The Mastermind Behind Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa Cake Confesses Her Sins
By now, many of you have already caught a temporary case of the dry heaves from watching the new First Lady of New York Sandra Lee work her dark-sided black magic all over a creation she dubbed THE KWANZAA CAKE! The Kwanzaa cake was not only named after the African American holiday, but it was also named after the sound your throat makes when you try to swallow a piece of that mess. But drunk ass Sandra Lee isn't the only one to blame for inflicting a frosted stomach virus on the world.
Food stylist Denise Vivaldo has slid into a confessional booth at the Huffington Post to ask for forgiveness for putting store-bought angel food cake, Corn Nuts, apple filling, popcorn, vanilla frosting and pumpkin seeds together in one recipe. Denise started her confession by saying she wrote several recipes under contract for Sandra Lee including Chanukah cake. Obviously, Denise is not under contract with Sandra anymore, because if she was she wouldn't be able to write this out loud:
I can honestly say Ms. Lee had nothing against African Americans or Jews. She just has incredibly bad food taste. She was not discriminating about who would be harmed from her culinary "creations." Think what your taste would be like if you came from carnival or circus people. Did I just offend Paris Hilton?When the Angel Food Cake Collection came to life, Ms. Lee was converting to Judaism herself for her new husband and she seriously wanted to bring her new "cuisine" to an entire nation. Well, let's put it this way, she wanted to sell a shitload of books. And she did. She wanted fame and money. And she succeeded. I believe that's often thought of as the American dream by many, isn't it? Note to all American Dreamers: This may be a good time to take a look inward.
Denise then gets to the part about how she created culinary diarrhea which later spewed out of Sandra's mouth and finger tips:
Ms. Lee called and though we were done with the book, she needed at least ten extra angel food cakes for "fun" sugary holiday times to sell to a magazine. Just a reader's note, it wasn't Gourmet, but the magazine I designed those "adorable cakes" for is still in business.Read it and weep.
Please ask yourself, what would you have done in my place? See how that Kwanzaa cake is looking better from my perspective? I will tell you truly, the candles were her idea.
I guess I imagined something more refined. And I know the Corn Nuts were disgusting, but she didn't. As a matter of fact, the more tasteless the recipes got the more she liked them, the faster she approved them, and I could get home and drink some medium-priced wine after our meetings. She's not a good role model for abstinence.
So there you go! Now you have another name to curse when you're sitting on the toilet with a barf bin in your lap after thinking it would be a fucking hilarious idea to make and eat the Kwanzaa Cake during Kwanzaa.
But you know, that cake might work if you throw it in the blender with an entire bottle of vodka. A Kwanzaacake-tini, if you will! I'm actually surprised that Sandrunk Lee hasn't already tried that shit.
via Eater (Thanks Michele & Bob)
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Submitted by govt_cheese on Fri, 12/17/2010 - 1:57pm.
Surprised she didn't knock back the rest of the vanilla extract and then throw the bottle over her shoulder.
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LMAO. It's probably imitation vanilla extract. Really fussy bakers put split vanilla beans in the sugar jar and put split vanilla beans into a bottle of bourbon.
This creature's cooking could make a bitch anorexic in self-defense.
Surprised she didn't knock back the rest of the vanilla extract and then throw the bottle over her shoulder. If I brought a cake like this to the fambly xmas dinner it'd be thrown out onto the driveway on its cake plate. Good fucking god ... this was the first time I srsly felt like throwing up while watching a food demo.
But I do like how she always always ALWAYS remembers to include the booze ....
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
Sandra Lee is no anomaly. She appeals to a HUGE number of lazy, American women who eat procdessed crap and don't know how to cook. She is no worse than Rachael Ray or Paula Deen, for that matter.
Who did she blow to get a TV show doing this shit? I am new to this woman as I'm not American but seriously guys.....am I missing the irony here? Is this Comedy Central production?
lken..
Her show should more appropriately be named semi edible food, has anyone ever seen more disgusting recipes than what this cook, i use that term with caution, whips up?
My mom used to wear a girdle like hers; cinch the waist, gives a mono-boob & bit of a fupa profile.
Submitted by poo on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 6:18pm.
