Xtina's Drunk Ass Knows Where To Pass Out
If you're going to fall into a sweet nectar-induced coma on somebody's bed, it might as well be Jeremy Renner's. Xtina has obviously been reading up on the drunk ho's list of pre-approved beds to pass out on, because she allegedly got close to Jeremy Renner's duvet cover at his 40th birthday party on January 8th. That's what a source tells UsWeekly anyway.
Apparently, Xtina stumbled into Jeremy's house with her psychical state set to "broke off & dozed off" and continued to get Snooki drunk. A source claims that she was acting the fool and her bought bitch Matthew Rutler kept trying to keep her quiet. Err. One of the first rules of dealing with a drunk bitch is: never ever tell them to keep it quiet. They will turn up the slurr and all you'll hear is "Whadya meeeeen beee quiet! Dis is my whithper librury voy-es.." over and over again. Just prop them over a plastic trash can and stick a cheeseburger in their booze hole.
Eventually, she found her way into Jeremy's bedroom and became one with his sheets. Jeremy was overheard telling people at a Golden Globes after-party: "Someone comes and tells me she's in my room. I run up and open the door and I'm like, 'Um, hi. What are you doing?' She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone's birthday party that they don't know and gets in their bed?! My parents were there!"
Jeremy's rep said that Xtina had a good time, but didn't get into Jeremy's bed.
Oh, please. Jeremy is acting like he doesn't come home to find a random drunk ho in his bed almost every single day. Jeremy, we already know that your maid turns down the drunk whores every night before bedtime. We know this. Jeremy really got upset, because he knew he had to throw out the sheets he bought with his "Mission Impossible" money thanks to the lipstick slobber stains Xtina left for him. Note to Jeremy: When you see Xtina stumbling up to your driveway, Saran Wrap your carpets and put a furniture condom on everything. Oil-based face paint from Benjamin Moore does not scrub out!
And I'm fucking loving the new Xtina. Yelling at wet noodle hos and passing out on Jeremy Renner's bed? For the first time in my life I can say with confidence that I'm an Xtinahead. Keep fucking that chicken, Xtina!
• 
If I were Jeremy, I would have grabbed the bitch by her fried, platinum hair, dragged her literally, down the stairs in front of all my guests, snapped a photo of her faded ass, and then kick her the fuck out of my house. Then I would proceed to sell the picture with the story to US Weekly.
GET SOME CLASS YOU VILE PIECE OF SHIT!
Her weave has been jacked up lately-she's totally turning into a drag version of herself.
She's wearing these horrible wigs when she's out 'candidly' or just 'not on set'
Britney did the same thing.
Why do these millionaires wear broke down ass wigs/weave?
I heart Dlisted. it's true.
xoxo
~Zoe in Atlanta
The show I host
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWUeraHA9Pk
My Twatter: @Zoe_Simone_B
Britney did it first and did it better. Until I see some pink wig action and some fiddy-one-fiddy under your belt, your post break up "melt down" is the toddler's tantrum of melt downs...So a big MEH to Xtina....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Jordan is preparing his petition for sole custody as we speak.
Xtina, grow the fuck up, and TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
"
You're welcome. :)
@ super martian r
THANK YOU!!
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
This reminds me of that one Intervention where this girl was such a bad alkie that when she puked up the alcohol she actually drank it back into her body. She didn't have cash for booze so she'd look up random parties of people she didn't know on myspace and crash their parties while she stood around drinking all their liquor. Everyone at the party just looked at her in a wtf way trying to figure out who invited her
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HOW DID I MISS THIS ONE?!!
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
@supermartian
Thanks for the link !!! I seriously was googling things like "girl drinks puke Intervention" and not being very succesful.
He was just upset TommyGirl would get wind of it.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 12:10pm.
she was in
my bed
with her boytoy
didn`t even ask
it was my birthday
my parents were there
the stains
will never come out
never.
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Jeremy and angel_i have attended the Tammy Lynn Michaels "How Could You Do This To Me?" Haiku for the Scorned and Generally Pissed Off 101.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:06am.
Jeremy should taped himself taking her fartbox to Poundtown and called it "The Butthurt Locker".
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! Sheer poetry Raul!!!!
Oh, her name was Jennifer. The Intervention girl.
Here's the full episode (it's megavideo somehow despite the link):
http://www.watchthisletme.com/external.php?title=Intervention&url=aHR0cD...
Or a short clip on youtube and you get the idea anyway.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYAdKDf1lDE
She's crazy.
i DON'T find him the least bit attractive
When the newly divorced mother of a small child under the age of 5 isn't doing lesbian three-ways in Mexico, she's passing out at creepy Hollyweird mansions with her “boyfriend.”
Pathetic.
Yeah, her child will turn out normal.
She'll always be a pig!
You know he's gay when he has to bitch about this shit to US Weekly. A straight guy in Hollywood wouldn't have blinked twice about some random trick laying in his bed.
That being said, this drunkass behavior should only be allowed when you're young and hot. When you're in college it's "Girls Gone Wild." When you're in your thirties, divorced and a mother, it's "Intervention."
İs Jeremy Renner supposed to be the next IT hot piece or someting?
Because every time I see him I think Britney Spears' stunt double.
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Um.. unless im misreading something here.. Isnt Jeremy Renner gay?? You know in the way A Coop and Zachary Quinto are and Ricky Martin was (everyone knows so it goes without saying?!).
Bitch drank her own puke?
That. Is fucking. Nasty.
I'll look it up when I get home.
@kokoskitten - yeah, she was nasty. It was a couple of years ago but that just stood out to me. Almost like that guy tripping on dxm that tasted someone's vomit on the street.
Submitted by super martian r... on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 1:37pm.
This reminds me of that one Intervention where this girl was such a bad alkie that when she puked up the alcohol she actually drank it back into her body. She didn't have cash for booze so she'd look up random parties of people she didn't know on myspace and crash their parties while she stood around drinking all their liquor. Everyone at the party just looked at her in a wtf way trying to figure out who invited her.
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Oh. My....I have to see that Intervention. She drank her puke ???
This reminds me of that one Intervention where this girl was such a bad alkie that when she puked up the alcohol she actually drank it back into her body. She didn't have cash for booze so she'd look up random parties of people she didn't know on myspace and crash their parties while she stood around drinking all their liquor. Everyone at the party just looked at her in a wtf way trying to figure out who invited her.
Submitted by Goldigga on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:51am.
LOL! I used to puke in my hands and try to sneakily dispose of it, thinking noone would notice.
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Ok I thought I was the only one who did something like that...I was at some concert, standing room only, with a big old cast and for some reason I thought if I just lifted up the cast to cover my mouth no one would notice I was puking. It kind of worked though.
okay, while i have no room for judgement she should've passed this stage a few years ago. at this point when you get that drunk she needs handlers to carry her out to her car and take her drunk ass HOME.
i used to be the one who would lock myself in the bathroom and pass out on the floor. its ladylike and nobody can see and i dont' make a mess, but it is inconvenient for everyone else LOL
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
LOL
@Raul, Frodo didn't wear a tie, so I'm guessin no. lol
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
my respect for Xtina just went up like 100,000 x
i think i just fell in love with her
Submitted by Raul Duke on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:06am.
Jeremy should taped himself taking her fartbox to Poundtown and called it "The Butthurt Locker". ****************************
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Jesus Holy Shit Christ this made me laugh till I cried!!!!!
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
I guessnshe figured that she can't get attention singing, "acting", being a mother, getting married, or getting a star on the Hollywood walk of fame, so she's gonna try being a whory mess a la Britney. Still won't work Xtina--try have a heart.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
If I end up with the drunky barfs, there is no way I can quietly play it off. I am the worlds loudest barfer. Seriously, I can wake the dead.
Ew I would be totally upset if I found that dirty skank in my bed. She probably smeared her pounds of make-up all over his sheets and left an ungodly stench all over the place. Xtina is a pig.
this should be a lifetime movie. and the climax will be when he finds her in his bed ,not with another men but drunk, the end hahhahhahhaa
she was in
my bed
with her boytoy
didn`t even ask
it was my birthday
my parents were there
the stains
will never come out
never.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
This is the year of "pot,kettle", first Jamie 'SmugBitch' Pressley, and now Xtina. Both of which have always been quick to judge and call out all their has-been, drug whore counterparts on their shit, and now look what we have here. I hope this trend continues, its so amusing.
passing out in jeremy renners bed.. no words to express, but maybe poetry
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
is that dude FRODO from LOTR?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
LOVELY!! and bravo!! :) i felt as if i needed a bowl of popcorn while reading through that :)or maybe i need a cig after that *** "Whadya meeeeen beee quiet!" STORY OF MY LIFE
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
Xtina's got the right idea. Now I know what I want for MY birfday - to end the evning drunk in Jeremy Renner's bed. His parents can watch!
Submitted by Goldigga on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:51am.
LOL! I used to puke in my hands and try to sneakily dispose of it, thinking noone would notice.
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Mmmmmmmmmmmm
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:26am.
ETA: When I did stuff like that, I was very lady-like when I passed out. I had my ankles crossed, my skirt down and my hair tucked back neatly while I clasped the terlit.
LOL! I used to puke in my hands and try to sneakily dispose of it, thinking noone would notice. On topic, she's a mess...and not even a hot one
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That big ten-head must give you lots of brain room, huh, Goldigga - Submitted by Vern on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 9:14am
if I'm going to crash or going to become belligerent, I begin flirting with the homeowner, so if i end up in his or her bed, i have the excuse of , oh! I really like you and I was waiting for you!!!!!!
but xtina is a DIRRRRTYYY GUUUUURLLLL!
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“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid” Richard Braunstein
Sweet Holy Moses, she is a mess. Why was she at this party anyway? Does she even know Jeremy Renner? Or is HW like high school where you find out where the good parties are that night and just show up?
LMFAO Verrrrrrrrrn!!!!
*finishes and takes nap*
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
I didn't mean to tease, Jack, I just expected you to be faster. ;)
*chanting as always*
Renner's just jealous that she had more fun.
** http://feministguidetohollywood.blogspot.com **
I don't believe this story for some reason.
Then again I don't care either way.
Submitted by Vern on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 11:32am.
hate to jerk and run
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tease
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
hate to jerk and run but I atchually haz to warm my fucken car to go out in snow. haz fun kids!
*chanting as always*
Are we supposed to put the coconut into individual cube spaces?
LOL, vern!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
Yeah, M.E., but I still don't want to ride that merry go round. Errr...