And the universe has spoken as I'm getting flashbacks to Brit Brit's 5150 situation.
NBC New York says that the police got a call tonight about a "disorderly person" (see: Amanda Bynes) going crazy at an apartment building in Midtown. When the police showed up to the building, Amanda threw a bong out the window. They arrested her and charged her with reckless endangerment and possession of weed. Since she's current day Amanda Bynes, went crazy inside her apartment and threw a bong out the window, she was taken down to Roosevelt Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. Then they'll take her to the station to be booked.
Unless the mug shot taker wants Amanda Bynes to call them an ugly-faced, ugly, ugly hag, they should just let her take her own mug shot in a bathroom mirror with an iPhone.
And I thought she might've been trolling before, but now it looks like she isn't and it's a good thing she's finally getting some help. I mean, who throws a perfectly good bong out the window and ruins it? That alone is a good enough reason for a psychiatric evaluation.
UPDATE: Now NBC New York is saying that the doorman is the one who called the cops, because Amanda was toking up in the hallway. When the cops showed up, Amanda had already ran back up into her apartment on the 36th floor. They smelled the sweet nectar wafting out of her apartment and when she opened the door for them, she threw a bong out the window. They also charged her with tampering with evidence for throwing the bong out the window. TMZ says that when the cops arrested her, she kicked, screamed and channeled the spirit of Laura Jeanne Poon by screaming, "Don't you know who I am?" She'll spend the night in jail and face a judge tomorrow morning.
My abuelita just wants to grab Nicole Kidman, lay down on a bathtub and take a shower while standing on top of her. Because the pattern of Nicole's dress is the same pattern as one of my abuelita's old rubber bathtub mats. The first woman to be made entirely out of hardened Botox posed on the red carpet with Ang Lee at the Cannes Film Festival premiere of Nebraska tonight.
Nicole is wearing Valentino and Lainey says this is the Valentino dress that Anne Hathaway was supposed to wear to accept her Oscar. But when Anne learned that life-ruining, dress-stealing sabotaging bitch Amanda Seyfried was wearing a dress that sort of looked like hers, she instead wore a dress that made her tits look like pink origami pyramids. I'm actually surprised that Anne didn't put itching powder in Amanda's dress or throw a period stain on it so she could wear the Valentino.
But now Nicole is wearing it and looks like fondant bride on top of a wedding cake. If that dress had lungs and a mouth, it would totally breathe a sight of relief, because it was so close to being an accessory to Anne's "it came true..." speech.
This A list mostly movie actor is set to debut his new "girlfriend" just in time for Father's Day and photos of them with his family. (CDAN)
Tommy Girl! My guesses as to who his next beard is are: Julianne Hough, Taylor Swift (she likes 'em fresh out of the vagina, but she'd be willing to go with TG if it gets her into the Beard Hall of Fame), Minka Kelly (because her acting skills aren't going to get her starring roles), Justin Bieber or John Travolta in drag.
Which (in)famous dad of a trouble prone Hollywood actress had a pearl inserted in into his man parts as a teenager?
But unlike Demi Moore’s yoga-teaching boy toy Will Hanigan, who had the pearl inserted due to a farming tradition, boasting it’d give girls extra stimulation in the bedroom, this C-List celebrity did not follow such a tradition.
“He boasts that he and his pals did it when they were in the early teens,” reveals a source. (Naughty But Nice Rob)
Michael Lohan? If it is, I'm surprised he hasn't had it removed, got his entire family to sign it and sold it on eBay. Oh hell, I'm giving him ideas...
This A list rapper said it was worth it to him because he always wanted to have sex with this former A list reality star/celebrity and now just an annoying name. Plus, if he makes a few bucks, then it will be a win/win. It is never a win/win when you have sex with her. Ever. (CDAN)
Lil Wayne and Wonky McValtrex? Lil Wayne is as fertile as a dozen KFeds, so if for some reason they do it, she will get knocked up. And in 9 months, we'll all be running down the street for our lives as a giant sizzurp-filled herp sore with legs and a gold grill chases after us.
These two talented young performers would like you to think that they met after they became part of the same show.
Not true! They actually met – and dated – a couple of years before that.
Why not just admit that they knew and dated each other in the past? Well, because their current project demands that they be perceived as young and hot and available. If people knew that they had dated, it would spoil the illusion.
Besides, their management doesn’t want anyone to know that they are gay. That’s right. These performers are the same gender! And they are still very, very attracted to each other. It’s too bad management won’t let them live their lives openly and honestly, because they make one really cute couple! (Blind Gossip)
Harry and Louis from One Erection?
