Oprah Is Our Messenger!
OWN, the only TV network that every church on the planet recommends watching in lieu of prayer, launched last weekend and its creator talked to reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour yesterday where she confirmed what every priest has already told us: OPRAH IS GOD'S BLOWN HORN....among other things.
Just like Praise The Lord Baby, Oprah hypnotized the room of reporters with her sermon about her plans for her network and what she's trying to do. Here's just a few quotes from Oprah Revival '11:
On how all of us are here for a reason: “So the evolving of consciousness is really what I’m about but I’m not telling people that’s what it is. All of us are here to become more of who we are, of who you really were born to be. Every single one of us in this room has that. That is how we are all equal, because I was born to be who the creator intended, whether you believe in the creator or not. Whatever you believe put you here, you were born to perform the highest expression of that coming. That is my goal as my personal self and it is also my goal to help other people see that in themselves. I fully understand that this platform that I have been given is a gift.”
Thank you, Oprah. I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you. Thank you for letting me know to keep struttin' on the same path with my head held into a bong. Oprah IS great!
On how she doesn't watch TV: "I don't want all that energy coming into my space; I want to control the energy coming into my space."
Xenu, you crazy bitch! Stop hacking into Oprah's direct connection with GOD and leaving your own messages!
On how she's heaven's one-woman singing telegram deliverer: “After The Color Purple, I learned that God can dream a bigger dream for you than you can dream for yourself. I try to live in that space that is the universe’s dream for me, the bigger dream. As you heard me say to Barbara Walters, my prayer is: use me. I see myself really as a messenger for a message that is greater than myself. The message is: You can. You can. You can. You can do and you can be and you can grow and it can get better and it doesn’t matter where you were born or who your mother was or how many doctorate degrees you did have or your family had or your father had. It doesn’t matter. You can. You can do.”
Oprah is right. Ha. I type that as if Oprah is ever w.w.w.ww.w.w.wr. See, my keyboard won't even let me complete that sentence. But yes, Oprah is right. You can. You can. You can. You can change THE CHANNEL. No, I didn't mean that. That was blasphemy....and a sin.
Now, while I try to wash away that sin by saying a dozen Holy Gayles, you can look at these pictures of Oprah wearing one of Endora's old housecoats to the TCA cocktail reception last night in L.A.
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Submitted by Murph on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 1:12pm.
I used to have the same mantra to God...'Use me. Let me help make a difference.'
So what did he give me? A fucking rare muscle disease that only a few hundred people in the world are known to have while in law school no less! The disease is more commonly found in newborns and infants in which cases it is always fatal. Being the first case the Mayo clinic has ever seen of this, they are using all my blood, tissue and muscle samples to conduct all kinds of testing in an effort to save what are otherwise healthy happy babies. I am glad I can help like that because all prenatal testing shows they are 100% fine. But, at the risk of sounding selfish, why couldn't God use me to be a billionaire???!!! It's easy to have that kind of faith when you are sitting in your own kingdom looking down on all the little people.
That being said, God has nothing to do with all this. It is nothing more than chance, circumstance and error. My dna malfunctioned, Oprah hit a nerve with America and became rich. To claim otherwise would make it seem that God played favorites...leave God out of this. This shit is about chance.
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Cheesy as it is to say this: Murph, you're more valuable than a billion dollars for what you're contributing to others.
My father has a rare illness, and it makes me think of how random fate seems to be. People like Snooki have money and a mouthpiece to society, and people like my dad, who is good and kind and intelligent and hardworking, get wasting illnesses.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
(((Murph))) And ita. God doesn't have favorite sports teams either.
OH! And wash dishes in cold water? I'm sorry Oomprah, but HOT WATER IS WHAT KILLS THE GOD DAMNED GERMS!
You might want to ask your maid about that one.
Stupid cow.
I'm at home in my scrubs. All my clothes were free except my black 8 Mile hoodie (cuz I gotta represent yo) was 8 bucks.
O yeah - and I cut and relax my hair myself (i'm really excited about cuz I just did it and I can finally wash it today! Wheeeeee!)
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
Right Dog? Wash my dishes in cold water? Bitch, have you EVER washed a dish?
Everything I have on is either hand-me-down or resale, except for the VS underwear lol. *purrs* So...what are you wearin?
She's still fat.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Submitted by Murph on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 1:12pm.
I used to have the same mantra to God...'Use me. Let me help make a difference.'
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(((HUGS)))@Murph. Hard shit. A friend taught me once to pray for mercy. Praying for strength (to be God's power) - you just don't know what you're getting yourself into there... Oprah, most likely, sold her soul to the Devil so that's a completely different thing;p
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
Oprah's granny panties probably cost more than my car. I know her purse does.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Shoes $30, Socks&Briefs $5, Company Uniform $0 not having put together an outfit every GD day PRICELESS! plus the fuckers pay $.25 an hour to wash this shit!************************************************************************************************ Profanity is a crutch used by ignorant motherfuckers.
