This Is What Winning Looks Like
Charlie Sheen took his rambling radio tour of crazy crackery to TV this morning with interviews on both Good Morning America and Today, and looooooooooord. Either this is Casey Affleck's sequel to "I'm Still Here" or Charlie has jumped off the rails and snorted 'em up. I'm putting all my tokens on the latter, because Charlie barely even blinks. It's like the crack smoke is holding his eyelids up. Even his plugs are trying to quit his ass. Their idea of a well-balanced meal is not fingernail dirt, bong sludge and coke-infused venom. That malnourished dumpster cat on Charlie's head is in dire need of an IV bag full of vitamins.
Charlie has pretty much aged 20 years in the past couple of months and now has the face of a (don't click) turtle's parched asshole. And yup, a turtle's parched asshole is definitely the face of winning.
While playing with a red wire from an F-18 bomb, Charlie rattled about how he's going to sue CBS and Chuck Lorre for breach of contact. Charlie suggests that they should settle and allow Two and a Half Men to go on. But even though Charlie looks like he'd work for the remnants of an 8-ball found in the gutter and a couple of expired Camel dollars, he says he wants $3 million per episode plus a $20 million signing bonus. We're really going to need a bigger CODE 5150 for Charlie.
Here's a few quotes from Charlie's crazy GMA interview. It looks like 2011's Dead Pool just got a new favorite:
On the bad shit he's on: "I am on a drug. It's called CHARLIE SHEEN! Um, it's not available, because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Um. Too much."On if he's going to sue CBS and Chuck Lorre: "Wouldn't you? I don't have a job. I've got a whole family to support and love. People a lot more important than me are relying on that money to fuel the magic."
On people saying he's an anti-Semite and why he calls Chuck Lorre "Chaim Levine": "People that know me... There's nothing about that in my history, anywhere. I would say, um, you know I'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't know you were so sensitive. I just thought that after you wailing on me for 8 years that I could take a few shots back. I didn't know you were going to take your little ball and go home and punish everybody in the process."
On if he's willing to take a drug test: "Sure, you've got a cup? I've got nothing to hide."
On how he cured himself of crack addiction: "I've closed my eyes and made it so...with the power of my mind. I had to unload 22 years of fiction and just decided that I don't need that anymore. I know my own truth. The fiction of AA. It's a silly book written by a broken down fool who was a plagiarist. They think it's one size fits all and it didn't fit me. I got tired of it."
On if he filled with insides with booze and crack because of boredom: "No, I did that because they work. They change the way you see things. Change the way you feel. And yeah, when you're a little bit bored with redundancy of certain aspects of your life.. Yeah, I think that's why people do them."
On if he thinks his children will be embarrassed by his behavior when they grow up: "God no. Talk about an education. I mean, this and then that's the guy and he's our dad and we can get all the answers and the truth. WOW. Wiiiiiining! That's how you perceive it. "
And during his interview with Today (click here to see that mess), Carlos had a few questions for Chuck Lorre:
1. Chuck, why is it that when I was ready to return to work, you told me there were no scripts ready to shoot. What would we have shot if you did not order the suits into my home to shut down the party?2. Why is it that you issued a decree informing me that the remaining 8 shows of season 8 had been reduced down to 4? I don't recall getting a vote on this by the way. Stating as well that season 8, our highest rated season to date (most shows are in decline by then and heading towards Will & Grace-ville), was suddenly to halt production two weeks earlier than scheduled? You're the only man that can answer this.
3. When you were told that the crew would suffer gravely as a result of your dictatorial laziness, would you please explain what you meant by your statement: "They are not my problem." I'm sure there's like 120 some odd people who would love to hear the answer to that.
Yup, Charlie is still fucking his perma-soft dick with a fleshlight made of delusions. The Surgeon General should put that on the warning label for the Charlie Sheen drug.
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ONE OF CHUCK LORRE'S VANITY CARDS FOR RECENT EPISODE:
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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #329
I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.
If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by get serious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 2:01pm.
Uh, I'm pretty sure that "Shitney" never terrorized hookers and shot someone like Charlie Sheen did, regardless of whether you like her or not. Her meltdown's a drop in a fucking bucket.
OffT: I'm starting to believe that Ba-Butthole is a troll.
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"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
Chuck Lorre's vanity cards:
http://www.chucklorre.com/index-bbt.php
They're often quite funny. His various shows are to the right. Have fun! :)
Yeah, he's got a family to support. Uh huh.
I bet he was thinking about that while he was wasting money on whores and drug benders.
†
"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
Not watching it because I couldn't care less, but fuck he looks older than his dad. Lay off the crack Charlie.
@Centaurious - I would love to know what they said!
Submitted by Morbidosity on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 9:24pm.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 9:22pm.
Would somebody please explain to me what these vanity cards are and why The Winner is so offended by them?
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Thanks, M., I kind of thought that's what they were, I always think of David R. Kelly's mother in the rocking chair, but it intrigues me that Chuck Lorre had tiny writing on his.
I wonder what they said?
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 9:22pm.
Would somebody please explain to me what these vanity cards are and why The Winner is so offended by them?
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I had to look it up too - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Production_logo
Would somebody please explain to me what these vanity cards are and why The Winner is so offended by them?
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
I would call Charlie an empty shell, but he is full of bitterness.
Watching Piers Morgan now and while he seems narcissistic and obstinate, he doesn't sound crazy per say.
Submitted by mefunigirl on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 3:51pm.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 2:13pm.
............
you'd be right if he hadn't gone out of his way to put it on blast for all of us to know.
he isn't sitting at home just trying to live his life, he's making this very public.
*****
I'm not an apologist for Charlie Sheen but Chuck Lorre might have chilled with the vanity cards or whatever the fuck they are called at the end of his shows. charlie's a crazy lunatic who feels attacked so of course he's going to attack back. i sorta kinda love people who live their life without apologies.
I can remember when TAHM was first being touted. Well, it was filmed and being heavily advertised etc - you know what I mean. Anyhoo, at the time all I could think was 'who would employ a hasbeen like Charlie Sheen?'. He was such stale news. His career had (I thought) gone as far as it could and it was beyond me why they cast his sorry washed up ass. Did anyone else think this?
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"I still wouldn't..." - Satan
There's a report that this buffoon is asking for 50% RAISE to go back to TAHM.
And no, this motherfucker didn't just mention Will and Grace!!! Bitch, Guapo will shit on you like Will's Armani suit!
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Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow in to treasured gold
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown
-Adele
In the "Today" interview, I love how he references the Best Picture award for "Platoon," but mumbles his way through it, perhaps to confuse viewers into believing he won an Oscar, when, in fact, though the film had lots of nominations and won several awards (including a Golden Globe for Tom Berenger), Charlie wasn't nominated for anything himself. Dafoe and Berenger both received various award nominations.
Charlie undoubtedly contributed to the film's success, but it's not like nepotistic newbies never get nominated, so that can't be the reason why he wasn't nominated. I don't recall Tatum O'Neal reminding us all of her Academy Award nomination and win when she was in the midst of her own crackie throes.
In short, this casts doubt on Charlie's claims about being a winner. If he's willing to immodestly take credit for the Best Picture win, then he's going to try to sell us anything.
I, for one, would love to hear how the emaciated, lined, yellowy, tooth-challenged, wild-eyed fellow who is gurning his way through these interviews could POSSIBLY play a lothario on that show and be worth $3 mil an episode. It's not just about showing up, dude. When you look like the "after" picture from Faces of Meth and have the personality of Eric Cartman, it can be hard to keep a job.
Waaaaaiiit a minute - didn't he offer to pay 1/3 of the workers' pay for the time he was off? Did he cough up (pun intended) or what?? I say put Judd Nelson in the role.
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UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!
-Tourette's Guy
Help Save 26+ Docile Bears Found on B.C. GrowOp
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Help-Save-the-BC-Black-Bears/142183119155489
That's no bi-polar Margot Kidder shit. He's still high. With all those "celestial beings" rantings I'm wondering if he's hooked up with co$cientology - wait, even THEY won't have him? Why, he's worth enough.
============
UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!
-Tourette's Guy
Help Save 26+ Docile Bears Found on B.C. GrowOp
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Help-Save-the-BC-Black-Bears/142183119155489
Did he seriously just work in a pointless slam at Will & Grace while talking about his show? Ass.
I bet his breath kicks.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
LynD
Yeah he looKs TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!
His comments are so offensive it's not entertaining anymore. Next!
Submitted by ravynskye on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 3:47pm.
Wow. Just... WOW.
If he's NOT on crack, then he's got deeper problems than we ever thought of.
I can't figure out if he's cracked out or manic, but either way this man NEEDS HELP.
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Yes. And having a public nervous breakdown due to mental health issues is way more palatable for the general public than crazy crackie shenanigans (Ex: Brit generated considerable public sympathy & eventual forgiveness because she had mental health disorders; Amy Winehouse and her endless pub crawling and drugged out nonsense, not so much.)
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"Tes sourcils sont moches!!"
(Translated:"Your eyebrows are ugly!"~ An emotional John Galliano, upon spying a less than perfect pair of brows in a café.
I gotta wonder when he says he has a 'family to support and love' just which family is he referencing? Porn family or all his kids? Since he didn't mention his kids I'm guessing it was all about his porn princesses. Dick. Not surprised, but still a dick.
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"I still wouldn't..." - Satan
He looks like deep-fried shit, and half the crap he's saying is nonsense. I love when he calls himself "chivalrous." Yeah, you were a real gentleman to your wives and to those porn stars, huh?
LOSER.
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"When people ask me what I am, I just tell them I'm 100% cunt slut." - MK, 2/8/11
I'll bet Martin is thinking back to Apocalypse Now
The Dennis Hopper character:
Why? Why would a nice guy like you want to kill a genius? Feeling pretty good, huh? Why? Do you know that the man really likes you? He likes you. He really likes you. But he's got something in mind for you. Aren't you curious about that? I'm curious. I'm very curious. Are you curious? There's something happening out here, man. You know something, man? I know something you that you don't know. That's right, Jack. The man is clear in his mind, but his soul is mad. Oh, yeah. He's dying, I think. He hates all this. He hates it! But the man's a...He reads poetry out loud, all right. And a voice...he likes you because you're still alive. He's got plans for you. No, I'm not gonna help you. You're gonna help him, man. You're gonna help him. I mean, what are they gonna say when he's gone? 'Cause he dies when it dies, when it dies, he dies! What are they gonna say about him? He was a kind man? He was a wise man? He had plans? He had wisdom? Bullshit, man! And am I gonna be the one that's gonna set them straight? Look at me! Look at me! Wrong! [points to Willard] You!
and
Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean, sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say "Hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say "Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? 'If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you'..." – I mean, I'm no, I can't – I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas – I mean –
No wonder the show did not want to work with him anyone. Bitch is off his rocker.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 2:13pm.
............
you'd be right if he hadn't gone out of his way to put it on blast for all of us to know.
he isn't sitting at home just trying to live his life, he's making this very public.
Wow. Just... WOW.
If he's NOT on crack, then he's got deeper problems than we ever thought of.
I can't figure out if he's cracked out or manic, but either way this man NEEDS HELP.
Michael did you really say "dumpster" cat? Come on. You're from my part of the world. I think you meant to say sewer cat. S-e-w-e-r cat.
That was fucking awesome. No, not really. A few years back a friend of mine had a little "episode" like this. I recall conversations with the guy, showing the same mannerism, speechpatterns, i mean, its him to a T.
Said friend is diagnosed bipolar, traumatic brain-injury and hmmm, also has a serious coke-addiction.
What a fuck-up. Good luck , getting that money, Carlos.....
fuck those goddamn son of a horses i got better things to do like love landwhale and bake some bread and tell some fuckers to fuck off.----charlie m.
Go Chazzer...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
Welcome to Chazzers World...It's all about winning, you losers...
.
"I've got a whole family to support and love"
Say whaaa???
.
Submitted by Kerfuffles on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 2:24pm.
******
that was really stupid.
Charlie obviously hasn't slept for weeks and looks like he hasn't showered in quite some time.
Also, looks like he's missing a tooth.
I think his friends and family are going to let him do these interviews and do whatever he wants until he either breaks downs and asks for help, they get him committed or he dies.
The interviews will be proof when they ask for the 5150 and conservatorship.
I'm sure this must be terribly difficult for them, I feel for them, but it's his only chance.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by Dolly_D on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 1:02pm.
He seemed lucid and coherent in both interviews. He was making eye contact and wasn't having trouble speaking. He may be "clean" but his brain is now fried to a crisp.
That's what it is: prolonged alcohol or drug abuse fries your neural pathways. You see it in former acid heads and paint sniffers. You see it now in Amy Winehouse. They're never whole again.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 2:13pm.
