In Case You Missed It, Here's Xtina Mouth Birthing The National Anthem
So, Snookitina twisted and screwed the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner in front of millions upon millions of people at the Super (Smoke A) Bowl tonight, but that's not what's got my ears crying like a bald eagle. Xtina screeched like a macaw pushing out a dry ostrich egg while riding high speed on a bumpy carousel. You can't tell from this clip, but the pilots in the planes flying overhead had to parachute out after Xtina's "Chewbacca getting sodomized with R2D2" yodel broke their windows. Bitch's tonsils practically touched my screen. Francis Scott Key rose from the grave and is now on a Greyhound bus heading towards Dallas to lay a STFU on her ass.
On a positive note, there won't be any dogs barking in Dallas tonight, because most of them are probably under the bed with their paws stuck in their ear holes. And on another positive note, the layers of red lipstick on Xtina's mouth didn't try to run away. That's real loyalty for you.
• 
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 8:09am.
Whenever I hear her singing, it just sounds empty. I don't think she sounds passionate at all, just that she's showing off. Truth be told, the vox acrobatics are just as bad as the overly produced, autotuned noise.
That being said, thanks everyone who appreciates my sense of humor. I'm glad I made some people smile.
†
"Look inside the executioner's hood,
I will show you his grimace!"
-Darzamat (Blackward)
†
FIX TOPINWEB.COM, NOW!
Doesn't matter anyway, there aren't enough wardrobe malfunctions, forgotten/butchered lyrics to the national anthem, night-terror-inducing commercials or colon-cleansing halftime shows to stop this planet from paying millions of dollars to big dudes in tights to run around on a field, and scratch their balls on the side-lines. I fucking hate this place.
Why can't they just sing the fucking song already??!! It pisses me off when they feel they have to hit every note on the f'ing scale. Fuck the "ooooh-oooooh", "ahhhh-ahh-ahhhhh" shit and get on with it. No wonder they end up forgetting the words - hard to remember them when your uvula is convulsing.
Phew.
============
UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!
-Tourette's Guy
More like Star Spangled Boner for Xtina.
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Roseann Barr masacred it when she sang it ... and that was on purpose. What's this trick's excuse for butchering it? I thought she was suppose to be a singer?
As a proud Native American I could give two shits she messed up the lyrics. Seemed fitting with the bullshit this country is getting itself into these days. Goddamn government!
Submitted by Klutzy McFucktard on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 1:26pm.
Check it, Evil_Cupcake!
Dylan Thomas "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" Poem animation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TB913GmpzI
It's so, like, dramatic!
***************************
Cool! Thanks for the link. Going to listen to it before I head out for errands!
The poem is begging for a cover. Suggesting Dropkick Murphys.
Check it, Evil_Cupcake!
Dylan Thomas "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" Poem animation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TB913GmpzI
It's so, like, dramatic!
Submitted by soapopera4cam on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 9:42am.
her singing it is the perfect karma for what our country stands for...be a slut and be a fat ass
***
WTF/LOL?!!
Submitted by Klutzy McFucktard on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 1:18pm.
I have not had the pleasure but it sounds intriguing!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 8:57am.
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 2:03am.
Submitted by Scott in NYC on Sun, 02/06/2011 - 8:56pm.
WAAAAAAAH. Neither can you, asshole.
You know what really pisses me up a wall? Self-righteous asshats congratulating themselves how tolerant they are of famous people, but when it comes to everyday people, boy can you turn the other cheek! While you're scorning everyone else for being negative over the internet, you're doing the same exact thing except that you're displacing that negativity on tons of more people instead.
Am I negative? Yes, but unlike you, I'm not in complete denial and masquerading my negativity as whiteknighting for the morale of some miserable, ungrateful, fading pop star whose attitude bit her in the cheesy ass after YEARS of stirring shit.
Get your head out of your ass. Without entertainment blogs, butthurt crusaders wouldn't have a platform on which to tsk-tsk everyone who doesn't kneel down before entitled pukes. Entertainment blogs were created almost solely to take the piss out of the high and mighty, so why exactly are YOU here if you're so "above passing judgment", pray tell? Right.