Submitted by Katt on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 3:43pm.
Has anyone else seen her Christmas cocktail tree?!? Bitch takes all her bar glassware and hangs it on the fucking tree, capped off with a giant nutcracker on top holding a martini. Can we say boozehound??
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You mean this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK21SZoXoa4
All her barware. All her cocktail glasses. All suspended upside down by florist wire.
How many Belvederes had to perish for this?1!!?
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ohman thnx! I remember this, still makes me lol tears!!
"I can honestly say Ms. Lee had nothing against African Americans or Jews. She just has incredibly bad food taste. ..."
This makes me love her MORE! Blatantly lazy, laying out all her secrets to help us overworked ho's fake like we cook for real & have mad cocktail-shaking skills. No shame in her game: THAT'S why she doesn't grate on my raw nerves like Rachel Ray. Rock on with your Andrew Cuomo-banging semi-ho self!
Corn nuts? If she had used Tom Cruises nuts she could have made a great fruit cake!
"angel food cake, Corn Nuts, apple filling, popcorn, vanilla frosting and pumpkin seeds"
I'm black and I do not approve. I don't know 1 black person that eats angel food cake the rest of that stuff makes no sense together. Corn Nuts, popcorn, and pumpkin seeds in/on a cake???
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:12pm.
Oh sure, Tigerlilly! Next you'll be trying to tell us that you're a White Tiger due to vitaligo and we should all feel sorry for you!
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Yeah! Why you gotta be a WHITE tiger!?
Orange ain't good enuff for you?!
♥ Threadkilla!
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.~Marlon Brando
Well, I hope he's not stupid enough to marry her.
Although after what he went through with that Kennedy bitch, he'd be stupid to marry again to anyone!
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
No black person would be caught ded eating that crap. This woman can't cook or bake yet she has a show on the Food Network. SMH
By the way, she's not gonna be First Lady of New York becasue she's not married to Cuomo. She will be the girlfriend of the governor which has all the perks but non of the responsibilites of First Lady. Basically she will be attending parties on the arm of Cuomo. That's it. Much like the firlfriend of Mayor Bloomberg. All the carte blanch society perks with no tedious First Lady work.
What the hell do she and Cuomo talk about?!
I suppose after he got rid of that Kennedy cunt he figured a mental midget would be just what the doctor ordered.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Now I sorta like this crazy fucking boozehound!
Cakewrecks are her specialty, aside from teh likker. Plus she gave us such gems as aquorium, dulllllicious & russipeez. What's not to love?!
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs
She's a mental midget with huge, sagging knockers who can't cook to save her life. God bless her stupid ass.
Sandra Lee's hot, in a dumb, drunken way. Who cares if she can't cook? That's what take-out's for (since I'm not sure I could sit through a spendy restaurant meal with her).
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She was buckets
and water flouncing into them.
She was winds pouring wetly
round house-ends.
You're all racist haters for hating on Sandra Lee!!!!!!!!!
(Breaks down in soooooobs while attempting to report ALL OF YOU!!!!!)
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 9:43pm.
How's that for cruelty, Mr. M?
Now just slug down another Highball and it will all make sense...*crossing fingers as she slugs down another Hurricane
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Thank the Baby Jeebus, I thought punishment involved having to eat a piece of Sandy's Kwanzaa cake.
*clinks glasses with Nitty*
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 9:30pm.
Does your cruelty know no bounds?
*makes another highball and slugs it down*
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Oh, yes. It knows bounds, Dahling. Bounds that you must be registered for in 37 countries around the world to experience.
*said in her best Angie "The Tourist" accent.
How's that for cruelty, Mr. M?
Now just slug down another Highball and it will all make sense...*crossing fingers as she slugs down another Hurricane
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:41pm.
Ha! Report me, I dare you!
*goes back to sniffing White-out*
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*REPORTED*
Now what?!
hahahaha
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Does your cruelty know no bounds?
*makes another highball and slugs it down*
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:41pm.
Ha! Report me, I dare you!
*goes back to sniffing White-out*
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*REPORTED*
Now what?!
hahahaha
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:20pm.
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:14pm.
Who's wearing White Shoulders up in here?
