A Pizza A Day....
You know that Hot Slut from this morning who walks 3 miles every day for a complimentary (just for her) cheeseburger from McDonald's? Well, it's a real shame she lives all the way in New Zealand, because she really needs to hook up with this 82-year-old lady who eats a whole large pizza every day. Together they'd party like frat boys with bowels of fucking steel. Although, Lady Domino's story isn't as feel goody Catherine's.
Every single day, the 83-year-old Memphis woman calls in to Domino's as soon as they open and orders a large pepperoni pizza with 2 Diet Cokes. The same shit, different day. She never throws in a side salad (which is basically just old lettuce and a tomato they picked out of the dumpster from the Sizzler down the street) or brownies. Well, one day went by without a call from her. The same thing happened the next day. Finally, on the third day, her regular delivery lady Susan Guy realized that something in the milk ain't clean.
Susan drove to the pizza addict's house, knocked on her windows and eventually called the police when nobody came to the door. It turns out, the woman fell down and couldn't get up! Where was Life Alert when she needed them most! The woman is now in the hospital and Susan is planning to visit her soon with a fresh pizza.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Miss Cleo in me can read all your minds. You're thinking that the woman probably fell because she slipped on the pizza grease that secretes out of her foot pores. NO! Okay, maybe, but what else is she supposed to eat? I've never seen vegetable delivery services or healthy meals pulled out of Gwyneth Paltrow's ass delivery services in the yellow pages, so pizza it is! Besides, she's made it to 82 so she's obviously doing something right. A pizza with a side of NOT GIVING A FUCK a day keeps the doctor away (not including those days that you accidentally fall).
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A feel good story for certain. And yes, she’s got it right so far, certainly a ripe old age. Finally, it’s pizza that saves the day, well at least this once.
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I have a similar story. I work at a Nursery School, and the infant room is in a separate building connected to an apartment. An old woman lives in the apartment, (she has to be in her 80's) and every day she takes a cab down to one of the local bars for a few hours. One day the bar called my boss (because she also owns the apartment) to tell her that they hadn't seen the woman in 2 days and she wasn't answering her phone so they were concerned.
My boss and another employee went over to the apartment to check on the woman and got no answer. They didn't have the key, so they kicked in the door (I kid you not lol) and found the woman on the floor in the bathroom. She had fallen 2 days earlier and couldn't get up. I guess she has been calling out, but between the noise from the children, and the fact that she doesn't have a loud voice, no one heard her. Thank goodness for her daily bar trips, or who knows what may have happened...
Hells yeah, mah city, bitches!
http://girlunemployed.blogspot.com
Sizzler may be gone, the jokes nevr die. Love you MK
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula
We ordered Pizza Hut a few weeks ago and no shit- those dumb motherfuckers couldn't even get the concept of HALF a pizza right. I ordered sausage on one half, veggie loaded on the other. They missed the half by two pieces. AND there were less than 10 bits of each veggie on the less-than half. Never again.
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Jesus Christ Almight...you ordered pizza a couple of weeks ago and you are STILL OBSESSING because two pieces too many had sausage on them? What the fuck kind of sick maniac are you? Shoot your Congresswoman lately?
Submitted by azgirl
How sad that it was the pizza people that checked on her and not her own family.
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Maybe she should share her fucking pizza.
this story is so heart-warming, I have a soft spot for nannas,
This could only happen in the Deep South. Older people without family close by belong to the community, and eccentricity is tolerated.
As Florence King said,a little old lady in the South is like a sacred cow in India, and goes wherever the hell she wants.
I can totally relate. I don't know how many times I've been saved by a pizza.
How sad that it was the pizza people that checked on her and not her own family.
Pizza every day!?!??!
I saw her being wheeled into the ambulance on the news this morning. She looked crazy and her long white hair was a gigantic mess (granted she couldn't tend to it for three days) but she looked fairly thin. Her eyes screamed crazy even from the far away camera view.
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 8:46am.
