Lindsay Lohan Is A Kombuchaholic
The L.A. County Probation Department's dream board features cutouts of Lindsay Lohan on posters for Chained Heat, The Big Doll House and Brokedown Palace, because they would love nothing more than to see the freckled Juvederm Muppet behind bars. They want it so bad that they are going to argue to the judge that she shit on her probation yet again by regularly drinking a tea that contains alcohol. TMZ says that LiLo admitted to her probation officer that she drinks Kombucha tea, which contains less than 0.5% of alcohol. To put things in perspective, saying the name "Lindsay Lohan" out loud fills your veins with more than 0.5% of alcohol. And when LiLo's mouth happens to be open when White Oprah sneezes near her, she inhales more than 0.5% of alcohol. ("Sneeze in my face, MOM!!!!" - LiLo)
But who cares about petty details, the bitch is a Kombuchaholic and broke the rules. Toss her in the clink!
The Probation Department apparently has a list of reasons why the judge should send her back to her home away from home and the Kombucha thing is on that list.
This is ridiculous. It's not like LiLo hooks herself up to an IV drip full of Kombucha while her nostrils snort up Kombucha and her asshole snorts up a Kombucha colonic. It's also not like that bottle is really filled with whiskey tea and she's going to use her delusional imagination to argue that Michael Lohan must've gotten a job at the tea factory so that he could ruin her by spiking her favorite shit with the sweet nectar. It's not like that at all (it's totally like that at all).
And on a different note, Kombucha Lohan would make a really good prison yard drag name. LiLo should keep that in mind.
(Image via INFDaily.com)
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detailed description of reading this post:
[sipping delicious drink never purchased before] [silently commenting to myself how nom it is]
[go to dlisted.com & see HoHan drinking it in a pic]
[sad face emoticon]
Soooooooo shes been boozing it up and is using the old "it was the tea" excuse! What a dumb diluted bitch to actually think that any human with half a brain cell would believe a time and time again proven liar! HAHAHAHAHAHA
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
What the hell happened to her face?
I'll tell you why she drinks it - same reason my friend can't...it can make you feel tweaky. Doesn't do that for me (had one a few days ago) but my friend had half a bottle and seriously said he felt way tweaked and even the herb didn't make him feel better.
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"Peachy with a side of keen, that would be me"
I seriously think there's something wrong with the way her brain processes information. How could one person make so many bad decisions that have landed her in rehab 5x and multiple jail stays and not learn anything?
Come at me bitch!
She's just trying to fuck with the system again. Throw her in jail already.
Whore shot her face up with botox and silicone cheek implants....someone tell her she still looks like an old janitors mop with freckles
I just want to know what the hell she did to her face.
2 things:
1) You KNOW that she knew; of course she knew that there was alcohol in the tea, she drank it for that very reason. The stupid bitch drank that shit while she was sitting in alcohol education classes! She's just giving everyone the finger again; she thinks the rules don't apply to her. She's about to find out just how wrong she is.
2) Her drinking that shit is only 1 on a list of things that she's done. Apparently, there's a lot more, which makes me think she's tooting again & smoking dope...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
Agreed! It does taste like ass but it makes your stomach feel so good! They took it off the market for a few months b/c the alcohol content used to be way higher, and they had to reformulate it so they could sell w/out people having to show identification. and I thought it was garbage until we partied all night in San Fran one time and this hippie chick had me try some. my drug hangover didn't last too long that day! thats why i drink it occasionally. and lilo is a fucking dumbshit, you cant lie to, and try to fool your PO. They are NOT the ones! Whether you drink kombucha or not, you come up with a dirty UA your ass is goin DOWN! well hopefully, shes like a fucking cockroach! It obvious now we need to eliminate the entire lo-clan to get rid of one.
She is looking very old and worn.
M.E., I can't get over how fucking delusional she is.
BTW, I am chatting with DEB FROM HELL right now!!!! :)
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"I want you to know, I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table."
PSL - yes she did!
Anyone with half of a fucking brain cell in her situation, looking a real jail time, a felony AND numerous violations of probation, would be scared shitless and wouldn't leave their GD house unless the HAD to in fear of doing ANYTHING that may cause them MORE legal trouble.
She is truly stupid.
didn't this fucking lying schmuck tweet how she was "done with clubbing" a month ago?
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"I want you to know, I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table."
I can't say Kombucha with a straight face.
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scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?
I was one of those people who questioned the store's motives in this case and really believed that the ADA was gunning for LiLo to help her win her next election. Not any more.
After reading that LiLo was in a club again last night until 4am after 5 rehabs and with a VOP and felony theft charge hanging over her head, I hope they send her to jail for a significant amount of time and keep her family away from her. This girl is either the most stupid person ever or is so self destructive that she needs to be protected from herself.
Come at me bitch!
Noir, you hot little jalepeno, that's me giving duckface.
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
so what is the deal here?
is she a bad ass? or needy for attention?
they should lock her up or let her go,is not making sense either way, I was defending her but she is just a fuck up~~
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“Don't find the time to cry for me, don't find the words to speak for me, don't find the nerve to feel for me, just get the fuck away from me”
Submitted by Provolone on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 11:42am.
Yes, I see what you are saying. Thanks for clarifying.
Submitted by howdareyou on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 11:13am.
No, i wasn't. She had the decimal point in the wrong spot from what the story reported, which was .5%.
But i'm guessing she met .5%, and she was right that it's 12 shit teas.
Submitted by parkerj on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 10:06am.
Maybe her liver is so shot all she needs is 0.5%.
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Yep, this is true. I had a roommate a few years ago who was a terrible alcoholic. After one particilary bad binge, she went to an emergency clinic because she couldn't stop throwing up. Turns out she already had liver damage---at age 28. The doctor told her to stop drinking for good. She still drinks. Only now she thinks it's hilarious that she gets drunk after 2 beers. She calls herself a "lightweight." No dummy, it's because your liver is FAILING!
That dumb deluded piece of scumshit. Going around flashing toxic tea, telling probation that she's drinking it so that when her drug tests test pos, she thinks she has a plausible excuse.
We just learned from Carlos that meth and other drugs only last 4 days detectable in the body's system (outside hair and nail analysis).
And tough titties about the jewelry store selling the necklace and a book, it in no way exonerates (or even lessens) what Lindsay did (steal).
Trials and shit aren't about the victims of crimes, they're about the criminal and the criminal act.
Shit, in some cases the victims don't want to prosecute but the state'll prosecute anyway.
Harvey Levin and his crew are only baiting their readers/posters into being pissed (and creating more self righteous postings & page hits) with that tired angle.
Oh ... and a HAPPY ST PAT's DAY to all the Irish and non Irish ho's & hustlers here.
-and, SugarFreeRedBull, -just who is giving Sir Micro Peen his much needed little head today?
Kombucha is disgusting. It tastes like spoiled wine.
Her hair is so gross blond. I don't know why she can't see how shitty she looks as one.
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"I want you to know, I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table."
Submitted by Provolone on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 10:00am.
Submitted by Athina on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:47am.
So if beer is 6% alcohol (I'm talking about the shitty stuff we have in the U.S.), and this tea is .05, she would have to drink 12 of those teas to get the same level of alcohol in 1 beer?
.05=120 Teas to equal a beer
.5= 6 Teas to equal a beer
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The tea shit = .5% = .005
Beer = abt 5 or 6% = let's say 6% = .06
12 teas X .005 = .06
I'm not sure if you were backing Athina up on her math or messing with the mixed % formats.
The Probation Dept isn't using this tea shit as the only reason she should go to jail - it's on a LIST of things she's done. Personally, I can't figure out why someone who's been charged with a felony is free to travel cross-country; she's obviously not working if she's out at BARS (yeah, like "recovering" alkies should even go to those) til 4 a.m.
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You say "beembo," I say "BIMBO." You say "sloot," I say "slut!" You say "whore," I say "hi." - Michael K, 3/3/11
Submitted by RichBitch on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:56am.
Why can't she be a deathaholic?
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LOL! It's so wrong but I don't even care.
♥ Threadkilla!
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.~Bertrand Russell
Wow, is this an old picture? She looks pretty cute, worm lip and all...and, quite frankly, I'd be happy if you put her away for jay walking. Whatever it takes, yo, whatever it takes.
♥ Threadkilla!
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.~Bertrand Russell
Eff Lohan, I'm here to say....
Happy St. Patrick's Day ya filthy horz!!!!
(said with much love and respect, of course)
She deserves to go to jail, but this shit is dumb. The Probation Department, the prosecution and the store owners are setting themselves up to look stupid with this whole case.
Sidenote: There are many 'normal' drinks which have a small percentage of alcohol in them.
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It's not that serious.
Stoney - EXACTLY!
You also can't be in college until you have a high school diploma. So I guess that means Ali won't ever be in college, lmao.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Um, Ali can't be in college, she's only what? 15 years old? And you can't tell me any memeber of that family is Mensa material.
Since Ali is college age now, will Lindsay have her trolling campus parties for Four Loko?
OT- Saw pics of the Aguilera mansion. Money doesn't buy you class.
http://x17online.com/celebrities/lindsay_lohan/lindsay_parties_until_4am...
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 10:10am.
Jayda's onto something. I was just reading that she partied til 4 a.m. this morning at the same NYC club where she scored some drugs and ended up testing positive. I'm sure another fake apology tweet is on its way soon.
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LINK PLEASE!
Jayda's onto something. I was just reading that she partied til 4 a.m. this morning at the same NYC club where she scored some drugs and ended up testing positive. I'm sure another fake apology tweet is on its way soon.
She has pissed off the people working this case mightily because they are gunning for her ass big time. That's what being a cunt gets you: NO MERCY!
*Nelson style*
Ha ha
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Submitted by Athina on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:47am.
So if beer is 6% alcohol (I'm talking about the shitty stuff we have in the U.S.), and this tea is .05, she would have to drink 12 of those teas to get the same level of alcohol in 1 beer?
.05=120 Teas to equal a beer
.5= 6 Teas to equal a beer
she looking more like a facefilleraholic in that pic-did she and WO get a mother and daughter special?
I love kombaucha or what its fucking called myself -it sorta settle your whole digestion though its certainly got its work cut out for it with Blohan.
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Maybe her liver is so shot all she needs is 0.5%.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Submitted by Jayda on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:51am.
Oooooooohhhhhhh this right here!!! Dang she's a sneaky!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
So dumb. That is not enough alcohol to give anyone a buzz. She IS stupid to drink it though.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Why can't she be a deathaholic?
You can't be a cunt if you don't act like one.
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
Submitted by Jayda on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:51am.
She's drinking this tea so if she's ever has alcohol in her system, she can blame it on the tea.
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Good point. Sounds like a preemptive strike to me.
Really guys? It's up for DEBATE whether or not LINDSAY LOHAN is drinking an alcoholic beverage for the buzz? Newfuckingflash: Kombucha tastes like SHIT mixed with vingear and hobo vomit. She's not drinking it for the refreshment. She's either drinking it to rebel and get away with even more bullshit than usual, to get a buzz, or to look like a hipster. Some people will *say* they *love* the *unique* taste, but it's a bunch of bullshit. This stuff tastes like ass.
Submitted by Jayda on Thu, 03/17/2011 - 9:51am.
She's drinking this tea so if she's ever has alcohol in her system, she can blame it on the tea.
^^
that too
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Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.
She's drinking this tea so if she's ever has alcohol in her system, she can blame it on the tea.
she would have to drink a hell of a lot of that tea really fast to get a buzz of it. her liver would metabolize it quicker than it could accumulate up in her system.
settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared
So if beer is 6% alcohol (I'm talking about the shitty stuff we have in the U.S.), and this tea is .05, she would have to drink 12 of those teas to get the same level of alcohol in 1 beer? Is that correct or am I a mathematical idiot? She'd be in the bathroom all day long! Plus, a hardcore alkie like her would not even catch the faintest buzz off one beer. It seems implausable that she's drinking it for the buzz.
She might as well become a nun already. Fun at her age is completely out of the question.
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful