Happy New Year!!!
Well, it's been another fuckery-filled year of eyebrow situations good and bad, exquisite lucite heels, cutlets of all types, I CANTS, ho shit, panty cream of various textures, bruised eardrums, scorched retinas, battered souls, ROJO!!!, Zahara side-eyes, ailing Aretha chichis, death threats from Beliebers, and restraining order renewals from both Mah Boo and Prince Hot Ginge. And now we'll stuff all of that into the tiny cardboard file box in our heads marked 2010.
You know, we'll probably forget all about it when we wake up from our debauchery-induced coma on the first morning of 2011! And by "debauchery" I mean lying on someone's couch with a bottle of whiskey I got for Christmas and a box of FINE GOURMET chocolates imported from California (aka fucking See's Candies). I can't wait!
And this is where I'm supposed to talk about my New Year's resolutions, but I really only have one. In 2011, I'm going to try lift up the toilet seat more because I really don't need my super to look up at me again while fixing it and tell me that I'm a messy pee-er. Actually, now that I think about it that was one of my favorite moments from 2010, so my one resolution should really be to be an even MESSIER pee-er in 2011. On that note...
I leave you with these pictures of Snooki looking like a shaved hamster in a ball at the Jersey Shore last night. The only good that can come of this is if they launch her into a portal in the sky where she'll be transported back to the Jurassic age and be reunited with her soulmate Holly.
Happy New Year, everybody! Thanks for dealing with my shit every single day.
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I am so late on this (like always) forgive me tho I spent the nite almost deaf for all the fireworks then pass out over drinks.
Happy New Year to MK and all Dlisters
I may rarely posts but Dlisted has been a part of my life for a while. MK's posts and the dlisters posts always makes me laugh even during the hardest events of my life.
Thank you for being you, so smart, funny, intelligent, witty, words cant describe how wonderful you guys are :)
it took me 9 visits to realize that this is actually a PS from MK!
Happy New Year to all! I continued watching the Twilight Zone marathon after the ball dropped. I wish they would have chosen someone else besides Ryan SeeQuest to assist Dick Clark.
What you say to me is just Paper Thin...MC Lyte
Happy New Year, MK!!! Thank you for another entertaining year! Here's to 2011!
Happy New Year everybody!! It'll soon be the year of the Rabbit too so it should be a more peaceful year!!
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I Love You More
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Jesus fucking Christ!!!!. How in the hell Cynthia eats her pussy with that ugly face?
Happy new year!!!!
Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by JapJay on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 1:13am.
TALK TO US!
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:45pm.
Sweets, may I suggest acupuncture? I had it for intractable migraines,and immediately cut my smoking by 1/2. If you get acupuncture specifically to give up smoking, it might help you quit without a nicotine patch or gum.I heard from friends who used that method that it also helps with the inevitable weight gain.
Good luck quitting,get a whooping cough booster to protect your lungs-it can put an adult smoker into a world of misery. The world is a better place with you in it.
There's a lot of love here tonight.
*waits for Ricki Lake to show up and cut the sweetness and light*
edited to add: Koko is right about pancreatitis. Having two CAT scans,a sonogram AND an MRI in ONE FUCKING DAY is just part of the agony.Heavy smoking can put a person at risk for it. My favorite aunt died of lung cancer three years ago-it was the type caused by asbestos exposure, but her smoking didn't help.
Awwww..... Cynthia AND Snookie both look so sad! Pfffft.
Happy New Year, Michael K! I love you more than my dishwasher (and believe this.... THAT is saying something)!!!!
Best cheesy new years song from the mid 90's:
Pretend you're at a rave and just took a hit of ecstacy and /or acid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc
Thanks CSG and La CHaylo you pulled me out of that pity party black hole one can dwell in when drinking...now I am entertaining myself watching Kim.K on the Insider talking about her new years "resolutions"...thanks ladies, seriously from going to the pointless bad place and HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEARS to all you great people! seriously I don't know what I would do without d-listed. I hope to hear a hung over (or maybe not) report from everyone in the AM. Huevos Rancheros,Eggs Benedict, pancakes, and Mimosas on me ! Seriously, I can't thank you guys enough love 99% of you and lets make 2011 FANTASTIC !
Sending a Happy New Year to Cappy (just read the comments and lol'd at the construction of the interstellar dildo) and a 2011 bewbie twist to Leenie!
Snarks and smooches to all the dlisted slores - I start every morning with a cup of coffee and a dlisted driveby, it's a great way to start the day.