Like I said, it's quite impressive how you change your tune from indignant when you're talking about common human beings trying to make a living being oh so pedestrian. Then it's okay to belittle other people. The least this harlequin slut could do is memorize all of the lyrics to a song which is already very familiar, or is that too fucking charlatan for Haguilera also? I mean, sod off.
Finally, I guess you have no opinions on entertainers that you dislike unless you're an even worse hypocrite than we all thought. After all, you've never been in their shoes EITHER! How DARE you judge them?!
***************************
*gives Khensu a standing ovation for a tear inducing rant*
OMG, I could not have said this better if Dylan Thomas has written it for me!
***
OMG. Dylan Thomas for the win! One time in high school my English teacher played for the class a vocal recording of Dylan Thomas reciting his own poetry. Have you ever heard it? It was way weird then. I don't know how I'd feel about it now.
Khensu gets Dlisted crown for the day!
Submitted by Noir Easter on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 2:53am.
I HATE this kind of American Idol sing-your-ass-off shit. I HATE when fuckfaces try to OWN the anthem.
Serves the douche right to have fucked it up.
She didn't convey love of country or whatever the fuck she was lying about afterwards. She conveyed that she's an incompetent poser who fucked up royally when it counted because she was focused on herself and her lame-ass spent image and not the song.
Made Rosanne sound like Kate Smith.
***
Just.PERFECT.
If we could hear angels, they would sound like Kate!
@Defined, who doesn't understand why the National Anthem moves some people deeply --
I don't know if you've ever listened to the words, but it was written by an American during the War of 1812. I believe he was a prisoner at the time. The song is him describing the violent battle where the US fort was getting walloped (with rockets and bombs), and they never lowered their flag (surrendered). It's about how they would not give up, no matter how bad things got. I can understand why that means something to some people, and I'm not going to hate on them for it. The fact is, it is our country's National Anthem, and as a professional, she should have put effort into it out of respect for the people who do respect it.
How do you forget the lyrics to a song played before every sporting event, scout meeting, and school assembly in this country? Too much focusing on yodelling gymnastics rather than the song itself.
I thought Jordin Sparks did a good job with the anthem at the Giants-Pats Super Bowl. Whitney Houston's is the standard people try for, and it's unfortunate because even though I liked Whitney's version, no one else gets it right. It's not just about adding the most notes.
I don't care that she goobered up the words (even though that was a jackass move)...I do care that she bruised my eardrums with her unholy caterwauling. Calm the fuck down, Xtina.
Submitted by Christie Love on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 10:12am.
God damn, this has to be the worst fucking thing I've ever heard. I almost had to Van Gogh both my ears!!!!
---------
Ahahaha! I'll see your van Gogh and raise you a Getty.
Oh stop with the moralizing. Ten-year-olds who get to sing the anthem at the local high school hockey game spend weeks preparing, and they are not getting paid or being featured on live TV. She phoned it in and it showed.
.
.
.
.
**************************
Own it or shut the fuck up. ~ MK
God damn, this has to be the worst fucking thing I've ever heard. I almost had to Van Gogh both my ears!!!!
**************
You're under arrest, sugar!
The simpsons already made fun of the pretentious over-singing and excessive pauses when the anthem is sung.
Damn! Christina can't catch a break. I had jetlag and was feeling pretty sick, so I went to bed at the exact moment she started singing. Now I wake up to all the radio stations in NY taking the piss out of Xtina.
A lot of people on facebook are personally offended - why? It's just a song, not even a good song. I do not know all the lyrics myself. I've been lip syncing the damn thing since I was 6 years old. I don't see myself as unpatriotic (I love the USA and obsessed with history), but I just don't understand why this song reduces people to tears or why it has to be sung at all these events. Other countries aren't obsessed with their national anthems like this.
Anyway, I really want Christina to make a comeback. She needs to calm down the vocal chord masturbation, though. She's ten times better than the likes of Rihanna, Kesha, Gaga and Katy Perry who are running around these days. It's just fashionable to bash her, it always has been.
--------------------------------------------------
It's not that serious.
i swear it's all that dick sucking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.twitter.com/arianamarie
I don't know why you guys hate on this girl's singing. She's one of the only real singers you guys got left. And I fuck up the words to my national anthem all the time. In fact, I can only sing it half in English and half in French usually cuz those are the parts I remember.
