Happy New Year!!!
Well, it's been another fuckery-filled year of eyebrow situations good and bad, exquisite lucite heels, cutlets of all types, I CANTS, ho shit, panty cream of various textures, bruised eardrums, scorched retinas, battered souls, ROJO!!!, Zahara side-eyes, ailing Aretha chichis, death threats from Beliebers, and restraining order renewals from both Mah Boo and Prince Hot Ginge. And now we'll stuff all of that into the tiny cardboard file box in our heads marked 2010.
You know, we'll probably forget all about it when we wake up from our debauchery-induced coma on the first morning of 2011! And by "debauchery" I mean lying on someone's couch with a bottle of whiskey I got for Christmas and a box of FINE GOURMET chocolates imported from California (aka fucking See's Candies). I can't wait!
And this is where I'm supposed to talk about my New Year's resolutions, but I really only have one. In 2011, I'm going to try lift up the toilet seat more because I really don't need my super to look up at me again while fixing it and tell me that I'm a messy pee-er. Actually, now that I think about it that was one of my favorite moments from 2010, so my one resolution should really be to be an even MESSIER pee-er in 2011. On that note...
I leave you with these pictures of Snooki looking like a shaved hamster in a ball at the Jersey Shore last night. The only good that can come of this is if they launch her into a portal in the sky where she'll be transported back to the Jurassic age and be reunited with her soulmate Holly.
Happy New Year, everybody! Thanks for dealing with my shit every single day.
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This is the only place I can go and be myself and be accepted. I don't think I say mean things I just tell the truth, like it is, no sweeteners. I actually got blocked by Nikki wimpy weakass Sixx on Twitter for saying Denise was looking old crony these days. Blocked for THAT! What a punk. He is a very weak man who needs to be surrounded by yes-men so he doesn't crumble. But I'm veering off point. Thank you Michael for this place and your brutal honesty and humor. Happy New Year! We love ya!!
@A.cotw
Muddy Waters AND Twilight Werewolves to start 2011? This year should be...interesting. O_O
Happy New Year to you, MK, and yours! Thanks for saving my ass everday by making me laugh. Heres to many more side eyes in 2011! XO
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No, why would I say hi? I’m not that friendly.
HAPPY NEW YEAR MICHAEL K!
You are beyond awesome and I adore visiting daily, even if I don't post a lot any more.
Onto the next year with more snark, humour and Rojo!
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Happy Twenty-Eleven MK!! Thanks for the constant laughs. Look forward to following you in the new year.
Submitted by snideychick on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 6:31pm.
This guy sounds like a classic narcissist. The "testing" is to see if you will submit to his soon-to-be-constant demands. The shouting back/overtalking, I suspect, will be twisted around and be made to look like your fault. That's how narcissists roll. It's ALL about them, never about you. It will suck you dry emotionally and marriage will be a nightmare. Walk away and save yourself the grief. I was with a guy like this and what you have described sent all the red warning flags flying.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 3:37pm.
...From my experience people rarely change...
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 3:28pm.
Cappy, I anwered you on FB, but TEAM WHAT MR. MERCURY SAID.
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Thx Koko, Eiles and Snidey. Snidey, another dead-on call. I just now popped back onhere after just getting off the phone w/ him (he called). I did not fking back down. Essentially I said shit is over if he doesn't see someone for his ridiculous oversensitivities. Every time I posed a yes or no Q at him as to anytime I ever treated his requests or disrespected his space, he'd try to explain nonsense. I cut him off at word #3 or 4 and said "No, 'yes or no', have I ever does that shit?!" He'd be like 'no'. Simply then said to him, you flat out fucked this weekend up, and probs the best thing you ever had, with you childish demands. He got silent and said he knows he's got issues. I was like stay the fuck out of my life until you grow the fuck up. Can't.
Thanks for all the insight, guys. I think about all the trust and opening of my life and car keys, apt keys, etc., to him all year while he had his "space" and this is the crap he pulls. Now he just txt me w/ "so sorry don't go". Either that libra fucker overhelps people or overdemands of them. Fking schizo. He can be loving and helpful though, but damn. IF, big if, I do marry him, and he pulls this shit ONCE, I will fking take my shit and walk out so fast instantly.
My married girlfriend from tx also called me when she saw my fb post and we talked. She's more passive so she was saying to take the good and the bad. My ass is empathetic and giving, but also hella assertive. I don't know w/ her advice.
Ugh, thx again. Back to regularly scheduled snarkery ♥
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Submitted by caprica six on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 2:55pm.
Mercury, do you know how many times I've suspected and said to him "you somehow simply cannot see the whole picture and, due to some insecurity of yours, keep testing people to drop everything to attend to you..." He ADMITTED IT too!! The prob now is he (recent fiance) is acting very weird and yelling back/overtalking me and I don't fking deserve that. I suspect he's wrangling with leaving his flirty single life behind and 'testing' me w/ dumb shit...
