Thursday, January 20th 2011

Amy Poehler's Secret Career As A Stock Image Model Uncovered!

Franny Glass was doing a Getty Images search for "volunteer" pictures when these vintage beauties of a young Amy Poehler as a candy striper popped up. There's something a little evil about the first picture. Amy's smirking at us and practically saying, "Oh, so does it hurt when I turn your oxygen off? Well, that'll teach you to nod 'thank you' when I bring in the flowers from the stepmother who always talks shit about you in the hallway. Don't fuck up again......and feel better."

And if you think this shit is edgy and scandalous, wait until the PG-13 pictures of her as a semi-slutty crossing guard come out.

via Jezebel

Posted by: Michael K


CokeyBloke's picture

My crazy mother liked to boost her (non) medical background by emphasizing she'd been a Candy Striper.
I nearly died of toxicity @ age 9 b/c she didn't recognize a burst appendix.

Candy Stripers are glorified maids.

Naughychimp's picture

Ugh. Not pretty then. Not pretty now.

govt_cheese's picture

Candy striper in a horror movie, maybe. I think if I saw her coming in my room with a fresh bedpan, I'd hit the emergency button. Which she'd quickly cancel, cracking my knuckles with the bedpan at the same time. As I recoil, suddenly afraid of what's going to happen next, she pulls a hypodermic with a long needle out of an eerily long pocket in her shirtwaist dress. She's like an evil pixie. Just looking at her ... candy striper - hahahahaha! Right!

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As useless as a saggy pair of tits

Centaurious's picture

I think Amy Poehler is really talented but it annoys me that she's Tina's bitch and it also annoys me that she feels the need to color her hair Marilyn Monroe bleached blonde.

You're cute, Amy!

You're not a glamorous bombshell, no way.

Stop trying so hard.

_________________________________
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall

Tyroan's picture

JulesinSD is just an angry teabagger... those poor folks hate everything.

Anonymouse73's picture

Gee, JulesinSD...you're calling someone a fucking idiot, yet you're the one who can't seem to spell "WHOSE".

agirl's picture

Rachel Dratch also reads Dlisted - she said so when she was on that design show hosted by Oprah's gay, what is his name? Nate? Nathan?

soapopera4cam's picture

omg without reading i thought she was a british impersonator!
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blaase's picture

She would have made a perfect Tracey flick.

julesinSD's picture

Can't stand this bitch - a fucking idiot who's parks and recreation show sucks big donkey dick.

HAHAHAHAHA!

madam s.'s picture

Ahhaha... I know she's trying to be sincere, but she just looks like a wise-ass. She and Will Arnett are a super cute couple.

And Arrested Development never, ever, ever gets old. God, I love that show.

P.T.Bull's picture

Bet they really made some money on that stock image.

precociousmagpie's picture

She looks sort of… special.

_________________________
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Giving all your clothes to charity
Last night the wife said
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Think!"

Husbands_and_Wives's picture

Haha, she looks cute! Her husband was awesome on Arrested Development

...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...

mike's picture

When I saw those pics, the first thing that popped into my mind was Corky's gf on Life Goes On.

Sorry Amy!

You know.. I stand my ass corrected. I think that was Rachel... Oh hell I don't remember

so don't forgive me yet...
* goes back to spreadsheet*

OneLiner's picture

Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 4:40pm.
Submitted by OneLiner on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:57pm.
Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:40pm.
LOL isn't Amy the one that reads Dlisted?

Hi Amy!

*GASP* how could you! you're a regular here, it's Tina Fey!

they both do.... MK posted Amy's interview where she claims a lot of reading... when asked what kind she said dlisted.com ......ha!
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Really? ha! ok, you are forgiven! lol

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Mrs. F.'s picture

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:28pm.
Oh man, I used to want to be a candy striper. I kept fantasizing that I'd meet a cute football playing hunk with a broken leg.

Is that really her, though? She looks better as a platinum blonde, and I NEVER say that about anyone.
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She does, doesn't she? Very Harlowesque. Love her, so excited the show is back!

HAHAHA Angel...too late!

Submitted by OneLiner on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:57pm.
Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:40pm.
LOL isn't Amy the one that reads Dlisted?

Hi Amy!

*GASP* how could you! you're a regular here, it's Tina Fey!

they both do.... MK posted Amy's interview where she claims a lot of reading... when asked what kind she said dlisted.com ......ha!

angel_i's picture

O does she read this?
SoR-RaY! By 'old' I meant 'mature' and "interesting" and "funny" but I'm sure you knew that already:)

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Kerfuffles's picture

Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:40pm.

LOL isn't Amy the one that reads Dlisted?

Hi Amy!

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Even better, Tina!

luscious_t's picture

I adore this woman!!!!

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OneLiner's picture

Submitted by Happy Hour on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:40pm.
LOL isn't Amy the one that reads Dlisted?

Hi Amy!

*GASP* how could you! you're a regular here, it's Tina Fey!

********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********

Dirk Diggler's picture

Amy always looks a little sinister and evil. That's part of her charms.

Britneys cheap ass wig's picture

_Hahaha love her!

_________________________________
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(Tre) But you aint got no money
(Dough) I’m going anyway

Murphy's picture

Love this chick!!

The red/pink overhead lighting really adds the perfect touch of glamour and sophistication.

annobanano's picture

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 3:28pm.
Oh man, I used to want to be a candy striper. I kept fantasizing that I'd meet a cute football playing hunk with a broken leg.

You meet 28yr old orderlies that want to take your 14 yr old ass out for "coffee". It was gross, lol.

ricki lake's picture

Omg. This is amazing. Especially since it also easily looks like some kind of comedy skit or shoot she could have done. Those knowing eyes and sarcastic smile say it all. She knows what she's doing, and it's killing me. J'adore!

LOL isn't Amy the one that reads Dlisted?

Hi Amy!

She doesn't look very pleasant in either picture.

SoulTaker's picture

I was a candy striper in 8th grade and I was soooo excited about it that first day..but I quickly found out all I got to do was sit at the hospital front desk reception and look up room numbers for visitors. LAME!!

angel_i's picture

She's kinda one of those people born old huh?

This is pretty funny. I'd be mortified.

♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/

WakaWaka's picture

Hee hee. Cute.

Hekki's picture

Oh man, I used to want to be a candy striper. I kept fantasizing that I'd meet a cute football playing hunk with a broken leg.

Is that really her, though? She looks better as a platinum blonde, and I NEVER say that about anyone.

M.E.'s picture

Are Candy Stripers still even around?

ritzyroxie's picture

These look really recent. Or maybe Miss Amy had a little bulimic phase before SNL.

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annobanano's picture

I was a candy striper and saw things no 14 yr old should see, lol.

M.E.'s picture

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! LMFAO!