Happy 2011 everyone!
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
Koko - I'm sorry to read about your losing your ex. My advice is don't waste your time or energy on his family. My ex-in laws were the same way and I struggled with similar feelings, until I realized that they're the type of self-focused hypocrites who at best would be confused by my hurt feelings, and at worst would sit around the kitchen table laughing. The hell with them, put them in the past (where they belong) and move forward with Mr. K. Living well is always the best revenge.
Cheers to a happy 2011!
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
McNightmare, do we live in the same area? Sounds like it.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6dK-FQs4jk&feature=player_embedded
Happy New Year you yucky sluts! Let all the positive energy shine outcha asses and make your wildest dreams come true!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6dK-FQs4jk&feature=player_embedded
Happy New Year Sluts!! MK I love you. Thanks for the laughs!
Happy New Year Sluts!! MK I love you. Thanks for the laughs!
Happy New Year Sluts!! MK I love you. Thanks for the laughs!
"Ah, takeafuckinpitcha" ` M.E.'s Mom.
Snideychick sez:
Happy New Year MK!
Happy New Year heauxs (sp?)!
Hope everyone gets what they want/need/desire this year.
And Happy Birthday in advance to Till Lindemann (1/4/1963) my favorite Teutonic rock and roll sex god!
here goes the automatic gun fire - it's New Year;s Eve in the 'hood!!
damn, these people are better armed than they were last year.
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kiss my ass!
Happy nude year motherfuckers.
And snooki really has no lips.
Cheers.
@Koko:
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, I can't even begin to imagine having to face that situation and then be passed off like some acquaintance. As a scorpio, I can totally understand the pent up feelings of hurt and wanting to say something about it. Perhaps writing it all out in a letter, reading that letter, and then whatever you get from reading it, figure out if you want to send it to his family, or get rid of it (burning works for me). Hopefully that can be the start to you letting go - I know we scorpios don't always totally let go and rarely do we forget, but hopefully it's a start.
Hugs and Happy 2011.
Happy New Year everyone! I'm looking very much forward to yet another year of hilarious posts and snipy comments. You guys and dolls rule.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Happy New Year everyone!!! Thanks for all the laughs Michael K. I can always count on you to make me laugh even if I'm having a totally shit day. And goodbye and good riddiance 2010. You were an awful hateful miserable fucking year.
alright....I need advice. and I'm probablt on my way to drunk but this has been bugging me for about 4 years: long story short-- I had a long -term boyfriend (6 yeaRS) and we lived together a good majority of the time until the economy (2004) had us living at our respective parents house (a good 30 miles apart)...basically I supported his ass while working as a teacher and he did god knows what at wherever he was living...so he dies of a heroin overdose at his "girlfriends" house (not me) and his parents have a "celebration of life" (they are too cheap to do anything else) and as the widow/main girlfriend I thought I might have a say in what he wanted (he had been with the other chick 4 months)...I got a cold reception at this stupid party by tattooed hipsters (I am tattoed so I am not judging)...I asked mom if I could someday get my "personal stuff" back--i.e. lap top, camera, ipod, pictures (I didn't even bother asking about the thousands he owed me or guitars I bought etc) and was only contacted with the shittiest thank you for attending bullshit note...I just want to put this behind me as it bugs me the shit and money this family put me through but I don't want to stoop to their level. Fuck the camera, lap top, shitty family reception...I just want them to know how much they hurt me but at the same time I have a fantastic husband and my scorpio side is wrestling with this (non) payback or just being happy (hard enough for me)....
Meh, happy new year y'all =)
And MK don't be so shy, you know we love you.
Snideychick sez:
Almost another hour before the new year hits the West coast. Happy New Year all! I refuse to face the new year sweaty, dirty and alone.
*heads for shower*
Happy New Year HORZ! I love you all. Well, most of you, anyway.
MK You've made my day more times than I can count.
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"There is something the matter with you, Caprice...Something is the matter with YOUR VAGINA!"
What the hell was I doing playing Plants vs Zombies, listening to my iPod and drinking (essentially shitty boxed) wine when I could've been reading all these lovely comments. Still have a little over an hour until midnight, so I guess I better get started.
