Starbucks Introduces Brit Brit's New Soulmate: TRENTA!
This coming February, Starbucks will release a beast of a monster that will flood your bowels with caffeinated sugar and force your stomach to hit the exit switch and slide to freedom through your asshole. Don't threaten me with a good time, Starbucks!
Starbucks is introducing a new size that is over 300ml larger than a Venti. It's called the Trenta and if you glued a penis-shaped Cheeto to it, it would be Brit Brit's next man husband.
Above is a graphic from The National Post, which shows you that you're going to need a stomach implant if you want to handle everything Trenta has to offer. Or you'll have to drink a Trenta iced coffee while getting a colonic so your stomach doesn't completely combust. It's a small price to pay for caffeine poisoning. And included in that "small price" is a $20 bill, because you know that's what you'll have to hand over for this mess.
You don't want to clog up the landfills with the Trenta, so when you're done with it you can stick a chopstick to the bottom and use it as your new favorite wine goblet!
Here's Trenta's soon-to-be wife visiting McDonald's the other day. There's no need to call Dr. Phil, Brit Brit is not cheating on Starbucks. She was only there to use their bathroom. McDonald's bathroom is way nicer than the gas station's. Their sink usually works so Brit Brit can use it as a bidet!
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Shitters looks like a zombie. Her days in the public eye are numbered so I'm not gonna stress the fact that the powers that be used a pic of her from 20 years ago to push her latest digital pile of shit. 1-2-3-go-fuck-yoself. That applies to Shitters and to every single dependent asshole that needs to keep her front and center like a stuffed dummy to pay their bills, mortgages and car loans. Fuck you all!!!! >:< Let Shitters drift off to oblivion.
@Falmouth. Correction: Britney actually has the #1 song in 17+ countries..not 1. On iTunes at least.
I read that she took one of her kids to McD's to eat, not she she could shit. Dunno how true it is or not. But who cares, at least her ego isn't overinflated and she doesn't give a rat's ass if she's photographed at a fast food joint. Fuck. The girl wants a sweet tea, fries and a burger? SO WHAT?! She's from Louisiana!! Let her be.
she doesn't seem to have the whole bra thing down as of yet....
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
I bet she just plops right down without the seat protector thingy on. She's back to looking like Pig Pen again. Sad.....
I'm with everyone who perpetually wonders why this village idiot insists on using public restrooms all the time
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
Doesn't this bitch know to use the restroom before she leaves the house.
God. Imagine how AWFUL that bathroom smells after she bombs it.
Great, another 3,000 calorie shit drink.
When is someone going to sue Starfucks for making them fat?
When your stomach really hurts,
and you know that it’s the squirts:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
When you start to beg and pray
and your butt begins to spray:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
Thank you Starbucks.
Ugh I can't stand to use public bathrooms, much less stopping off at some place just because I had to go. She has a home why does she act like she's too busy to go to it? I mean really how far can Starbucks and Betsey Johnson/Forever 21 be from her house?
I like my moms coffee best, brown sugar and 2% for me thanx
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6dK-FQs4jk&feature=player_embedded
"Drink that Xenutini like you don't give a fuck, John Travolta!" -MK
Poor brit brit. Fat and crazy. A mental patient led through the streets of LA everyday. And that awful hair that's never grown back. I don't know why they insist on keeping her in the lime light. She needs to quietly fade away. The freak show is depressing.
Great, more HUGE shit junk food to make people fatter. I won't give away my money for overpriced stuff I can make at home.. and will taste much better.
Shitters looks as shitty as usual.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
What are they putting in their coffee that makes everyone shit? Only tried it once at the airport, thought it sucked and wondered why some rave about it. It's overpriced, too. Sounds like it's only good if you're constipated but even then it's an expensive remedy. ;)
I could probably finish the trenta without any noticeable change in my heart rate. For a descendant of people who respond heavily to all substances that are foreign to the body I am remarkably immune. After sugery they took me back to my room straight away because I was too chatty for the other patients in Recovery. Apparently I thrive on morphine, so a XXXL Starbucks should be a breeze. Me and Brit-Brit, carved from the same wood. Who would have guessed?!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I overdosed on caffeine once; IT WAS MENTAL.
I hadn't slept all night, cramming for a test, and my giddy arse chugged down three pots of paint thinner strong coffee in about two hours. Suddenly, I felt faint, my vision was distorted (the walls were leaning in over me and the floor was sloping), I had auditory hallucinations (a baby was screaming in my head) and I could feel my racing pulse in every inch of my being.
I called poison control -- while tripping my head off and having problems stringing a sentence together -- and asked what to do. The geniuses there had never even heard that you could OD on caffeine! Anywho, I got better in an hour, but it was still freaky as hell.
Let's say I won't ever try this Trenta fuckery.
[sips on morning paint thinner coffee]
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"If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome!" — Professor Farnsworth
This piggish chick has the #1 iTunes song in the western world and she eats at McDonald's? I'd say, "Oh, hunky driver: Today I feel like lunch at Boa. Do you mind?"
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"No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house."
I have always hated their coffee. I also think it's hilarious that idiots want to drink a gazillion calories because it's from Starbucks.
Submitted by ewe on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 9:12pm.
Starbucks gives me the runs. Regardless of city and/or country. The runs. This I found out cos my friend loves that shit and would always convince me to go, but now I know better.
Maybe Brit has the same problem.
Also, this is the most boot move, green beans and tennis can ready she's looked in a while.
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Yessum! If/when the court sets her free from papa's leash, the crazy train she's a-comin' 'round again.
Submitted by mikey the retard on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 9:32pm.
gram says i cannot drikn cofee or i wet my bed
haha
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"One person in every couple thinks it's a monogamous relationship." (SFGate comment)
*sigh* Anyone else notice that a discussion of Starbuck's inevitably turns into a discussion of shit and diarrhea?
I must live in a test market, because Tampa has had this "Trenta" size for around 3 months now. It's only used for iced coffee and iced tea, not their lattes or frappuccinos or anything like that.
It's easy enought to make McDonald's coffee taste just like Starbucks, you just have to shove the spoon up your ass before stirring.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
OMG I remember waaaay back in the day when there was only ONE Starbucks, at the far end of the Pike Street Market in Seattle. OK, I am officially old, but this new fuckery is too much to bear. Their coffee is ALWAYS burnt, and unless you order some mega-calorie frappe, you'll be regretting ordering anything there. I stopped going to Starbucks a long time ago...it's only a ghost of the original and a guaranteed trip to the toilet, because everything they sell = diareaha. Sorry to be so crude, but that's the truth.
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
gram says i cannot drikn cofee or i wet my bed
mikey
What is she wearing under that blouse??
my dog biit me
mikey
a massive bowel movement is not something you'd want to have happen to you when you arrive at your workplace or right before going anywhere outside for that matter..it could ruin everything from your mood..to your feeling of cleanness..to your pants..I don't know what they're thinking..personally i don't drink coffee at all and if I don't need any "interruptions", or prefer a clean bowel before going anywhere for long hours I give myself a colonic and expel before hitting the shower..first clean on the inside, then the outside dummies..no shame here, we're mature adults right?..and that actually is very purifying, cause we humans are disgusting shit machine creatures anyways but that's another story,
I don't buy anything at coffee joints except coffee, if I wanted sweets, I'd eat a cookie.
Starfucks coffee makes me shit like no other, and I don't need extra help with that.
"It's my money and I want it now!"
Starbucks gives me the runs. Regardless of city and/or country. The runs. This I found out cos my friend loves that shit and would always convince me to go, but now I know better.
Maybe Brit has the same problem.
Also, this is the most boot move, green beans and tennis can ready she's looked in a while.
shouldn't they just call it a "Big Gulp-achino"?
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http://alisoncecilejohns.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/pomloplum?feature=mhum
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 8:22pm.
