Jesus Becks Pays Tribute To His Beauty....And His Sons
The precious fresco painted on the ceiling above Becks' solid gold tub that he coos at whenever exfoliating his nipples with fresh salt (Note: Posh makes it herself by chipping at a salt lick in the garden with her clavicle bone) has now been immortalized on his flesh! Proving STILL that there ain't no chav like him, Becks debuted his 19th tattoo masterpiece on his Facebook page. The tattoo took 2 sittings and 12 hours to do. To put things into perspective, that's about how long it takes Posh to push out a pee whenever she licks an ice cube too many times.
The tattoo portrays David as the SON OF GOD and his three sons, Brooklyn, Romeo, and Cruz as baby cherubs pulling at his hair and massaging his shoulders, or some shit. This is pretty much how they spend every Sunday afternoon, I'm sure. This is what Becks had to say about this mess:
"Obviously the cherubs are boys so my thought behind it is that at some point my boys are going to need to look after me and that's what they're doing in the picture. Everything has a meaning.. It's just sometimes I wake up and I think, you know, I've got an idea of an image I would like on me. Some people love tattoos, some people don't. It's just something that I have always found can kind of express how I'm feeling, or the thoughts that I have or memories. Most of my tattoos are memories and things that mean things to me. There's not one tattoo that I've got on me that doesn't mean something."
Here's hoping that once the next child of Posh & Becks is born, he will add he or she to the family portrait on his pec. I'm thinking that he can tattoo the fourth baby cherub sucking on his nipple or playing kick ball with it. As for Posh, there's only room for one massive ego on his titty.
• 
This is just fucking weird.
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I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
Kanye's probably thinking of designs to outdo this as we speak.
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
Becks is totally just like Jesus! Jesus was a very famous and rich soccer player! Uh...wait, no, that's not right.
Seriously though-I could go on a rant about the pathetically overblown egos of celebs who see themselves as religious figures when all they do is read lines or kick around soccer balls, but eh, David Beckham is so freaking stupid I guess I can't be offended by what he does. I do wonder why you'd get a tattoo of your kids when your wife is pregnant. Why not wait another few months so the baby can be in the tattoo as well?
Phew, a powerful aroma of Inappropriate.
Submitted by Pinkismyblack on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 9:30pm.
Well quicksilver, I mean Mr Mercury, since you have one of the most cliched type of tattoos, I'm sure you count yourself in amongst the "illustrated people" who will (another cliche-) wake up one day (when they are old and will give a shit even less than now) and regret their work., right?
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Oh please...this from pinkismyblack. I bet you say things like "Opacity is the new transparency" or "little is the new big". Watch throwing the cliche shit thing around hunny, you waft it yourself.
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
Thx, guys, for the welcomes! Another baffling twist.... Isn't he a Scieno?
Whatever it is, I'm pretty blase' about Becks anyway. I'm more of a Cristiano Ronaldo kinda gal. (I know, I know.)
What a retarded self centered idiot.
Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"
Submitted by Detective_LaToya on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 11:25pm.
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YES! This is why I love dlisted. Thanks Det. L!
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
Team cheap Kraut!!
*goose-steps through thread*
Lighten up , people. Every Nation has their own little stereotype acc. to others, i think we are smart enough to know they don`t apply.
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fuck those goddamn son of a horses i got better things to do like love landwhale and bake some bread and tell some fuckers to fuck off.----charlie m.
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sun, 02/27/2011 - 2:12am.
Submitted by Spoiled on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 7:33pm
Maybe a little tweek with the teeth (although for a Brit he had good knashers),
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Knashers?? Don't want to be the offended Brit here but you guys still use that lame insult? Seriously... what's next? The french smell of garlic? The Germans are efficient?
Becks will looks sexy when he is 60 and his tattood nipples (showing the face of Posh and him) will hang next to his knees..... :(
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Why would the French smell of garlic? I thought that belonged to Italians? I thought the typical lame insult to the French is that they had B.O? Being German, the usual insult to us is that we are cheap, oh, and Nazi's.
Anyway, there are thousands of Americans who have nasty teeth, so I wouldn't take the insult too personally.
jt
seriously, I still can't figure out who's wackier in that family, Posh's rib cage/perpetually-tortured-instep or Beck's vainglorious-ness.
tough call -
GlitterKitty,
The comments about his teef are not mine, I just posted a link with photos (see 7:33pm). Had to defend myself, being an efficient German Kraut and all.
Is it just me or has anyone been waiting to see what those kids of his will look like all grown up, hotter than dad? Will Becks be a sad old man trying to re-live his 'glory days'? These are the hard hitting questions I need answers to
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What's up, douchebag?
Minnie Mouse really is all futbol and no brain. If I were one of his sons, I'd be all "HELL TO THE NO, DAD!" I guess they're still at the age where they think Daddy Becks can do no wrong. That'll change, trust, and that tattoo will bite him in the ass.
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"Wipe that face off your head, bitch!"
That looks eerily like some sort of pedophile stuff to me. I get the idea, but belongs here: http://cityrag.com/2011/02/20-wtf-tattoos/wtf-tattoos-1/
What a tacky ass homo-paedo-necrophiliac mess.
It'd be better if Jesus wore Armani briefs.
LOL @ "Everything has a meaning..". This from a man so shallow that he makes every other professional soccer player seem like Einstein.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by Spoiled on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 7:33pm
Maybe a little tweek with the teeth (although for a Brit he had good knashers),
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Knashers?? Don't want to be the offended Brit here but you guys still use that lame insult? Seriously... what's next? The french smell of garlic? The Germans are efficient?
Becks will looks sexy when he is 60 and his tattood nipples (showing the face of Posh and him) will hang next to his knees..... :(
Just when I start to think that celebrities couldn't possibly be more detached from reality...I see shit like this. Proven wrong by a high-functioning falsetto moron married to a piece of string cheese. I am fail.
That looks like one of those sloppy foggy kat von douche messes
As MK sez, chav.
He and Katie Price are king and queen of 'em.
That is all.
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"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08
Submitted by DDT on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 8:27pm.
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Welcome! I KNOW I've seen that pic before, perhaps in a children's bible story book. There are so many differenyt kinds of people on "the D" that I thought for sure an art historian would have given us the story by now.
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Art geek here. The deposition of Christ's body after the crucifixion is a pretty common theme in art. Sometimes angels are involved, often Mary is --- along with a variety of groups of people who were significant in Jesus' life. Some of the more famous works you might be remembering are Rogier van der Weyden's The Descent from the Cross oil and Michelangelo's Pieta sculpture.
This particular work Becks used isn't something well known. IMHO it looks a lot like the style of anonymous French etchings I've seen that were done in the late 1800s to early 1900s.
Personally I'm shocked that he didn't include Icky Vickie as a Madonna figure in this tat.
Tats or no tats, I don't care how hot his body is --- the second he opened his mouth and let out that Mickey Mouse voice it would be all over for me. I'm shallow that way.
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"You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!"
Well unless David is a Catholic, I don't see why he keeps getting Jesus tats. Michelangelo, Bernini, Grünewald, etc, these are men who felt a connection to religion (hence the depiction of god, saints, etc.). I've never heard Beckham mention religion EVER, yet he seems to have religious images tattooed on his body? That's probably why he gets made fun of. It's one thing to draw a picture of a man being "cared for" *eye role*, it's another to have religious iconography, yet have no relationship with religion.
Beckham is a great big asshole, but he is so freaking handsome. Do they always go hand in hand, asshole and handsome?
Hi DDT :)
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Submitted by Centaurious: I do feel sorry for guys who are small. I mean, a girl can be flat-chested, but as long as her cooch is in good working order, she's good to go.
Becks and Posh bombed big time in the states. I almost feel sorry for the chumps who invested so much in him. I'm sure he's a joke across the pond now too.
Becks does not have enough tattoos! He needs to be fully covered with the ink! Let no square inch of skin be bare of ink! Cover the fool! I want him in every shade of color known to man and cover every inch of his body! Put a tattoo on his taint ... if there is not one there yet! That nut sack should be doused in color! He's a fucking idiot so it does not matter what happens.
If the baby in utero isn't a girl, what are they going to do with it.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
I can't believe Becks doesn't shave under his arms.
Well quicksilver, I mean Mr Mercury, since you have one of the most cliched type of tattoos, I'm sure you count yourself in amongst the "illustrated people" who will (another cliche-) wake up one day (when they are old and will give a shit even less than now) and regret their work., right?
NMP (needs more peen).
I hate when people try to justify tattoos with bullshit meaning. Why does it have to have meaning? I don't judge other people's ink because who gives a fuck what people do their body. Maybe someone wants to look down and smile (hence joke tattoos, etc.), so what?
But back to Becks, that tattoo is homoerotic hot and his thinly veiled cover-up story makes shake my damn head.
