And God's Response Was, "Just Stop!"
Jessica Simpson got on her knees Saturday night, held her BlackBerry tight and then delivered a prayer Tweet to God thanking him for giving her such a wonderful gift. No, bitch didn't thank God for giving her a billion dollar fashion line even though she dresses like a fat toddler from the early 80s. Jessica also didn't thank God for giving us the all-you-can-eat baked potato bar. This is what Jessica thanked God for:
Saying my prayers before bedtime...Thank you Lord for blessing me with a Man that has the perfect Tush...laying my hands upon it with peace :)
2:56 AM Jan 23rd via ÜberTwitter
And you thought you got a lot of useless shit in your inbox. This is the crap God has to deal with. Just when he marked Jessica's prayer as SPAM, he probably got a prayer from Papa Joe Simpson that read: "Thank you Lord for blessing me with a daughter with hands that lay upon her man's perfect tush as I peek into their bedroom in the middle of the night."
via People
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" Inane in the Membrane, Inane in the Brain!" * sung *
The pose and look on this dudes face seem to say, "Look at this fancy watch my braindead sugar mama bought me. I'm gooooood."
TUSH? Ick. How anyone could spend their time with her is beyond me. She's way too annoying. But maybe the people that actually follow her stupid tweets are even more pathetic? I don't follow celebrities so I don't know...
Jessica, next time you pray to the Lord ask him for some self esteem.
It's going to get flabby really quickly if she keeps paying for all those expensive meals and letting him laze around on the coach all day.
I hope his ass is better than his face, that is one ugly mug!
EEWWWW!
EEWWWW!
Capitalizing the letter M in Man made God roll his eyes....
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I Love You More
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I like Jessica, but COME ON, woman!!! I know you're in lurve or whatever, but have some self-respect! No need to make an ass out of yourself publicly, OVER and OVER about this dude. He doesn't seem to be sending gag-worthy tweets out the world about YOU.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Submitted by super martian r... on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 11:49am.
Women should never make any man the main (and only) focus of her life.
AMEN! Cause ladies he won't be there forever.. TRUST.
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"Second of all, if I lived with a bunch of loud ass kids I'd drink a bottle of wine every night too. And then I'd use that bottle to smoke crack." - MK
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
"Saying my prayers before bedtime...Thank you Lord for blessing me with a Man that has the perfect Tush...laying my hands upon it with peace :)"
this shit above is something I see a lot on FB from a lot of you...I mean people.
*stabs monitor*
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 12:31pm.
I want to use Jessica's face as an anal tampon.
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LOL! Go for it, jazzy, but she's gonna stretch you out for sure!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
He is FUG
He looks like Ed Begley, Jr, junior.
I want to use Jessica's face as an anal tampon.
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 10:46am.
For god sake people, don't buy anything with "Jessica Simpson" label on it!
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yeah I'm with you. and dont by
baby Phat or Fergie's label
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I haven't gone completely insane, but it might happen soon.Megan Fox
This chick is so embarrassing. She always reeks of desperation.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Well I'm glad she's got the perfect "tush", as he certainly doesn't have the perfect "bush".
That's one scorching hot homosexual with the icky-fish!
Women should never make any man the main (and only) focus of her life.
tWEET from @BIGTITTIEDFROG:
All you h8ters out there! kiss my tushie!
uh-oh gotta run BRB ~ gotta tinkle ~
~~ xoxo zippy the pinhead ~~
If she wants to tell her friends this shit it is one thing. But this is the woman who has repeatedly blabbed about her relationships to the press, and it has always come back to bite her in her not-so-perfect-tush.
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But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind
*phew*
Thank Jebus she ain't preggo!
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MK, I love you like a fat kid loves cake - MissJaneTexas
I get the impression that twitter is micro-broadcasting--a one-way communication. Thereby following the biblical wisdom that it is better to give than receive.
Acting like a 13 year old for the first time in love is just equivalent to tattooing each other's names on your asses. It dooms the relationship to failure. That's why assholes and bitches have lasting relationships because they never let on that they give so much as a fuck and they can live without you just fine. That's sexy and keeps shit interesting. Jessica Simpson needs a fuckin hobby.
I have never followed any celebrity on Twitter or Facebook but I wonder if these turds get hate messages when they post crap like this.
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"I have your new dicks on my kitchen counter." Tammy Lynn
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Like some horrible cloning mishap involving chevy chase and jay leno.
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Submitted by SpiceDong on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 11:28am.
I am glad the tush is perfect because the front certainly ain't...his tenhead and chin are like a walking geometry class.
Not to be pedantic, but I think the normal process for celebrity boy-toys is they start porking hos, the tabloids find out, there is one tearful reconciliation with promises, they pork hos again, and the gravy train ends.
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Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 11:08am.
This idiot will never learn.
This guy won't dump her yet, because she pays for everything, and he is living the high life. But he will dump her eventually, they all do.
I am glad the tush is perfect because the front certainly ain't...his tenhead and chin are like a walking geometry class.
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"I have your new dicks on my kitchen counter." Tammy Lynn
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
"Thank you Lord for blessing me with a daughter with hands that lay upon her man's perfect tush as I peek into their bedroom in the middle of the night."
LOL. The closer something is to the truth the funnier it is, and this is fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Cowjam on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 11:06am.
Shouldn't this good holy Christian be legally married before she lays her hands on her Man's Tush?
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Just what I was thinking. I mean, she made Nick wait 4 years, until they were married, to have sex. But then she dumps him and starts humping everything she can, and now she is tweeting about it. Slut.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 11:07am.
You owe me a beer!
This idiot will never learn.
This guy won't dump her yet, because she pays for everything, and he is living the high life. But he will dump her eventually, they all do.
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But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind
"No, bitch didn't thank God for giving her a billion dollar fashion line even though she dresses like a fat toddler from the early 80s."
Where does he get this stuff? Genius.
Jessica is so stupid that she thinks thanking God for the ass of the man she stole before she bangs him out of wedlock is being a good Christian.
STFU BIG TITTIED FROG!
"she dresses like a fat toddler from the early 80s"
That is fucking funny and true MK!
I hate that fucking word tush and the fact that she's twatting her prayers now-god its cringe making-your right,God probably is hitting the spam button MK.
I always think she seems kinds sweet -surely she cant really be the moron she appears to be be?
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Shouldn't this good holy Christian be legally married before she lays her hands on her Man's Tush?
Money CAN buy you ass.
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Fancy's Big Surprise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3r5BLdqxig
Fancy's Big Surprise Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY4we9Ivg9M
LOL jack!!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 10:46am.
For god sake people, don't buy anything with "Jessica Simpson" label on it!
Don't make her richer!
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I was just making a mental note to make sure I never buy Jessica Simpson shoes (despite my weakness in general for shoes).
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
When I saw the headline I was afeered it would be a bebbeh, she was thankful for.
Tush sounds like a word Sylvester Stallone would use.
*chanting as always*
For god sake people, don't buy anything with "Jessica Simpson" label on it!
Don't make her richer!
I wonder if she whips that perfect ass with her crappy hair extensions when he's bad?
Off topic but Oprah's big reveal was she has a sister she didn't know about.
And why the fuck should we care?
I thank thee for what thou layest before me.
Submitted by madam s. on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 10:01am.
Oof. She's revolting
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You said it.
After "Amen" she probably "Dutch Ovened" the poor guy.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
If she said "tushy" I would be even more disturbed.
I hate people who choose Twitter and Facebook to kiss and tell to the world-It leads me to believe that they are either all talk and frigid, gay or mentally unstable, Demi and Ass-ton take note!!!
Could have been worse. She could have thanked God (who I'm sure LOVES these types of self-indulgent prayers) for her man having an awesome wee-wee. I love when grown ups use baby words.
Should she be praying that the man get off his perfect tush and get a fucking job?