That's their old logo. They've dropped the "COFFEE" and now are just "Starbucks" basically a restaurant chain now. Yes, they plan to start selling Egg McMuffins.
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They do already. They have for a while now.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
That's their old logo. They've dropped the "COFFEE" and now are just "Starbucks" basically a restaurant chain now. Yes, they plan to start selling Egg McMuffins.
Ah, I see I am not alone in my love of Dunkin Donuts coffee. I buy their ground coffee too when it goes on sale for $5 a pound, I get regular and hazelnut.
Suck on that, Starbuck's!
Eh, it says for "iced drinks." When you fill a cup halfway with huge-ass chunks of ice, it's not quite as much drink. I ordered a Chai latte some weeks ago (for some stupidass reason I was out of it and thought I was ordering Thai iced tea), and there was only one size to choose from, I think. While I don't believe anybody needs to upgrade from that, it's not like they're going to be drinking a "tenta" frappuccino. At least, assuming they really do mean only "iced drinks."
Starbuck's coffee does suck. Dunkin Donuts blows their colons away.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 6:29pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 7:52pm.
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Triple truth.
P.S. Starbucks sucks with their weak ass sweet shit. The end. Last I heard they were shutting stores down cause peeps were over it. Next!
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Why do all the drink sizes have Italian names but the tall (there's also a "short" that's not on the mneu)?
It's for iced drinks, meaning it will contain ice, which will reduce the volume of the actual drink itself. When Starbucks makes an iced drink it is really half or two-thirds the amount of a regular hot beverage.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 6:29pm.
Why the fuck do you have to order Starbuck's nasty burnt tasting overpriced crap coffee in Italian???!?!? It's not an Italian company.
How do you say "That's pretentious and I am going now to get coffee that tastes GOOD over at Dunkin Donuts." in Italian, 'cause that's the only thing I'd ever say at Starbuck's.
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TROOF TELLIN' UP IN HERE!
When I don't make my own coffee, I go to Dunkin' Donuts. They's a Starbuck's right across the street from my ass, but if I wanted burned coffee, I'd drink the shit the receptionist at work brews in the morning after she forgot to turn off the coffee machine from the night before and barely even rinses the pot out (I've seen her do that shit). It tastes REMARKABLY like Starbucks only more Starbucksy...It's odd how few complaints this garners her. Cuz people usta drinking overpriced burnt coffee from Starbucks....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
meth might be cheaper...
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
Submitted by guruXen on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 7:15pm.
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That's what I've always called them. It's obscene.
I vaguely recall someone, maybe a stand-up comedian, saying they're mother substitutes for those not breastfed.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Wait, do people still go to Starbucks? Starbucks is such a fat person sport. I swear I lost 5 pounds after I stopped drinking it. And I was drinking sugar free nonfat lattes. Its just added calories that you dont need in your diet. Its fucking stupid.
I'll have mine with a double down and biggie fries.... What? I'm HONGRY....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
You know, I drew a cartoon about this in 2009 as a JOKE. As if we don't already have enough coffee.
http://open.salon.com/blog/maria_scrivan/2010/04/24/when_a_venti_just_is...
ROTFMFAO at that whole damn post. Fking riot. A fking "bidet" lmao.
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
The idea of the Trenta is pretty scary.
Speaking of scary with all the money and handlers Brtiney has, why does she continue to look like shit??!!
No wonder there are so many fatties.
Now we can add several more.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
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Submitted by carefreea on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 7:13pm.
Oooh a bucket of milk with a drop of coffee.
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Haha! Exactly!
Submitted by zomay on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 7:09pm.
The Tent-a! I like the name.
I can't even finish the venti without letting half of it sit in my car's cup holder for 8 hours though. You all know what I mean.
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OMG I totally do. And I know nobody believes me and it's so embarrassing walking back with that vat of coffee but it really does last ALL day. 'specially Verona. Yum.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
Oooh a bucket of milk with a drop of coffee.
The grande is already too big for me, I'd rather have a size between that and the tall.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?