Friday, March 11th 2011

Aretha Franklin Does Not Have A Pair Of Spanx Around Her Stomach

Aretha Franklin has whipped out one of her slightly less plump magnificent chichis and pounded on the rumor that she suffers from pancreatic cancer. And then she turned the gastric bypass rumors into pallard, cooked it in olive oil and slowly nibbled on it with a side of cucumber salad. The sicks didn't melt Aretha's chunk away and neither did a belt wrapped around her stomach. Aretha told Access Hollywood last night that she did it by shooing the chitterlings off her plate. Aretha put it like this:

"Somewhere I heard that somebody thinks I got some bariatric surgery, I think that's it. That is surgery I would never ever ever ever ever ever. Believe me. I would not. That is crazy. If I had to have that surgery I'd be fat. Believe me. I had a cousin who had that surgery and she turns green and she did pass too. That's something I would never ever do."

If Queen Aretha is Star Jones-ing us, she's doing it better than Star ever did! That "I don't even know how to pronounce it!" trick she pulled out of her lacefront is one that I just might have to use. I mean, I've never EVER ever ever EVER ever smoked that naryjuanvaldez stuff. I don't even know how to say it!

Posted by: Michael K


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GreenFairy's picture

I am sorry I can't stand that arrogant lying heffalump!

As someone else already said not event the wretches on 'Biggest Loser' manage that kind of weight loss :o(

She may be able to sing, but she sure has no education and an ugly face for radio.. or perhaps more like shellac records.. lol

joe shmoe's picture

Her cousin turned green after having her stomach stapled? Good Lord. It's not easy being green. Aretha looks 20 years younger with that hairstyle.

************
If this doesn't make your heart pound with desire, then check your pulse, cuz you ain't alive:
La banane

Negro PLEASE! How f'ing stupid do you think we are, gf? You're fat your whole damn life and then SUDDENLY at the age of 100 you decide you're just "tired" of eating all that fried chicken and it's time to make a dramatic change? We know your fat ass wasn't huffin' and puffin' and workin' out on no treadmill to lose all that weight! Even if you did, weight doesn't just FALL OFF an old broad's body like that. Joke of the century! I said it before and I'll say it again: NIGGA PLEASE!

agirl's picture

If Aretha said she didn't have the surgery, well that's good enough for me. She probably just ordered her own ass to lose weight and it obeyed her.

Aretha can do and say whatever the hell she wants, with no back talk or side-eyes from any of us. Because she's Aretha, that's why.

ETA: Can anyone tell me how many items I have in my shopping cart?

babybunny's picture

Retha looks good and healthy....and she can do no wrong in my book!

Khensu Hetep's picture

I started reading the comments and halfway through realized that I'm not interested in the topic.


"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)

Schlong's picture

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 11:49pm.

Watch this weight loss take away her singing powers. Aren't most opera singers fat? And Mimi? Meatloaf? Mama Cass?

--

Naw. I think it's just that people have to re-learn their breathing techniques with less weight on their chests when they sing.

Watch this weight loss take away her singing powers. Aren't most opera singers fat? And Mimi? Meatloaf? Mama Cass?

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TheBreakdown's picture

Congrats to Aretha for getting her titty balls and 17 asses under control!

***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
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HeddaHopper's picture

I love my Queen and Goddess. Yes I do. And if she says she would never, ever, ever, EVER, ever, than I believe her. Actually, I read that the real culprit was a bad gall bladder,and before they operated, they did put her on a very strict diet. She had two "knock me to my knees" attacks, with green vomit and everything! and she was righteously chastened.

Aretha gives me reasons to love her even more since I found out she dissed Oprah!

Snideychick sez:

I don't care is she used lap band, low carb or the Auschwitz diet. She was probably diabetic - or borderline - and told to lose the chunk.

Either way the Queen looks good.

iHeartHaters's picture

Areefa is lyah-moufin!!

~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs

WIGS EYES DO SHOW WHEN HER SLOT TALKS OR SOCK STOPS!! OKAY WOW!!

OXA's picture

Maybe she got the new gastric sleeve that is done without incisions or she got the lapband and does not consider it bariatric surgery. There is no way in hell that she lost over 80 lbs since December by just eating the right foods and exercise.

BULLSHIT.
There isn't any way this cow got down THAT quickly without some kind of surgical help. Not even the folks on the Biggest Loser, who exercise like 8 hrs a day and only eat 1200calories a day lose that much weight in such a short amount of time.

Kerfuffles's picture

WIGTAPE, Aretha. :/

snowpiece's picture

AHAHAHAHHAHA Irish, good catch!

****************************
"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11

"I can't believe I have to pin my hopes on this season not sucking on a guy with a back hair sweater, but there it is." TWOP Survivor Recap

Morbidosity's picture

Submitted by Albatross on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 1:05pm.
Mary Jane. Pot. Grass. Dope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OHH DUR. THAT I know about... I thought it was some kind of new fangled smokin' shit. LOL!

Submitted by Albatross on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 1:05pm.
Submitted by Morbidosity on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 1:04pm.
Okay horz .. help an old out of the loop lady out.
What is "that naryjuanvaldez stuff??"

Mary Jane. Pot. Grass. Dope.
************************************************

he meant marijuana.

to add to the list, weed.
**************************************************
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters

suckandfuck's picture

Submitted by Morbidosity on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 1:04pm.

Okay horz .. help an old out of the loop lady out.
What is "that naryjuanvaldez stuff??"
-------------------------------------------------

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS! HOW DO YOU EVEN SAY THAT?!??!