Submitted by Whamo:"...I know O’s in it for O now but what the fuck, I can’t hate on her too much. A black woman that built and empire with her humble beginnings and no nepotism has to be admired to a certain extent."
Yes. When I really think about what she's accomplished in her lifetime, I am humbled and I get a little lump in my throat.
@Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:54pm.
I TOLD YOU, BITCHEZ! And mark my words, there's more to come.
I said it when she started having shows with the New Age guru people, and it's my theory about why she's so cozy with the $cientos. She wants to pick their brains and see how to build your own latter-day religion/cult. She is going to start a spiritual "movement" and she will be its leader.
I'd say she's off to a bangin' start.
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My main gay agrees that she is starting her own religion and using the Scientologists for research. For the last 20 years Oprah has been the biggest promoter of superficiality, faux- spirituality, and materialism on TV.
I used to have the same mantra to God...'Use me. Let me help make a difference.'
So what did he give me? A fucking rare muscle disease that only a few hundred people in the world are known to have while in law school no less! The disease is more commonly found in newborns and infants in which cases it is always fatal. Being the first case the Mayo clinic has ever seen of this, they are using all my blood, tissue and muscle samples to conduct all kinds of testing in an effort to save what are otherwise healthy happy babies. I am glad I can help like that because all prenatal testing shows they are 100% fine. But, at the risk of sounding selfish, why couldn't God use me to be a billionaire???!!! It's easy to have that kind of faith when you are sitting in your own kingdom looking down on all the little people.
That being said, God has nothing to do with all this. It is nothing more than chance, circumstance and error. My dna malfunctioned, Oprah hit a nerve with America and became rich. To claim otherwise would make it seem that God played favorites...leave God out of this. This shit is about chance.
If she is so into leading a better life, why doesn't she live a truthful life and admit Steadman is nothing but a beard and she has the hots for GAYle?
*looks at outfit*
Um....hand me down jeans......$0
Shelf bra tank from old navy..$6
Henly from old navy...........$12
heeled boots, old navy........$60
$78 - outfit accumulated over the course of 2 years.
Okra is so deep into her own hype, she has no concept of real people or the real world. Her existence is so rarified, she can't conceive of having to actually make a living or shop for groceries, etcetera.
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Grow your own dope: plant a man.
Raul don't want all your bullshit coming into his space so fuck off bitch! ************************************************************************************************ Profanity is a crutch used by ignorant motherfuckers.
She used to be an inspiration to me, coming from nothing and creating an empire. But now, she just seems batshit crazy, and not in a good way.
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
What a load of bullshit. Kudos to Okrah for being able to say so much crap with a serious face. Give this bitch an Oscar already.
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"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."
Angel preach!! I think that's why we're here, we're God's tv show. Bet he checks the Donald Trump channel all the time and laughs his all-knowing ass off.
How about "MOAN" (yes, as in complain) MOAN="MichaelK Oprah Asskissin' Network". And all of us Dlister faithful know Michael K would dump our asses to join the disciples of Oprah (Dr.Phil,Nate Berkus,Suzy Orman) on the OWN network!
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"Let's hit the fuckin' road!" Frank Booth
Let's see...I think MY whole outfit today costs less than $100...
Sweater Wrap from Old Navy $50
Long-sleeve tee from Forever 21 $12
Leggings on clearance from Banana $20
Earrings $5 from a jewelry show where I pretended to be a buyer
Ho Boots FREE because I've had them since high school and I've only paid to have them repaired
So basically, $87 total.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
She doesn't watch TV but she sure as hell wants to take over TV.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
Fuck Supercuts for $12. Those bitches are CONSTANTLY fucking up my straight as fuck, thin hair. My hair is one length, ONE FUCING LENGTH, I get it cut straight at the end, no curving/low layers, etc. Every time I've gone to those people my hair looks like a 2 year old chopped it in my sleep.
I've been cutting my own hair for 12 years now.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA Raul!! You made me laugh out loud all alone in my office! People are rubber necking out of their doors. lololol
@Sweetas: Yeah but one thing the Bible never covered really was God's sense of humour. He's a funny guy when you really get down to it.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
God put Oprah here to be a closeted lesbian who tells my broke ass to wash my dishes in cold water to lessen my carbon footprint yet lives in a mansion that covers three city blocks? Interesting.
"OPRAH IS GOD'S BLOWN HORN" ~ the gospel
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
Submitted by bitchette on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:51pm.
When my husband and I were first dating, he went to Great Clips to get his hair cut. OMG It looked like a blind 3 year old using the scissors in his wrong hand cut his hair! There was a patch right on the top of his head that was 3/4th of an inch shorter then the rest of his hair.
I made him go back and have them fix it. They had to cut all his hair to about 1/2 inch long to blend it in.
WOW, she’s starting to sound a little like Will Smith in her rambling answers.