♥ Threadkilla!
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.~Bertrand Russell
her singing it is the perfect karma for what our country stands for...be a slut and be a fat ass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.twitter.com/arianamarie
I am tempted to see the clip, but I'd like not to mess up my ears with fuckery so early in the AM.
Sad, that with everything going on Ms. Xtina could not memorize those lyrics during her time on:
The complementary plane ride
Complementary hotel room
Complementary limo ride
During rehearsal.
hahaha. Sorry folks, I forget, I would have been referring to a real professional!
nevermind!!
Brain fart moment there..forgive.
=========
Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Well, word is that she didn't wanna rehearse so she was not well prepared. She was having an 'off' day .... dun dun dun. In other news, can someone please fire her stylist?? I mean, just fire that bitch. Take some shears to that awful wig.
I just listened to the Whitney Houston anthem and OMG! What ever happened to the Superbowl organizers having some taste in their anthem picks? That was incredible, and it sent chills down my spine, and songs do not often do that.
Poor Whitney, what she did to her voice is a crime! A CRIME!
That was seriously a beautiful rendition and I had forgotten how superb it was until I listened a moment ago. Perfection.
still better than the monstrosity that was the Black Eyed Peas.
eta: but not by much.
Submitted by kanderso on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 8:34am.
Whitney Houston - - best National Anthem ever (seriously)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHmdu_I_0zI
I can't believe that crack heard fucked up THAT VOICE. Seriously, so beautiful.
..Ya, she wasn't singing live though...
Submitted by sonne on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 9:02am.
Yep, that's why it's good to have Khensu back! :)
Nightowl gets all the kudos for the *growl*. :D Thanks for the Eddie Izzard link, Klutzy!
***
I was LOLing to bofe of you. Nightowl growling and you laughing. Still making me laugh. The Eddie Izzard link was sent to me, so I have to give credit to someone else, as well. You should see Twitter. Everyone defending her sounds like a crybaby Brangeloonie. So sad. We're raising a nation of whiners. All hope is lost. :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jusP47mMThI&feature=related
Here's Crissy Gaguilera doing it in 2005. Better?
OMG. This is hilarious!!!
"Christina Aguilera destroys the national anthem"
"Stars react to Christina Aguilera messing up the national anthem"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0UVxnGb8Gg
Yeah, I wasn't as offended by the missing verse so much as the SCREECHING. God DAMN she sounded horrible.
**********
"God only gives you one balloonknot, be nice to it." - Raul Duke
Yep, that's why it's good to have Khensu back! :)
Nightowl gets all the kudos for the *growl*. :D Thanks for the Eddie Izzard link, Klutzy!
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 2:03am.
Submitted by Scott in NYC on Sun, 02/06/2011 - 8:56pm.
WAAAAAAAH. Neither can you, asshole.
You know what really pisses me up a wall? Self-righteous asshats congratulating themselves how tolerant they are of famous people, but when it comes to everyday people, boy can you turn the other cheek! While you're scorning everyone else for being negative over the internet, you're doing the same exact thing except that you're displacing that negativity on tons of more people instead.
Am I negative? Yes, but unlike you, I'm not in complete denial and masquerading my negativity as whiteknighting for the morale of some miserable, ungrateful, fading pop star whose attitude bit her in the cheesy ass after YEARS of stirring shit.
Get your head out of your ass. Without entertainment blogs, butthurt crusaders wouldn't have a platform on which to tsk-tsk everyone who doesn't kneel down before entitled pukes. Entertainment blogs were created almost solely to take the piss out of the high and mighty, so why exactly are YOU here if you're so "above passing judgment", pray tell? Right.
Like I said, it's quite impressive how you change your tune from indignant when you're talking about common human beings trying to make a living being oh so pedestrian. Then it's okay to belittle other people. The least this harlequin slut could do is memorize all of the lyrics to a song which is already very familiar, or is that too fucking charlatan for Haguilera also? I mean, sod off.
Finally, I guess you have no opinions on entertainers that you dislike unless you're an even worse hypocrite than we all thought. After all, you've never been in their shoes EITHER! How DARE you judge them?!
