Next Up On Oprah's Book Club...

If Hemingway was locked in a tanning bed for 48 hours and then forced to write a novel on the back of a stained cocktail napkin from Karma while inhaling fumes from the house smoosh bed, it would read a lot like the excerpts from Snooki's soon-to-be Pulitzer Prize winning work of fiction: A SHORE THING. The New York Post has the excerpts and it's everything we could've hoped for AND MORE:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm pretty sure I've written that last one word for word on this blog before. Now I know what honor feels like. And I'm not going to pretend like I won't be reading Snooki's own "On the Road" this summer when I'm baking my nips on the roof of the Holiday Inn. Don't worry, I'll cover it with the jacket from a more respected novel. Like something by Jackie Collins. Or maybe I'll just wait for the movie version directed by Almodóvar and starring Penelope Cruz.