But Why Did He Cut Off His Luscious Locks?!!!!
Here's a quick update about this morning's Hot Slut of the Day Ted Williams, the homeless man who won't be homeless for long thanks to his radio perfect voice. Ted not only made his radio debut this morning, but he also appeared live on CBS' Early Show where he showed off a new look. Gone are the long follicles that made him look like he was always riding in the back seat of a convertible speeding down PCH.
Ted could be standing in a windowless room without vents and still look like Kirstie Alley simultaneously queefed and farted his way. Not since Beyonce have I seen someone with that gift. But now it's gone. I understand. The whole "out with the old" shit. Ted's new hair makes him look like a mash-up of Tim Meadows and Obama, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Below is Ted's interview with the Early Show this morning. Ted says that he's on his way to NYC this afternoon to see his 92-year-old mom. Warning: this clip will make the warm emotion called "love" hitchhike towards the frozen tundra that is your heart. Don't play if you want to stay cunty.
TDW also has a rundown of all the offers that have come Ted's way since the Internet made him a star a hot second ago. The Cleveland Cavaliers offered him a full-time job and an entire house. The Ohio Credit Union League also gave Ted a $10,000 check in exchange for voice-over work.
You see, the Internet isn't TOTALLY a cesspool that sucks souls and destroys lives. Every now and again it spits out something good.
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That's cool. Good for him for getting sober and getting his life back of track. I'm still going to ignore homeless people though. I don't have a lot of sympathy for addicts since they choose to do drugs in the first place.
sign me: Cunty-No-More, after this story. LOVE it. Can't wait to see Ted on SNL as a golden-voiced Obama.. which you KNOW will happen. It simply must. Happy New Year Dlisty's! and you ROCK Ted! Don't stop believin'...
Co-sign completely.
Submitted by zestyfuzz on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 9:41pm.
This story actually gives me hope. I hate people who have no sympathy for the poor and homeless. In a different interview this man even said people would scream at him, "Get a job!" He sounds intelligent and articulate. You wouldn't expect that from a homeless person. I wish him the best. If only more people would be willing to help out the less fortunate the world would be a better place
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Well-behaved women rarely make history
Move ovah Antoine.
Sweet story. And agreed, I hope he gets some support to go along with the new job/ attention/ income since it would be a big adjustment for anyone and for someone who was an addict it's a heck of a lot to take on at once. Wish him only the best.
And, Murph... HUGS. Don't know what to say, besides I truly wish you the best.
Awesome!
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
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What city was he in as a homeless man? I'm just wondering why he didn't catch a ride to him mom's home? I'm sure she wouldn't have put him on the street.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
This story actually gives me hope. I hate people who have no sympathy for the poor and homeless. In a different interview this man even said people would scream at him, "Get a job!" He sounds intelligent and articulate. You wouldn't expect that from a homeless person. I wish him the best. If only more people would be willing to help out the less fortunate the world would be a better place.
awesome awesome story and happy ending. you know he's been down, he can only stay up now! :D
c\#_@/c
Great news to hear IN THIS ECONOMY!
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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K
So happy for Ted! I hope that the sudden thrust into fame and money isn't too much of a shock to his system and that he is able to find friends and support. Wishing him all the best.
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Really don't mind if you sit this one out
My words but a whisper, your deafness a shout
--Jethro Tull
MK love this guy - thanks for the update. YES! I was hoping they found him some work.
Let's just pray that the instant fame and fortune won't cause him to relapse.
Yay for Ted! After a horrible day working with people who I would compare to shit-stained underwear except that's an insult to shit-stained underwear, I needed to come home and read a story like this. I wish him all the best. I hope he has a good support system in place to help him handle his new-found fame and fortune.
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
Ted's new hair makes him look like a mash-up of Tim Meadows and Obama
YES! EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT!
I just get a 'Barack Eastwood' vibe off this guy.
Miracles do happen...Good for him and Best of luck....His mother will be proud...*sniff*...No, I am NOT crying...something got in my eyes....
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"I'm not doing shit to him, but fucking and having my career" ~ Montana Fishburn 2010
He did have an amazing voice... posted it on FB even... and I'm really glad he's got some offers now. That Cleveland Cavaliers job and house sounds GREAT!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
Yay Ted!
I'm so happy for him, we need more uplifting news like this these days
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 1:55pm.
Ted has 'sizemeat-face'....are there nude photos of Ted?!
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You realllllly want to go there?
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WELLL ALLLLLRIGHT!
HE ROCKS!
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Which raises the idea the next time you look at a homeless man, don’t be surprised if he or she turns out to be an ex astrophysicist or derivatives trader, blogger, dis owned media whore, although something tells us the average person probably has more sympathy for someone who’s voice can make you melt in the snow. Not that sympathy ever mattered in America…
But woe to those locks, I just know the shit wont sound half as good anymore- Oh Ted WHY!!??