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Caprica, I have my two cents to offer. This guy sounds like a classic narcissist. The "testing" is to see if you will submit to his soon-to-be-constant demands. The shouting back/overtalking, I suspect, will be twisted around and be made to look like your fault. That's how narcissists roll. It's ALL about them, never about you. It will suck you dry emotionally and marriage will be a nightmare. Walk away and save yourself the grief. I was with a guy like this and what you have described sent all the red warning flags flying.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 12:05pm.
CDAN has started the Blind Item reveals for the past 6 months (they'll be posted every 15 minutes). Here's the first one:
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I am reading them right now.
What you say to me is just Paper Thin...MC Lyte
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 9:52am.
This is the 3rd or 4th year Seacrust has done it, so he's probably not going anywhere, any time soon. Clark likes Seacrust.
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It looks as if we are stuck with him.
What you say to me is just Paper Thin...MC Lyte
Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend..
THANK YOU MK FOR ALL THE FUN YOU BRING
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0yO1MWqBV8
Thanks, MK, for all the fun moments in 2010! Happy new year!
M
Zactly, Koko!!!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 3:43pm.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 3:37pm.
You forgot fat, icecream addicted and cat hoarder. :D
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...and a mom jeans wearing drunk.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 3:37pm.
You forgot fat, icecream addicted and cat hoarder. :D
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
@cappy
Sometimes people act like jerks to try and get the other person to end it (not saying this is your case). From my experience people rarely change...this may just be a temporary thing, who knows. But I can say I have not (and will not try) to change Mr.K's little quirks because he was like that before we married. I know he'll freak out about putting things on a credit card, paying bills late, and not having cigarettes so I figure ehhh, whatever. And he went into this knowing I am a sloppy pig, not great about doing housework, and a bit crazy. And I haven't really changed that much either.
Cappy, I anwered you on FB, but TEAM WHAT MR. MERCURY SAID. You need to think long and hard about marrying, honey. XXOO
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by JapJay on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 11:35am.
LOL! I don't know what dreaming about Twilight werewolves means,either.
Maybe it's time to listen to Muddy Waters to drive them out of your mind. :D
Mercury, much thanks, srrsly.
"I would suspect that re-evaluation is the province of whoever is focusing on the small negative "desire" you spoke of. If they cannot see the bigger picture of your positive actions then the problem would seen to lie with them."
EXACTLY. Mercury, do you know how many times I've suspected and said to him "you somehow simply cannot see the whole picture and, due to some insecurity of yours, keep testing people to drop everything to attend to you..." He ADMITTED IT too!! The prob now is he (recent fiance) is acting very weird and yelling back/overtalking me and I don't fking deserve that. I suspect he's wrangling with leaving his flirty single life behind and 'testing' me w/ dumb shit AND IM NOT HAVING THAT. he can fuck off. Oh, last time we spoke, I said that. woot!
So sorry guys for asking this, but no point in going into a new year this way, thus I asked cause most of you guys are really level-headed.
Mercury, how are you doing?
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Happy New Year Michael K! It's been a pleasure dealing with your shit every single day. You truly are one of a kind. Here's to an exquisite ginge-filled 2011 for you & all your charming dlisters. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR, BITCHES!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by caprica six on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 1:52pm.
Is it nursing the hangover time for most of us? It is for me ugh. It's 2 here; head pounding but it is nice and quiet.
(from my fb wall, but I gotta ask you all):
I Need you guys' wisdom please: When I shared everything and been flexible (ALL damn year through a hellish semester, migraine, workload) w/ someone - then they choose to focus negatively on ONE small, temporary desire I had - it's time to re-evaluate, correct? Any thoughts on what the hell I'm not seeing with this picture? *sighs* Thx guys.
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{{{{HUGS}}}} Cappy! First squeeze of 2011 goes to you, homegirl!
I would suspect that re-evaluation is the province of whoever is focusing on the small negative "desire" you spoke of. If they cannot see the bigger picture of your positive actions then the problem would seen to lie with them. You obviously went through a lot this past year but kept a game face on things. Whoever is using one isolated incident to fixate on may have done so since it is the only negative thing there is. Could you gently ask them why? There's usually a reason this sort of thing occurs so re-evaluating yourself (or the relationship) is an exercise in frustration since you know what you did even if the other party isn't acknowledging anything positive. Let them be answerable. I'm no therapist, but there's got to be some reason someone would choose this way to communicate with you. Keep your head up, sweetie.
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Happy new new year to MK and all the hos / wanna-be hos on this blog. This year take it easy and if you feel stressed out, JUST CUT A BITCH VIRTUALLY with the help of D-listed!
Is it nursing the hangover time for most of us? It is for me ugh. It's 2 here; head pounding but it is nice and quiet.
(from my fb wall, but I gotta ask you all):
I Need you guys' wisdom please: When I shared everything and been flexible (ALL damn year through a hellish semester, migraine, workload) w/ someone - then they choose to focus negatively on ONE small, temporary desire I had - it's time to re-evaluate, correct? Any thoughts on what the hell I'm not seeing with this picture? *sighs* Thx guys.
