Drunk Twatting The Oscars!
That Oscar statue is not doing a good job of hiding the intense jealousy and contempt he feels towards Valentino. Oscar spends several painful minutes getting dipped in piping hot liquid gold and Valentino's pores just naturally secrete precious metals on their own. Stay jealous, OSCAR! So, it is that time of year when we all spend the next 3 hours (give or take, 100 hours) watching beaded and diamond-encrusted hos read from a teleprompter and thank whoever for making this LIFE CHANGING MOMENT happen...blah..blah.
You know, next year, they should all get in their fancy clothes, sit in their fancy seats and then watch a giant screen in front of them that shows us getting WASTED while watching them. We'd all have a better time, I'm sure. Speaking of slurring like the king before Best Actor is announced, I was going to come up with a drinking game for tonight but let's be real... The true drinking game is boozing until your liquor cabinet yells CUT or until the bartender puts a cup of Sanka in front of you.
For the next 56 million hours, I'll be live Twatting this bitch. You can follow me over there or on the little widget thing below. Or you can do neither and go to the nearest Dunkin' Donuts to watch the homeless drunks fall asleep in their booths (take me with you). If you do the latter, make sure you kick at me at the end of the night to make sure I haven't overdosed on Natalie Portman's laugh or James Franco's artistry.
If I survive tonight, there will be a complete rundown tomorrow. We're off!
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To those of you who missed the Oscar broadcast last night, and plan on catching the "highlights" today, don't bother. There were none.
What in the hell is your deal with me today??
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 9:22am.
There is no way Anne Hathaway got that obscenely thin without starving herself. Bravo, girl.
The secret to her thinness: it's called cocaine....and BRAVO to starving yourself? Yeah, YOU GO GIRL!!!
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
I haven't seen and won't see The Fighter, but, in the segment last night, M. Leo had a horrid Boston accent. It was like a parody of a Boston accent as done on SNL. Half of my family is from Boston and I went to school there, and her accent didn't sound right at all.
the p.s. 22 kids were cute but why close the show? don't the oscar producers know that it would be past 11:30pm in nyc by that time? too bad most of their friends couldn't stay up to watch it.
There is no way Anne Hathaway got that obscenely thin without starving herself. Bravo, girl.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I bailed out of the Oscar's 10 minutes in the show. IT WAS SO FUCKING BORING. Reading up on this morning I didn't miss much.
Slept like a baby after staying up for the entire shitfest. It's a good thing it's on my DVR, I can wave goodbye to Tylenol PM now. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
I love me some Anne Hathaway but she's neither polished or seasoned enough to pull off hosting the damn Oscars. They couldn't have tested her out at, say, the Nickelodeon awards or something? I did laugh out loud when she spoke too fast, biffed her lines and then said, "Flub, drink at home". Not really appropriate for the occasion, though.
There were WAY too many cringe-worthy moments. They MUST stop the Best Actor/Actress presenters from addressing the nominees specifically. I can't even. It seems like Hollywood is being infused with the notion that anybody who's a celebrity is worthy of an invite and there has been some serious downgrading in the quality and class of the nominees and presenters.
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
Jennifer Lawrence acted circles around Portman. Portman won because she is knocked up.
The King's Speech was "boring?" Did we watch the same film? It was an extremely moving film, and it deserved every bit of the attention it got. Plus, I love Colin Firth, and seeing him win was a big bonus.
Damn, you hos were busy last night!! I missed the Oscars, getting it on with the better half beat this hot mess, but it looks like i have to try to catch the highlights of this fuckery today....
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fuck those goddamn son of a horses i got better things to do like love landwhale and bake some bread and tell some fuckers to fuck off.----charlie m.
Haven't seen the Oscars yet and going to later tonight with finger firmly on the fast forward, ha ha, BUT it is all over the news because Denmark won for best foreign film. It's funny because in danish, the title is Revenge but in english they changed it to In a Better World. I kinda see the logic but why not just call it Revenge because that's what it's supposedly about. LOL, haven't seen it but I have a copy now. Ten danish crowns says it will suck big danish meatballs. :D
Submitted by Noir Easter on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 6:57am.
The Oscars were aimed at my shitpatriots...idk anyone who watched but after seeing Kirks awkward w.e it was on gawker, I just felt really sad for him.
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What's up, douchebag?
Submitted by Banayna on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 2:33am.
What a shitfest. I hate Christian Bale and Melissa Leo, and The Kings Speech was boring as hell. Hailey Steinfeld should have won for True Grit, and it should have won best picture.
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AMEN!
I hardly saw any of this, but Franco was pretty amusing (tho' he did seem "over it"), as was Kirk Douglas. I'm happy for Natalie's win and "The Social Network"'s loss. LOL Now, I'm off to read all of MK's tweets and everybody's comments!
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"When people ask me what I am, I just tell them I'm 100% cunt slut." - MK, 2/8/11
Seeing Kirk Douglas was difficult.
His condition is a harsh reality and I don't think he should be shunted away because of it.
But I do wish they'd quit with thinking it's funny or cute to have extremely elderly people acting like they are "on the make".
-that shit is sad and stomach churning, not to mention awkward for the target (young man or woman).
Halle Berry was blinking rapidly because she's a pathological liar.
She had an agenda to push even though she didn't believe her in own agenda, hence the "must convince" blinks.
He looks like an Orange Ventriloquist doll...I might get nightmares...
Oops I passed out in the middle of a convo with you guys, SORRRRRRRRRRRY. I was sleepy.
Anyway, poor tape! Im glad I didn't buy that on VHS lol my tv wouldve exploded. Hooray for Floppy Penis!! I wonder if it hurts mens balls the same as a chicks boobs when shes running?
Genuine Question!!
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What's up, douchebag?
Who let Kirk Douglas out of his senior daycare? He was frightening! His face! OMG! He practically assualted Melissa Leo with his old man breath....he went in for 2 or 3 kisses...awful! He made the women wait while he "thought" he as funny...delaying saying who won. He talks like Dick Clark....did he have a stroke?
The King's Speech was horribly boring. Don't know why it won? I was hoping for Black Swan. I'm just happy that MK answered my tweet during the Twat Fest of the Oscars.
@ centaurious
Natalie Portman did the dancing.
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Vous savez, moi je ne crois pas qu'il y ait de bonne ou de mauvaise situation.
OnT: I didn't even know The Oscars was on tonight. Oh well, not much of a movie junkie anyway. Movies are entertaining, to an extent but not enough for me to sit through the Oscars and watch a bunch of uninteresting actors win uninteresting awards for uninteresting movies.
I don't really fancy anything deemed "Oscar-worthy". I watch for entertainment value over technicalities...to an extent, as long as the acting isn't TOO painful to watch.
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"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
What a shitfest. I hate Christian Bale and Melissa Leo, and The Kings Speech was boring as hell. Hailey Steinfeld should have won for True Grit, and it should have won best picture. The only thing that was mildly deserving was Portman. Hathaway/Franco=worst hosts ever.
Centy - *edited b/c I thought I had read that you HAD read the book* Also, I recall that Bale said he was having a hard time "being" Bateman, but then after trying to channel Tom Cruise with his vacant stare, he was able to play Bateman.
Koko - I TOTALLY forgot Reese was in it. "What are you getting me for xmas this year? And DON'T say breast implants..."
LMAO!
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
Glad to see I'm not the only one who's sick of all this Natalie Portman hype; not thrilled she won but knew it was coming.
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Awww I missed it! What a shitty Sunday it had been my younger brother gets into an accident, hubby and I spent about 400 dollars from our savings to fix the damn leak in the bathroom, and I forgot about this :( shitty effin Sunday also Natalie Porkman go choke on a twig
What the fuck kind of boring ass vapid pretentious shit was that? And I'm a movie acting attention whore person!
And I don't think Franco was stoned because he knew he wasn't going to win. He was just doing the "too cool for school" to impress all his comedy buddies. Cus he knows hosting with Hathaway, the "good girl" in school is embarrassing as hell, no matter the show. But now he's set to act for life. And Hathaway is a good actress, but was awful as a host, and she canNOT for the life of her stand up straight. Her arms make her look like a damn band nerd.
And Jeremy Renner=NOM. I love me some rugged cowboy-ness!
GOD BLESS THE TESTICLE-STUMP-PITTS!
-Submitted by agirl on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 12:40pm.
Seeing that American Psycho is being discussed...I liked that movie and saw it when it came out in the theatre...still the only Christian Bale role I like. I feel like he is playing himself or he did a damn good job of beong a selfish sociopath yuppie prick. I also liked Reese Witherspoon in the movie as she usually plays it safe or goes for rom-coms (or 'Oscar' winning roles). The more I heard the Christian Bale leaked rampage (OOHHHH GOOOOD FOR YOUUUU) the more I think he was destined to play the mysogynistic prick Patrick Bateman. And yes it all boils down to Bret Easton Ellis as Patrick Bateman as a coked out so called genius author which points to koko shutting up and going to bed.
I didn't even know it was based on a book. There might've been a habitrail scene, but I wasn't really watching some of the movie, I gotta admit.
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"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
What the fuck man. Just what. the. fuck. True Grit didn't win a fucking thing?
Oh, I forgot about the Ambien at the beginning, good call, lol!
Did anyone read Bret Easton Ellis's book American Psycho?
If so, did the Habitrail scene make it into the movie?
*shudders*
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Mmmm Baaaale dreams - chainsaw with his real accent make for yums.
Gute Nacht
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 1:05am.
Oh, that part made me giggle. Such ego, what a ham!
And then, goes without saying, the chainsaw scene.
I don't really dig Genesis, but I'll admit that scene made me feel a little bit *ahem* "excited". Not with Christian Bale, though, but I wouldn't mind acting that scene out with a guy. I digress.
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"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
Khensu - what did you think of him fucking the hooker and posing in the mirror at the same time? THAT'S one of my favorite parts!
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
I watched American Psycho last night.
Man, was Christian Bale a dick in that movie. He really did make me want to punch him a couple of times, but I also chuckled in many parts. It was overall pretty entertaining and he's rather convincing.
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"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
my son asked (about halle berry) what's wrong with her eyes? she was blinking a million times.
by the way, centaurious, they did have product placement for ambien--in the clip at the beginning with alec baldwin.
Genny - Oh yes! I had American Psycho on VHS and used my pause button, and when I upgraded and got the one VCR that does BACKWARD slow motion, I think I stretched the tape out, b/c after a while, the movie would get all scratchy and the "tracking" warning would come on the screen during the "Imma chasin' ya nekkid" scene - his floppy flaccid flippidy was one of the first peens I had ever seen. *goofy smiley sigh*
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
Didn't Jessica Lange have Mikael Baryshnikov's love child and then he left her for a ballet dancer?
I predict a curtain call.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
SugarFree, IDK how many times Ive replayed the chainsaw scene. That was the male equivalent to a stripper in heels....
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What's up, douchebag?
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 12:40am.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 12:23am.
That's actually not true about Natalie P. Almost all the dancing in the movie is actually her. Apparently the only time a dancer double was used was on the harder en pointe turning sequences.
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Well, I stand corrected then, and she deserved it.
Swan Lake is my favorite ballet, and while I thought the film was a little too "Hostel," it made some good, ahem, pointes!
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 12:39am.
I think Anne gave it the old college try, but Franco phoned it in stoned out of his mind because he knew that Colin Firth would win.
Big ego = Sore loser.
Too funny, and totally believe it
They should have bombshit mcgee do the dancing for her. She's DIVINE!
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
Love Bale too. He was my first boy crush when I was 8 (you know that stage when boys go from icky to hot) and Little Women came out. It wavered when he went on his diva rampage but if there's one person that deserved that Oscar it's him. The man is a genius.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 12:23am.
That's actually not true about Natalie P. Almost all the dancing in the movie is actually her. Apparently the only time a dancer double was used was on the harder en pointe turning sequences.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
I think Anne gave it the old college try, but Franco phoned it in stoned out of his mind because he knew that Colin Firth would win.
Big ego = Sore loser.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 02/28/2011 - 12:21am
She played some mad Catholic guilt in The Fighter and was a total cunt (loving her crackhead son more than Marky Mark), but she was good and deserved the Oscar.
The best part of the night was when this shit was OVAH!
Genny, yes - he conjures the pudding within me, also. I get why people hate him, but he's the reason I had to sit on a towel watching American Psycho.
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
I ooze jizz out of every pore for Bale.
Mmmm Good.
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What's up, douchebag?
Just watching the E! Afterparty - they interviewed Billy Crystal who said Franco was odd and quirky then raved on endlessly about Ann.
Went on to talk about her as if she were the only one hosting.HAHAHAHA
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"I still wouldn't..." - Satan