Hot Slut Of The Day!
MEAT LOAF!!!!! Marvin Lee Aday isn't getting the Order of the Hot Slut for his platinum plated music career or his contribution to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, he's getting it for his one-sided summoning of Armageddon on Celebrity Apprentice last night. Joan Rivers' "Pokah Playa" blow-up and Dionne Warwick's huss-isms sit in a special place in my heart, but Meat Loaf scared all the bats back into hell last night when he unleashed the monster on Gary Busey over art supplies! OVER ART SUPPLIES! Okay, it wasn't really over art supplies. Gary has been slowly nibbling at Meat Loaf's nerves the entire season, so when Meat (who is now charbroiled and completely burned) couldn't find his art supplies and mistakenly thought The Busey took them, he belly flopped over the edge and made all of his former anger management instructors proud! It was a beautiful sight to see and was like cunt music to my ears thanks to the dozens of FUCK words that shot out of Meat's mouth and slammed into Gary's forehead.
I laughed the entire time. "I bought those motherfucking sponges!" That right there is the kind of crazy comedy gold that should get Meat Loaf a hug from a straitjacket. I'm pretty sure kindergarten art teachers hear their 5-year-old students shout shit like that all the time, but it was new to me! As the meat thermometer in Meat Loaf's ass melted and exploded, Gary just stood with herp derp playing in his eyes. You know how you stop a crazy bitch from being crazy, you OUT FUCKING CRAZY them, which is exactly what Meat pulled on Gary last night. All of us should give Meat a pat on the back for that. But the pat is only to distract him while one of us shoots him in the ass with a tranquilizer.
Gary probably stayed on mute while getting the mark of the beast, because the acronym factory in his brain overloaded and shut down from trying to figure out the meaning of "MOTHERFUCKING SPONGES."
Here's Meat's epic meltdown in its entirety. Even Mel Gibson is handing Meat a Valium this morning:
After Cesar Milan leashed Meat and put him into a calm submissive state by TS TS TSing him in the side, he apologized to Gary and the two shared a touching moment together.Yes, if those Styrofoam food containers had eyes, they'd be rolling them, but this was the second best happy ending to the Crazy vs. Crazier showdown. The best happy ending would've been if Dionne Warwick rode in on a Hoveround and whooped all of their asses.