***************************
*gives Khensu a standing ovation for a tear inducing rant*
OMG, I could not have said this better if Dylan Thomas has written it for me!
Submitted by sonne on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 2:47am.
Submitted by nightowl on Mon, 02/07/2011 - 2:36am.
*growl* Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh! haaaaahaaaa HA!
LOL @ *growl*
She should be fined for this.
It's not like she screwed up a pre-game show rendition of Kool & the Gang's "Celebration". If she wasn't so focused on ear raping everybody against their will with her vocal "talent", maybe she would have gotten the words to her country's NATIONAL ANTHEM right.
**************************************
Oh and fuckay vous. - Ophelias evil twin
Whitney Houston - - best National Anthem ever (seriously)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHmdu_I_0zI
I can't believe that crack heard fucked up THAT VOICE. Seriously, so beautiful.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Aside - Why does Slash still wear the same costume from, like, 1991? Elton John doesn't still wear those ginormous sunglasses. Slash looks like he stinks of stale cigarette smoke (as opposed to fresh) and stale urine. :)
Twitter is still blowing up over Christina Aguilera's Superbowl Fail. Here are some comments I saw:
1. Person demanding she give back the money she got paid to sing the song.
2. Person now referring to our national anthem as "The Star Mangled Spanner"
3. Defenders whining "she was nervous". So why haven't previous singers fucked-up the song.
4. She only had to learn 1 stanza, not all 4!
5. Christina's fuck-up has bumped Britney to top spot for Generation Whiners.
6. Radio stations across the country are laughing their asses off at Christina's expense this morning.
7. Christina kinda deserves this because she's been a cunt for too long. Karma train.
Submitted by Khensu Hetep: "Beautiful interpretation, nightowl!
I think you're forgetting one major part:
*inserts middle finger in ear and flails other arm violently*
Waaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhaaaaaahaaaeeeeeeeeeeee-hhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaahoooohaaaahooo."
LOL. Nailed it. Dude, you gave me the first belly laugh of the day.
And I am SO glad I'm not the only one who hates the vocal acrobatics. Just sing the fucking song and let the words and the patriotic moment shine instead of making it about YOU. It's like giving a eulogy and not mentioning the dead person once.
†
Just sing the fucking song and stop with the vocal gymnastics already ya bow legged skank ya.
She was prolly drunk off her ass as per usual.
She knows the words. She's sung this stupid song a bunch of times. She lost her place and made a mistake and tried to keep the song going as best as she could. I think this girl should take like 15 years off and raise her kid, learn how to sing a song without doing all that whopping and warbling and come back as a mature singer. The girl has a good voice, she needs to learn some constraint and she'd be great.
I'll give her a break here though. She's only human and she seems kind of tired and I bet the weight gain is stress eating from the failed record and tour and crappy movie and divorce and the kid, etc, etc, etc...
Take a vacation XTina
I can burp the national anthem better than she can sing it ! WTF was that? Up and down with the notes, it sounded like she was straining to get the fuckin' words out. Just sing the damn song already and stop putting your creative and forgetful spin on it. DUMB ASS !
Whore should've asked her boyfriend or husband to help her learn the words...or maybe they both could've helped since they all share the same house...this fat bitch is a winner for a few reasons, I hope she ate an entire cake after that nonsense
Tranny Clown make scary noises.
I tried to sleep last night but kept thinking Xtina was under my bed, waiting for me to drift off so she could suck my breath out of my lungs and make jelly of my eyeballs.
*whimpers*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I don't understand this damned movie! I didn't see no Dracula. All I seen was two lesbians fisting a bear!" -Alltheprettyones
didn't watch the game...and i refuse to click play...and i'm ok with that...
_____________________________________________
i lift things up and put them down...
Huh. Reading these posts today I feel like my husband when he's hungry or tired...oppositional.
I just love Christina, and I think she sounded fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny how they always seem to land butter side down.
Everyone misses Whitney from old days... what she's done to herself is a crime.
Christina - Christina just never has had the delivery right. All that fucking warbling. All the melody changes. It was just awful. So was Lea Michelle and so were the Peas. Screech Screech Screech Screech