Wow, that tattoo is arrogant. Himself as Jesus? And where's the cross, or is Jesus just randomly hanging around with no clothes on while angels massage his shoulders?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Wow, that tattoo is arrogant. Himself as Jesus? And where's the cross, or is Jesus just randomly hanging around with no clothes on while angels massage his shoulders?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Gross. That's all I have.
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I get all my news from DListed
"…at some point my boys are going to need to look after me…"
What bullshit. Everybody knows it's the DAUGHTER who gets stuck with that crap. Those boys will be off boozing and chasing whores while little Wintoura Diva Marie empties Beckham's bedpan.
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I've got maple syrup on my table so I'm good.
All the money in the world and no taste.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Submitted by DDT on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 8:27pm.
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Welcome! I KNOW I've seen that pic before, perhaps in a children's bible story book. There are so many differenyt kinds of people on "the D" that I thought for sure an art historian would have given us the story by now.
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
Once, tattoos were outlaw. Only sailors, drunks, and leathermen had them. Now, your next-door neighbor who drives a soccer mom SUV has a tramp stamp. Illustrated people will wake up one day to realize the ink they spent all that money for has spread under the epidermis and they now look like massive walking bruises.
On that note, however, Mr. Mercury has one small tattoo at the base of his neck. The Chinese symbol for quicksilver, which loosely translated means "active water". Can you find me, you Dlisters?
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
Submitted by mharker on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 8:24pm.
Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 8:06pm.
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Yeah, but I think some tattoos have more meaning than others. My best friend and I have matching tattoo of a flower traditionally used to treat depression and we've seen each other through some hard times.
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I don't have tattoos, but I think that's cool. Is it St. John's Wort? (Which is prettier than it sounds. ;)
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
Longtime lurker, first-time poster. You guys all rock in your own way, MK of course is the sh**, and it's great to be here at last.
Anyhow... Even if you're not into tattoos, you have to admit that it's a beautiful work in terms of the design, the level of detail, the shadowing, etc... Truly, kudos to the tattoo artist who painstakingly worked on this.
The pic itself is somewhat a head-scratcher. It's like the Pieta meets Passion of the Christ meets Michael Jackson meets an International Male catalog. I THINK he's trying to depict the idea of his children being there for him, like 'little angels,' carrying him through in times of suffering and need. I don't see any blatant or implied hanky-panky myself. But it's so OTT, it's hard to tell for sure...
All I know is I can hear the voice of my older relatives saying things like... "In 30 years, when he's old & wrinkly, it's going to look like a big black & blue mark!!!"
BTW, WFT is that thing in FRONT of Jesus/David/whoever? An ancient flat-screen TV? Is he watching a recap of a really bad play that he made? So many questions.
Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 8:06pm.
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Yeah, but I think some tattoos have more meaning than others. My best friend and I have matching tattoo of a flower traditionally used to treat depression and we've seen each other through some hard times. I don't have a tattoo of a celebrity or a band's logo. And I think most people who see my tattoo without knowing its meaning would at least not judge me as harshly as someone who has something like those.
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Silly rabbit.
Tack-O-Rama! Notice that the mother of his children is not in the picture. If I were Posh, I'd be pissed.
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"When people ask me what I am, I just tell them I'm 100% cunt slut." - MK, 2/8/11
Becks should consider himself very lucky indeed to be a good looking, talented, (or at some time WAS), footballer; because evidently, he is stupid as fuck.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Posh needs to stage an intervention.
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Shiitake happens...
I tire of people who say, "All of my tattoos have meaning." as if judgmental people are going to say, "Oh okay, well in the case, I won't judge you." They're going to judge you regardless of the reasoning or circumstances behind your tattoo, so don't bother.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
What happened to his body? He's got old man chest. And here I was thinking professional athletes had to spend hours training. If I didn't know who he was, I wouldn't have guessed he was an athlete. His body is not hot anymore (and it's not just the tattoos).
DO I SEE PUBES SHADOW??! SO WRONG.
Submitted by Spoiled on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 7:33pm
Maybe a little tweek with the teeth (although for a Brit he had good knashers), but he still looks the same. The top nose and the bottom 2007 are exactly the same. He's always been good looking, but he did peak from 2003-2008.
You'd have to be some kind of retarded to sit in a chair doing nothing for that long, just so someone can draw on you. I'd go nucking futs.
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Own it or shut the fuck up. ~ MK