Oprah Is Our Messenger!
OWN, the only TV network that every church on the planet recommends watching in lieu of prayer, launched last weekend and its creator talked to reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour yesterday where she confirmed what every priest has already told us: OPRAH IS GOD'S BLOWN HORN....among other things.
Just like Praise The Lord Baby, Oprah hypnotized the room of reporters with her sermon about her plans for her network and what she's trying to do. Here's just a few quotes from Oprah Revival '11:
On how all of us are here for a reason: “So the evolving of consciousness is really what I’m about but I’m not telling people that’s what it is. All of us are here to become more of who we are, of who you really were born to be. Every single one of us in this room has that. That is how we are all equal, because I was born to be who the creator intended, whether you believe in the creator or not. Whatever you believe put you here, you were born to perform the highest expression of that coming. That is my goal as my personal self and it is also my goal to help other people see that in themselves. I fully understand that this platform that I have been given is a gift.”
Thank you, Oprah. I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you. Thank you for letting me know to keep struttin' on the same path with my head held into a bong. Oprah IS great!
On how she doesn't watch TV: "I don't want all that energy coming into my space; I want to control the energy coming into my space."
Xenu, you crazy bitch! Stop hacking into Oprah's direct connection with GOD and leaving your own messages!
On how she's heaven's one-woman singing telegram deliverer: “After The Color Purple, I learned that God can dream a bigger dream for you than you can dream for yourself. I try to live in that space that is the universe’s dream for me, the bigger dream. As you heard me say to Barbara Walters, my prayer is: use me. I see myself really as a messenger for a message that is greater than myself. The message is: You can. You can. You can. You can do and you can be and you can grow and it can get better and it doesn’t matter where you were born or who your mother was or how many doctorate degrees you did have or your family had or your father had. It doesn’t matter. You can. You can do.”
Oprah is right. Ha. I type that as if Oprah is ever w.w.w.ww.w.w.wr. See, my keyboard won't even let me complete that sentence. But yes, Oprah is right. You can. You can. You can. You can change THE CHANNEL. No, I didn't mean that. That was blasphemy....and a sin.
Now, while I try to wash away that sin by saying a dozen Holy Gayles, you can look at these pictures of Oprah wearing one of Endora's old housecoats to the TCA cocktail reception last night in L.A.
• 
We already have the Pope, the Dalai Lama, the Patriach, the Archbishop of Canterbury,the Rav of Jerusalem...
Let your food fill your mouth,Oprah.
Team dumb grouchy stoner sluts!
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Sat, 01/08/2011 - 5:46am.
I will never hate on Oprah because if she were a man no one would be saying such idiotic shit about her.
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O I can tell you with absolute surety that, if she was a man, I'd be saying WAY more idiotic shit about her. I'm working on that but I do know I'm not there yet.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
She has morphed into a caricature of herself.
Eff the Mighty O.....Imma stickin' with Quinn the Eskimo!
I will never hate on Oprah because if she were a man no one would be saying such idiotic shit about her
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Is there any evidence she ISN'T a man?
(kiss this)--------------------------->>> (_!_)
"and she's most certainly, in the eyes of the media, a lesbian."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Yeah, like Jupiter is most certainly, in the eyes of the media, a big-ass planet.
God, the woman talks drivel. But at least it's fairly harmless drivel, so who cares. Just jog on.
(kiss this)--------------------------->>> (_!_)
I will never hate on Oprah because if she were a man no one would be saying such idiotic shit about her.
Same with Martha Stewart. Let these heauxz rule the world!!!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
I'm not an Oprah fan. Her show panders to mainstream, idiotic middle Americans who value possessions over truly living and the conventional over interesting.
I do admire that she became so successful. Men do this all the time and we don't bat an eye. A woman does this and suddenly she's a "bitch" and she's most certainly, in the eyes of the media, a lesbian. After all, how can a woman be so focused on career when it's supposed to be focused on penis penis penis?
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
At Bonnaroo (outdoor music festival) this summer, I was sweltering in my tent when a chick tripping on mushrooms wandered into my tent (not an abnormal occurrence at Bonnaroo, mind you).
She told me something similar: "The universe wants you to live up to your full potential. Other people plant doubts in your head and that's why you fail to do so."
I found it to be more wise coming from her than Oprah.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
Try as i might, i just cannot hate Oprah. I kinda dig her bitch attitude.I never watch her show or listen to her pipe dream enabling rants but her obvious rudeness to her 'inferiors' amuses me.
she has done a lot of good for a lot of people but she is not now, nor will she ever be God. imo, she has a long way to go before she even completes her human development, and because of people like gayle and other hangers on, this will never happen. she is content to stay in her present state of being. her puffy eyes and obesity are clear signs of her spiritual stagnation (she isn't nurturing her body properly). she chose worship by the mindless masses instead. and let's not forget all that money.....
I love Oprah, I really do. I think she has a big heart and is very generous to others. She is not one of those asshole gazillionaires who won't give a dime to help others. She puts her money where her mouth is. I also love how postive and uplifting she can be.
BUT, sometimes her 'you can, no matter what' or 'live your best life' messages bug me. For example how can a starving, third-world orphan with aids, who has lost their parents rise up and 'live their best life?
I don't actively hate many people, but I do hate her.
OMG the Mayan, biblical and I Ching predictions of 2012 and the end of time and transformation of global consciousness are true: It will all come about because of the launch of the Oprah network!!!
"Happy thoughts does not bring about happiness"
Not true. And it takes a lot more effort to be miserable than it does to see the humor in life, even in the ridiculous. Why be miserable unnecessarily? You only draw more negativity to yourself, which makes you more miserable, etc. etc endless cycle.
Snideychick sez:
This shit will tank. The woman Oprah chose to run her network used to be head of progamming at MTV. The same woman who gave the world Jersey Shore.
Oprah = Sanctimonious Sow
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
...Here's the official countdown site...Sept 9 it is...
http://www.oprahfinale.com
...Free at last...Great God Almighty...free at last...
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And remember ladies...only flying monkeys and Shar-Peis can pull off lip-liner...
Go ahead Harpo...go on with your existential self!
Oprah is the Antichrist
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1314382/pg1
Submitted by oceanlover998 on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:47pm.
...Hey Oprah...STFU...
...Her original show goes off the air on my birthday this year, Sept 9...
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Hey, nice birthday - my daughter's also :)
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Montréal
Submitted by KimberlyAnne on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 7:50pm.
As a huge fan of Discovery Health. Eff you Oprah. Eff you.
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SUPER ULTRA AGREE.
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Oh, I
Could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
Submitted by Vern on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:25pm.
@precocious:
*kicks Kitteh*
Nothing beats Vintage Tar'jay.
I have to get hair cut ever 4 weeks. grows like crazy, and very straight/wiry. went to a really short cut like Marilu Henner (same color, to) and I can spike it sometimes.
Won't be long til I'm offically a skeery old lady!!!
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I used to be sad that my hair grew so slowly, but IN THIS ECONOMY I've had the chance to neglect it completely, and it has reached its ultimate longness, which is still not all that long. (I am in a death match with one of my sisters--her hair is past her ass and I hate her tremendously now.)
I was one of those kids with that wispy blonde hair that turned into uncombable glue if you added water, so my mom always chopped it clean off, with the half-inch bangs routine. I looked like such a retard.
But now I am a long-haired retard!! Eat shit, Ma!
_________________________
Oh, I
Could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
As a huge fan of Discovery Health. Eff you Oprah. Eff you.
She really pissed off a lot people who were fans of Discovery Health because only 2 of their programs went onto the OWN network which took over that channel. Also fans of Fit Tv are pissed because they changed the exercise programing they had to fit in some Discovery health shows that use to be on Discovery health channel...they all hate Oprah including me! She did not win any fans by taking over these Discovery channels, I have a feeling her network will fail.
Submitted by oceanlover998 on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:47pm.
...Hey Oprah...STFU...
...Her original show goes off the air on my birthday this year, Sept 9...
...a heartfelt Thank You and Amen to the real Great God Almighty...
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I thought her show goes off for good in May?
"I try to live in that space that is the universe’s dream for me, the bigger dream."
Orca...let's face it, you're two moonpies away from not being able to fit into any universe.
I've heard better psychobabble from Cokemey Love!
i like Oprah, and btw i want one of those cookie things on the side of this page.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:57pm.
Orca has bought into her own PR and is so completely removed from the hoi polloi, she might as well inhabit the moon.
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True talk. Opie has been insane for a long time now, but as long as she kept giving away cars she had an audience. She's never caught on that people don't like her for who she is, but for what she might give them.
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Don't listen to anything Sandbitch has to say. What she does not tell us is that she is actually a very rich lady who came into money by opening sensual massage kiosks in Japan.
Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 4:18pm.
@Sandbitch and RasKimmie: I'm sorry too - for adding to the confusion by accusing Sandy of being a lesbian just becuz she has tools that make men go limp.
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Yeah, yeah, I got all that. What I want to know is how she celebrates with her tools. No wait, I don't want to know. I'm getting that feeling I usually get right before I click on one of MK's fucked up links.
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Funny how they always seem to land butter side down.
I WANT TO BE SAILOR MOON
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Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 04/06/2010 - 10:19am.
mcnightmare, don't argue with ZiggyStardust. You will just get frustrated. Her mind doesn't work like the rest of ours.
@Sandbitch and RasKimmie: I'm sorry too - for adding to the confusion by accusing Sandy of being a lesbian just becuz she has tools that make men go limp.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
You can! You can! You can!
So why can't this dumb bitch keep her damn weight off?
How big is this space that she was born to occupy in the universe? She is a fucking cow.
I hate this New Age, robes and rice bowls, happy happy positive thinking horse shit.
Some people simply CAN'T. Like everything else that this woman has done with her life, her speech is ill-thought and masturbatory; it's messy, serves nobody but Orka and leaves you feeling ashamed and dirty when it's all done.
