Have You Seen This Man This Morning?
This face is probably going to end up on a milk carton this week, because Ricky Gervais' "I Don't Give A Fuck About Shit" opening monologue at the Golden Globes last night pulled the white towel off John Travolta giving sauna head and threw rusty nails at St. Angie's halo for making cardboard look like a living thing in The Tourist. This is the first time in history where Xenu, L. Ron Hubbard's hologram, GOD and Rojo Caliente gathered together in a top secret location (aka the back room of an IHOP) to throw darts at Ricky Gervais' picture. Ricky's house is most likely crawling with information-sucking Thetans and Sarah Jessica Parker is using her demon powers to suck it into the underworld, but it was worth it!
Instead of standing up there and pulling Hollywood's panties down to jack them off while licking their tips, Ricky put a lighter up to their assholes and gave them heat. Some people grow ovaries from seeing videos of kittens giving a saliva bath to puppies, but I grow ovaries of cuntiness from watching monologues like Ricky's. Ricky fertilized my cuntaries with his bitchiness and I hope to give birth to a grouchy baby that repeats this monologue for the rest of its life:
Ricky, if you make it out alive this week, please host EVERYTHING from now on.
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fucking.BRILLIANT. Mad respect for RG LOL
Pretty funny ROAST :o)
http://enzo5.blogspot.com/
Ha ha, that was funny as shit. Love it. I just wished they would have shown the celebs he was skewering up close while he was skewering them.
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:34pm.
I love how Ricky's teeth are still all wonky like a Brit but totally white.
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His teeth are wonky but look pretty straight (good) for a Brit. I happen to like wonky teeth (a bit). i'm so sick of all the fake teeth in hollywood. three cheers for kiki's long eye tooth as well!
He was fine and I think 97% of the audience thought he was pretty clever too. Tom Hanks needs to grow a fucking pair.
I am surprised that the Elfman's didn't abduct him however!
I know....I loved the last line too about being born an Athiest! That would have been so fucking funny at the soul train awards where everyone thanks God about a million times.
Submitted by mutlee on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 12:27pm.
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Yeah, for all the funny he brought last night, he certainly can't take the humour back, which doesn't surprise me really.
I thought the Office comment/moment was ridiculously uncalled for though, particularly as he didn't want to do the US one originally. And Carrell's been working a heck of a long time in his own career away from it.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
My new hero! He should host everything from now on!
He was brilliant!!!!! Only Michael K could've done a better job. I loved the way he skewered the saintly Hollywood crowd. I laughed out loud. He bought new life to the Globes! Fabulous. Just sad that he's catching flack but that bit at the end, thanking G-d for him becoming an atheist...now *that* was really too much. But what a fabulous comic!
He looks great - like he's dropped at least 30lbs. And cannot believe he had the balls to call out Gay Scienos: extremely cool!
I love how he doesn't give a fuck. He has all the money he'll ever need so why not be honest?
When celebrities can't laugh at themselves, it is sad. Loved Ricky and found him to be super sexy last night!
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I Love You More
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@Romy
I squirmed with pleasure at the Philip Morris shoutout. It was such a great, quirky film.
Atleast we know Chris Noth isn't an asshole.
Did you guys enjoy the cast and crew of the social network enthusiastically salad tossing Mark Zuckerburg waiting for him to gently come onto their over eager faces in the form of bought awards?
Also, MK's "You in danger gurl" tag is killing me.
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:29am.
My ovaries just exploded.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults the
I love how Ricky's teeth are still all wonky like a Brit but totally white. I wonder if his friends back home laugh at him.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
Obviously the "young guy from Glee" is a moron. A. He's on a stupid musical show and B. Any great comedy is based on tragedy. Shit, any good drama will be more complex and people are not just "negative" and "positive." People who "never have anything negative to say," are deranged lunatics. How stupid, shut the fuck up.
Submitted by bourgie on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 10:02am.
The young guy from Glee who won said it the best. Screw all who have something negative to say.
I no longer weep for the future.
Too funny, I wish I knew he was hosting, I would have watched. I would hope that people who make so much money for doing such an easy, bullshit job would have a sense of humor about themselves, after all, he's not poking fun of some doctor working in Uganda or something. Don't know why his jokes are so shocking, I would think anyone offended by them would be an unstable nut.
Although I'm so glad he called out Hefner for being a zombie. It's about time the Playboy mansion just owned up to what it really is.......it's where all the dead and dying disgusting little men in Hollywood can get their wounds licked by some creepy desperate necrophiliacs!
did Chelsea get banned from the View?? the only on she talks shit about on the regular is hassleback, and who doesn't?? those bitches!
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Don't get me wrong, I love me some Gervais, I just hate that he does exactly what Kathy Griffin does...but gets less shit for it because he is British and a man. She gets taunts, bans, venomous comments for what she does..he does not. It is not his fault that it is this way, but it pisses my shit off.
Comedy in Hollywood is such a fucking guys club! That is why the vitiole is starting for Chelsea Handler, too.
I am sure HE wouldn't get banned from The View...
(not that those old bitches matter).
-"Well, should we get more coffee or get two guns and shoot ourselves?"
double post
-"Well, should we get more coffee or get two guns and shoot ourselves?"
My TV was on MUTE all night, except for when Ricky Gervais spoke! He was priceless, love him!!!!
"Let's hit the fuckin' road!" Frank Booth
He lives in England (but also has a place in New York)I don't think he's worried about pissing anyone off. I loved him last night! I do think he was referring to John Travolta about the scientology thing.
Submitted by Pincheborracha on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 12:51pm.
You really missed out. The craziest line of the night was at the end when he said "i'd like to thank God that I'm an atheist". That really had everyone up in arms!
haha!
