Monday, January 3rd 2011
Open Post: Hosted By Quarters In A Belly Button
Since Four Loko's original brew is almost extinct, frat boys have to fill their time with something. So why not fill their time with trying to break the record for the most quarters in a belly button.
The next time you touch a quarter, you can fondly think about how it most likely spent some time percolating in this dude's lint trap.
via Buzzfeed
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Submitted by CORNDOG on Tue, 01/04/2011 - 4:02am.
He needs a manzere
******
BRO!!
He needs a manzere
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 3:00pm.
I told her, "Either get in the cab and wake up to a healthy baby in the morning or go to jail for child endangerment as you are not leaving here in your own vehicle."
I know it's a cold topic now, but I have to give kudos for that. My family is full of DUI-having drunktards (bless their stupid asses), as well as watched many bartenders half-heartedly try to stop some other asshat from driving and then giving up/getting offended because said person told them to fuck off. The fact that you take the time to stand firm and give a shit is 100% commendable and makes a huge difference. *luv*
Thank you dlisters for your advice!!! =)...some of it was funny. How I wish I could tape both of their mouths shut, shoot rubber-bands, and spike his drink with eye drops..lol
Well, My mom just called me, and told me that on xmas eve my nephew asked her if he could have her car when she dies :\ He's chip off the old block. My sister is the same way, so what can I expect. It was just shocking to hear that from a kid. One thing my sister told everyone is that her brat has ADHD, and it's not his fault when he acts out. I guess when you're ADHD you suddenly don't know right from wrong, and you get a license to hit people. I don't get it, they both need help, lots of it.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:35pm.
Meh, NVM Spicey....snopes debunked it.
Ok
(scratches Visine from the shopping list...adds in Ex-Lax for good measure).
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they took their relationship from "May I borrow some sugar?" to "May I lick sugar off your ass crack?" - MK
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Meh, NVM Spicey....snopes debunked it.
spicey - it's supposed to give that person severe shits.
Submitted by Hotmami on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:27pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:16pm.
MORNING?????????
It's almost quittin time here mami!
It's only 9 a.m. in my neck of the woods...is it too early to start drinking?
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Not if it's mimosas or bloody marys!
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 5:19pm.
stinkbutt - next time you are around that little shit (either of them) put some eyedrops into their juice.
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What does that do?
I need to know the effects of this as it may come in handy next time I exert revenge on some bitch.
they took their relationship from "May I borrow some sugar?" to "May I lick sugar off your ass crack?" - MK
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:16pm.
MORNING?????????
It's almost quittin time here mami!
It's only 9 a.m. in my neck of the woods...is it too early to start drinking?
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
"
MORNING?????????
It's almost quittin time here mami!
Sorry for posting and running earlier. Thanks for the responses, I appreciated them! My D & C is for polyps (no baby), which will have to be biopsied for cancer. [Fingers crossed they are benign]
Morning,bitches!
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
"
Koko - yep...instructor with over 35 years sober....could smell a drop of booze a mile away. Saw him turn people away from classes.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 2:25pm.
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 2:18pm
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Something in the milk aint clean with that. If there was a zero read on the breathalyzer and they didn't draw blood, they can't prove DUI and she should not have been charged with such.
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I'll say. All I know is it's an extremely small, corrupt town where everybody is in everybody else's shit. I wondered if my sister rejected one of those cops once, or one of their friends. (She's very pretty.) (But not a stuckup bitch. Nicest person ever. Too nice.) She swore up and down that was what happened, and I've been to that town. The cops are assholes with not enough to do. I recommended that she START drinking, if this was how it was gonna be.
_________________________
They call me girl
They call me Stacey
They call me her
They call me Jane
That's not my name
*Lifts hand sheepishly*
I'mm not proud of it AT ALL but the first time around in DUI class (I pulled a Lohan and didn't finish in time but unlike her I wasn't in Morocco helping children) but I would go buzzed. And I'm not advising it at all but I'm shocked I never got caught because the classes are usually taught by old time boozers who can smell that a mile away.
Nite all...gonna sit in this BS traffic and get pissed off...
JACKO ~ here's wishing your judge gets a hot box of "good n plenty" before your 1:30p hearing tomorrow...
StinkButt ~ REALLY!!! Somebody's is need of an ass whooping...namely your sister for acting the way she does and allowing her son to act a fool as well (even if she doesn't see his ass...she knows he's a hellion)! Get a bag of rubber bands and pluck the fuck outta his ass!!! That way when he does DARE to phone "somebody" all you have to say is that you were trying to put your hair in a band and it slipped!
