fan of extreme characters like Pete. Look at the way he defends his childhood friend Michael Jackson (Ed. note: How timely!). Pete also loves talking to Macaulay about acting, as he’s been trying to launch a movie career.”

I used to live in an apartment where the bathroom ceiling leaked every time the chick above me took a shower and she took a shower at least 4 times a day. When the world runs out of water and we're all crawling down the street begging for someone to spit in our dry mouths, we can blame that chick. I figured she either had OCD or was turning tricks in her apartment. Well, the people in the apartment below Macaulay and Dreamboat never have to worry about that, because those two never ever take showers.

But maybe Macaulay and Dreamboat aren't going to use his Home Alone money to buy mannequins sculpted out of coke that they'll hump day and night. Maybe they'll shock us all by becoming wholesome homebodies and shit. Maybe they'll use Dreamboat's old crack pipes to plant an herb garden on the kitchen windowsill and the only white powder they'll handle will be the powdered sugar they sprinkle over the cherry tarts they baked together.

If Macaulay and Dreamboat's downstairs neighbor hears their shower turn on, they'll know that those two have really changed and then they'll call the news, because Pete Doherty bathing is the final sign of the apocalypse.

Choreographer Wade Robson,  who's worked with Brit Brit and 'N Sync, has thrown a lawsuit at the Michael Jackson Estate claiming that Michael Jackson child touched him when they spent time together at Neverland Ranch. During Michael Jackson's molestation trial in 2005, Wade testified that MJ never touched him. During that same trial, MJ's housekeeper at the time testified that she caught him and Wade showering together once. I was going to scream ESCANDALO, but sadly, this isn't escandaloso at all.

TMZ says that 30-year-old Wade, who's also a choreographer on So You Think You Can Dance, first met Michael Jackson when he was just 5 years old. Wade sort of became Michael Jackson's protégée and he started sleeping at MJ's houses including Neverland when he was 7 and he stopped sleeping over when he was 14. On May 1st, Wade's lawyer filed a late creditor's claim against the Michael Jackson Estate for a never-before filed sexual abuse complaint. The complaint is under seal, so none of the details of the case are available to public eyes.

Wade is asking for an unspecified amount in damages.

I don't know what to think about this and reading the comments at TMZ didn't help. They range from "Wade broke Britney and Justin up and now this!" (I'm not joking) to "The Michael Jackson Estate should sue him for slander!" to all sorts of other shit. Who knows what details are in that complaint, but I'm sure that as I'm typing this, Detective La Toya is crawling through the vents of the court house and will drop into the file room to get her leather-gloved hands on that file. Detective La Toya will get to the BOTTOM OF THIS AND EVERYTHING ELSE! (Or she'll just say whatever the Jackson family lawyers tell her to say. Either or.)

This B-/C+ list actress/former reality star found some guy worth millions about 5 minutes into the [Met Gala] and then literally held on to him the entire night and told someone she had to go to the bathroom so bad but was afraid he would find someone else or leave if she went to the bathroom. She held it and held on to him and left with him at the end of the night. (CDAN)

Julianne Hough? Since her contract with Ryan Seacrest ended, she has to find another sugar daddy who will buy her $100,000 worth of jewelry that will mysteriously disappear from her car. But if she wants to get into the gold digging game, she needs to come prepared. What kind of gold digger doesn't wear diapers when hunting for her next benefactor?

Wearing a diaper while hunting for gold is a must for two reasons: 1) You'll never have to leave his side, so he won't go searching for another trick and; 2) If he's really boring and talks way too much, you can pee in your diaper and the look of serene relief that covers your face will make him think that you're really into him.

Pampers are an important tool for gold diggers! 

The 1% love to date each other. Actors, singers, dancers, directors, business people, and athletes, all play musical partners with each other. There is a case of one couple, though, that is about to get ugly, and one will certainly want revenge on the other.

She is a top film actress. He is a businessman with a penchant for photography. He has always been a bit obsessed with using the human body in his work. He is especially into women’s breasts. Given that she is known for her voluptuous figure, it is not surprising that he found her attractive. Actually, almost everyone finds her attractive. Young, blonde, busty, nice, talented. What’s not to like?

While they were together, he took photos of her. Lots of photos. Now, we’re not talking about photos of her riding the Staten Island Ferry. We’re talking about nude photos of her in various seductive poses.

What happened to those photos when they broke up late last year? He kept them. And they are now making the rounds of the New York business community.

His justification: “They’re art!”

She would likely disagree. While they might have been “art” when he was taking them, as soon as he started showing them around, they became “porn”. She is going to throw a fit when she finds out. (Blind Gossip)

ScarJo and that Nate Naylor dude? But haven't we already met ScarJo's nipples before?

This almost A list mostly movie actress who deserves to be about a C and would be if not for a franchise was wasted out of her mind [at the Met Gala] and people swore they were getting a contact high just being next to her. (CDAN)

Kristen Stewart? Duh. I'm sure they were getting contact high, because the clouds of carbon dioxide that she exhales have at least 25% THC in them.

This sexy actor has been married to his beautiful actress wife for several years.

Last year, a month or two after one of his movies opened, he and a group of his friends (including another well-known actor he’s been known to wrestle around with) visited a bar in New York City. Our actor pointed out a couple of girls to one of his friends, and the friend approached the girls with a proposition.

“Do you recognize my friend over there? He picked you out. He wants to know if you two will have a threesome with him.”

The girls immediately recognized the actor, but were not impressed. “First of all, we’re sisters, so that’s really gross. Secondly, isn’t he married?”

The friend went back to the actor, and they conferred for a minute or two before the friend returned. “Yes, but he doesn’t understand why that would be a problem.”

At that moment, some other women in the bar recognized the actor, and began to create a scene. As the actor and his friends scrambled to quickly leave the bar, the actor had these departing words for the sisters: “Your loss!”

His wife is very pregnant right now. We wonder if she knows that her husband is unfaithful. And into threesomes. And into picking up strangers in bars. (Blind Gossip)

Channing Tatum and Mark Ruffalo? But I'm having a hard time picturing Mark Ruffalo as Channing Tatum's coochie wrangler....

The right queen won RuPaul's Drag Race last night, but Detox should get a special prize for singing out Jocelyn Wildenstein's theme song - Queerty

Jessica Biel looks in the mirror and sees a nose ring while I see a strand of chrome mocos - Lainey Gossip

And I'm sure Miranda Kerr told people, "Well, my top sort of looks like sequined black tape and that's punk rock, right?" Hollywood Tuna 

That pole has more charisma and sex appeal than Backdoor Farrah does - Drunken Stepfather

Baby Darren Aronofsky is not impressed with whatever he's not impressed with  - Celebitchy

If you turn your head to the side, Jessica Simpson's knocked up belly button sort of looks like an eye. I think I just saw it blink. - The Superficial

Nightmares is what I will have tonight after looking at the picture of a blurry Mary-Kate Olsen drifting in front of the lens - Popsugar

Let me guess, this is the scene in the movie where Cameron Diaz is really hungover and Leslie Mann wants her to walk that big dog and she doesn't want to do it and she complains about being hungover and then that ghost lurking in the background eats her. The end! - Popoholic

From the department of Why So Edgy?: Carey Mulligan in Flaunt - ICYDK

It's official, us humans have run out of shit to do with our time - Jezebel

Something to make you feel one foot closer to the grave, Baby Got Back is 21 years old - HuffPo

YAY DELAWARE! - Towleroad

This was my reaction to watching Teen Mom Farrah get backdoored  - The Berry

Zachary Quinto is down and out at the scat party - Just Jared

Klunky Kartrashian talks to Redbook magazine about her womb is not wanting a baby in it right now - I'm Not Obsessed

Because Obama has nothing better to do... - IDLYITW

Usher wishes he had it like that, so does The Biebs - SOW

Precious knew one of her boyfriends was gay when he tried her shoes on. If his hooves were big enough to fit in her shoes, I'm guessing her ex-boyfriend was either Khloe Kardashian or Noxeema Jackson  - Crunk + Disorderly

Don't you hate it when a shifty beards steals your ice cream? - Videogum

I pity the janitor who had to clean up the puddle of wax off the ground after Gretchen Rossi melted - Reality Tea 

The Simpsons creator Matt Groening's mother Margaret Ruth Groening (née Wiggum) died peacefully in her sleep on April 22nd in Portland. Margaret was the inspiration for Marge Simpson and I did not know this, but Matt named most of The Simpsons characters after members of his own family. Margaret's obit reads like The Simpsons family tree.

Homer is the name of Matt's father and Lisa and Maggie are the name of his sisters. Bart is an anagram of Brat and is supposedly based on Matt. His brother Mark didn't make the cut. Even Patty was the name of one of Matt's relatives. It makes me sad knowing that Patty died earlier this year. Because if she was anything like her character, I would've liked to bitch about life with her while trying to pick up pieces at the gay bar.