Lucky ho and her turbocharged metabolism :( I love pizza and I wish I could eat one every single day. If I had to go with a chain restaurant, I'd go with California Pizza Kitchen hands down, but every New Yorker knows that Grimaldi's in Brooklyn is the best in the business. *drools*
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I haven't been a New Yorker for almost 30 years, but I am partial to Godfather's Pizza and Ray's. I am one of those that likes oily brick pizza- when you pick it up and it cracks, then the oil runs out. Well, when I was a kid, they said you can't do that at Ray's , you will need a fork. So I tried to pick up the slice and the pizza collapsed because there was so much cheese. Got a fork after that.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 8:16am.
Ophelia: stuffed w/used Depends and maxipads
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LOL *barfs* Well we know she didn't lose her false teef since she pigs on pizza every day. Not like that woman that needed a team of shovellers to find hers. Oh man that was vomitrocious.
Submitted by mike on Tue, 02/22/2011 - 9:02pm.
My Great-Aunt Mittie had a martini every afternoon at five right up till the day she died. She lived to be 93.
haha. My granny's beverage of choice was a scotch on the rocks. She made it to the ripe old age of 92, bless her heart.
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
We ordered Pizza Hut a few weeks ago and no shit- those dumb motherfuckers couldn't even get the concept of HALF a pizza right. I ordered sausage on one half, veggie loaded on the other. They missed the half by two pieces. AND there were less than 10 bits of each veggie on the less-than half. Never again.
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Oh and fuckay vous. - Ophelias evil twin
Lucky ho and her turbocharged metabolism :( I love pizza and I wish I could eat one every single day. If I had to go with a chain restaurant, I'd go with California Pizza Kitchen hands down, but every New Yorker knows that Grimaldi's in Brooklyn is the best in the business. *drools*
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
Lol Ulvy
TEAM DIET PEPSI
we got Pizza Hut for the first time in years the other day and it was SLAMMIN
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"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11
Dominos has totally stepped up their pizza game.
And Team Diet Coke just for the taste. Regular Coke tastes like DIABEETUS.
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Oh and fuckay vous. - Ophelias evil twin
Submitted by Snarkley: "For those that can get it, Papa John's has got the other big two beat all to pieces."
We befriended this family in our building who had moved here from Italy. They invited us for dinner one nightand the husband told us we were having pizza for dinner. I was all excited because the wife was a fabulous cook.
He gets on the phone and orders Papa John's!!!
These authentic Eye-talians were so jazzed about this takeout pizza. And we live in NYC. It's not like there's a shortage of awesome pizza even if you do decide to get delivery.
(It was pretty good, too. We were just expecting something else.)
Ophelia: stuffed w/used Depends and maxipads
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"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11
My Dominos delivery people could give a fuck about me.
As far as pizza being not good for you every day, why wouldn't it be? Better than a pack of smokes a day or a bunch of booze.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 7:53am.
I smell a Hoarders situation!
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I suspected that too! We'll prolly find out later that there's a maze of Domino pizza boxes up to the ceiling.
I smell a Hoarders situation!
But I always say if I could only eat 1 thing for the eat of my life it would be PIZZA
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"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11
82 years old? she can eat whatever the hell she wants...i wish i could get away with eating pizza every day...
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i've got the brains, you've got the looks...let's make lots of money...
LMAO @ falmouth
maybe if she walked (like catherine) to get her pizza everyday she wouldn't have fallen in the first place!
(i'm a physical therapist so it's my job to preach)
For those that can get it, Papa John's has got the other big two beat all to pieces.
If I live to 82, I'm gonna eat whatever the hell I want. I'm glad a simple routine saved this woman's life.
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It's not that serious.
Further proof of the life extending properties of fast food: Britney made it to 30 already and she has never tasted anything green in her life.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by dlaugher on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 12:53am.
well, according to some web site, dominos ... remember how they used to taste like cardboard? d
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Yes!
They're so soooo much better now that they put garlic or whatever into the crust. Even if it's the dust of ant anus, it's succulent.
Before that, they were the most basic thing going =bland/blah and only, ONLY, if there was nothing else.
But, now, they're kicking a little ass, tweaking their shit near-gourmet (at least comparatively).
They still need to come up with an honest buffalo chicken and bleu cheese pizza. Everyone does.
But, yeah, before recently, Domino's was dumpy.
well, according to some web site, dominos is not as high calorie per pice as it tastes. they really did make them taste better. remember how they used to taste like cardboard? d
Submitted by CeeCee on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 12:17am.
I like Pepsi or Coke from the fountain only, but I'll still pass it up for Diet. Regular's too syrupy and it gives me a bad aftertaste.
†
"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Tue, 02/22/2011 - 11:57pm.
I have a diet Coke with my pizza. I prefer the taste over regular.
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Thank you! Someone agrees with me. Regular Coke and Pepsi taste like shit!
She probably had a mentos afterward and the gas threw her off balance
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What's up, douchebag?
I have a diet Coke with my pizza. I prefer the taste over regular.
†
"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
Where I live the only thing you can have delivered is pizza. There's two Chinese places and a sushi place that deliver but one is meh (too much oyster sauce in their fried rice), the other gets all touchy with the delivery boundries, it's okay one delivery, but get someone else and they're like 1 1/2 miles is too far and the sushi place has a minimum delivery. Why don't more places deliver? I mean fuck some of us are too lazy to leave our houses. It's times like that I wish I lived in NYC, so I totally understand why this lady gets pizza everyday. No doubt she doesn't have grocery delivery in her area either.
Domino's though? Ugh.
Awww, that fills my heart with warm cheese grease. :)
DAMNIT KFC TOMORROW UGH!@1
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
of course she orders DIET cokes w/ her pizzas!
well, she old (i.e., frailty, falling)
had a no-fuss eating routine that worked for her
maybe she even set up the routine so it could help her in a crisis, if so, smart gal
glad it all worked out
She couldn't just roll to the door then down the front steps?
* * * * *
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
there are CSA programs all over the country. SUPPORT LOCAL! i work at a california farm that does home delivery.. www.farmfreshtoyou.com great prices! i still packed half a pizza pie down my gullet this evening. it's about loving everything you eat at all times!
We have vegetable delivery services in California, fresh from the farm. But the founder of Power Bars keeled over with a heart attack at 51, so maybe pizza is the secret to long life.
My grandmother has been eating tons of burger king, chocolate and sweets from any Italian bakery she's near practically all her life and she just had her 90th birthday.
"The legendary Antoine Dodson took to the stage looking like if Mushu from Mulan joined a TLC cover group as Chilli"-MK
We have vegetable delivery services in California, fresh from the farm. But the founder of Power Bars keeled over with a heart attack at 51, so maybe pizza is the secret to long life.
You know that Hot Slut from this morning who walks 3 miles every day for a complimentary (just for her) cheeseburger from McDonald's? Well, it's a real shame she lives all the way in New Zealand, because she really needs to hook up with this 82-year-old lady who eats a whole large pizza every day. Together they'd party like frat boys with bowels of fucking steel. Although, Lady Domino's story isn't as feel goody Catherine's.
Every single day, the 83-year-old Memphis woman[...]
MK, is she 82 or 83? You're confuzzilatin' me!
Submitted by whole lotto luv on Tue, 02/22/2011 - 8:12pm.
Thursday - Taco Bell that big stop-sign-shaped thing
Oh man, those are GOOD!
Submitted by Ms.Seven on Tue, 02/22/2011 - 9:57pm.
Shit, My Aunt Dot lived to be 97 and she was a KFC fiend. She'd shank a hoe for a potpie or a extra crispy bucket.
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Seven,
I'll shank a kitten for three piece dark original recipe w/ one biscuit and one cob. I fking crave that shit once a week. How many times I been on the DL right after a wine and KFC run? LOL. Your aunt and I should get together lol.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan