QOTD: Jake Gyllenhaal Thinks Natalie Portman Is The Audrey Hepburn Of Our Time

Somewhere Jennifer Love Hewitt is biting off pieces of raw Crescent Roll dough while stroking the "This Generation's Audrey Hepburn: Jennifer Love Hewitt" certificate she made herself, because Jakey Gyllenhaal called Natalie Portman the true reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. Or some mess like this. Jakey pursed his precious lips and said this at the Palm Springs International Film Festival this past weekend:

"Natalie is the Audrey Hepburn of our generation. She is elegant, graceful, has amazing eyebrows ... is talented, really short, funny, smart, dedicated, incredibly kind. She's a vegan, which makes it really frustrating when you're picking a place to eat. She's also recently announced that she's going to be a mom, and her child will probably need therapy after seeing Black Swan."

"Has amazing eyebrows...."? Jakey is a fellow eyebrow aficionado whose lash tips tingle at the sight of a perfectly executed arch? If Mah Boo doesn't devote an entire show to the history of the cholita brow, I'm going to rename my boyfriend pillow "Jakey." But back to the mess at hand....

Jakey needs to stop! Natalie Portman is not the Audrey Hepburn of our anything. Jake is more of a modern day Audrey than Natalie's ass is! Don't believe me? Picture Natalie gliding down a flight of stairs with chiffon blowing behind her the way she did in Funny Face. Now let's see Jakey do the same thing:

Exactly.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by sonah22 on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 1:42pm.

This one seems like someone who has secret coke-fueled parties or something and her image is just that. Maybe that's where that "I sowwie I so pretty" look in her eyes came from. From knowing she's faking it. I feel like she would be cool in person, but only if you got into her inner circle. Though her eating habits would make me want to slap her.

She's stopped looking so pretentious semi-recently, thanks to the pregnancy. Now she's actually got fat on her bones like the rest of us, and she doesn't look so uppity. Looking forward to changing diapers and looking a little older can do that to a person, I guess. Though once she loses weight it might be the same ole crap again. Ugh, how those Indie boys who put her on a pedestal annoy me.

Submitted by Erika_Leigh on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 3:13pm.

Nah, he's actually pretty tall and buff IRL. Methinks she might be wearing heals. I think he's just joking around in this quote here. I mean, mentioning veganism and Audrey Hepburn-the quote itself makes no sense.

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Submitted by Crustyina Fagulera. on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 12:16pm.

Are you guys merely judging Natalie from Black Swan? She's a good actress. If one is classy she is too pretentious? But if she's trashy and drugged out like Lindsay then she's garbage? Choose a medium people

Submitted by synthesizeddays on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 10:55am.

jake does have an eyebrow obsession. according to an ex of his from 7 years ago (i'm sure you can guess who), he would ask to pluck her female friend's eyebrows. i think it was how excited he got that really freaked her out.

Submitted by aliana.lohan on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 7:03am.

someone needs cataract surgery pronto

she's SO overrated

Submitted by literarylioness on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 8:31pm.

Not with that dress she's not! Audrey Hepburn would never been seen in a piece of crap like that, pregnant or not.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 7:40pm.

He also thinks it's only gay when he's the one sucking the dick.

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Submitted by Hotmami on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 6:26pm.

I loathe Natalie Portman. That is all.

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Submitted by CandyPerfumeGirl on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 6:26pm.

I always wanted to be complemented for and remembered by my eyebrows. That kind of hair is the stuff of legends.
..

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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity

Submitted by Poopele on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:49pm.

this is just jews having each others back.

Jakey Sheckentein loves Natalie Lipsthitz who cares.

Submitted by Poopele on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:49pm.

this is just jews having each others back.

Jakey Sheckentein loves Natalie Lipsthitz who carews.

Submitted by Dannii on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:34pm.

also-saw prince of persia last week-why the fuck was he wearing clothes? he shoulda been naked all the way though i was throughly disapointed! :(

Submitted by Dannii on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:24pm.

I remember reading-not sure if this is correct though-that Hepburn said of herself that she did not consider herself a particulary great actress but was over hyped.

Now in that respect i would agree that Portman is similar to Hepburn, and in that instance only.

Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 3:27pm.

I'd rather her compared to Audrey Hepburn than that cowpattie Parasite who had the gall to make herself up as Audrey one photo shoot.

Submitted by Carpe Diem on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 3:10pm.

I agree with most of the comments here! Yes she is pretty but I am not a fan of her acting. I did see Black Swan and was not very impressed due to all the hype it was getting. Don't think she did an outstanding job, same with Mila. But whatever, we all know those award shows are fixed anyways. And I used to think Bubble Boy was soo hot, but eh now I think Jake is just an average douche bag I could find at my college campus.

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:42pm.

Never been overly impressed by Natalie Portman. She's stunning but seems uptight IRL and onscreen.

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Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:40pm.

Really?? And what's Taylor Swift a bag of shit??

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:38pm.

I think this whole "natalie portman is sooooo talented" shit comes from her being persistently pretentious off-screen as well. What movies have I see her in? Oh that's right, Star Wars.

I've never seen an AH movie, but if it's such a great accolade to be the next AH and someone deserves that accolade, it's Audrey Tautou.

Submitted by Stock Broker on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:20pm.

Most over rated actress since Lassie.

I'm referring to both of them.

Good afternoon DListed snow angels!

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Submitted by Joeb on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:19pm.

That makes Jake the new Ava Gardner. He's perfect for a remake of "The Naked Maja". That or Due-Cove-Knee's love interest in "Californication".

Submitted by Phoebe on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:16pm.

Audrey Hepburn was ok, but not worth all the platitudes, IMO.

Black Swan is just Single White Female in tutus. I love Swan Lake too, so I was hoping it was going to be good.

Blah, blah if Natalie Portman was so fantastic she'd be confident enough to use her real name. That's always a peeve of mine.

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:16pm.

Jakeypoo is bringing all the boys to his yard with the eyebrows comment.

You boys are so lucky to have him on your team! He is hot stuff.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

Submitted by stake_spike on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:11pm.

He actually said that?? I thought MK had inserted his own funny quotes and forgot to format.

Submitted by MaxiePad on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:06pm.

Natalie Portman the next Audrey Hepburn? Maybe the next Wynona Ryder, and not even that.

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Submitted by putsomestankonit on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:50pm.

I'm offically anti Toothy Tile now. But what an odd comment to make on her eyebrows.

Submitted by Few Words on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:45pm.

he keeps farting out stoopid stuff from his mouth
stick a cock in it and shaddddup

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Submitted by Erika_Leigh on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:43pm.

he must be puny ass guy if she's short. he's standing next to her and he doesn't look much taller.

Submitted by Whatever on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:40pm.

Eyebrows? Never heard a straight man compliment a woman for her eyebrows.

Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:18pm.

I think Black Swan sucked, and Swan Lake is my favorite ballet.

I think Natalie sucked, Mila Kunis was boring, and the rest of the cast was just there for the paycheck.

I mean, how can Natalie get any credit? All the dancing was done by a body double!

Meg Ryan's fake orgasm in the goddamn deli blew her supposedly real one out of the water.

Seriously, this movie has Oscar buzz?

Darran A. must have just phoned it in after he found out his LIFE (haha) partner Rachel Weisz was fucking James Bond.

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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall

Submitted by cake coke and cock on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:12pm.

I SWEAR I've heard "she's the new Audrey Hepburn" about every cocksucking whore celebrity out there with brown hair. Why people gotta fuck with the dead like that?
Jake just keeps disappointing me.

Submitted by saltydog88 on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:10pm.

Natalie Portman is a far better actress than Audrey Hepburn ever was.

WTF is the obsession with Audrey Hepburn? Seriously, this kinda shit just carries over from people having seen one too many Breakfast at Tiffany's posters in college. I also think people get her confused with Katherine Hepburn, who was actually talented and awesome.

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:09pm.

He's right. She does have amazing eyebrows.

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Submitted by fishsticksfan on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 1:03pm.

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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK

Submitted by Vern on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:57pm.

Fishy-that link was fun but you know Jakey wanted a RED dress!

*chanting as always*

Submitted by MagnificentChichis on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:55pm.

I never take any of these gay-or-not-gay speculations about celebs very seriously, but... eyebrows? Okay, if he's not gay, he is a really unusual guy.

Submitted by zinnia on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:53pm.

Haha okay now he's back in my good book! :D

Submitted by oscarwilde on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:53pm.

I once got Natalie a script I wrote called 'Following Audrey's Shadow'. True story. But Harper's Bazzar called her that in the 90's, so it's nothing new. She definitely has a grace, but not the awkward grace that Audrey had.

Submitted by A__________Z on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:53pm.

Audrey would have set her fake 3-strand eye lashes closer.

Submitted by Datura on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:52pm.

I'm not one of those Breakfast at Tiffany's merchandise wearing Audrey loonies, but I do think she was gorgeous with her little birdlike features. She wasn't the greatest actress in the world, but I think she was wonderful in My Fair Lady (rather miffed that that one is being remade. No reason for it.)

Natalie is very pretty, but veganism isn't doing her any favours. She always looks pale and frail anymore.

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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb

Submitted by OneLiner on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:52pm.

I think Jakey attempted to make a joke regarding the eyebrows but it just went horribly wrong.

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Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:49pm.

Oh please.

And while I think Audrey was elegant-looking and did care very much for her sons and the suffering children of the world, I have no illusions about her, either.

She had a good shtick. That's all. Didn't know about her married men thing, but I knew she was fucked in the head.

Submitted by onthefringe on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:51pm.

Submitted by Flatbush Hooker... on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:04pm.

Too all honesty I think Jim Carrey coulda been done a better job playing Nina
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Jim Carrey as the Black Swan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0TRXm_mR0&feature=related

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The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
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Submitted by sofster101 on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:42pm.

I think he mentioned the eyebrows simply to get on dlisted.

Submitted by SpiceDong on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:41pm.

IMO Audrey never had the face or the body to compete with the silver screen goddesses or her era, so she created a niche for herself based on her clothing style (mainly engineered by Hubert De Givanchy) and classy demeanor...her Mom was a baroness so in her case being classy and sophisticated wasn't really an act, it was second-nature to her...her dalliances with married men weren't all-too-secret either. The only reason she did not steal Bill Holden from his wife was because she wanted to have children and he had had a vasectomy already. Otherwise she would have been a man-snatcher like Ava, Liz or Jolie.

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they took their relationship from "May I borrow some sugar?" to "May I lick sugar off your ass crack?" - MK

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Submitted by Flatbush Hooker... on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:34pm.

He must be lickin Q train poles if he thinks Natalie Portman is
next Audrey
Natalie Portmans acting is as dry as Kim Kardashians dancing
She's the most overrated actress or as they call her starlet even tho she's been a starlet for over 10 years in hollywood lol
Audrey's acting was amazing and overall she looked like a genuine sweet woman
While Natalie gives off that annoying snobby bitch vibe and sometimes she acts as if she's to good to even stand on red caret for oscars or w/e
Too all honesty I think Jim Carrey coulda been done a better job playing Nina LOOOOOOOOL

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PREACH!

Submitted by clutching-at-straws on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:27pm.

Submitted by christine the hoff
jake, shutup already. you're runing my image of you as a hot straight man.

ROFL!! Sometimes I think he must be winking at us. Kind of like, "Yeah, I know you all know."

I mean, he can't honestly think anyone believed the Swifty bullshit.

Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:27pm.

I guess people love Audrey became she was tiny, elfin, skinny, with a perfect face. Kind of like Winona Ryder. Except, unlike Winona, she kept her issues hidden and had class. Her acting was just ok. But I think if she was around today people would still worship her. I mean nowadays we have, what, Carey Mulligan? Nice girl, but with a face like a fist. And Natalie Portman, a snooty little slut who forever looks like a preteen. So yeah, I guess that's why people love Audrey.

Submitted by Few Words on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:25pm.

hahahhahahahahahahahahah

jakey you is sooo funny!

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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
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Submitted by SpiceDong on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 12:24pm.

amazing eyebrows??? I think Jake is a closeted reader of DLISTED!

And as such, he should know better than compare this lame trick to Audrey. Natalie has the physical type BUT she is bland and lacks the "je ne se quoi" and charisma of Ms. Hepburn.

And JLove is just pathetic and her playing Audrey on tv was the worst casting ever..she must have sucked better dick than all the other hopefuls.

Wonder what Jake's DLISTED name is...hmm bearded DLister, suck&fuck is that you?
;-)

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they took their relationship from "May I borrow some sugar?" to "May I lick sugar off your ass crack?" - MK

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