Rest in peace, real-life Marge Simpson.

via Reddit & Gawker

Björk wasn't at the Met Gala last night... Well, maybe she was at the Met Gala, but wore a head-to-toe floral bodysuit and stood in front of Kim Kartrashian's ass all night so nobody noticed her. But if Björk wore this ensemble to the Met Gala last night, she still would've been the hottest dressed trick there. That lead apron poncho thing tells me that she was in the middle of getting X-rays and ran out. That skirt tells me that she's on her way to a wedding where she's the flower girl. Those leggings tell me that after the wedding, she's going to teach an 80s aerobics class. And I don't know what those platform espadrille sneakers are telling besides WTF.

You'd think that a million cabs, limousines, carriages and SUVs would stop for Björk, but they didn't and she was out there trying to catch a cab for a while. I'm sure that after the 50th cab passed her by, she jumped in front of the 51st cab, opened the driver side door and beat that driver down like he just welcomed her to Bangkok. Never fuck with Björk.

Blaming slavery and paying off a huge chuck of her debt to the IRS wasn't enough to keep Lauryn Hill out of the chokey and she will have to spend time behind a prison cell for not paying taxes on the $1.5 million she made from 2005 to 2007. On top of the three month prison sentence, a judge in Newark, New Jersey also sentenced Lauryn to three months of house arrest and 9 months of supervised release. Expect Lauryn Hill to start begging for coins on Kickstarter, because she also has to pay a $60,000 fine.

Last year, Lauryn pleaded guilty to not paying her taxes from 2005 to 2007 and yesterday was sentencing day. Lauryn reportedly signed a $1 million deal with Sony and took out a loan for $650,000 to pay all the taxes, penalties and interest she owes. AP says that days before her sentencing, Lauryn paid more than $900,000, but the U.S. Attorney's Office says that she still owes a lot of money for penalties and interest. Before Lauryn's sentence, she read (and sometimes rapped) a statement where she blamed slavery.

"I am a child of former slaves who had a system imposed on them. I had an economic system imposed on me. I sold 50 million units [and] now I'm up here paying a tax debt. If that's not likened to slavery, I don't know what is."

And Lauryn went on to talk about what happened to her after she left the music industry...

"There were veiled threats, there was blacklisting. I was told, 'That's how it goes, it comes with the territory.' I came to be perceived as a cash cow and not a person. When people capitalize on a persona, they forget there is a person in there."

The judge wasn't moved and he told Lauryn to turn herself in by July 8th.

So either one of two things is going to happen by July 8th. Lauryn Hill will check herself into federal prison and she'll meet her cell mate who is hopefully a serious brown aficionado and will tame her wild eyebrow situation with tweezers (or if they can't have tweezers, wooden chopsticks). Or Lauryn Hill will escape to Canada and join the anti-Star Whackers league with Randy Quaid.

Ginnifer Goodwin normally looks like the black sheep of the Keebler Elves or a Garbage Pail Kid to me, but at the Met Gala last night she looked like a Garbage Pail Kid after getting a glamorous eyebrow makeover from Harald Glööckler. Stunning. Perfect. Exquisite. When she's done with those brows, they should pull them off her face, put a gold frame around them and hang them on the biggest wall at the Met.

Answer: Did I even need to ask?

New York's Department of Fish and Wildlife rushed to the Met last night, because they received dozens of panicked calls from people who were horrified to see a traumatized chipmunk struggling to get out of a net after getting viciously attacked by a porcupine. Oh, but it was just Miley being punk rock.

Most people probably didn't recognize Miley Cyrus at the Met Gala last night, because her ass cheeks weren't hanging out and because that electrocuted hair made everyone think she was that dude from Sum 41 (the one who was married to Avril Lavigne), so they just walked on by. Perfect disguise, Miley!

And here's even more pictures from last night. Basically, any trick in a borrowed dress could get in. My family gatherings have a stricter guest list than this shit had. In order: Messy Miley, the ghost of a homeless bridge urchin from the 1920s, Drunk Ass Sandra Lee, Katie Holmes (whose sheet dress can be used as an escape rope just in case the Scientologists come after her when she's on the second floor) Derek Hough in ballerina drag, Swifty, a Vulcan priestess (aka Coco Rocha), Linda Evangelista (who REALLY wants a role in Games of Thrones), Tiger Woods with a blonde who will hate him in a few months, Chelsea Clinton, Rooney Mara, the leader of a cult of hippie trolls, Tom Brady with Gis and Zachary Quinto (looking like Duckie from the Pretty in Pink after he got a job in Prince's band).