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

M.E.'s picture

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:49pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:41pm.

Does this bitch speak engrish?
______________________________________________
*In my best Sam L. Jackson voice*: ENGLISH, MOTHAFUCKA!!

How's it hanging, M.E.?
*********************************************

Meh.

Kinda bumed. Looks like work for tonight is cancelled (roads are closed due to tsunami warnings) and are in effect until 10pm tonight.

Albatross's picture

Submitted by Morbidosity on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 1:04pm.
Okay horz .. help an old out of the loop lady out.
What is "that naryjuanvaldez stuff??"

Mary Jane. Pot. Grass. Dope.

**********
"Now you know what 'rimming' is." -BK

Morbidosity's picture

Okay horz .. help an old out of the loop lady out.
What is "that naryjuanvaldez stuff??"

Morbidosity's picture

Definitely thinking a Lifestyle lift was done too.

vidz's picture

Diana Death

I smoked this shit from thailand last week, it was sooo good! My friend is giving K to try tmr.

*****************************************************

"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

Whamo's picture

Not buying this one bit. There is no way in chunky monkey heaven this woman is "just eating right” . I mean a life time of eating anything, everything and to just stop and eat right? Bullshit!

I don't give a flying, giant chi-chi whether or not she's lying. I'm just glad she's looking healthier and still with us. Long live the Queen.

Erika_Leigh's picture

before i would have said she's lying but 5 years ago i was gaining weight i got to around 14 and i went on this la weight loss diet. i cut out my carb to two slices of low fat bread a day 2 cans of diet coke, and no sodium among other things and i was losing 4 lbs a week. i got down to a size 6 and i'm 5'9 1/2 the weight literally just fell off. of course years later it's come back but cutting out certain foods can cause the weight to just drop off if u are not prone to being heavy for ex in high school i was always underweight and throughout college i was pretty normal size 8 drank and ate what i wanted but as i got older and my diet stayed shitty i gained but not as much as ppl prone to being obese so perhaps she was eating a lot of shit like she says

annobanano's picture

Submitted by Fraggle on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:18pm.
Her face looks fairly healthy and not all sunken and saggy for someone who lost weight so quickly. Maybe she got a lifestyle lift to go with the lipo and tummy tuck.

She had something done - they showed her at a Pistons game about a month ago, and she had major droopy skin underneath her chin.

Fucking_Classy's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:42pm.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:38pm.
That's a shame. I loved seeing her droopy tits being precariously held by a pair of miserable spaguetti straps.

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I used to wonder about that too, FC. As in, should there be crater-like dents in her shoulders from all they had to carry?
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Those straps were merely decorative, HAD TO BE. My guess is her tits were held in place by a giant ADAMANTIUM corset.

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

DianaDeath's picture

Truth be told, Aretha looks gorgeous! She gives better face than Whitney, these days.

And I totally want to smoke that unpronounceable shit with MK :)

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That shit is nice. -MK

Fucking_Classy's picture

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:41pm.

Does this bitch speak engrish?
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*In my best Sam L. Jackson voice*: ENGLISH, MOTHAFUCKA!!

How's it hanging, M.E.?

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

norma_desmond's picture

she doth protest-th too much. She is definitely lying.

DDT's picture
DeeDee's picture

Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:32pm.

Hahahahaha!

Terri's picture

The only people who use the term 'bariatric' are those who have seen bariatric doctors. Girlfriend had something done for sure.

IrishFury's picture

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:38pm.
That's a shame. I loved seeing her droopy tits being precariously held by a pair of miserable spaguetti straps.

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I used to wonder about that too, FC. As in, should there be crater-like dents in her shoulders from all they had to carry?
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Dark-sided!

M.E.'s picture

Does this bitch speak engrish?

IrishFury's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:31pm.
how come no one is making fun of her bad grammer?
If this was Lilo you'd be all over that shit! :P

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Grammar, Snowy! GrammAr! LOL!
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Dark-sided!

Sweetas's picture

lol snowy♥! That's because she's the Queen of Soul and can re-write Webster's if she damn pleases! Although what the hell does "and she turns green and she did pass too" mean? lol

Fucking_Classy's picture

That's a shame. I loved seeing her droopy tits being precariously held by a pair of miserable spaguetti straps.

That said, perhaps she's saying the truth and just hired an assistant to fucking taze her fat ass every time she tries to eat something.

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

snowpiece's picture

LMAO at Sweetas!!!!

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"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11

"I can't believe I have to pin my hopes on this season not sucking on a guy with a back hair sweater, but there it is." TWOP Survivor Recap

Sweetas's picture

PSL lmao!! Why is everyone in entertainment such a liar liar pants on fire? I mean really, I love Aretha but you don't go from being Australia to New Zealand in such a short time by cutting out the pork rinds.

Slurpee's picture

Hahahaha Fraggle!

Submitted by Slurpee on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:29pm.

Is the tit skin belt something you might find in the Leatherface spring catalog?

Page 72 (next page features the skin-flutes and skull-fuck toys).

snowpiece's picture

how come no one is making fun of her bad grammer?
If this was Lilo you'd be all over that shit! :P

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"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11

"I can't believe I have to pin my hopes on this season not sucking on a guy with a back hair sweater, but there it is." TWOP Survivor Recap

Slurpee's picture

Is the tit skin belt something you might find in the Leatherface spring catalog?

jack-n-the-hat's picture

♫ can you tie em in a knot, can you tie em in a bow ♫
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09

"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH

Slurpee's picture

Ohhh a tit skin belt. A must have for spring!