In news that is the opposite of walking on sunshine (sleeping on the moon?), The Hollywood Reporter says that after 13 seasons and 243 interventions, A&E's Intervention will go to rehab permanently this summer. That is Vh1's cue to produce a show called Celebrity Interventions starring Candy Finnigan (that's totally going to happen).
The first of the final five episodes will start airing on June 13th. A&E says that the final 5 episodes are their most "intense" and "gripping" stories yet. A&E's Executive VP of Programming said in a press release that out of the 243 interventions they've done, 156 of the former addicts are sober today.
"As Intervention comes to an end, we’re proud to have paved the way for such an original and groundbreaking series. We’re honored to have been a part of the 243 interventions since its premiere in March of 2005, leading to the 156 individuals that are currently sober to this day.”
And one of those 156 is Allison who isn't floating to the sun while huffing computer duster and has come off of Staples DO NOT SELL TO list (I think):
Meanwhile, E! has announced that it just has renewed Keeping Up with the Kartrashians for 666 more seasons.
I will say that Anne Hathaway's camel toe looks good in blue. Blue is really its color - The Superficial
Wonky McValtrex got a record deal with CashMoney and if she didn't think black guys are gross, she'd probably touch crotches with Lil Wayne, which would lead to the strongest strain of herpes the world has ever seen - Lainey Gossip
RiRi was NOT RIGHT for posting a picture from Gay Al Reynolds' Manhunt profile - Drunken Stepfather
ANGELYNE SPEAKS!!!!!!!!!!! - WOW Report
I'll take the gigantic giant on the right and you all can fight over the rest - Towleroad
The Twitter fail whale just needs to fall on LeAnn Rimes at this point - Celebitchy
Heather Graham has on more make-up than a Southern PTA President from the 80s, but she's still got it - Hollywood Tuna
In other words, all jobs are hard - The Berry
It pains me to say this, but ScarJo should play Sammi Sweetheart all the time - Popoholic
The only kind of taco Zac Efron will eat is the kind with pico de gallo - Just Jared
And Obama and his prom mates totally smoked those leaves afterward - Popsugar
Jennifer "I'm a size 2!" Love Hewitt on the cover of a running magazine - I'm Not Obsessed
That dress tells me that Irina Shayk got into a fight with a tire and loses - IDLYITW
I have a sudden urge to play Tetris now, thanks to Alicia Keys' dress - Crunk + Disorderly
This makes me thankful that Frances Bean Cobain inherited her crazy mother's gift for overreacting - HuffPo
The Real Housewives of NYC might be down a cuntess next season - Reality Tea
This is exactly what I would've done too - Jezebel
Eva Longoria got her masters - ICYDK
Isn't Girls already a porn parody of Girls? - Videogum
This pussy is lazy and rude - OMG Blog
During an interview with Seattle's Q13 Fox News this morning, Michael Caine was trying to sell that "Now You See Me" movie like the mortgages on all his houses are due while Morgan Freeman drifted into mimi's time. Morgan didn't just doze off for a quick second. Pepaw went straight into dreamland where he frolicked on cotton candy and danced across his step-granddaughter's crotch. Morgan knocked out and didn't even care about it. The dude who wrote Go The Fuck To Sleep should write a sequel called Go The Fuck To Sleep, Morgan Freeman.
Kim Kartrashian just keeps dragging her 7-month-old Kimye fetus all around the world to spend some time with Kanye West and he keeps running away from her like he's Carmen Sandiego and she's a damn ACME agent.
Kim and Pimp Mama Kris flew to NYC last week and the day after they got there, Kanye West took his ass to Paris. Then when Kim and Pimp Mama Kris flew to Paris for a photo shoot with Kunty Karl (pleasedontletitbeanakedshoot... pleasedontletitbeanakedshoot....), Kanye took his ass to Milan. The Daily Mail says that Kim and Kanye were in Paris at the same time for a few hours, but they didn't get one second together, because she was busy posing for Kunty Karl and he was too busy not giving one fuck about seeing her. The next stop on Kanye's tour is Milan, so he went on to Italy without her.
I would feel sorry for Kim and I try (no, I don't) and I try (no, I don't) and I try (no, I don't) to, but I just can't. Kim knows that Kanye is a gold-encrusted douche who only cares about Kanye (and leather kilts) and Kanye knows that Kim is a wax-covered fame whore who only cares about Kim. Even though they hate each other, they kind of belong together. And it's probably not hard to avoid Kim. All Kanye has to do is go somewhere she'll never go like any place where there's not a camera around.
If Kim really wants to see Kanye, she should just hang out in front of Riccardo Tisci's butthole. Kanye will show up eventually.
I guess having blond hair and bangs makes you a Taylor Swift impersonator, because 18-year-old British college student Xenna Kristian, who doesn't look like Taylor Swift, earns a few coins by working as a Taylor Swift impersonator. But the life of a Taylor Swift impersonator isn't easy and it's about as dangerous as being an outcast chola. Hating bitches will drag you by the hair and beat your ass.
Xenna Kristian tells the Daily Mail (via Buzzfeed) that many people have told her that she looks like Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms, so she decided to make a little money from it. Xenna works as a Swifty look-alike at corporate events, private privates and charity function. Xenna didn't say exactly what she does at those parties. I don't know if she sings, lip-synchs, hits on all the barely legal white boys in the room or just annoys the ever-loving shit out of everyone the same way the real Swifty does. Well, whatever the case may be, Xenna is making money as a Taylor Swift impersonator and some haters don't like it.
Xenna says that a few of her fellow classmates are jealous of her Taylor Swift-like beauty and one of them beat her up because of it. Xenna was sitting in class at Walford & North Shropshire College when out of nowhere, a girl pulled her out of her chair by the hair and kicked the shit out of her.
Her friends eventually stopped the fight and the beat down left her with a bruised face and possibly a broken jaw. Xenna told the police about it and says that her hater is obviously jealous of her.
"I never expected anything like this to happen. It's not nice to see people being nasty about you. Since I started being a lookalike people have been saying stuff. They must be jealous that I'm going off to do something with my life. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I still feel shaken up."
With her mother sitting next to her, Xenna talked about the beat down on camera:
Xenna was forced to cancel three bookings and if her jaw is broken, she'll be out of the look-alike game for three months.
I blame Taylor Swift for this. Like most things in life, this is all Taylor Swift's fault. If Taylor Swift never got famous, this girl would never be able to work as a Taylor Swift look-alike and she would've never gotten her ass beat. Taylor should support this girl by almost breaking her own jaw so Xenna can continue to work. It's the least she can do.
But seriously, this is all going to make much more sense when we find out that the asshole who beat up Xenna is a Justin Bieber impersonator.
While Kim Kartrashian is still dressing her knocked up body in four-sizes-too-small leather condoms and fetus-crushing girdles, Duchess Kate's knocked up ass is out there looking like a plate of deliciousness.
Duchess Kate went to a garden party with Prince Charles and Camilla at Buckingham Palace yesterday and she looked like a stick of butter with a dollop of whipped cream and white chocolate shavings on top. If Mama June was there, it would've been bye bye Duchess Kate. Mama June's mouth and chin would've burped up locks of shiny brown hair for weeks.
Duchess Kate also kind of looks like a popcorn Jelly Belly.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm really hongray for corn syrup and thousands of calories.
A world-renowned philosopher named Courtenay "Nay Nay" Semel once told a Las Vegas casino security guard who didn't know her: "Google me, you dumb fuck!" Those thought-provoking and important words have lived on thanks to Amanda Bynes.
TMZ says that Amanda tried to get on a private jet headed for L.A. at Teterboro Airport in New Jersey, but the pilot refused to let her on the plane, because she didn't have a valid government issued ID with her. Amanda screamed about how her license was suspended and she didn't have any other kind of ID. The pilot kept shaking his head "no," so Amanda finally told him that if he Googled her, he'd find out that she's Amanda Fucking Bynes! Strangely enough, the TSA does not accept a Google image page with your face all over it as proper ID. When the pilot asked an official from the private jet company if he can let her on even without a valid ID, he got a no and Amanda was officially denied.
Amanda told TMZ that their story is as fraudulent as those pictures of her drug den and I'm sure she also threatened to sue TMZ, the pilot, the private jet company, Google, the machine that makes government issued IDs and James Cameron, because he totally used his special effects skills to create the Amanda Bynes hologram that terrorized Teterboro.
Amanda should be happy that the pilot denied her ass. There's so many Amanda Bynes doppelgängers out there and it's hard to tell which one is the real Amanda Bynes. If that was really Amanda Bynes trying to get on that jet, she should've just said to the pilot, "You're an ugly-faced man." That's the only confirmation he would've needed to welcome the real Amanda Bynes to his flight.