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Mr. Merc, don't make me REPORT you too! Even if Mel Gibson doesn't know if Sandra's Kwanza cake is racist he sure as hell knows the difference between White Shoulders and White Diamonds. GAH!
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Ha! Report me, I dare you!
*goes back to sniffing White-out*
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:14pm.
Who's wearing White Shoulders up in here?
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Mr. Merc, don't make me REPORT you too! Even if Mel Gibson doesn't know if Sandra's Kwanza cake is racist he sure as hell knows the difference between White Shoulders and White Diamonds. GAH!
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:12pm.
Oh sure, Tigerlilly! Next you'll be trying to tell us that you're a White Tiger due to vitaligo and we should all feel sorry for you! REPORTED and while I'm at it..Mani is REPORTED too...He didn't make me a Black Russian!
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There you go again, like a White Russian isn't good enough for you? No! You.Hate.Whitey. Face it, you are RAAAAAAAAACCCCCCIIIIIISSSSSTTTTT.
*reports Nitty again*
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:06pm.
I don't even know what is politically correct anymore Happy Winter Event everybody!
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*reported for lack of cultural content*...Oh and cuz you was eatin' corn nuts when you typed that shit...I can smell 'em on your cyber bref...and CORN NUTS ARE RACIST!!!!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 8:12pm.
Oh sure, Tigerlilly! Next you'll be trying to tell us that you're a White Tiger due to vitaligo and we should all feel sorry for you! REPORTED and while I'm at it..Mani is REPORTED too...He didn't make me a Black Russian
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Who's wearing White Shoulders up in here?
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Oh sure, Tigerlilly! Next you'll be trying to tell us that you're a White Tiger due to vitaligo and we should all feel sorry for you! REPORTED and while I'm at it..Mani is REPORTED too...He didn't make me a Black Russian!
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Haha! It's so great having the Dlist kitchen open late. I've seen a couple of posts that suggest other cultural fillings for Sandy Drunklee's vom-inducing cakes:
Watermelon
Guacamole
May I suggest:
Haggis
Cannoli cream (or tomato sauce)
Grits
Bernaise sauce
Blue Bonnet margarine
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
I don't even know what is politically correct anymore Happy Winter Event everybody!
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:54pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:48pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:34pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:29pm.
So, seriously...Someone break it down for me...The Kwanza cake is racist because...
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Sorry, T-Lilz,
I missed that part...then again I'm drinking another one of my Thanksgivingleftover-tinis.
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It's not racist, it's just stupid. Just like her damn Jewish cake wasn't anti-semetic, just stupid. Just like everything else her drunk ass makes is stupid. This drunk ass, sand bagged tittied media whore is offensive as an entity. That I get, but not cuz her bunk ass cakes are racist. They're just fuckin' gross.
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Werd! And I'd like to offer you one of my "Thanksgivingleftover-Tinis" but I'm afraid all I've got left is white meat.
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RACIST!!!!!! *reports Nitty for food discrimination in the second degree* As a white tiger, I feel your disregard for white meat can only be personal and therefore racist...I'll bet you prefer whole wheat pasta to white, right? What about rice? Are you racist there too? Huh?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Mabel Hodges on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:59pm.
That TRULY is nast, and yes...my nipples hurt from that, too.
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Well shit, Mabel.
You weren't supposed to shellac the cake and hang them as sweater ornaments!
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
That TRULY is nast, and yes...my nipples hurt from that, too.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:48pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:34pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:29pm.
So, seriously...Someone break it down for me...The Kwanza cake is racist because...
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Sorry, T-Lilz,
I missed that part...then again I'm drinking another one of my Thanksgivingleftover-tinis.
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It's not racist, it's just stupid. Just like her damn Jewish cake wasn't anti-semetic, just stupid. Just like everything else her drunk ass makes is stupid. This drunk ass, sand bagged tittied media whore is offensive as an entity. That I get, but not cuz her bunk ass cakes are racist. They're just fuckin' gross.
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Werd! And I'd like to offer you one of my "Thanksgivingleftover-Tinis" but I'm afraid all I've got left is white meat.
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I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
Submitted by NitWitty on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:34pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:29pm.
So, seriously...Someone break it down for me...The Kwanza cake is racist because...
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Sorry, T-Lilz,
I missed that part...then again I'm drinking another one of my Thanksgivingleftover-tinis.
*****************************************
It's not racist, it's just stupid. Just like her damn Jewish cake wasn't anti-semetic, just stupid. Just like everything else her drunk ass makes is stupid. This drunk ass, sand bagged tittied media whore is offensive as an entity. That I get, but not cuz her bunk ass cakes are racist. They're just fuckin' gross.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
A Kwanzaacake-tini bwahahHAHA! She s totally able to make a cocktail book based on her 'classics'!
I m weirdly obsessed with this train wreck of a 'cook'. Watching her 'russipees' on youtube is a real antidepressant! First the show's a fuckin' riot and then the comments are fab. The other day someone suggested a drinking game based on whenever she says 'super super simple', 'delicious' or 'guhrrrrreat flllllavor'.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 7:29pm.
So, seriously...Someone break it down for me...The Kwanza cake is racist because...
***************************************
Sorry, T-Lilz,
I missed that part...then again I'm drinking another one of my Thanksgivingleftover-tinis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd like to flay you with my rapier wit, but I'm afraid it's about as dull as fucking your mother.
So, seriously...Someone break it down for me...The Kwanza cake is racist because...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Wow, everything about that woman is gaudy and crass. Even the way she felt the need to manhandle the food a little extra was nasty. She looks mean as a snake too.
Wow this is ridiculous, I'd be offended if I celebrated Kwanzaa. But I guess other holidays need a "fruitcake" for those who aren't in-the-know to bring to parties. You can really see how messy the cake is here on ONTD! Ewww..
Submitted by dcgirl on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 6:40pm.
Submitted by poo on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 6:18pm.
Submitted by Katt on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 3:43pm.
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1. Thank you, cuz I'm bored as hell over here:)
2. OMG everybody knows she's drunk, right? It's funny to give a drunk lady a home ec. TV show. That's real entertainment right there.
♥ Threadkilla!
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.~Marlon Brando
So that woman, Denise just "MADE UP" the ingredients to the Kwanzaa cake just to fuck with her???
Good point, Angel, I didn't really see it like that. It doesn't really have anything to do with ANYTHING so I thought it was just dumb! Serve me up some of that Franzia!
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BTW does anyone else feel as if Chris Hansen will pop around the corner and go "why don't you have a seat" every time you click on Drunken Stepfather? - messageinabottle
Them some low hangers she got there!
______________________________
... Well I'd like to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch! - Stewie.
Submitted by poo on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 6:18pm.
Submitted by Katt on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 3:43pm.
Has anyone else seen her Christmas cocktail tree?!? Bitch takes all her bar glassware and hangs it on the fucking tree, capped off with a giant nutcracker on top holding a martini. Can we say boozehound??
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You mean this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK21SZoXoa4
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Absolutely hilarious. SNL could use this as a skit just as it is.
That woman has zero taste or style. How the hell did she get a show? Who the hell watches her?
yeah, somebody call down to the Hamptons and alert Ina. NOBODY fucks with Ina.
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We can make weapons out of these candy canes.
Go ahead, suck it til it's pointy.
Submitted by Katt on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 3:43pm.
Has anyone else seen her Christmas cocktail tree?!? Bitch takes all her bar glassware and hangs it on the fucking tree, capped off with a giant nutcracker on top holding a martini. Can we say boozehound??
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You mean this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK21SZoXoa4
All her barware. All her cocktail glasses. All suspended upside down by florist wire.
How many Belvederes had to perish for this?1!!?
"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08
I wish the Barefoot Contessa would sit on this half-in-the-bag ho. And while she's at it, she should take out Rachael Ray - I doubt Ra-Ray would think her ass tastes YUM-O.
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by Vern on Thu, 12/16/2010 - 5:42pm.
Oh Angel-now you've gone all mystical on us, and we were wallowing. Mebbe we should drink a box of wine and then decide if the cake is racist or not. *cheers*
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LOL! HAI! I was just looking around to see if there was somewheres I could say Hi! to you!:D Here it is!
As long as it's medium priced boxed wine: I'm in!
♥ Threadkilla!
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.~Marlon Brando