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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
I just saw the best thing ever driving home from Safeway that made me glad I didn't go out last night. A car was stopped in front of me and a disheveled chick in a dress and heels and a happy new year headband all askew stumbled out looking like hell. The car peeled out as she was just barely closing the door. "happy new year" Mr.K said and she drunkenly smiled and wobbled up the steps to her (?) house.
Happy New Year! May 2011 be a good one for all.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
...Happy New Year to Michael K and all you other 'hos...many more laughs for us all throughout 2011!
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And remember ladies...only flying monkeys and Shar-Peis can pull off lip-liner...
Happy New Year to Michael K and to all the DListers!
This is the best blog in the world, and I'm so glad you are in my life!
Michael, in the immortal words of Heatwave, "Always and forever, each moment [I avoid personal responsibility by spending time on this site] with you-uuuu ..." has been some of the best / funniest moments this year. I'm over the moon for you!
May you all (but especially MK who made me laugh in 2010 when no one else could )have a healthy, happy & fulfilling new chapter & may any troubles be short-lived, as you begin your New Year 2011!!!
CDAN has started the Blind Item reveals for the past 6 months (they'll be posted every 15 minutes). Here's the first one:
Blind Items Revealed
July 7, 2010
This A list singer (ahem)/producer and performer who has been in this spot before was recently whacked out on Ecstasy at a club here in LA. Unable to figure out where the bathroom was, or just figuring he could get away with it, he pulled a Verne and peed in the corner. No one even said a word to him. Yeah, go ahead and try that yourself, and see if no one says anything to you.
Diddily Piddily
*Don't worry MK, you're still my main gossip ho!
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
Happy New Year, hookers!!!
Stay safe, clean, and kind.
NCAA and BCS sucks...playoff system now!!!
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
Happy New Year MK!!!! I love you and Dlisted soooooooooooooooooo much.
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
Happy New Year MK!!!! I love you and Dlisted soooooooooooooooooo much.
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
@A.cotw
Pretty much passed out right at midnight, to the sweet dulcet sounds of fireworks and gunfire being shitted on by the rain. It was like everyone was all enthusiastic about it being a New Year, then got cold and wet and said "fuck it". At least, from what I remember. Then I had a dream about being a werewolf. Not a cool werewolf, but like a Twilight werewolf with the jeans and not shirt and everything. Not sure what that means fro the coming year...
Happy new year everybody. Words cannot express how much I love this blog, I would seriously read a carpet sample brochure religiously if it was written by M K, what a funny fucker he is. Some commentators on here make me laugh, some make me furious, but all make my day more interesting.
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It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious
Happy New Year MK and all Dlisted readers! I've been frequently visiting this site for four years and it still lifts my spirits every time.
Happy new year to you all!!!!!
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Happy New Year MK, and all you D-lister hos. I can only pray 2011 will be better than last year, it totally sucked.
Love you MK!!! Thanks for providing daily laughs!
Happy New Year to everyone!
Happy New Year's MK and Dlisters! Thanks for another year filled with laughs!
It's funny you should speak of pee stains on the toilet seat Michael K, cause that's exactly what I found on my pillow when I returned from the rigors off throwing my soul tho the new year's barman.
But really that was just the little critter I call my puppy letting me know he still loves me and is still offended by me.
Thanks for the cryptic laughs Michael K- and by the way should the little pooch pee on your feet- it's just his way of letting you know he's got a crush on you.
Kind of like when Lilo and white Opera (as opposed to Oprah) take the time to metaphorically pee in their pants every other day.
Too damn funny hawt bitch!- Scallywagy
Happy New Years to all you Heauxz!
May your 2011 shine like glorious, D-cup titty balls sheathed in silver lame!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Happy New Year Dlister's & Mikey K! Let's all stick to our New Year's Resolution's!
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"Let's hit the fuckin' road!" Frank Booth
Love Andy Cohen!! He is so damn funny!! Anyhow, Happy New Year Slutz and HOrz!! Keep laughing no matter how good or bad the year gets...cause sometimes that is all you got!! Thankfully MK and Dlisted is here to see us through!! LOVE YOU TO PIECES MK AND KEEP THE CELEB BASHING HUMOROUSLY COMING! btw, your boyfriend Anderson Cooper was completely adorable last night (with Krazy Kathy Griffin)...what a adorable man!! No wonder you have a big boy crush on him!!
Happy New Year, MK. Thanks for being a dependable and much needed source of laughs for me during a really crappy year.
Submitted by Sayonara on Sat, 01/01/2011 - 8:33am.
Happy New Year to all! I continued watching the Twilight Zone marathon after the ball dropped. I wish they would have chosen someone else besides Ryan SeeQuest to assist Dick Clark.
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This is the 3rd or 4th year Seacrust has done it, so he's probably not going anywhere, any time soon. Clark likes Seacrust.
Happy New Year MK and all you wonderful, funny Dlisted sluts. May 2011 be a hell of a better year than 2010.
Happy New Year, MK and my fellow Dlisted hors! May 2011 be a million times better than 2010, for all of us!
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"God only gives you one balloonknot, be nice to it." - Raul Duke
A happy and healthy New Year to Michael and all the Dlisters! And Andy Cohen on Bravo, your show last night rocked!