Just wanted to reiterate Ravens' "long time reader, seldom poster" comment. MK's posts, and the subsequent comments, are always a special me-time, um, time throughout my work day and you guys never fail to make me laugh. I've literally snorted and spewed coffee and/or water out of my mouth when MY CFO walks by as I peruse this site. Please, for the sake of the laughs I need and for the fact my CFO thinks I'm mental, please keep it all going for 2011. <3
<3 you MK. you've made EVERY day a bit easier to face
alright its kumbaya time (I'm finishing off bottle 2 shortly)...let's all gather around the campfire (or our computer monitors) and sing along to this New Year;s classic...I've still got about an hour and a half...sigh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWT-4UTwdE8
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! MK, thanks for bringin' it every single day; you turn my side-eyes into to LMMFAO's everty time! lots and lots of love :D
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
Good riddance, 2010! You sucked ass! I will make 2011 my bitch! But it will blow me first!!
ETA: I have had an excessive amount of wine. Happy New Year, everybody.
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They call me girl
They call me Stacey
They call me her
They call me Jane
That's not my name
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 12:22am.
*stroking chin* Must consider when sober. But HNY!
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And here we have that splendid family
I never ran to when I got depressed,
The boys all biceps and the girls all chest
Submitted by Falmouth on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:01pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 10:52pm.
I just watched Ice Baby Hands again
All I could think was that Vanilla Ice was the K-Fed of his day.
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Ha! I always think of him as the white MC Hammer.
♥ Threadkilla!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas A. Edison
Own a Ford Hybrid? Be afraid:
http://www.nearescape.ca/
Holy shit, it's Tom Poston and Helen Mirren.
M.K. and Dlisters: Thanks for all the laugh out loud moments and hysterical commentary!
Manimal, good luck on quitting smoking! I quit smoking many years ago and the hardest part for me was just getting over the habit. I easily dealt with the physical but it was getting used to the new normal -- not lighting up in the car, not lighting up for a drink.
Once you quit, your senses will liven up. When you smell smoke on others, it will smell so nasty. When you walk up hill without gasping for breath, you will feel so much better.
You can do it! We're all rooting for you!
happy new year MK! thank you for making my days a little brighter & thanks to my favorite commenters who never cease to amuse me with their filthy wit <3
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"I'm gonna end up back in the gutter, sucking meth for cock." - drunk Naomi in Still Waiting...
"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia http://dlisted.com/node/39831
All the bright red is scary and seeing the bright red twats would be even scarier...
HNY HEAUXS...SLUTZ...TRAMPS...& FREAKZ!
Keep bringin' it MK.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:26pm.
@Manimal5
RE: Smoking
Being a non smoker (but not a vigilant anti smoking crusader seeing as though I married a 2 pack a day person)....quitting will be hell on earth, but it's better than being tied to an oxygen tank and slowly losing your ability to breathe and or regulate your heart through emphysema, COPD, all that nastiness.
Koko I'm using Nicorette everything!!
Happy New Year Sluts! Hope it is a fabulous one for all!
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:36pm.
XXXXOOOOO
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*full on bawls in happy way* love and hugs, Mercury ♥♥♥♥
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
HAPPY NEW YEAR HEUXS! May all your insane dreams come true!
See yah all in hang over hell tomorrow!
~*Lets go to my room pig!*~
Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:28pm.
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:22pm.
Cappy Cappy Cappy...come hug Mr. M? Lots of love to you on this, the brink of something better than last year!!!
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*cries; major hugs Mercury* I'll never quit you, friend, never ♥
*passes out; thumbs up; DL FOREVERRRRRRR; never forget that the greatest of things is love*
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You rock, Cappy. That's all that matters and I thank you for the 2010 love...my Maker's Mark and soda has me in a whirl...but if everyone was like you, this would be a better world. XXXXOOOOO
*is unabashably plotzed but knows his peeps*
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnd all the rednecks in the neighborhood are out there shooting their guns.
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"TISSUE, PLEEEEAZE!"
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:26pm.
...doc says I'll be fine.
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*dbl cries* good, Manimal, good =)
Zomay, much love to you too...forgive my drnk ass at this point. Didn't forget you.
Golden. Everyone on here. Really. Everyone. Happy 2011 New Year
eta: {{{also spreading drunks hugs to evil_cupcake and evilshoe, whreerever that bitch is at, miss yas, but didn't forget{}}{|
happy ny's n i'm out everyone! yall chill, sleep late and eate ny's brungch!! ♥
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Fri, 12/31/2010 - 11:22pm.
Cappy Cappy Cappy...come hug Mr. M? Lots of love to you on this, the brink of something better than last year!!!
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..
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*cries; major hugs Mercury* I'll never quit you, friend, never ♥
*passes out; thumbs up; DL FOREVERRRRRRR; never forget that the greatest of things is love*
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."