Fucking hick!! Forget six degrees of seperation in Jack's world... its like two peas in a fucking pod!
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT!!
*lubes ass to continue getting FUCKED by life*
Jacko - Koko's right.
Mine was a 10 day sentence, but due to overcrowding in the jail, me having a full time job, I was given the option of work release.
I had to spend two full weekends picking up trash at the beach......and pay close to $200 for the privilage of staying out of jail.
this damn hillbilly has the best luck!
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""A must-see! Hary Potter better watch out once the weather gets nice"
Larrie D" LORY
"NOTHING will EVER stop me from my know-it-all antics!" Stoney
lmao at manicure! pffft
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
I just found out one of my friends is bf with the judge!! WHOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
Jack if its your first DUI even if you get jail time won't it just be turned into work release ? Like picking up garbage on the side of the road in an orange vest or sweeping the police station? Oh, and make sure you get a Lohan "Fuck You" manicure before court...
Jacko - the classes will most likely be determined by what BAC they go off of. The higher the BAC, the longer the duration of classes/AA meetings/fines, etc.
At least, that is how it works here. May be different down there.
♥
Oxygen - thank you. Yea, not sure the duration of classes, etc... court tomorrow at 1:30.
stinkbutt - that fucking SUCKS!!! what a little SHIT! I'd beat his ass!!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
@Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 5:05pm.
I just wanna say my sister is, and will always be a complete bitch on the holidays. I'm so sick of taking her shit every year. She is so critical, and negative towards me, and always trying to get into my business."
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Tell me about it! I am moving and asked my sister to come over and help me pack the other day, and she is ALWAYS so negative,she started to trash my neighbourhood completely! She went on and on about how it's gone downhill and it's bestd that I move now before it's to late and bla bla. Wtf I know that, that's why I'm moving, but this has been my HOME and I have liked it here with all it's flaws, there's no need for her to walk in and start to badmouth my entire environment for fucks sake.
She was all snarky and I felt like she was meanspirited towards me. Not nice. Don't know what to do about it since she was helping me and really is very helpful and kind too sometimes, so "I just smiled like a normal fucked up person" . Hm!
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@Submitted by stinkbutt:
This year, she picked on me because I'm not finished with school, and according to her I probably will never be. She has no clue what it takes to get through a university. The bitch went to jr. college for a quick second, and dropped out. I think the worse part is that she is a mother who makes my mom watch her brat every chance she gets so she can go spend time with her boyfriend. This kid is nooo picnic he's a twelve year old brat that is so fucking rude just like his mother. He was even rude to my mother, and when I told him to stop being so rude he kicked me in the stomach when no one was around. And then the little shit told me if I touch him he will call the police on me. I swear if I never saw my nephew, and my sister again I'd be thrilled!!! The sucky thing is that I have other sisters that visit for the holidays that I really enjoy seeing, and spending time with. The holidays just sort of suck now that she's gotten worse, and worse each year that goes by."
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My mother will never let me hear the end of it for dropping out of university....it's been decades but she's still sticking it to me at every chance she gets, TRUST!
And what a terrible BRAT that nephew of yours! *shakes head*
stinkbutt - next time you are around that little shit (either of them) put some eyedrops into their juice.
Stinkbutt-
does "applying" duct tape count as touching?
*chanting as always*
@ Jack ~ sorry to hear about getting busted! Been there and done that BS; hired an attorney; and "got off good" as he put it bc without his ass, mine would have been up shit's creek. Had to do a year of AA meetings (close to my home and shops). After that year, I felt like I needed to fecking move because grocery or any kind of shopping was like dodging AA bullets (seeing peeps from the meetings and getting all sorts of embarassed as if I can't buy the sparkling grape fizzies without feeling like a damned drunkie or the need to say some sort of AA prayer). Good luck and you will be in my AA prayers tonight.
Was every single person whom I've talked to today's New Years Resolution to be a complete fucking ASSHOLE!?!?
*drop kicks baby bunneh*
Submitted by zinnia on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 5:05pm.
OMG Jack!Classic!
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hahhahahaha
*high fives*
*snorts line*
*is annoying*
*licks pussy*
*stalks a dj*
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
OMG Jack!Classic!