Another nugget for you hos who didn't catch it last night, Ricky also said that he was surprised Sex and the City 2 didn't get a nomination for best special effects photoshopping a movie poster. They cut to Chris Noth who sort of shrugged and laughed a little bit like, "It's true". And added, "We all know how old she is".
PLATINUM!!! had i known ricky was this hot, i would've actually watched the ggs...
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i lift things up and put them down...
*gives standing ovation to Ricky Gervais*
So great that he told it like it is. The whole celebrity thing is so rediculous, you have to be tongue in cheek for this sort of thing. Also props for pointing out that I love you Philip Morris didn't receive a nomination (How can they?? It's fantastic!) and that the Tourist nomination was obviously the result of a bribe.
Ricky said that someone had the awful job of getting the Golden Globes Foreign Press President off the toilet to glue his dentures back into his mouth. Well not exactly like that but it was effing funny.
That was around the time Ricky went missing for most of show.
LOL
Damn, all these gems of Lines. I wish I would have DVR'd the GG!
You really missed out. The craziest line of the night was at the end when he said "i'd like to thank God that I'm an atheist". That really had everyone up in arms!
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
I never liked Ricky until last night. LMAO ahahahahahahaahaha good job
Coma Caca!
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Oh I LOVE YOU RICKY!
POOOHTEEEE!
Ricky Gervais is my HERO! Its funny because between laughing my tits off I was thinking "he's a dead man going to be murdered by the scientologists"
Ricky says what everyone is thinking but doesn't have the guts to say. The best was what he said about Robert Downey jr. "you many know from such illustrious facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and the Los Angeles County Jail" Bahahahahahs! He deserved that getting too full of himself.
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
My favorite line of the evening, "Ashton Kutcher's dad, Bruce Willis"! Priceless!
It was nice to see someone not kissing their asses.
Ricky Gervais as host was the only thing that saved last night's Golden Globes telecast from being a COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT SHOW.
Although there were 2 other things that amused me: 1 - When they announced Katy Sagal as the winner for Sons of Anarchy, the camera immediately panned to Ed O'Neill. Awesomely weird. 2 - About 1/3 of the audience was clearly high on coke. Every audience shot showed people sniffing, chewing on their lips, etc.
RG was on point with his snarky, biting and ascerbic British humor.
I also have it on good word that although he can dish it he can't take it (commenting on fat people then suddenly halting all his comments when critics started pointing out his quasi portliness). Come on RG, get ready to bend over and take like a man. NO LUBE FOR YOU BITCH! Still love how he skewered those self important, self centered and empty headed Hollywood fops.
ITA. He's taking the piss but American celebs are too used to getting their asses kissed to take the heat.
Exactly! There is a subtle difference between that truly going for the jugular with malicious intent.
Standing O for Mr. Gervais.
If any of you get a chance, watch the series he did with pal, Karl Pilkington. "An Idiot Abroad" It is fucking hilarious.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
It was glorious. Bravo, Ricky.
If the point of the golden globes is some sort of Hollywood reacharound (as if there was a dearth of those), then the decision to let Ricky G. host the globes was about as well thought out as the one to let Colbert host the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner. I can only imagine that the person who made this happen was praying that it would work out EXACTLY as it did, or they were under the (totally erroneous) assumption that all Brits are polite and would never go for the snark. Have they never seen a taping of British Parliament or read the British tabloids?! They are vicious, albeit with a great deal more grammatical precision and panache than we can muster.
Ricky G, I doubt you have the time to read the interwebs, but bless you. US stars deserve to feel the shame most of us feel on the regular every now and again - perhaps it will help with their acting (not fucking likely, but a motherfucker can dream).
By the way, havn't the Globes been celebrity bonch licking fiestas in the past? I agree with everyone saying that this should be a new trend. The Globes, Oscars, all that shit should be ROASTS. ha.
Ricky, if you are alive and reading this ... You are my HERO!!! Well done.
Submitted by Scheherazade on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:29am
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:26am
Submitted by Libra on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:32am
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Thanks you guys <3
That sounded pretty funny (and on point), I wish I could watch it. I wish Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington would do something new already. I don't think anyone saw that movie Gervais was in called Ghost Town, but I thought he was awesome in it.
Ha!!! Someone finally has the balls to call out these little douchebags!
He did a bang up job and I I want to have dry Britsh sex with him even thoguh he is a cunt.
THe room was so unreceptive towards the end that he just got on with it.
Also, can someone help me, is Steve Carell really pissed at him. I can't tell any more. But I lied DEspicable me.
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:29am.
My ovaries just exploded.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults the
Submitted by Libra on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:36am.
Submitted by TheHeckler on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 11:30am.
Its funny because right when Ricky is walking up to the mic, they show Brangelina smiling and clapping... Bitch was probably thinking how she's gonna get her ass licked again and win awards... Boy was she in for a surprise LOL
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HA! Probably was choking back the tears and had a huge lump in her throat.
I hope this starts a trend in/out of Hollywood and these people are brought back to earth.
MK, you read my mind with the "milk carton" post. I mean, he WENT THERE last night. I'm not usually impressed, but I was kinda scared shitless for his mortality.
ricky is great! honestly. i love him since i've seen The Office (uk version, so much better than the american one)
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http://bitchspray.tumblr.com (nsfw)
My guess is that perhaps the Pitts weren't in the auditorium yet. I get the sense they arrived quite late.
I want to give Ricky a blow job to show my gratitude. And I can assure you, he won't be looking at his watch.
That was hilarious!!!
Why did RDJ have a bug up his ass when Ricky mentioned he went to rehab and jail? He DID go to rehab and jail, he's joked about it before, but I guess no one else can.