We are balls deep in poverty and social inequalities. To extend to metaphor - we're fucked.
Happy thoughts from yo-yo dieters will not tackle America's horrible employment situation, nor the housing crisis that is effectively ghettoising low income families into living in highway motels.
Happy thoughts does not bring about happiness - it only inspires social inaction.
Orka is a messenger of Satan.
Instead of talking in riddles and throwing your greasy hands up to the universe, how about you open a reputable social science book, bitch?
Preferably something that wasn't written by a drooling lunatic - so you can put The Secret down.
If Orka really wants to help people, then instead of spewing garbage on television the she should engage in some clear, evidence based thought.
How about we start off with the relationship between income inequalities and health, crime, obesity, depression and any other social outcome variable that you can think of?
Hell, if the teachers in Camp Orka spent more time teaching children how to use straight line equations and less time molesting them, then I could show them how every million dollars that Orka and the rest of these undeserving bitches makes makes our lives all the more miserable.
I HATE the self-help industry. I HATE rich people who have the audacity to suggest that our miseries are OUR fault. I ESPECIALLY HATE when they suggest that we can all be a little bit happier if we think happy thoughts and BE THE PERSON WE WERE BORN TO BE.
Well thanks bitch, but some of us can't become the Doctor that we were born to be because some entrepreneurial sharks have accumulated so much personal wealth that they have effectively destroyed the middle class and burned any ladders that might have at one time allowed some kind of social mobility.
Money is the root of evil in the world. When people with too much money preach to the rest of us about happiness and the like, they are trying to peddle opiates for their own discontents.
It's akin to Willy Wonka selling insulin.
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Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 04/06/2010 - 10:19am.
mcnightmare, don't argue with ZiggyStardust. You will just get frustrated. Her mind doesn't work like the rest of ours.
Submitted by RasKimmie on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 4:08pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:32pm.
I AM not a lesbian! I'm celebrate. With tools
---Apologies for the confusion. Has nothing to do with Oprah. Has to do with earlier off topic comments about leaking taps and women with tools being lesbians.
Hows that?
Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:32pm.
I AM not a lesbian! I'm celebrate. With tools
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Huh? Do I want to know what that means?
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Funny how they always seem to land butter side down.
Fuck Oprah and her Oprah sized ego. I refuse to even put her shitty channel on. My sister told me the fucker is filled with old reruns and old shitty movies...so "uplifting." I see "The Bad Girls Club" running there 6 months from now. Just like Oxygen that she has her hands in, empowering women my ass.
I AM not a lesbian! I'm celebrate. With tools.
Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:14pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:45pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:32pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:28pm.
Men have gone limp at the sight of my tool collection.
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Well, what the fuck good is THAT?! Unless you're a lesbian, of course.
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Hahaha! Angel, a woman with a good set of tools and little know how will never need a man ;)
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"Just wait till one of their children disappear. They won't be calling me fake then!" The classy "Medium" Allison DuBois
Submitted by Albatross on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:13pm.
Submitted by RasKimmie on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 1:43pm.
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No Albatross, that is NOT cold. She's a predator who feeds off other people
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Agreed. She's always all sisters need to stick together. I guess she means unless they have something you want. She could have at least had the decency to use her influence to get my girl in somewhere else. Fuckin bitch.
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Funny how they always seem to land butter side down.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:45pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:32pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:28pm.
Men have gone limp at the sight of my tool collection.
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Well, what the fuck good is THAT?! Unless you're a lesbian, of course.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
Ugh!! Her ego is off the charts. BTW, Jesus would not approve of your cuntlike demeanor towards your employees, b!tch!!
Good riddance that she's finally moving out of Chicago.
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
What good is sitting alone in your room...?
No, better question... what good is having a billion dollars, but are scared shitless of your devoted fans, and have to broadcast that you're not a lesbian every other week?
FUK U OPRAH
SHOVE A SHIT BURGER IN YOUR BLOW HOLE
THIS KUNT MAKES ME RAGE
NOW IMA ALL P.O. DAMN IT HATE HER
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
JACK IMMA NEED YOU OVER HERE!!!
*imagines Mowgli trying to change faucet*
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
Orca has bought into her own PR and is so completely removed from the hoi polloi, she might as well inhabit the moon.
I have zero intention of ever tuning that station in. Maybe it should broadcast her face 24/7/365, liker her O magazine has her fucking face on it every month. Bitch, PLEEEEEZE!!!!!
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:46pm.
Hekki: we sound like we are in a Chatroom for The OWN Channel! bunch of Mom jeans wearing HENDS!
---I have this great pic of me in Vegas with Wayne Newton and OMG my mum jeans. And I was also wearing the snap crotch body suit beneath, every seam cutting up every crack I can still feel. How I ever sat down, bent ovah or ate is a mystery to me now.
Submitted by Naughychimp: "The universe decided that I should double post."
OMG, I am going to steal that.
snow, the black stuff is hard water deposits... you can try a coat hanger but you will need to break it up real good to get it out... you can buy a cheap replacement faucet at lowes or home depot.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH