Everybody's Worried About Boozetina Drunkuilera

Radar, Star Magazine and UsWeekly all have stories out about how Xtina not only has the face of a Snooki, but she has the liver one of one too. Xtina's friends and loved ones are concerned that she's drowning the sorrow of her divorce with alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol. And when Xtina isn't turning her insides into a spit bucket at a sold-out wine tasting, she's making her leased piece shove buttered-up baguettes down her throat. Basically, Xtina dreams of whiskey bottles made out of baked dough. Me too, actually.

Star Magazine's sources say that Xtina has added 40 pounds of chunk to her body by bingeing on every single item on a T.G.I. Friday's menu. A "concerned" source whispered into Star's ear, “Christina’s lost her confidence since she split from Jordan. She gets terribly sad, and that’s when all the awful memories come flooding back and she ends up numbing herself with booze and food. Everyone is worried sick. She needs to get help before something even more serious happens."

40 pounds?! Did this concerned source ask Xtina to take off her make-up mask before stepping on the scale, because that's 30 pounds right there easy. Moving on...

Matthew Rutler's father has joined the "concerned source" in wailing out a woe for his son and Xtina. David Rutler cried to Radar that he doesn't necessarily think his son has a problem, but he does say that Matthew has never been in trouble before hooking up with Snookitina. David Rutler thinks that his son only drove drunk that night, because he was looking after Xtina. David went on, "He has a perfect record, he has never been in any trouble. He is an excellent driver, I taught him to drive and sat next to him in the passenger seat as he drove to school everyday, he's a good kid. I'm concerned for both of them. I hope everything turns out OK."

David was so fraught with concern that he accidentally dialed the number to Radar's offices instead of the Parenting Help Hotline for advice. Okay. But David needs to suck on a hard bronzer stick and stop trying to make it seem like Xtina is wrapping his son's innocent in pastry dough and eating it up. Matthew has a permanent smirk on his face that will make anybody dump their drink in the trash in case he roofied it. If GHB had a face, it'd look just like Matthew's. Bitch ain't innocent.

And finally, UsWeekly says that even though Xtina spent a night in the drunk tank, she still hasn't curbed her ways. A source says that Xtina and Matthew returned to the scene of the crime and got bombed like her last album. But unlike last time, Xtina and Matthew left in a chauffeured car. A source explains, "She acted as if the arrest never happened. When their server offered them dessert, they asked for more wine. When their server offered them dessert, they asked for more wine. She should see the arrest as a wake-up call, but she doesn't. She doesn't think things are that bad. She's nearly fall-down wasted nearly every night."

Notice how the source uses the word "nearly" instead of saying she's fully fall-down wasted? In my circle, that "nearly" means you're holding it together pretty well.

You know, Xtina spent years with a bat who flosses his teeth with human veins, so she has a lot of images to block out! Maybe Xtina is just having a moment (a moment that is lasting a few years since I'm pretty sure bitch is always drunk)?

And for those of you wondering when Xtina spends time with her kid, I'll have you know that he climbs on top of her head when she's passed out on the bathroom floor and uses the red drool puddle below her mouth as a tiny lake for his toy boats. That counts as mother/son bonding time!

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by B.Girl on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 10:04pm.

Xtina looks like she uses a "Rocky Horror Picture Show" make-up palette;) she went from classy to tranny!

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This thumbnail proves there's always a true beauty in a dark corner waiting to snatch the spotlight out from under you.

Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Fri, 03/11/2011 - 12:54am.

You can tell this picture of her was taken before she got fat because she looks coked out of her fucking skull with those cloudy, glazed, lifeless marble eyes in the banner photo.

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"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)

Submitted by Mexicanwahine on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:01pm.

I want my drinking name to be Boozetina!! I'm tired of "Stumblelina."

Submitted by gucci on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 8:08pm.

Saggies are hard drinkers. its a known fact. love christina and will never hate her.

___________________

"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"

John Garfield
No one lives forever

Submitted by z-listed on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 6:56pm.

She was hard drinking before the split, so I doubt that the divorce is bothering her that badly. Maybe she is just realizing that she is a bitch and getting depressed about it.

Submitted by Fraggle on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 5:01pm.

Chris Crocker?

Submitted by Who Datt on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 4:43pm.

She's gained a *lot* more than 40 pounds. She wears at least 25 pounds of rouge alone. I doubt that she's ever been a *nice* person. There's always been this "look at me, I'm *me* and you're *not*" mentality. People have polished her to a platinum shine with 13 years of ass-kissing. Sure she's got a nice voice, but so do many other singers who haven't been pulled out of obscurity. I don't like her new look either. She looks like Denise "Denny" Dillon *without* the talent and charisma.

Never thought I'd see the day where Britney would have the more long-lasting and stable career in comparison.

Submitted by justincase on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 12:45pm.

Submitted by Snarkley on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:54am.

Kudos to MK. "Drunkuilera" is hard to spell.

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I was thinking the same thing. Its obvious somebody went to college!

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 12:40pm.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: MOST of the time when someone is driving drunk, it is someone else's fault.

It is a myth that each driver is responsible for what he/she does while driving.

Submitted by skinny fat on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 12:29pm.

I'm not worried about her at all. In fact, I couldn't care less. As for your nose spreading while pregnant, that is CACA.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 12:01pm.

Submitted by Chelseagrrl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 1:21pm.
If you're still here M.E, my nose spread during my 1st pregnancy but not my second. Not too sure why it happened. I guess hormones. It went back to normal though, as it does most people I believe.
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Inneresting. Spanx! The only thing that spread on me was my ass.

Submitted by shandi on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:56am.

Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 1:18pm.

Christina was a wild child prior to Jordan and then Jordan seemed to tame her. She's now going back to her old ways. I just wonder what happened between Christina and Jordan.
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Here is what I think happened. She started making her movie with Cher, was surrounded by people who told her whatever she wanted to hear, and she let the "Hollywood Mentality" take over her. I think she was cheating on her husband while filming the movie. Probably thought, 'I deserve better'. Now look where she is.

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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Submitted by Chelseagrrl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:51am.

If you're still here M.E, my nose spread during my 1st pregnancy but not my second. Not too sure why it happened. I guess hormones. It went back to normal though, as it does most people I believe.

Submitted by Chelseagrrl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:52am.

Gah double post.

Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:48am.

Christina was a wild child prior to Jordan and then Jordan seemed to tame her. She's now going back to her old ways. I just wonder what happened between Christina and Jordan. If he made her super happy and content, why did it fail?? Is she simply thinking she may be missing something while being married and tied down to one person??

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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:41am.

Hmmm, that's odd because isn't SHE the one who left her husband because she needed more "spontaneity" in her life?

Methinks she's depwessed because after over a decade, her being a complete cunt backfired on her. Oh, I bet she feels simply dreadful that the man she (probably) took for granted and left on the backburner isn't around to validate her anymore.

I got fat too, because I'm depressed. I really did. I'll tell you, people criticize you way more harshly for getting fat when you don't have publicists explaining that you've given up on your appearance because you're unhappy. Give me a fucking break. Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for her. Tons of fat people are fat because they eat their emotions. Why don't they get the same sympathy?

Kiss my fat ass, you harlequin guttertramp.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:23am.

Trying to read the thread, but there are too many mini novels.

*leaves*

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:19am.

How does your nose spread during pregnancy?

I have never heard of that.

*looks in mirror*

Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:15am.

The pictures of Christina when she first started shooting Burlesque were good. She was thin and petite, but over the course of the shoot and getting to know this guy Rutler who was a personal assistant on the set she gained like 20 lbs. I doubt she gives two shits about Jordan or her marriage. She likes self destructing.

...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:48am.

Xtina's nose spread while pregnant. So did J.Lo's....howver, J.Lo got that shit fixed after she had the babies. Xtina for some reason has not.

I have said it before, but she looks like a witch now. Put a black pointy hat on her, and she could be surrounded by flying monkeys.

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My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will disprove your faith in Man.
-Fiona Apple

Submitted by MikeDexterIsAnA... on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:40am.

I see pictures of her with her son all the time on other sites. I don't think she ever dealt with some of the things she went through growing up. That might be an issue. I mean, that's if we look at her as an actual human being. I dumped the guy I was engaged to about 4 years ago & I still get depressed about it if I think about it too hard. Just because you end a relationship because of other circumstances doesn't mean you can't get depressed over it. It forces you to reflect on your life. My last break up had me moving to a completely different state & it was my personal goal to get shitfaced 6 days out of the week. If I was a celebrity, the world would tell me I was a piece of shit worthy of no remorse because of it. They have a kid & yeah, they were together for like 8 or 9 years or something. Obviously she's going through something. I don't "hate" Britney but the thing about her is, she doesn't say anything negative about other celebs because she's not allowed to. People don't remember that. She's Britney Spears, & that is a product, not a person. Even though she willingly let that product happen & continue I believe it was a big factor of her meltdown. When a celeb says something "negative" about another, sometimes it's lame & uncalled for but at least they are showing themselves & not shutting it inside for the sake of the product & not being honest with themselves or their "fans". I like to poke fun at celebrities just as much as the next person but sometimes you do have to just look at them as human beings. At least when it comes to their personal lives, it's all they really have for themselves & we still rake them over the coals for everything lol. This is probably where the "money can't buy you happiness" crap came from. I think Christina has issues from her past she hasn't worked through yet & who knows if she ever will because celebs have a hard time admitting problems & letting others tell them what to do. If I hated Whitney Houston for being a crack addict divorcee then I'd just be missing out on her talent. A lot of celebs have done far worse than getting bombed everynight after a divorce. Look at Sheen right now & we love him haha Sorry for the serious no-fun comment haha just my two-cents.

Submitted by Chelseagrrl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:39am.

Mrs. Gosling , her nose has always been this way but not as thick. Part of that is makeup shading and the other is most likely due to her drinking. I worked in a bar for many years and every alcoholic had the same alcohol caused feathers. Besides their rosy cheeks and weight gain there was the bulbous like nose. I'm not sure what causes the nose to fatten up but it happens. Even people who quit drinking tend to keep those characteristics long after. Of course I'm talking about "lifers", those that will drink themselves to death. I've never ever seen anyone 5 years or less of heavy drinking to have the fat nose issue. Rosy cheeks and weight gain yes but the nose? That's something I only did see in people 10+ years of heavy use. Our noses do grow with age too. It's possible it's just a combination of a pregnancy, alcohol, makeup not being shaded like it was and age.

Submitted by IluvDuranDuran on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:33am.

I'd drink too if someone told me I looked like Snooki....I guess it's better than The Situation in the face, but still...

Submitted by Morbidosity on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:32am.

I really like Christina. She has an awesome voice.. no auto tune needed. I hope she gets it together and doesn't go by way of another songstress with a voice of gold... talking about YOU Whitney!

Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:31am.

You know I have no probem with Xtina... I don't care if she is fat or a drunk or a bad mom...
The only thing that boggles my mind is her dam nose!!! I just don't get it! How did it get so big?! It's such a mystery to me. She needs to get that fixed.

Submitted by annobanano on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:30am.

Clearly she's gained weight, but 40 pounds? I don't think so. She's about as short as me - she'd be ginormous if she gained that much.

Submitted by Chelseagrrl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:29am.

She easily could have created a Vegas show. At least in Vegas she could earn a great living and stay relevant to some degree. Granted it's not what she probably wants, however she's proven she has no ability to reinvent herself. Just my opinion though. Personally I'd want a steady paycheck in THIS ECONOMY. She should just go away for a bit, create an alter ego completely unlike anything she's done. She could come back as a front woman to an amazing band if she wanted to. She won't but she could. The probable cause of her stagnant career is the fact she is so full of herself she refuses to see her faults. She most likely sees herself as the best and there's no need or room for improvement. It's a pity as her voice has great range but her personality gets in the way.

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:29am.

Yeah suuuure she's sad, LOL whatever. She's partying it up cuz she doesn't have to fuck Batboy anymore. And booze packs on the pounds. It's pretty simple. Case closed.

Still LMFAO@Boozetina

~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs

WIGS EYES DO SHOW WHEN HER SLOT TALKS OR SOCK STOPS!! OKAY WOW!!

Submitted by joanne on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:22am.

Another disney ho crashing the crazy train.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:17am.

It sad what a mess she has become. She is such a talented woman. I wish she'd make something as good as "Stripped" again. There is not one bad song on that album.

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My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will disprove your faith in Man.
-Fiona Apple

Submitted by Kandykane on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:17am.

Xtina tries too hard to be sexy. She doesn't have the jail bait appeal of a young Shitters because of course they're both getting older anyway. What needs to happen here is a total image makeover. Get rid of that cliched platinum wig and troweled on makeup. Change management. Aside from anything else, it would really be a shame to let the only one with real talent fade away. So she didn't release a sex tape and didn't let her pussy hang out as a juvenile for the dirty raincoat brigade. I still think she has an awesome voice but her marketing is completely wrong. She doesn't have a ton of sex appeal so The Voice needs to be front n center and all the superfluous crap that isn't working needs to be shoved away in the background. Whether or not she's a bitch I couldn't give a shit. There is a huge market out there waiting for a kick ass singer but Xtina needs to grow the fuck up and analyze her situation, decide whether or not it's possible for her to be something different. It ain't over yet.

Submitted by cripbabe on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:09am.

well you could see this coming, but please, why does everyone think they're going to be relevant forever? start fucking reinventing yourself - and NO, making a movie does not make you an actress! bitch needs to play small clubs and lounges, sing the classics, etc. I say time for a career overhaul and that includes chipping those six layers of lacquer off her skin. seriously, nothing says "I'm a crazy 'ho" like a gallon of Sherwin Williams on your damn face.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:04am.

Hmmmmmmmmmm, most women who realize they are unhappy in their marriage and file for divorce don't become depressed and go out fucking random dudes, ok, maybe they do go out and fuck random dudes, but the don't become drunken gutter sluts.

Submitted by Chelseagrrl on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:06am.

She has always struck me as a self righteous asshole. There was an interview with her some eons ago, she had remarked how Britney held no merit and wasn't shocked about her marriage to Kfat failing. Her snark was rather off putting. I'm not a fan of her or Britney but her comments made me uncomfortable. I love a good bitch fight but this didn't deliver as one, it was more like jealousy. I wondered at the time why she even brought it up (the questions weren't about Spears). It was apparent that she was envious of Spear's rise in fame when Christina has the voice and felt entitled to it instead. Her rivalry with Britney reminds me of dollar store version of Joan verses Bette. Christina is a huge fan of Joan too so it sort of makes sense that her attitude isn't far behind. I don't think Christina is mentally ill in the least, she's just an insufferable bitch who likes to drink. I guess there's no need to wonder any longer as to whatever happened to Baby Jane. ;)

Submitted by Slurpee on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:58am.

Something tells me within a year or two she'll pull a Toni Braxton and file for bancruptcy.

Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:56am.

Her last tour was cancelled because of lack of interest, and you haven't heard her on the radio in ages. Yeah, "upset over her divorce" right. Time to move to Europe babe.

Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:54am.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:18am.
HH - Blohan is late for court. AGAIN!

Hahaha OMG this bitch! and I am sure she will have a perfect excuse for it. Channel 5 has the fucking helicopter following her. She is loving this!

Submitted by stake_spike on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:50am.

Bat Boy divorced her? I thought she was the one to divorce him so she could do ho shit. Doesn't she have a son? And this trick acted superior to Shitney, ahahaha

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:48am.

HH - Blohan is late for court. AGAIN!

Submitted by Vera Charles on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:42am.

Poor, poor little Xtina. Britney always gets all the attention. "But I'm a better singer!!" So finally she gets a hit movie with Cher, tons of publicity, a shitload of credibility. "I'm an actress! A real actress" And what happens? The old "I'm so afraid of success!" story. Bitch can't handle it. She's perfectly tee'd up for another movie now (is she making one? doesn't sound like it) and what does she do? Gets some raggedy-ass boyfriend and goes out drinking and eating pizza at fuckin' Mozza every night. Oh well, another fucked-up Disney baby who can't get over herself.

Submitted by charlie m on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:40am.

it is an interesting dynamic because us regular folk don't have a whole lotta choices. it's like, you either shape up, or you are going to have the very mat you sleep on snatched up from under you. i guess when you have a lot of money and people around you, you can keep on perpetuating the crap and addiction. what takes these people, like charlie sheen, way too long to figure out, is that your bed is made of money and lies and hanger on's, and you are really no different from anyone else.

settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared

Submitted by Bunnyman on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:36am.

She's just starting her stroll down Amy Winehouse Boulevard. Hope someone grabs this ho and jerks her back on the right road.

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"There is something the matter with you, Caprice...Something is the matter with YOUR VAGINA!"

Submitted by from athens on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:36am.

Clown,please!so ho drinks because of the divorce!i am sure snookitina did not participate in the demize of her marriage by fucking anything with a pulse,yes that didn't happen at all.I just can't with this creature.

Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:33am.

Speaking of drunks.. what will Lidsay wear to court today?

OT: Christina is acting like a 15yr old.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:30am.

I want to take a paint scraper to her drunk-bloated face.

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"Dreams are only a cheap marketing ploy for Disney products, which are stomped out by reality upon reaching adulthood." Jazzfish_77, 03/01/2011 - 8:29pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:28am.

Submitted by Provolone on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 10:07am.
She shouldn't have been arrested in the first place.
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These days the cops aren't nice enough to give a drunken piece who's being responsible enough not to drive a ride home, so drunk tank you go.

Submitted by mharker on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 9:26am.

I heard "Burlesque" wasn't all that bad, though. Goofy, yes, but like a guilty pleasure movie. I still don't care if I ever see it, but I maybe shouldn't judge since I have a love for Grease that I can't deny no matter how much I reason with myself.

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Silly rabbit.