"I Already Got Your Fucking Money, Dude!"
Charlie Sheen's "Torpedo of Truth" launched in Detroit last night and quickly turned around and bombed right in his dilapidated crackhouse hot place of a face. People who paid anywhere from $80 to $600+ for a ticket must be rubbing Cortizone on their wallets this morning, because they were violently dry fucked by a fraudulent warlock who put on a shit show that was so disastrous he made everyone wish they were watching an episode of Two and a Half Men instead. It sounds like the only way it could've been worse is if Julie Taymor pushed a flying Spider-Man from the rafters.
Entertainment Weekly was there and according to them, there was already shit in the toilet before the show even started. The comic that opened the show BITCH BOO BOMBED so hard that Charlie had to come out and tell his followers to give the dude a chance. They didn't and the tap-dancing clown from the Apollo was ready to catch a flight from NYC to pull that bitch off the stage, but the comic went on his own. What followed after that was a rambling mess full of random movie clips, kissing goddesses, Charlie repeating his catchphrases over and over again. Here's a piece from EW's timeline:
9:20 — People start booing Sheen. Not playing around, but actually booing him. Sheen yells, “I already got your money, dude!”9:23 — We are watching video of Charlie Sheen playing Call of Duty.
9:35 — The show has become a padded and disjointed mess. Sheen plays an old short film he made called RPG starring a young Johnny Depp but the audience gets frustrated and starts booing. Sheen stops the video and says, “Okay, so RPG was a bomb. Tonight is an experiment.” One is reminded of Torpedo of Truth’s subtitle on the marquee outside: “Defeat is not an option.”
9:40 — Sheen says he’s going to “Tell some stories about crack. I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories.” This comment, not surprisingly, does not go over well. “Show of hands who here has tried crack?” Very few people raise their hand. “I don’t do crack anymore, but this is a good f—ing night to do some crack.” The audience boos.
9:43 — Sheen tells the audience, “You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.” He asks if people have any questions. A girl from the audience asks for his best pornstar story. Sheen doesn’t want to tell that one. He’s starts telling a story about getting his car stolen — he says the story involves crack — but nobody wants to hear it. Another woman asks for a hug. He gives it to her and that’s nice — pretty much the whole audience could use one at this point.
9:50 — The show appears to be almost over. More padding, rap tributes to Sheen from YouTube. He plays a video that intercuts his 20/20 interview with new footage of him being obnoxious to Andrea Canning. It’s amusing at first, but drags on too long.
10:03 — The show is now an unmitigated disaster. There’s a fairly steady stream of people leaving early. Attendee Chris Acchione, a self-described Sheen fan who traveled all the way from Toronto for the show, says his entire mezzanine row walked out. “He’s making a fool of himself,” he says. “Is there a bigger loser in the world? He’ll be [begging] Chuck Lorre for his job back by the end of the week.”
What's the opposite of winning again?
The best part? The grand finale in this empty crack pipe disaster was SIMON FUCKING REX rapping over a "song" Charlie recorded with Snoop Dogg. When your finale is Simon Rex rapping and not remaking a scene from his Sebastian days, you know you've got a bomb that even Jeremy Renner would run from.
There's clips on MSNBC and ONTD if that's what you need to see this morning. The moral of the story is, before buying tickets for any show ask yourself first: "Can I see this for free on public transportation at 4 in the morning?" If the answer is "yes," then put your credit card back between your cleavage and go ride public transportation at 4 in the morning instead.
And somebody should check on Chuck Lorre, because he's probably choking on the non-stop laughs out of his mouth.
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Charlie needs money. His drug addiction and lifestyle in general has caused him to run through all his mo-nay. He needs to divest himself of those two low rent whores, all the hangers on and all the users. Many other people are paying their mortgages and car payments on the back of this 'tour' and Charlie needs to tell them to fuck the fuck off. Then go to rehab for a spell.
@Submitted by colt13 on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 11:13am.