I just wanna say my sister is, and will always be a complete bitch on the holidays. I'm so sick of taking her shit every year. She is so critical, and negative towards me, and always trying to get into my business. This year, she picked on me because I'm not finished with school, and according to her I probably will never be. She has no clue what it takes to get through a university. The bitch went to jr. college for a quick second, and dropped out. I think the worse part is that she is a mother who makes my mom watch her brat every chance she gets so she can go spend time with her boyfriend. This kid is nooo picnic he's a twelve year old brat that is so fucking rude just like his mother. He was even rude to my mother, and when I told him to stop being so rude he kicked me in the stomach when no one was around. And then the little shit told me if I touch him he will call the police on me. I swear if I never saw my nephew, and my sister again I'd be thrilled!!! The sucky thing is that I have other sisters that visit for the holidays that I really enjoy seeing, and spending time with. The holidays just sort of suck now that she's gotten worse, and worse each year that goes by.
*FLASHES COOCH*
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
LOL.. but who goes out and thinks.. today I am driving to a bar and will get totally wasted but I will tape this neatly note with my address on the palm of my hand so when somebody and I hope somebody calls a cab for me I am all ready.......
Jaws was playing on TV this weekend...I sat to watch it and in one of the terrifying beach scenes a guy's hairy balls are totally hanging out of his 70's nylon shorts.
Must have been an uncut version 'cause I never noticed that before.
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they took their relationship from "May I borrow some sugar?" to "May I lick sugar off your ass crack?" - MK
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Jack is our own lil Lilo!
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""A must-see! Hary Potter better watch out once the weather gets nice"
Larrie D" LORY
"NOTHING will EVER stop me from my know-it-all antics!" Stoney
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 4:51pm.
Read back and agree with the take a cab home from the bar if you iz drunk folks. Just make sure you have your address written down or something so you know where the hell you're going. I've heard a few cab drivers say they'll get a drunk in their car and go, "take me home", "okay, where is home?" "I wanna go home", "which direction is home?" "I WANNA GO HOME!" and end up either getting kicked out or taken on a very costly ride cuz they're directing the cab driver all over the damn place.
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*raises hand*
I've done that...or more like.....was sluring so bad the cabbie couldn't understand completely , but heard what street and dropped me off at the gas station on the corner.
*hangs head*
*shuffles out*
When i switched my car insurance they said i had a completely clean record...BUT i got a dwi like 3 1/2 years ago. They did spell my name wrong on a lot of the paper work, forgetting the vowel at the end. I wonder if that's why?? *rubs chin in deep thought*
i had to go to the first page to read the story of poor cute little jack, and now i've got a case of the sads... time to drown my sorrows in a fucking can of warm four loko with a zima chaser :(
Read back and agree with the take a cab home from the bar if you iz drunk folks. Just make sure you have your address written down or something so you know where the hell you're going. I've heard a few cab drivers say they'll get a drunk in their car and go, "take me home", "okay, where is home?" "I wanna go home", "which direction is home?" "I WANNA GO HOME!" and end up either getting kicked out or taken on a very costly ride cuz they're directing the cab driver all over the damn place.
Jack - make sure to put the orange floaties in the top of the closet.....
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 4:38pm.
LMAO stoney!! I forgot about the MESH SHIRT!!!
Definitely wear jorts & velcro sneakers with that.
don't drink and drive..
I am such a fucking lucky bitch for not having any DUI's God knows how many times I left a bar thinking I was OK to drive when obviously I was not!! *shakes head*
LMAO stoney!! I forgot about the MESH SHIRT!!!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
Holy crap my kid came home with a ton of homework the first day back after vacation.
I've been enjoying a Boo Boo-free weekend but am damn ready for some adult conversation.
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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green
@Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 3:54pm.
eat.pray.vom - no, have not been sentenced, just going by what my attorney told me last night that they "typically" sentence people with.
Just got out of a meeting with her... she said because I am so close to the .18 that the judge COULD sentence me to jail for any length of time, it just depends on his fucking MOOD!!! "
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To bad, so you might go to jail? Depending on the judges moodswings or pms??That sux, but from what I heard, just stick with the people from your "race" or colour or whatever you call it,(like, the Mexicans stick with the Mexicans etc etc) and don't do any tattos in there so you don't get hep-c or something. Then it should be cool. What? That's what I heard about how it works.
Don't wear your mesh t-shirt and jean shorts to court, jack.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Sweetas on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 4:13pm.
Submitted by Few Words on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 3:45pm.
I'll have a Ding Dong!!! Oh. My deprived ass thought you meant... nothing.
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Wait a minute. So what did he mean?!
;p
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
LOL Provy... I laid out my Texas Jam '85 shirt... I'm think it'll be nice.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH