Johnny Depp Does The Sliming
Dressed like the late-in-life French lesbian owner of an ostrich farm in New Mexico, Johnny Depp strolled onto the stage at Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards in L.A. yesterday and hosed everyone down with slime. I see what you did there, Nickelodeon, and Child Protective Services along with agents from The Chris Hansen Department of NOT RIGHT SHIT will be knocking on your door.
While most hos were on the receiving end of a Shrek green shower, Johnny doesn't play that mess. It took Johnny way too long to successfully snatch those clothes from Diane Keaton's closet, so he's not going to let Slimer's menstrual fluid mess 'em up. And I really feel sorry for the sick ho who Googles "slime me, Johnny Depp, slime me" and end up on this post. This is not what you signed up for when you clicked.
If you need to know the winners of this popped glow stick passed off as an awards show, you need to look elsewhere! We're all adults here (not really) and we don't look at the winners of some children's awards show! Adults don't do that! We only make inappropriate jokes about the pictures! And let's continue the theme.
Here's a few of those who showed up to that mess yesterday: Johnny Depp (and I know you're going to use the color picker Photoshop tool on that green slime), Josh Bieber, Fergie in a Lego dress, Heidi Klum with Nick Cannon, Russell Brand with Manny from Modern Family, Snoop Dogg, Selena Gomez, Wonky McValtrex (whose military trained gyno knows all about green slime), some tramps off the street, Taylor Momsen, Nick Simmons, Sophie Simmons, Willow Smith, Steven Tyler with Erin Brady and Sofia Vergara.
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Why is Paris Hilton still alive?
I watched a little bit of The Kartrashians this weekend, I never realized Kourtney was Mexican
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"How come everyone looks nice yet has the personality of Satan?" Irish Fury re Dlisters
"See you next fucking season, troll." TWOP Survivor Recap
If the Kardashians don't disappear soon, I am going to get very angry. And you wouldn't like me when I get angry.
But no seriously, WTF!! At least I escape them somewhat in the UK, BUT we have our own silly tits to contend with i.e Katie Price and Vickie B, so I guess it's a pandemic.
Excuse my rambling.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 04/04/2011 - 4:45am.
:P i live in melbourne australia, just south of you lol
Submitted by CandyPerfumeGirl on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 6:41pm.
Josh Duhamel looks like a douchebag.
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Josh Duhamel IS a douchebag.
There are two skanks there who are famous for having sex on videotape. This is a kid's show?
@loopygorilla
You still up?
Also the last time there was that much goo sprayed at Heidi Klum, she got knocked up.
Submitted by Centaurious on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:30pm
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:19pm.
yes Bjork, sadly i think you 100% right, fergie's meth coochie has sucked the hotness out of him.
@Centaurious, i dont know about his movies lol i just remember seeing the trailer for Win a date with Tad/Ted Hamilton and then thinking "Yeh id give it a shot"
And then Google and found nude pictures of him.
FYI http://www.ladyobama.com/2011/01/josh-duhamel-nude-penis-butt-in-all-his...
But yeh, his hotness is all gone now.... they make my parts sad not happy. LOL
This has nothing to do with kids whatsoever. But who cares since they are sexualized big time?
Johnny Depp looks weird from excessive face lifts.
Does Johnny prefer to smoke pole or fuck fish?
Discuss!
Urgh they showed clips of this on UK breakfast telly this morning. I always cringe when this is on with the sliming. I mean do you need to raise your profile that much that some obnoxious Nichelodeon kids think you're cool?
Also Paris Hilton is there? A woman who got famous becuase of a sex tape? Really... It is the end of days. Who would want to be a kid today?
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 11:15pm.
You beat me to it because I was distracted by her sexy pose. Yet another one who puts the "D" in delusional. Exhibit A: that dress she's wearing, because at her current weight it looks far from flattering on her. Not that she is overweight by any means, but I wouldn't be caught dead in it at my current weight.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Looks like Wonky gained a good 20 lbs, or she's bloated from all the coke, semen and crabs inhabiting her system. Either way, I love it.
P.S.: To avoid any misunderstanding, I don't think that "abuse" is an entertaining topic. It's the sharing and learning part I like.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Seeing as this thread is accompanied by a pic of Johnny Depp I wanted to skip it. Yes, after years of trying to see what so many others apparantly see in him I am ready to come clean. To me, Depp is nothing but an unsanitary looking wannabe-quirky-artistic-hobo with an acting style that usually prompts me to reach for the remote. In light of my aversion I'm all the more surprised at the enjoyability level of this thread. From serious topics (domestic abuse) to the kinky stuff (vacuum cleaner handles for sex toys?!), it's all in there. What a promising start of the week!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I see Willow Smith and just want to end the world as we know it. To think we are going to have to deal with that mess growing up. If God be it, please have her come out looking Like Tracy Ross. Because the Natalie Cole she's got going on is not working.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:57pm.
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there is NO excuse for abuse (I do not wish this upon anyone else). Edited: none of what I stated was fictional.
Carnying on, I'm still having to pay my dentists for the damage. The other soars have healed.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
@Fraggle - Clean carpet does a happy man make!
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:48pm.
haaaaaaaaa. She'd love Sydney--mainly for the strong beer and blond men. It's more she looks down her nose at me for frivoling my time away on this here site. I try to rationalize it but she ain't buyin'.
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Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:24pm.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:50pm.
She knows my weakness and looks down her nose at it
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LOOKS DOWN HER NOSE AT D LISTED!
Noooooooo!
Send sis on a holiday to Sydney - I'll sort out that pesky nose.
*cracks knuckles*
Josh Hartnett was the Black Dahlia guy. Wonder what he's been up to.
It's hard to keep a straight face when you're eating lunch with coworkers, knowing that one of them had his hoo in your ha.
Wrong post?
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
SugarFreeRedBull on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:25pm.
I'll never forget the "splash" in the restroom when we tried to find the Big Stick popsicle. *takes the condom off the vacuum cleaner handle*
The rumble from the vacuum that travels up the handle may well indeed be a turn-on up the ass of a man and perchance even tingle his tingler region, but, the ultimate "If I could stick a vacuum handle up my husband's arse" would be to make him vacuum the whole damned room thattaway.
Mean? Cruel? Cold?
Nawwwwwwwwww.
BTW, My carpets are spankin' clean!
boo yah!
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:10pm.
my parts used to get wet from josh duhamel and i would have pushed over a bunch of toddlers, so i could sit on his face, but not anymore...
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Was he the guy in The Black Dahlia? I watched that today, and all I could think of is him with his greasy, center-parted hair...he looked like Ruprecht in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels!
It might not be him, though. I always get him mixed up with another actor. I will have to google now.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by Fraggle: I've got ya beat by ten years, GF. We've ruined the innocence of every fruit and vegetable you can imagine and even a few innocuous candies
I'll never forget the "splash" in the restroom when we tried to find the Big Stick popsicle. *takes the condom off the vacuum cleaner handle*
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
I too sound like an old bitch but what the hell kind of people are some of these to invite to a kids' show? Parasite, the Kuntdashians, little Jenny and so on. I mean, come on, are they really considered appropriate (and therefore role models) for kids?! So glad I don't have any kids as the entitlement I'd have t deal with from this generation would make me kill a few of them.
Now get off ma lawn.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:50pm.
She knows my weakness and looks down her nose at it.
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Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
Thanks Becky n Sydney! I couldn't find it!
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
i guess that i'm off, folks... i don't want to intrude on someone that's here, and i can't possibly stifle myself to not try to have genuine good tiding fun with her, so... yeah... later gators!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk0dBZ1meio
OT: oh, schnickes!... i didn't even see that wonky hauled her prostitute ass out for this function!!!... so many jabs, so little time!
night, all!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by loopygorilla: "my parts used to get wet from josh duhamel and i would have pushed over a bunch of toddlers, so i could sit on his face, but not anymore...what happened to him."
Fergie has been sitting on his face.
I'm glad I'm not sitting on table for one for those who find Depp fug.
He also seems just like a gimmicky actor really. Never understood why all the love.
sushi on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:05pm.
I once pinky-fucked J-Depp in an elevator when it got jammed for a few seconds. His pinky reached for "6A" right along with mine...for that few moments of timeless interaction...it was as if his pinky knew my pinky was horny as hell and all of my nerve-endings were just pulsating with sexual vibrancy out of the pinky tip of my pinky finger that touched his pinky finger which fired up my pinky finger with electricity once we both pinky-fingered each other. Talk about 'magick'. I'm still quivering from the aftershocks 456 days later.
Mmmmmmmmmmm.
Where was I?
*takes fingers out of panties and straightens up like a lady*
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:07pm.
Remember when that vid came out Paris and Dicki were dancing at the club, and Paris said, "Look we're dancing like n*ggers!" And then later they said, "That black girl over there... poor broke public school bitch."
Well I tried to tirelessly to google it one day and couldn't find it. That bitch's "people" took all evidence offline (just like Rush Limbaugh got his fat ass in panties off search engines).
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Paris saying *n* word whilst dancing at 2.45 second mark.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=a356ab54cf
my parts used to get wet from josh duhamel and i would have pushed over a bunch of toddlers, so i could sit on his face, but not anymore...
what happened to him.
SugarFreeRedBull on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:51pm.
OMG - After 15 years, I've run out of sexy dirty talk ideas! You've just reignited my sex life!
I've got ya beat by ten years, GF. We've ruined the innocence of every fruit and vegetable you can imagine and even a few innocuous candies (the sting of pixie stix still lingers on my citric-acid burnt labia).
I'm proud to say I've never shoved anything up my hoo-ha that could later be x-rayed and printed out for laughs in Doctor's lounges.
*phew*
Submitted by i_heart_jack on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:37pm.
"Johnny Depp a ''functional'' heroine addict along with Vanessa Paradis."
@Jana
You keep posting this every time there is a story on Johnny. Would you either post your basis for saying this or STFU.
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I do kind of chuckle at someone posting here who tells another poster to provide factual basis or to "STFU." I mean, you realize you are posting on a website in which the fabulous MK posts gossip, rumor, innuendo on a routine basis? The one in which we take guesses at ridiculous blind items like "which male actor who likes pays his young assistants to defacate on his head." Seriously, much of what is posted here (and assumed to be fact) like Jake G, Zac Efron being homosexual have no basis right?
Wait, is Johnny French or American?
I forget.
Maybe he does, too.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by babyruthnotdookie on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:50pm.
JANA how the hell do you break a collar bone?
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it's actually pretty easy... my papa(RIP)slipped on a patch of ice and broke his collar bone.
OT: oh, for the love of gummi bears... which thread is this again?
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HlmucGrYFg
Submitted by Fraggle: Maybe we can squeeze a talking 'Yoda' dildo into the mix for cheap laughs. "Mmm. Mmm. Make you cum I can!"
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OMG - After 15 years, I've run out of sexy dirty talk ideas! You've just reignited my sex life!
@ESE - That guy is actually the MicroPeen Model - he has a great big bottle of steroids in the front of his pants because that's the only way anything in his crotch area will make a shadow.
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
Isn't his look a little, em, grating?
JANA how the hell do you break a collar bone?
Submitted by hotpocket: "...And I don't have kids, but the parade of whores at a Kids' Choice award always skeeves me out. Paris Hilton? The Lardassians? Why not include goddamn Roman Polanski while you're at it."
At least Polanski has talent.
Submitted by stake_spike: "I stopped it when he got arrested. It was too shit and I never, no matter how utter crap a movie is, turn it off. But I couldn't sit through the Tourist. It was so fucking bad."
I think I stopped it (see, I don't even remember or care, that's how bad it was) when he was in the police station and that comedic scene was enough or it when Depp and Jolie were kissing. The chemistry was zilch. They looked like they were searching each other's lips for crack dust. Oh, and that scene where she is walking down the train aisle, searching for a look alike of her lovah. She's walking all slinky or trying to, with that stupid ass salmon-coloured scarf wrapped around her waist and tied in the back to remind the audience to look at her ass, which is why they paid her a gazillion dollars to star in this shit. I can see and time it all, slinky walk, hips back and forth, come hither gaze. I've seen better stuff in old 70s ads for EnJolie and Charlie.
Submitted by TheCocoaCritic:"Depp has always been off with his style...."
Not just because I'm high as a kite right now, but that tour of Johny's style was fucking hysterical. That last one? High? Gee, you think? Oh my god. But also how embarrassing. Imagine that everyone in the world, with a computer and internet access, can look at your different styles, via your school pictures and up and comment on them? Great, here I am wearing baggy pants and rainbow suspenders because "What's Happening" was cool, and Rerun used to dance on "Soul Train" so I want to dress like I can pop? (Ditto for Mork from Ork fans.)
Nailed Johnny Depp's look. I don't know why "New Mexico" but I feel it.
http://twitter.com/#!/burning_plastic
yes, Ive been physically abused in the past (black eyes, broken teeth, even had broken ribs and my collar bone broken) and wouldn't consider twice about knocking a bitch out now. Whether on DListed or in real life.
I know this isn't an OP, but I felt like putting that shit out, which is why I like Ziggy for coming forward with her issues.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Submitted by RustyHooligan: "I read somewhere that the best way to remember 'callipygian'..."
I really do learn a lot on this website (is that what you kids call it?). Sometimes it gets real gross in here (and not in a funny, or ironic, or sardonic, etc., kind of way. But a lot times, it's cool. I'm thinking of whom I can talk to (the toddler is sleeping) so that I can use "callipygian." (I love that audio trick that allows me to press a button and hear the robotic pronunciation of the word. There should be one for dlisted. Example: fupa, Blohan, nalgas,...)
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:20pm.
oh, raspberries!... ya know... when you had the micro-peen avie i felt superior and it was something i could say "hey, at least i'm not that guy", but now you have some washboard abbded(sp?) dude there, and it's gonna give me a complex... i hope you're happy with yourself!
OT: Steven Tyler is a caricature of his former self... i think i liked him better when he was shooting smack.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
SugarFreeRedBull on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:20pm.
@Fraggle - RESURRECTION! *Zombie Mel Blanc pops his head up from the ground and says, "This isn't Pismo Beach! I shoulda made a left a Cucamonga."
Oh pleeeeeeease let this be a three-part mini-series!
Maybe we can squeeze a talking 'Yoda' dildo into the mix for cheap laughs.
"Mmm. Mmm. Make you cum I can!"