This is what I was expecting all along. He is not a singer or a comedian, so what was his stage plan? "
Yes I was thinking the same thing. What was he supposed to do? I figured when I read about it before that MAYBE he would do somekind of standup. But he isn't capable of that so he just rambled incoherrent insults at the audience and forgot half of his pointless stories and showed youtube clips???
Okay.
Show-FAIL.
Okay I'm a gay fella LOL and ive seen more raunchy girl-on-girl action than those fake ass lesbos on stage.
And i didn't have to pay $600 to see it, i was just Googling "two pussies kissing" to make a christmas card for family.
We would rather see Charlie nude than watch those two icky stinkfish going at it.
Charlie Sheen has been making a complete and utter jackass of himself lately for whatever reason, but I have to admit that he's always been one of my favorite actors. I'd really like to see him get his shit together. And no, I wouldn't give a plugged nickel to see his stupid "tour".
Oops. Double post
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Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn
Any person who paid $600.00 to see this mess deserves what they got..NOTHING. What the hell do people expect from a crackhead and two whores? Drive downtown after midnight and you will get the same result.
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Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn
Wow, I do feel sorry for Charlie. He's obviously in a bad place in his life and rejecting him so harshly is really awful. What did these people expect? A polished, focused show from a guy who is clearly struggling to stay afloat? No, I do not hiccup rainbows and blink fairydust (not all the time) nor do I believe in the goodness of people and I'm NOT a Pollyanna. I just feel bad for a guy whose life is in shambles right now and no one seems to care.
They all look like they just rolled out of the tour bus after a three-day bender.
Unshowered, dirty clothes retrieved from the floor, all of them commando, no doubt.
No clean chonies in sight.
It's like going to the prom in your bathrobe.
No respect for the occasion, which, however pathetic it may have been, was a paying gig.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by RustyHooligan: "But she rents the young Euro guys... And has no visible means of income, yet spends half the year frying in Miami. She can't charge more than $200 an hour, right? How long is a movie these days, including the player piano at the start?"
Are we talking "Lord of the Rings" trilogy length?
I'm off now to either Netflix this French cop film or another episode of "Little Britain." Let's see where the pot pipe leads me...
Have a good night, all!
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 10:03pm.
But she rents the young Euro guys... And has no visible means of income, yet spends half the year frying in Miami. She can't charge more than $200 an hour, right? How long is a movie these days, including the player piano at the start?
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Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:10pm.
I dunno, Bjork... But would she have me? I'm neither young nor Euro.
None of that matters. Do you have $$$$? If not, no real Shauna for you, just the photo of her that you keep under your pillow that's all gummy from your love taps.
The Hurt War Locker deserves this kind of reception.
What a stupid thing to do....a tour.
Charlie is only popular in a controlled environment, ie, soundbites in interviews, Twitter, 2 and 1/2 Men, etc.
In other words, people will pile on, shaking with glee, to read the words and view a pathetic trainwreck when they don't have to look him in the eyes.
To actually pay money and see IN PERSON what a loser wreck he is...it either makes people angry that they are so horrible themselves to participate in such a travesty so they boo, or uncomfortable, which makes them leave.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Really what were they expecting? He's not a comedian, he's probably never done theater, doubt he'd hire a writer, and we know he can't produce without one so what the fuck were they really expecting? Shouldn't have paid to listen to a crackhead when you can watch his rants on YouTube for free.
babybunny on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 6:50pm.
and one last comment,does he think everybody does crack, that statement about it being Detroit so you all must do crack was pretty fucking racist if you ask me...just saying....glad to see him LOSING now!!
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i think his statement is more statist than anything. statist as in meaning, your state sucks because you all smoke crack.
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
The guy who called Charlie a looser: Um dude, you PAID for tickets to this show and flew in from ANOTHER COUNTRY to see it. What does that make you?
I hope none of those dumb asses got their money back.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
This should not have surprised anyone; one thing to have a few laughs over his early crackery but another thing how shockingly quickly people dropped any kind of $$s on him. That's just beyond dumb. rotflmao Oh my goodness.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
"MAJOR DOUBLE NEGATIVE FAIL!" - kokoski
I dunno, Bjork... But would she have me? I'm neither young nor Euro.
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Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:07pm. Yeah, but if Shauna Sands was being blown up, I bet you'd go.
*SLAMS money down onto counter*
I'm IN!
Submitted by RustyHooligan: "NO, I haven't seen The Hurt Locker. I haven't seen anything. That's why I didn't get the cult ref. I thought I made that clear. I missed it. Since I don't like to see people being blown up and suffering, I wouldn't go even if Shauna Sands were my date."
Yeah, but if Shauna Sands was being blown up, I bet you'd go. (And if Shauna Sands was your date, I doubt you'd be going anywhere because you would be too rightfully embarrassed to be seen in pubic with her.)
Hello! I wish I knew how Chicago is turning out.
Sheen looked pathetic. :-( I always feel bad for "pathetic." But I never throw change at it.
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
Good to know, there's still a sucker born every minute. it does, however , frighten me how generally stupid the unwashed masses are in this country.
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
I Think the people who were dumb enough to pay money to see a rambling crackhead got exactly what they paid for.
i think its time for charlie to beg for his old job back.
___________________
"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
i think its time for charlie to beg for his old job back.
___________________
"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
babybunny on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 6:50pm.
and one last comment,does he think everybody does crack, that statement about it being Detroit so you all must do crack was pretty fucking racist if you ask me...just saying....glad to see him LOSING now!!
Considering Detroit is almost 90% black, I concur that his statement was a racist slap in the face (and I'm not one for political correctness crap but this was rude).
ETA: That being said, I bet his audience was 80% white douchebags. Sorry, but I ain't buyin' Shanika and Jamila spending money on some whack @ss mofo pretending he has a "shtick". This was strictly white tardation.
and one last comment,does he think everybody does crack, that statement about it being Detroit so you all must do crack was pretty fucking racist if you ask me...just saying....glad to see him LOSING now!!
and one last comment,does he think everybody does crack, that statement about it being Detroit so you all must do crack was pretty fucking racist if you ask me...just saying....glad to see him LOSING now!!
super-ette on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 6:48pm.
He's a drug addict who is trying to make some money. What did the audience expect?
Maybe 'they' [idot fucks] were expecting Sheen to snort some coke and get drunk on stage for their amusement.
Seriously, every fucktard who bought a ticket to his show should get their "grown-up" rights removed for a year.
why don't they throw watermelons full of shit like they did to Tila Tequila at the Clown Posse convention last summer?? Now that is what I would call entertainment!!!
He's a drug addict who is trying to make some money. What did the audience expect?
I was referring to the morons that attended and as an excuse they thought they were "part of history being made." My point being, he's not history, he's pop culture shit. No one cares and his crappie TV show will be obscure 100 years from now, as opposed to real history. Maybe Barrymore's family actually did real theatre and art, but even they are barely remembered compared to larger historic figures, so to attend this under the guise of "history," is ridiculous.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:08pm.
Submitted by viridian on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 3:20pm.
....anyone remember what shows Barrymore's grandmother did?
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What Drew Barrymore's family has to do with the whackjob Sheen is debatable, but one thing they are not is obscure. The Drew and Barrymore names were in theaters for decades stretching back a long, long ways. Apart from being Drew's grandmother, Dolores Costello was a child actress herself and did many silent films as an adult.
oh man i was in chi-town a few days ago shit if i would have stayed a few more days i would have seen this! that said, chi-town residents are wicked and show no mercy. if they don't like you and think you suck, they will tell you so and then do everything they can to get rid of your ass!
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
Thumbnail #2 - ewwww. She does not have the body to be wearing a cropped shirt. Look at the big ole belly hanging out. Thumbnail #3 - gross. Then again, what DID people expect him to do? He got up there and acted crazy.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Sheen should have handed out a bag of rotten tomatoes to every audience member. That would have made it hilarious to see him pummeled with produce. But, nooooooooo. Pride goeth before a fall.
Chuck Lorre is laughing his ass off.
Why does no one LISTEN to me!? (not here - outside)
I TOLD y'all that's what it was gonna look like - I was so dead-on, it could have been ME that "planned" that whole event. I know enuff losers (that try to put on shows, no less) to know.
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
Why should anyone who buys a ticket feel virtuous because Sheen will donate a buck to Japan relief? I'd much rather give directly to a worthy relief organization and avoid donating money to feed Sheen's addictions and twisted ego.
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"Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." - Cyrus Ching
Submitted by Snarkley on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:06pm.
You should not show your face in public, or tell anyone if you paid any amount of money to go see the Charlie Sheen show.
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Are you listening, misstia?
Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:49pm.
On a generous day I'd say I can kind of understand someone going to this, in their hometown, for the sake of CURIOSITY. But I'd still feel like a loser and probably need to shower later. I was a bit suspicious when the 'show' was never actually defined.
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There were people who actually FLEW there to see this shitshow. So add travel costs to the ticket. Fucktards.
Oh this just fucking kills me! WTF were people expecting from this jibbering, drug-fucked trainwreck? Were they expecting to actually be entertained by this baffoon? WHO in their right mind would pay to see this? How can people be so gullible or plain stupid.
I hate Charlie but he scores on this one. He actually got people to PAY to see him rant and rave.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 3:49pm.
I personally like listening to a really good story-teller. If he wasn't so jacked up on Draino and bourbon, he could probably be entertaining and witty & God knows, he's got lots of stuff to draw on.
I'd like to hear a combination of stories about working in Hollywood, some escandalo tidbits about other actors and celebs, stuff about his famous family, stories about growing up in an acting family and some snark about his present problems. He could have a well-executed montage of his movies, shots from the set, tales about what it was like making some of his bigger hits, like "Wall Street"
And I'm insane too.
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This would require someone with actual writing talent to write it. Charlie's ego is telling him he has that kind of talent. Instead he puts together a show thats a combination of Jerry Springer and Charles Manson.
I am somewhat heartened that one of my local radio stations couldn't GIVE tickets away for this mess. You just had to be the 10th caller but nobody was calling, hahaha.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
I'd like to thank everyone who bought tickets to this show for valuing entertainment over common decency and helping to line the pockets of this violent, drugged out asshole.
Give yourselves a pat on the back.
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
On a generous day I'd say I can kind of understand someone going to this, in their hometown, for the sake of CURIOSITY. But I'd still feel like a loser and probably need to shower later. I was a bit suspicious when the 'show' was never actually defined. I can't believe they've booked a tour based on calling it in, watching a crackhead fuck the dog. The audience did redeem themselves by refusing to tolerate it. Maybe there is hope for this world. Simon Rex??!!
Submitted by Snarkley
You should not show your face in public, or tell anyone if you paid any amount of money to go see the Charlie Sheen show.
A-fucking-men.
Submitted by viridian on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 3:20pm.
....anyone remember what shows Barrymore's grandmother did?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Drew Barrymore's family has to do with the whackjob Sheen is debatable, but one thing they are not is obscure. The Drew and Barrymore names were in theaters for decades stretching back a long, long ways. Apart from being Drew's grandmother, Dolores Costello was a child actress herself and did many silent films as an adult.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
You should not show your face in public, or tell anyone if you paid any amount of money to go see the Charlie Sheen show.
Submitted by sarah990 on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 3:57pm.
Girl on girl kissing is so overplayed and boring. Two hot guy kissing would be good for a change.
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Word. Even when Britney Spears and Madonna did it, it was the equivalent of a kindergartener standing on the playground and yelling "POOPIE!"
So was the horseshit of the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl.
Always freakin' always, freakin' ALWAYS playing to the lowest common denominator.
Submitted by ewe on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 11:43am.
This is like eating a piece of shit and then complaining that it tastes like shit.
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Couldn't agree more!
They got what they paid for. They may have paid too much for it - but they knew what they were getting.
It's purely the FUCKTARDS that bought tickets for this, thinking they'd be minimally entertained, that need to be shot.
Hung by the balls/boobs.
It's one thing to laugh @ this supreme fuck-up from afar; another thing entirely to further line his pockets with even more coke 'n shit...
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"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus