As If Anybody Else Could Be Prince William's Best Man
On the balcony of Buckingham Palace this morning, a herald screamed out "HEAR YE! HEAR YE!" before proclaiming that Prince William has chosen his brother Prince Hot Ginge as his best man and Kate Middleton has chosen her sister Pippa as her maid of honor. Prince William would've been launched into the moat if he didn't go with Prince Hot Ginge, but I'm a little disappointed that Kate Middleton didn't ask England's finest rose Jodie Marsh to be her maid of honor. The royal wedding has now slid back a few places on the elegance scale due to Kate's mistake.
The BBC says it was also announced that Kate will have four bridesmaids (more like bridestoddlers) including 7-year-old Lady Louise Windsor, 8-year-old Margarita Armstrong-Jones, 3-year-old Grace van Cutsem and the Duchess of Cornbread's 3-year-old granddaughter Eliza Lopes. Prince William's pageboys will be 8-year-old Tom Pettifer and 10-year-old William Lowther-Pinkerton.
A BRIDAL PARTY OF BABIES!!! This almost ruins everything. How am I supposed to successfully disguise myself as a member of the royal bridal party when they're all as tall as garden gnomes? I guess I'll have to super glue tiny shoes to my knees and hope that nobody thinks it's weird that one of the baby bridesmaids has a 5 o'clock shadow (I'm from Camilla's side of the family). It's a good thing I can walk for miles on my knees. File that under: skills I learned while dating a dude with Restless Leg Syndrome.
In preparation for April 29th, I've been taking night classes at the Learning Annex on royal British wedding etiquette. Royal etiquette states that the best man must wear an ascot thong with a cut-out and carry the ring on his crotch finger. When Prince William and Kate Middleton are pronounced husband and wife, the best man must tear off his thong and do the dick slappy dance down the aisle. This happened at every single one of King Henry VIII's weddings. These are the rules and Prince Hot Ginge better abide by them or off with his head (or is it, off with his clothes so that we can all give him head?).
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The whole thing is so contrived.
Disappointing Wills couldn't find a fellow Royal that would marry him. Instead had to settle for clingy commoner, waity-Katie.
The NYT says it was his growing bald-spot that forced his hand. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/23/fashion/weddings/23FIELD.html?_r=1
Camilla will have enough of her family at the wedding...they are all pulling the royal carriages
GONG!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm not doing shit to him, but fucking and having my career" ~ Montana 2010
the older one looks wonky!
Prince Albert of Monaco's wedding is going to be so much more entertaining. His family is the white trash of royalty and I think it will end up quite the garish circus.
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"You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!"
I think you mean the Duchess of Cornball MK.
I'm over this royal wedding already, something stinks and its William and Kate's relationship. I call faker than fake.
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Mon, 02/14/2011 - 2:52pm.
I've been picked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. The dresses are sea green satin. FML.
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I feel your pain. I once had to wear peach-coloured taffeta and it was NOT pretty. :P
The Van Cutsems are a well-to-do family of very well-known social climbers. Handsome brothers who make socially advantageous marriages. So, not so much Running with Scissors as Clambering up the Ladder...
Eliza Lopes = E. Lopes = secret message to the bride and groom
I find both of these guys very attractive. Yeah, Wills has lost his looks a bit but when he speaks, he's articulate and self-deprecating and he has a lovely body still. And PHG? Yum!
I don't know why, but those kids' names are totally cracking me up.
Grace van Cutsem = watch out, she runs with scissors
Margarita Armstrong-Jones = strongly jonesing for a margarita
I've been picked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. The dresses are sea green satin. FML.
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
I think it's a British thing to have kids in the bridal party. Princess Diana had only kids as well. I personally this whole bridal party thing is stupid anyways--it detracts from the bride. Get a bunch of jealous bitches wearing ugly dresses. What a barrel of monkeys that is.
MMMmmm, give me some William and Harry! I won't mind...
i'm sorry, but Kate has all the charisma of a cardboard cutout. i woke up early to watch Chuck and Di's wedding but i'll pass this time.
Children as part of the bridal party???
Stupid.
This "Royal" wedding is just so zzzzzzzz...
That said, I cannot fathom the fact that it's comin' up on 30 years since I sat in front of the telee at dawn to watch Chuck and Di do their nuptual thang. Where did the time go?
If they serve beans and bangers at the reception then I will crash it.
PSL - It's not that I don't like kids, but they get out of hand, and you always need to be on the look out for them. I think at a wedding it should be the brides and grooms special day. For one day.
I don't ubderstand why William doesn't embrace Hair Club for Men or Bosley or Rogaine...I mean he has all the money and resources in the world. He could at least put on a front for this silly shenanigan. It seems like they got engaged and planned this wedding really fast...I would love a knocked up before marriage 'scandal'.
Can you imagine the bachelor party PHG will throw when he gets engaged? Now THAT is one I'd want to attend!
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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K
I know they are good for tourism but what they really represent is very wrong. Rule by a King or Queen. I don't know why people don't get more upset over this. And the money they have is just obscene.
that is one more than Diana got, she had all kids in her wedding, the oldest was 14 years old. They were all chosen by royal family except one that was her preschool student, of course she was Winston Churchhill's granddaughter so they approved.
Submitted by Jana on Mon, 02/14/2011 - 10:13am.
little kids at a wedding^ No, just no.
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why? I think kids should eb able to join in a happy occasion, and if you are going to get shitfaced drunk and can't keep an eye on your kid, that's your problem.
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I know what you mean and I suppose I agree
I'm a bit pushed for time, please don't bother me
Take your guidance elsewhere, 'cause I've heard it before
In case its not very clear, I don't care anymore
I'm a big royal watcher and I have always had high hopes for William but these two are so bland and boring. The food WILL suck though. The Queen likes plain steamed fish at major gatherings because it isn't messy. No BBQ ribs and fried chicken at this party.
Submitted by stake_spike on Mon, 02/14/2011 - 10:44am.
I swear we must be twins seperated at birth, because that is EXACTLY why I thought. LOL!
Seriously, who cares? Still, the idea of seeing Pippa in HDTV is pretty fucking scary. Bitch looks like an Oompha Loompha with that Benjamin Button disease!
Wow how obvious. They really will put out ANYTHING to keep attention on this shit show. So tired of hearing about Waity and her wedding.
Damn, just 5 years ago I thought Prince William was the handsomest young man in the whole world.
28 more shopping days ladies. http://www.steakandbjday.com/ ************************************************************************************************ Profanity is a crutch used by ignorant motherfuckers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSNREtboX3s
LMAO @ Duchess of Cornbread! Did MK mean Duchess of Cornwall, aka Camilla Parker Bowles? Hahahaha
Best HPG write-up, evah.
I remember the picture on the back of a Joan Rivers comedy album I wish I could find. (remember comedy albums? Albums? Joan Rivers?)
She took the official Diana/Charles wedding portrait with the entire families, and photoshopped herself on the end in a big fuzzy purple hat standing there with a blender with a red bow in her arms. That is so you.
File this wedding under the title: I don't give a fuck!
Prince William is now fug. What the hell happened?
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We are all made of stars.
I predict this gaggle of children will become a new crop of celebu-tards using this wedding as their excuse for being famous, getting a reality show about their glamorous lives, and entering rehab by age 27.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
The Royal commentators on tv annoy the shit out of me, they act as if it's their bloody wedding. Team registry office.
I can imagine the bach party being in vegas and there being a lot of group sex
Can you just see Prince William at his bachelor party....I bet when he gets "torn up" he just sits in a corner and giggles...LOL
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Michael K. is my sister from another mister!
yes, I believe it's a Brit thing, you know like not flossing LOLOLOL
:P
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
"WE ATE POSICLES BITCH LAY OFF!!" Jacko
The next small dog I have I'm naming Margarita Armstrong-Jones.
little kids at a wedding^ No, just no.
Harry was partying at The Box Bar this weekend. Maybe he was too drunk to notice it was a gay bar.
http://www.towleroad.com/2011/02/prince-harry-parties-at-gay-bar.html
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"Big is over rated trust me!!!" Jonathan Knight
wth.
"not so fast tom ryan..."
That bachelor party is going to be off the chain!!
Kids as attendants at weddings is an English tradition.
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twerk those stumps!
"...the best man must tear off his thong and do the dick slappy dance down the aisle."
Well. I'd pay a dollar to see that. Maybe even a dollar fifty.
Ugh! kids at weddings annoy the hell out of me. You always find yourself keeping one eye on them because you ever know what shenanigans they are going to pull while the bride and groom are saying thier vows. I had to do that at my brother's wedding in December. The flower girl kept playing with the flowers right next to a candle that was burning...Seriously thought one was going to catch fire at some point.
"No One Makes Me Bleed My Own Blood!"
little kids in the wedding party? should be fun.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
It's only in America that they use adult brides maids. All other use toddlers. If they use them at all.
A 3 year old bridesmaid? So confused.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
ahahahaha! Dutchess of Cornbread!! Whole post is hilarious.
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
I'm so fucking bored of the wedding already. London will be goddamn unbearable in the next few months.
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Duchess of Cornbread? LMAO really?
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
"WE ATE POSICLES BITCH LAY OFF!!" Jacko
I find these two very cute.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...