Snooki Gets Raw
You might have been wondering why your labia sealed shut or your dick crawled further up into your crotch last night. It's because whenever the words "Snooki" and "raw" are used in the same sentence, all genitals within a 4,000 mile radius immediately go on lock down. But Snooki got raw in a totally different way last night. The human keg made an appearance on WWE Raw and rolled around with lady wrestler LayCool. WWE Raw and Jersey Shore are both as real a trick's orgasm moans when The Situation is bumping on her, so this pairing makes sense. It's the Pabst Hawaiian Punch of reality TV!
WWE isn't even trying to make this seem believable. It's like watching an overfed baby wild boar with no teeth trying to nip at the leg of a giraffe. Like Henery Hawk humping on Foghorn Leghorn's ankles. Like Miss Piggy tackling a bitch. In real life, that LayCool ho would just have to lift up her knee against Snooki's forehead and file her nails as the mutant Circus Peanut tried to get at her.
And you know there's some sucio Oompa Loompa fucker out there who is jacking to this with lube tanner.