Not for nothing but it's really none of our business how Kelly Osbourne looks. The people who men who want to be with her know EXACTLY what she's like and they CHOOSE to be with her. She's not forcing anyone to do anything. I think she's a lunatic but she sure is one entertaining lunatic.
If I never see Kelly Osborn's fuck face again, it'll still be too soon. Her 'sexy' act now that she lost some weight and dyed her hair is painful.
Not for nothing but it's really none of our business how this man conducts his private life. The people who woman who want to be with him know EXACTLY what he's like and they CHOOSE to be with him. He's not forcing anyone to do anything. I think he's a lunatic but he sure is one entertaining lunatic.
He seems to be really angry about "winning" at life.
It looks like "winning" really sucks.
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“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” - Gandhi
Somebody add the Black Swan red eyes to this shit and call it a day, delusional fuckface.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by OXA on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 1:47pm.
Just on local news, Charlie Sheens long time publicist Stan Rosenfeld has quit.
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Charlie issued a statement to TMZ (where else) calling him a pussy and saying "He can't quit because I FIRED him" or something like that.
Jebus, he's totally delusional. He actually thinks that he has a say in when episodes are shot and if there's changes in the production schedule. Sheen is an actor; his job is to puke back the dialog the scriptwriters have written for him, and make it believeable; nothing more. But, in Sheen's delusion bubble, he's more important than anyone, and so he should be making the production decisions. WRONG. It was the producers decision to halt production, based on his inability to do the job as shown by his unbelieveably unprofessional behavior & bizarre confrontational public statements (note: he should be acting like Jon Cryer or Angus, but he's throwing the equivalent of a coke fuled temper tantrum). And, as he flies off to the bahamas in a plane loaded with booze, drugs & hookers, he's blaming everyone but himself. What a tool.
Charlie, you have serious mental problems, ala shitney spears; get help or you'll be dead very soon...
PS - That's the face of a coke/meth addict; he looks thin, dried up & hagged out. No wonder the show is shot with no closeup shots; he's looking really nasty...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
When Charlie busts out his questions for Chuck Lorre, which he has scribbled down on cards, he sounds just like the classic dishonest, obsessive "I'm the victim here!!" pro se litigant. That jackass can't keep his mouth shut when the judge asks if he has anything more to say (translation: "I've already heard all I need to hear.") An actor who does his own PR has a fool for a client.
Si non est alterum, est matrem-futuens alterum.
Submitted by OXA on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 1:47pm.
Just on local news, Charlie Sheens long time publicist Stan Rosenfeld has quit.
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He wouldn't let Charlie be a winner! He can't handle what winning looks like!! Get on the Charlie Rocket, baby. We're going to the moon!!
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twerk those stumps!
This is sad to me. Charlie sounds just like my sister did before she committed suicide. Knowing how much it affected her three children for all their lives, I'm feeling for Charlie's children.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Just on local news, Charlie Sheens long time publicist Stan Rosenfeld has quit.
That's what I was saying before, you can't tell me his parents, his bosses and the women he married didn't see or know about this side of him, and then for whatever reason, overprotective parents babying him or financial profit for his bosses/wives, enable him to this point and create a complete monster? The man is not playing with a full deck.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 11:30am.
Charlie Sheen really must be a self-loathing piece of shit. On one instance, I feel sorry for him, because he clearly has mental issues, other than crack, though if any drug could bring upon a mental illness, it's sure as fuck would be crack........I know Charlie has to be held accountable, but at the end of the day, truthfully, the shows fail has to be put on whomever is in charge. Not just Charlie.
This man is my hero
I took an interest in Sheen a while back because he reminds me of a very, very mentally ill family member I have and I feel bad for him, despite the fact he's pretty much behaved like a monster towards women. Thing is, the fight to get a mentally ill person to take their meds is pretty close to getting a drug addict to get treatment, looks like there are two battles his family needs to fight.
Still I think his parents obviously created this monster by always bailing him out and creating his complete lack of responsibility. Aside from that though, I've frequently witnessed ridiculous arrogance and narcissism in my mentally ill family member, as well as others, it's kinda the nature of some mental illness.
YES it's up!
http://www.tmz.com/person/charlie-sheen/
Oh MY greatness! The TMZ guy is kissing his shriveled up ass.
He reminds me of Jeff Goldblum when he was freaking out in the remake of "The Fly."
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.