Martha Stewart's French Bulldog Will Headbutt A Bitch

I've never had the pleasure of meeting Martha Stewart's french bulldog Francesca, but just by looking at her I can tell that the bitch will split your lip if you interrupt her beauty sleep. That's exactly what happened to Martha the other morning, but don't holler for Cesar Millan just yet, because it was an accident. An accident (I'm on your side, Frannie)!!!!

Martha wrote a post on her blog (via TMZ) today about how she caught a sleeping Francesca by surprise when she leaned down to whisper a sweet goodbye into her dog's ear. Just like Martha in prison when her cellmate tried to steal her knitting needle made from a TV antenna, Francesca shot up and headbutted her in the lip. As the blood poured out of Martha's lip, she made a mental note to paint the back wall in her farmhouse kitchen the exact same color. Then Martha thought about stitching herself up using imported French thread, but when she realized that wasn't going to work she signaled for her driver to take her to the hospital!

I called the police to ask for a ride to the hospital, forgetting that Carlos, my driver was waiting to drive me into the city. Carlos and Betsy Perreten, my stable manager, packed me into the car and we drove in the falling snow the few miles to the emergency room in Northern Westchester Hospital, my wonderful neighborhood medical center. When we arrived, I was instructed to lie down and wait until the plastic surgeon on call, Dr. William Nolan, could get there from his nearby home. The pictures tell the rest of the story. Thank you, Betsy, for taking the photos. Thank you Carlos, Alexis, and Mike. Thanks to the hospital staff for their prompt and professional attention and of course, Thank you, Dr. Nolan!

Martha claims that Francesca was all torn up inside for accidentally fucking her ass up. Yeah, here's Francesca being all upset and shit:

That's definitely a "you'll get yours for this" face.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:18pm.

Submitted by charlie m on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 8:39pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 8:29pm.
________
Such a Tiger's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the Tiger in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream
*********************************************

MY CHOLLY! My Cholly is strummin' guitar and singing to me! MY CHOLLY! *hearts flyin' out of tiger head*

**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by pepper on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:18pm.

be gentle...
Martha only wants you to know..she is a cut above the rest....

Submitted by justaguest on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:15pm.

I doubt a head butt by a French bulldog would cause that bad a split lip. You don't put your head that close to a sleeping dog, their first instinct is to bite and ask questions later. Good job Francesca, although I have to say Martha is an animal lover, so she has my good wishes that the scar is not noticble.

Submitted by Hotmami on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:16pm.

I'm soooo sick of these rich bitches that feel it's necessary to go into specifics about the number of staffers they have. I hope she and Gwennie are mysteriously suffocated with pillows while they sleep. WHORES.

***********************************************
And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"

Submitted by Naughychimp on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:15pm.

Yeah, next time I split my lip, I'll telephone the cops for a ride to the plastic surgeon's...

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:14pm.

Mmmmm'hmmmm...I wonder how many 'commoners' with gunshot/stab wounds had to wait in the hall whilst Martha Stewart was lyin' in wait for a PLASTIC SURGEON!

**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by Mother Superior on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:31pm.

The police is not a shuttle service, for God's sake.

Submitted by pepper on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:14pm.

be gentle...
MK
Thank you for making me laugh every day......you have me in stitches....

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:14pm.

I can tell that the bitch will split your lip if you interrupt her beauty sleep.
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Um yeah. That's scary obvious up there.

I used to have this lhasa apso cross that was just like that. He would growl at you if you walked by too close to where he was napping. Vet? Sure! I love that guy! Food? G'head! Have some! Toys? What's mine is yours BUT do NOT fuck with my beauty rest!

I also had a dog that could crack your skull open with his head(Honestly, I never heard so many synonyms for the word "head" until I had that dog)...but he never did:)(whew!:)

♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/

Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:14pm.

There was a woman up the street from where I grew up who had the same mug as Francesca.

Francesca is ticked because she's told Martha time and time again, "I'm a male-identified bitch" (like some heifers here on dlisted).

Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:12pm.

so, what's the point of the pictures, Martha?
you looking to justify when you drop that dog off at the pound, you cunt?
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and, not a single fuck was given this day.

Submitted by poo on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:11pm.

TEAM FRANCESCA!!!!

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"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08

Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:10pm.

stupid bitch.
that dog hates her. FOR GOOD REASON. I have a purebred German shep who I can do anything to like that and he'd never bite me. cause he loves me! good dog!
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and, not a single fuck was given this day.

Submitted by charlie m on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:09pm.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 8:29pm.
________
Such a Tiger's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the Tiger in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Everything I want the Tiger to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It's because Tiger is here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on the top of the Tiger lookin'n down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the Tiger that I've found, ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world.

settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared

Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:09pm.

Martha in her magazine on her garden: she has a hundred things growing and every year Martha (has her slaves) dig up the strawberries and plant them where the cucumbers were and Martha (has her slaves) dig up the carrots and plant them where the asparagus was. Every year, Martha says is a must. Confuses the dirt, or something. I wish I had Martha's money (and slaves).

Submitted by super-ette on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:08pm.

Yeah I bet MY stable manager, MY driver and MY chef will have a good chuckle over this story over tea and petit-fours...the butler and valet have the day off tomorrow.

Is this chick for real?

Submitted by theboy on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:06pm.

haaaaaaaahahaha.
lolz
lurve u michael k, u shameless whore.

francesca for hot slut!!!

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:05pm.

I love Frenchies.

who the fuck takes pictures of themselves getting stitches and posts it on the internet?

attention whore.

***********************************************
The sun ain't nearly on the rise
And we still got the moon and stars above.
Underneath the velvet skies,
Love is all that matters. Won't you stay with me?
And don't you ever leave....

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 7:01pm.

Hahahahahahaha! hahahahahaha! Oh! I needed that. And to whomever made the Gwyneth Paltrow reference, I was thinking the same thing when I read Martha's little statement. I think Franesca has other bid'ness to handle.

__________________________________

Please get the fuck out ---->

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 6:59pm.

Frannie don't play dat....

**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 6:59pm.

<"As the blood poured out of Martha's lip, she made a mental note to paint the back wall in her farmhouse kitchen the exact same color.">

Boy do you know Martha. Like her, always have. Used to subscribe to (need to renew) "Living" where every month she started with a to-do list for the month that was a never-did a damn-one for me. Like removing all the screens after summer/fall and re-arranging the living room furniture "before the holiday parties to stimulate conversation."