I know O’s in it for O now but what the fuck, I can’t hate on her too much. A black woman that built and empire with her humble beginnings and no nepotism has to be admired to a certain extent.
I TOLD YOU, BITCHEZ! And mark my words, there's more to come.
I said it when she started having shows with the New Age guru people, and it's my theory about why she's so cozy with the $cientos. She wants to pick their brains and see how to build your own latter-day religion/cult. She is going to start a spiritual "movement" and she will be its leader.
I'd say she's off to a bangin' start.
Okra is so deep into her own hype, she has no concept of real people or the real world. Her existence is so rarified, she can't conceive of having to actually make a living or shop for groceries, etcetera.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grow your own dope: plant a man.
Submitted by bitchette on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:51pm.
sheeyat. i'd cut my own hair with nail clippers before getting a $12 cut at super cuts... essentially the same thing and then i can spend my $12 on somthing much better
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Agreed!
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
I have been saying for years that that bitch was one of those "secret Scientologist" so I'm glad she spouted that bullshit; her words show clear signs of Xenu infestation. Her network is like the Lifetime network to me...full of shit I'll never watch.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:50pm.
Stoney, the whole thing was disgusting. She showed women "modeling" Supercuts 'dos and wearing WHOLE OUTFITS THAT COST LESS THAN $100, SHOES INCLUDED CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?
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LOL! I have whole outfits that cost less than FIFTY dollars and I'm Canadian, FFS! And sometimes there's some really good names in there. I just wait for rich people like Oprah to get bored of their shit. They almost always get bored of it when it's still in really good condition.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
OH YES! As Stoney said, go build another rape house.
Never mind the millions of starving, uneducated, homelss children HERE in AMERICA that could benefit from your BILLIONS of fucking dollars.
DIAF!
LOLLLL at "stupid Mowgli"!! hahahahahahaaa
*looks under chair for free gift, sees DWM sucking a dildo, goes back to work*
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
LOL @ Raul's link, She's stttttiiiiiillllll peeing!
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
sheeyat. i'd cut my own hair with nail clippers before getting a $12 cut at super cuts... essentially the same thing and then i can spend my $12 on somthing much better
i don't like oprah. never watched her show, dont' plan to. and also CANNOT stand the screaming hordes of dumbass housewives who don't have their own thoughts in their heads and have to fill them up with hers.
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Stoney, the whole thing was disgusting. She showed women "modeling" Supercuts 'dos and wearing WHOLE OUTFITS THAT COST LESS THAN $100, SHOES INCLUDED CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?
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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green
On how she doesn't watch TV: "I don't want all that energy coming into my space; I want to control the energy coming into my space."
In other words: "I've made a fortune off you suckers who watch tv; but I would never deign to watch tv myself. Especially since I don't want anyone else to achieve the level of success I have on tv. You plebes who watch tv can keep sucking my dick and liking it."
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"TISSUE, PLEEEEAZE!"
Submitted by louise_brooks on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:47pm.
Submitted by The Mad Catter on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:23pm.
YES! ITA, I can't let my bf watch DR Oz or he thinks he's dying on the regular!
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
If she gave me a car I'd LOOOOOVE her long time!
Bitch, you're rich, I'll give you that. That doesn't make you deep.
Tell it, snowy! LOL! So true. All her New Age-y bullshit about peace and harmony and loving your self and being in the moment, but then she does the "santa" act with that dumbass audience of hers with the give-aways. She promotes 1) Oprah and all things Oprah, and 2) Materialism, 3) False images, and 4) see #1.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by The Mad Catter on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:23pm.
Dr. Oz is ridiculous. Every single episode seems to be, "Why you probably have this disease that is silently killing you!"
OMG uvy, I'm surprised she didn't do a show where she went to a Supercuts with cameras in tow to get her hair did for $12. Maybe that's where she draws the line.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:30pm.
i refuse to read through all that gibberish oprah's spouting...and i'll admit i turned to oprah's station to see what the hubbub was all about...not impressed at all...
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AMEN!
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...the end
I'm so glad she left regular TV now she is going to have her network and nobody is going to see it, unless you are an oprah freak,she is fat and nobody can take that away from her,
she will be always a fatty ,
what she needs to loose weight is stop smoking and munching late nights.
Oprah Winfrey forever a fatty girl
I know this is always my "I Hate Oprah" story but years ago she did a show about how to live on a budget. She wouldn't shut the fuck UP about how shocked she was that you could go to Supercuts and get a $12 haircut. I'm sorry, but if you're so fucking removed from reality that you can't comprehend that not everybody can afford hundreds of dollars for something as basic as a haircut, then you need to just sit the hell down.
I also loathe her fanbase. All those screaming, idiotin' women shrieking over all the freebies their queen has bestowed upon them is fucking embarrassing and borderline cultish.
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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green
LMMFAO at Raul's link!! OMG hahahahahahahaaa!! nasty!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH