The Photoshop Awards: Jennifer Aniston In Allure
So yeah, this is Jennifer Aniston in Allure, and it's not a picture from a Real Doll photo shoot art directed by a pedophile with a Snuggle Bear fetish. It's like a still from an old Law & Order episode about a Baby Jane-like plastic surgery addict who just can't let go of her child beauty pageant days. Just because Aniston is posing with her favorite teddy bear baby she adopted from a doll nursery last summer doesn't mean this mess is cute. Just. No.
Creepiness aside, Jennifer finally admits that the Rachel cut is a work of fugness that doesn't belong on anybody's head! The cut that terrorized heads in the 90s and projected to the public "I'm an asshole for getting my hair cut like a fucking TV character!" was not Jennifer's favorite thing.
"Let's just say there have been moments I'd rather not relive, like that whole Rachel thing. I love Chris [McMillan, her hairstylist], and he's the bane of my existence at the same time because he started that damn Rachel, which was not my best look. How do I say this? I think it was the ugliest haircut I've ever seen. What I really want to know is, how did that thing have legs?"
And it still has legs. You don't know how many retail managers and real estate office receptionists I've seen with that haircut. And you know what's creepier than that picture of Aniston above? The fact that I regularly stare at the heads of retail managers and real estate office receptionists.
Jennifer also talked about her fascination with The Bachelor and how she doesn't understand how those girls can shrivel into a dehydrated pod of loneliness when they get dumped.
"You know what I find fascinating? The Bachelor. I was mesmerized by how these girls, they meet this guy, they have three dates together or something, and they're weeping as though they've just lost the love of their life. I don't understand that."
Too easy, so I'll just leave you with more Photoshopped pictures of Jennifer looking like JLo and a female doll version of STAINS.
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She looked better with Rachel cut, because it drew attention away from her hideous face.
In these photos she looks like a cross between a Muppet and Miss Piggy.
Ridiculous. She doesn't need a new hairdo she needs her head examined. The last pic is vomit inducing, the other ones just plain daft.
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Auri sacra fames
Totally nailed it, Michael K.! Real Doll all the way. Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
So disturbing. Isn't she like 50? Why didn't she just dress up as Baby Jane?
what is this fuckery? she looks better irl
"a female doll version of STAINS." - lmao true
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other). - MK
I think those women on the bachelor cry because they are probably humiliated and because they want more camera time.
That manicure is gross. French tips are very consentida and tacky to me.
Is it me or does Jen resemble that pornstar who was with Charlie Sheen when he went crazy at a hotel recently?
Um, does she not realize that the Rachel cut made her into the millionaire that she is today? No one gave a fuck about her until she got that cut. What a bitchy thing to say.
I hope the next time Chris McMillan styles her, he puts Nair in her hair dye.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
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STFU JA.
Someone should put some Ms. Butterworth's on those pancake boobs.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
"
Wow..E.G. Daily looks good for her age!
wtf was Anniston thinking? these pics really are fucking creepy to the nth power. Is this her final pic hurrah before she disappears from public view, only to see some candid pic of her 10 years from now taken by an unemployable type with a camera, of her with a turkey neck and loose jowls???? i wanna know what the motivation was here. Baby blues, teddy bears and boobs comes across as desperate. What's the point?
I honestly thought it was Jenny McCarthy in the sencond pic
umm....
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
what an desperate, untalented, unattractive, middle-aged skeez!
Allure is starting to piss me off with their cover choices. Linda Wells is dead to me now.
Jennifer is a grown ass woman. Why the fuck is she posing like this?! No wonder no one takes this woman seriously. Grow up, stop doing awful rom-coms, and GET OFF MY MAGAZINE COVERS.
ETA: The last thumbnail has shades of Rielle Hunter's GQ spread. Not a good look, Hennifer. NOT a good look.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
"
I think pic*2 is more very young Jenna Jamieson
They shaved off her nose in pic 2. She looks like Lauren Conrad there.
You know, I will stick up for Jennifer most days of the week. I don't think she's lonely, I don't think she still loves Brad Pitt, I don't think she wishes she had babies, etc. I think she has an awesome life full of friends & money, and her body is absolutely bangin'.
THAT SAID. These pictures suck, and the entire concept is majorly creepy. She's like 41 or 42, right? WTF was Allure thinking?
Creepyyyyyyyy
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
"You know what I find fascinating? The Bachelor. I was mesmerized by how these girls, they meet this guy, they have three dates together or something, and they're weeping as though they've just lost the love of their life. I don't understand that."
I guess nothing compares to loosing Brad Pitt!
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That's ridiculous!!!
Am I the only one who has noticed that she looks A LOT LIKE Britney Spears circa 1999 in the Rolling Stone magazine. Check out these pictures comparison: http://bit.ly/hdPqEK
- YouKnowYouCare.com
I honestly thought this was Julianne Hough - maybe that is the new photoshop .. swap out an an ageing stars head for younger similar starlet but stick the oldies name on the billboard.
LOL
i don't hate on her because of that photoshoot.
yeah, she looks pretty fucked up but it's the photographer's fault, not hers. she can hardly control what they do with her photos
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my dirty mind at http://bitchspray.tumblr.com (nsfw)
She looks stupid and second of all she has no LIPS. So she used a plumper or photoshop.
She's wearing a wig. I just saw the Tourist and Angie looked very pretty thru the whole movie.
JD looked kinda fat and not hot like he usually does.
After JD praised Taylor SHIT I lost all respect for him anyway!
I can see why Brad got sick of this shit and moved on. She is really stupid to think those women on the bachelor care about the guy. They are there to break into show business. The guy could be a stack of old newspapers that dumped them and they would still act like their whole world was coming to an end.
@femguide
ITA. THe media seems committed to turning us all into a world of pedophiles. Plus, it just looks plain silly.
On another note: I hate Terry Richardson with all my heart for popularizing this.
I've been wanting to ask you for the longest time, if you could recommmend one book popular feminist movements, ideals and icons, what would it be? Sort of a idiot's guide to feminism type thing.
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:29am.
My ovaries just exploded.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults the
I admit, i like Aniston... she knows she's not drop dead gorgeous or a great actress and doesn't pretend to be either! She's the opposite of smug and seems like a great person to hang out with...
But this is all sorts of FUG!!! She looks like a creepy stepford wife!
Come on Jen... get rid of that blonde look already and just stick to photos that emphasize that magnificent body of yours!
That bear has that * oh fuck, that was the bestfuckingblowjob and tickelass
Of. All. Time.*
fucking bear.
I'm so sick of these photoshoots of grown women with teddy bears!
Why can't women just be our age?
Plus, Brigitte Bardot has way cooler photos than this shit. These photographers are totally uncreative.
And yes, I wrote an article about this mess on my blog.
** http://feministguidetohollywood.blogspot.com **
LOLOL!!
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
She looks dead...oh wait...maybe that's good for some wierdos but as pretty as she looks it's just creepy!
Creepy!!!!!!!
The last picture is very Jocelyn Wildenstein-y.
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 01/18/2011 - 12:56pm.
Holy shit, you're right. If you gave Heidi those stupid bangs, it would be totally her.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 01/18/2011 - 12:56pm.
Holy shit, you're right. If you gave Heidi those stupid bangs, it would be totally her.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
i don't like jennifer her face is ugly but this is the best hair i've ever seen on her. i am really sick of that blah caramel color that is everywhere. she needs to stay this blonde
I like Jennifer Aniston. I thought the Rachel cut was cute on her, but not everyone else.
In thumb #2 she looks like Heidi Montag after her 15 plastic surgeries!
Photoshopped to death. I really don't get the Jen hate though. I find her inoffensive for the most part and neither hate nor love her. She's relatively attractive with a lot of help from surgery and the best grooming money can buy and she has a great body. Her movies are fairly amusing and I don't buy the desperate label constantly hurled at her. I'm betting she enjoys being rich and single with her pick of a different guy every night if she feels like it (I know I would). All that and the AJ rivalry are inventions of the media and pr hacks.
She looks a lot healthier than AJ who looks positively ill and could really gain about 20 lbs. Don't know whether the drug rumors are true but damn she looks bad.
Um, not that I condone cheating or am Team Skankelina, but the more she opens her vapid mouth, the more I can sorta get why Pitt wanted to tip it elsewhere. And I don't get all this pedophilic sh!t that glamour magazines are trying to shove down our throats as 'art', either.
OffT: Hope you feel better, ME {{hugs}}. Oops . . . your shoulder; sorry :(
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
How do you get that vacant look in your eye??????? Do they teach you that or something and camera shoots.
How do you get that vacant look in your eye??????? Do they teach you that or something and camera shoots.
Did Maddox give Jennifer the teddy bear???? I bet it has a hidden camera in it so he can report back to his Mom.
@TB
Where have you been? Has someone locked you away in their sex dungeon? And where can I sign up?
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:29am.
My ovaries just exploded.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults the
Look Aniston movies are my guilty pleasure on lazy sunday afternoons. My mom and my aunts come over every weekend and we have qt a pleasant time.
I just don't understand why she doesn't shave her chin down! She's no stranger to plastic surgery. was her chin ever this big as Rachael? Other than that, she STILL looks very attractive in movies. Jolie on the other hand, is looking increasingly craven and wretched.
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:29am.
My ovaries just exploded.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults the
Snowy! *cries*
and i love friends! i still watch the reruns
Stan H- Steelers are gonna win again!! # 7!!!!!!
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
"Allure creative director Paul Cavaco drew inspiration for Aniston's shoot from a 1960s photograph of Brigitte Bardot."
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I do not see Brigitte Bardot. Face Palm. Claudia Schiffer is the only one who can pull off Brigitte Bardot.