Xtina's Drunk Ass Knows Where To Pass Out

If you're going to fall into a sweet nectar-induced coma on somebody's bed, it might as well be Jeremy Renner's. Xtina has obviously been reading up on the drunk ho's list of pre-approved beds to pass out on, because she allegedly got close to Jeremy Renner's duvet cover at his 40th birthday party on January 8th. That's what a source tells UsWeekly anyway.

Apparently, Xtina stumbled into Jeremy's house with her psychical state set to "broke off & dozed off" and continued to get Snooki drunk. A source claims that she was acting the fool and her bought bitch Matthew Rutler kept trying to keep her quiet. Err. One of the first rules of dealing with a drunk bitch is: never ever tell them to keep it quiet. They will turn up the slurr and all you'll hear is "Whadya meeeeen beee quiet! Dis is my whithper librury voy-es.." over and over again. Just prop them over a plastic trash can and stick a cheeseburger in their booze hole.

Eventually, she found her way into Jeremy's bedroom and became one with his sheets. Jeremy was overheard telling people at a Golden Globes after-party: "Someone comes and tells me she's in my room. I run up and open the door and I'm like, 'Um, hi. What are you doing?' She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone's birthday party that they don't know and gets in their bed?! My parents were there!"

Jeremy's rep said that Xtina had a good time, but didn't get into Jeremy's bed.

Oh, please. Jeremy is acting like he doesn't come home to find a random drunk ho in his bed almost every single day. Jeremy, we already know that your maid turns down the drunk whores every night before bedtime. We know this. Jeremy really got upset, because he knew he had to throw out the sheets he bought with his "Mission Impossible" money thanks to the lipstick slobber stains Xtina left for him. Note to Jeremy: When you see Xtina stumbling up to your driveway, Saran Wrap your carpets and put a furniture condom on everything. Oil-based face paint from Benjamin Moore does not scrub out!

And I'm fucking loving the new Xtina. Yelling at wet noodle hos and passing out on Jeremy Renner's bed? For the first time in my life I can say with confidence that I'm an Xtinahead. Keep fucking that chicken, Xtina!

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by Vern on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:56am.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

LMSFAO Jack!!

*rubs hands together to warm them*
XOXOXOX

*chanting as always*

Submitted by Vern on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:54am.

Thanks for coconut idea FC! :)

*chanting as always*

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:54am.

Submitted by Vern on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:21am.
Anyone else *side-eyes Jack* would be BRAGGING that they had Xtina in their bed. Oh, wait, it's 2011. Nevermind.
---------------------

pfft, the dry spell I'm in right now - I brag when my hands are warm.
_____________________________________________
"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09

"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH

Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:56am.

Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:30am.
Well, I can't say I haven't done shit like that, but I stopped doing it before I was 21.
*********
Ye...errr...*clearing throat*..just thinking the same thing.

ETA: When I did stuff like that, I was very lady-like when I passed out. I had my ankles crossed, my skirt down and my hair tucked back neatly while I clasped the terlit.

************
"Face aux moments difficiles, certains d'entre nous sont nés avec le crayon, d'autres avec la gomme. Moi, je n'ai jamais été capable de gommer ce que je vivais. Je dois vivre avec les choses étranges qui m'arrivent."~ Mo Hayder

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:52am.

alty - he's a little "butter" in the face, but he's got a hot body.

Ever seen the movie S.W.A.T?

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:52am.

Submitted by radiogrl1 on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:16am.

my sister was at the party. It's all true. Hee hee.
________________________________________________
DETAILS PLEASE!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:51am.

Wasn't she in the Mickey Mouse club with Britney and Justin?

Submitted by Vern on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:51am.

Anyone else *side-eyes Jack* would be BRAGGING that they had Xtina in their bed. Oh, wait, it's 2011. Nevermind.

*chanting as always*

Submitted by alty on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:48am.

I just don't get it. Renner is not that hot.

(Flips through my 17 mag..)

Submitted by radiogrl1 on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:46am.

my sister was at the party. It's all true. Hee hee.

Submitted by Koopa on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:46am.

Well she was associated with Disney once wasn't she?

Submitted by Webberbear on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:45am.

Submitted by mharker - "I did something like that once at a friend-of-a-friend's party. I sent the poor girl an "I'm sorry" card the next day after I threw up in her bed."

LOL! An "I'm sorry" card? Geesh, I would have at least expected a floral arrangement or a new set of sheets for that one! ;)

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:44am.

Apparently this fugly clown has a toddler at home.

Submitted by putsomestankonit on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:43am.

Does she always have to copy her arch rival Britney? I think that once she crashes there will be no bounce back for her.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:41am.

"And my parents were there!!!
Well, I'm a parent and I would have loved to been there to see this.
"Hides digital camera"
-------------------------------------------------

and, not a single fuck was given this day.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:42am.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:05am.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:54am.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:43am.

Drinking alcohol with an energy drink is really bad for you.

Just sayin.

***********************************************

Imma cheap bitch, Smirnoff! And that is a good idea on the coconut water!!!
_______________________________________________
I hear ya! Smirnoff and Skyy are my go-to vodka choices. Here in Brazil they're about the same price range, I dunno about you guys there... And yeah, coconut water ice is more commonly paired with whiskey, but vodka is my poison. I keep my Stolis for special occasions (i.e., every fucking weekend)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:36am.

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:00am.
Who the eff is Jeremy Renner?
******************************************

Jeffery Dahmer.

Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:36am.

Jeremy should taped himself taking her fartbox to Poundtown and called it "The Butthurt Locker". ************************************************************************************************ Profanity is a crutch used by ignorant motherfuckers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSNREtboX3s

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:35am.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:37am.

Well I am just surprised that she ended up in somene elses bed WITH her boyfriend and not getting a train ran on her.
=================================

heehee

***********************************************
"Vodka is kind of a hobby"
-Betty White

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:35am.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:54am.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:43am.

Drinking alcohol with an energy drink is really bad for you.

Just sayin.

***********************************************

Imma cheap bitch, Smirnoff! And that is a good idea on the coconut water!!!

Submitted by Kerfuffles on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:31am.

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:00am.

Lol I take it that you haven't gone to the movies in the last year or so! :D

Submitted by Kerfuffles on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:31am.

Really? Jeremy Renner is a good actor and shit, but he has a slight case of butterface. XTina must have had been REALLY plastered.

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:30am.

Who the eff is Jeremy Renner?

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus

Submitted by SpiceDong on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:27am.

Sounds like party crashing at the highest level.

Where is your chile, bitch!

-------------------------------------------------

"I have your new dicks on my kitchen counter?" - Tammy Lynn

·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>

Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:27am.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:37am.
Well I am just surprised that she ended up in somene elses bed WITH her boyfriend and not getting a train ran on her.

This chick high school pulled a train once and was forever nicknamed Choo Choo afterwards! ************************************************************************************************ Profanity is a crutch used by ignorant motherfuckers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSNREtboX3s

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:24am.

Was she invited or did she crash his bidet party?

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:24am.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:43am.

Drinking alcohol with an energy drink is really bad for you.

Just sayin.

*sips straw outta vodka bottle*
_____________________________________________
Absolut, Smirnoff or Stolichnaya? I keep my stoli in the freezer, it gets super cold and kinda creamy... ever tried using frozen coconut water as ice? YUM!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."

Submitted by Observerwwtdd on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:23am.

He should have AT LEAST given her the "spiderweb" before kicking her out of bed......

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:23am.

I'm not sure what a "psychical state" is but I like it. Jeremy was surprised because he'd never seen a woman in his bed before.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:20am.

Hey! At least she made it to a bed right?

*picks self up off bathroom floor*

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:19am.

Submitted by Megan_ on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:47am.
LOL @ Fuckin classy and ME

yeah i just had to see what all the hype was about vodka and red bull is waaay better... it tasted like shitty malt liquor w/ koolaid... no bueno
---------------

LOL no. bueno.
_____________________________________________
"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09

"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH

Submitted by DeeDee on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:18am.

Hahahaha! Who knew the unexpected perils of being famous in Hollywood!

Note to Jeremy: When you see Xtina stumbling up to your driveway, Saran Wrap your carpets and put a furniture condom on everything. Oil-based face paint from Benjamin Moore does not scrub out!

Submitted by Megan_ on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:17am.

LOL @ Fuckin classy and ME

yeah i just had to see what all the hype was about vodka and red bull is waaay better... it tasted like shitty malt liquor w/ koolaid... no bueno

Submitted by Secret Original on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:15am.

Crashing and burning looks good on her. I have some sympathy for a disabled simpleton like Britney who has a pitiless machine to feed with Daddy Spears at the controls. No pity for this cunt.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:13am.

Drinking alcohol with an energy drink is really bad for you.

Just sayin.

*sips straw outta vodka bottle*

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:10am.

And who has her son while she's being a drunken whore?

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:10am.

Submitted by Megan_ on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:27am.

speaking of drunks, have ya'll tried 4loko? that is the nastiest tasting shit ever, but i was fuuuucked up off 1 can!
______________________________________________
That shit is just basically Red Bull with vodka. The only reason why it was banned is that the red bull masks the alcohol symptoms... meaning, you'll be more likely to think you're good to drive (and drink some more), when in fact you're beyond wasted.

So if you got hammered with only 1 can, you're a LIGHTWEIGHT! ;)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."

Submitted by caprica six on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:09am.

I'm the last person to comment on the drinking thing. Good thing my bod resists the puff. Plus I don't have a makeup-hoard addiction. That is all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Submitted by UltraBaroque on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:08am.

Another sloppy mess from the House of Disney.

*************************
"I'd be surprised if there was even an engine in that festering whore sled.

UK car advert.

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:08am.

Yes... Stay puft is crashing and burning before our eyes. Good stuff!

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"I am going to rock myself in a corner in my Slanket now." - Plecostomus

Submitted by mharker on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:09am.

I did something like that once at a friend-of-a-friend's party. I sent the poor girl an "I'm sorry" card the next day after I threw up in her bed.

***********************************
Silly rabbit.

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:07am.

Well I am just surprised that she ended up in somene elses bed WITH her boyfriend and not getting a train ran on her.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:06am.

I don't see the problem...
_____________________________________________
"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09

"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:06am.

Bitch looked like SHIT at the GG. Actually, she's looked like shit for quite a while now. Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screw-up, Xtina.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."

Submitted by Happy Hour on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:05am.

Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 10:30am.
Well, I can't say I haven't done shit like that, but I stopped doing it before I was 21

LOL I did when I decided I was going to be somebody's mother...

Submitted by KeeksHotMom on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:04am.

There was a blind.recently about someone planning a britney melt down... Could this be related??

Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:04am.

*photoshops Raul's junk into her piehole* *********************************************************************************************** Profanity is a crutch used by ignorant motherfuckers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSNREtboX3s

Submitted by caprica six on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:04am.

Man. She is skidding fast.

Submitted by letinstar on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 9:01am.

face down, ass up, on random dude's beds...i'm thinking this is typical and normal for this bloated mess...
_____________________________________________
i lift things up and put them down...