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/01/is-ted-williams-a-homeless-bum-t...
WOW...I am glad for him...really, but I just don't understand why noone will give me a $10,000 check for just living day to day on this crazy ass planet...I guess I am being a jlz h8r...but really, how damn lucky can a person get. I see homeless people every day....and they just get passed by and ignored...truly sux....and why the hell did I not win the Mega Millions either...dayum, now I have to move to Idaho or Washington state...(were the winning tix were sold)...sux being me!!
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 1:02pm.
My sympathies! ClearChannel is one of the reasons I went freelance. I want to do what the listeners want, not what the sales manager thinks the advertisers want to pay for.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 12:59pm.
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 1:58pm.
No need to feel sorry for them. Most of the best-sounding ones are assholes at best and child molesters at worst. Just my personal experience. The really good guys are able to adjust to changing times.
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park 5 blocks away and tiptoe up to your place like a stealth lesbininja
Submitted by Dolly_D on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 2:57pm.
The clip didn't run right for moi. I only got to the part where he was praising god for his good fortune. Is Teddy off drugs and alcohol?
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He says he's been sober for 2 and half years.
Submitted by patgraham3 on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 2:31pm.
super martian r... ... And he so looks like Obama.
reply: And there's something wrong with that???
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Um, no? I was making a statement and not an insult. He really does look like Obama to me.
Ted Williams?. There are some serious similarities between the two Ted Williams.
- Teddy Ballgame had his head frozen in liquid nitrogen and it is noted to have "cracked" .
- TW2 appears to be a "crack" head already.
- Teddy Ballgame hit a home run in his last at bat.
- TW2 watched a ho run when he hit her with a bat ( under the FDR Drive ).
I tried really hard to stay cunty, but... I already thought this was a cute story. And when he got the sads... TEARS. I kind of love this.
"Well you're a whore, whore."
The clip didn't run right for moi. I only got to the part where he was praising god for his good fortune. Is Teddy off drugs and alcohol?
HUGS to Murph
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
some veneers and he is good to go. im happy for him and hope he stays clean and sober.
Murph *big huge hugs*
I can certainly relate to the shit one goes through when dealing with hospitals. If you ever need to unload, d-listed ho's are the best! :)
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 1:55pm.
Ted has 'sizemeat-face'....are there nude photos of Ted?!
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That crossed my mind too, he has those John Holmes features. Along that deep voice I think it's safe to say dude be packing.
Good for him! He has a beautiful voice. And I am glad he is getting to see his mom.
super martian r... ... And he so looks like Obama.
reply: And there's something wrong with that???
I hope he makes BAZILLIONS!! And that he helps people with MILLIONS!!
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I Love You More
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This is a great story but I don't see how his voice is that
great. Its nice but not "golden"... And he so looks like Obama.
Loves IT! He looks great and I hope that this is a new beginning for him!
This story is charming. If he kept doing voiceover stuff in general conversation though his company might get tiresome.
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It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 12:59pm.
Submitted by kacky on Wed, 01/05/2011 - 12:54pm.
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I feel for long-time radio guys. The format has completely changed for the bigger radio station with almost no human input. No wonder so many guys double at independent university stations, then they can play what they want.
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And really, those are the only places you can discover really good new music and artists. They're freer to display their musical tastes over the air.
Ted has 'sizemeat-face'....are there nude photos of Ted?!
Awwww....thanks Uvula!
Dlisty love IS the best.
We're all cunts with a heart of gold!
This story is giving me the warm fuzzies. *sniffles*
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MK, I love you like a fat kid loves cake - MissJaneTexas
Murph- Best of luck and all the Dlisty love in the world.
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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green
Ok...I've had the absolute worse year (2010) and day...diagnosed with a rare neuromuscular disease 200 people in the world are known to have. After 3 days straight of never ending phone calls, stonewalling from medical secretaries, nurses, doctors, snide records people and promises of calls back that never happen...I finally lost it and had a cry. Then I saw this...thanks Ted for reminding me that:
1. It could always be worse and
2. It can always get better.
Aw, this is sweet and I have nothing bad to say. Good luck dude, and stay clean and humble!
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
He is obviously Barack Obama's long lost brother. Seriously.
stoney: I'm pretty sure he still smells like ASS!
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""A must-see! Hary Potter better watch out once the weather gets nice"
Larrie D" LORY
"NOTHING will EVER stop me from my know-it-all antics!" Stoney
The radio industry SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKS. I know. I used to work for ClearChannel.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
RIP Don LaFontaine but this guy could definitely takeover his voiceover work for movie trailers.