Keith Richards: Orchid Murderer
Keith Richards has struck again! When mud monster Keef isn't striking fear into the hearts of Swedish journalists, or chasing American teenagers in their nightmares, he's murdering orchids! According to Page Six, Marie d'Origny, the deputy director of The New York Public Library, came running out of her office screaming BLOODY FUCKING MURDER when she found her small orchid dead! As the orchid lay there quivering on her desk, Marie put her ear up to its column as it weakly cooed out, "Keef did it." DAMN THAT KEEF!
Just days before Marie's orchid died a slow death, Keef was in her office waiting to go on stage for a live interview. Smoking is illegal in the library, but Keef can do whatever the hell he wants so he lit up a cig and dropped his ashes into the clay saucer underneath the orchid. The smoke choked out the orchid and it never recovered. And staring into the eye of the gargoyle Medusa didn't help either.
In Keith's defense, orchids are fragile as fragile can be. Someone gave me an orchid once and that bitch died within a day. It wasn't about to go out like Kristin Scott Thomas in The English Patient. All parched and thirsty and shit. Nope, it knew its fate so it pulled its own plug early. Don't get me wrong, Keith could split a catcus by flinching at it too fast, but the orchid is still the Chace Crawford of plants.
• 
The library bitch needs to dry the orchid corpse and send it to Keef-he'll probably chop it up, mix with with whats left of his daddys ashes and get down to business....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
What is that growth in the middle of his face???
EFFING HELLZ TO THE NO !@#$?... if that's his nose..GRRROSS
aw orchid drama! my orchid drama finally ended about 3 months ago after a painstaking year of first being gorgeous when i got it, to all the flowers falling off and then a year of watching it decide whether it wanted to live or not...well it chose LIFE! it even started growing new shoots after i just left it alone. then upon seeing how well it did MY dumbass decides to finally water it... and that was her last breath. bitch walked out never to be seen again! RIP Orchy...RIP
BUt you still aren't explaining the nose situation going on there. Proceed.
oh boy. poor orchid. *giggles*
but i never knew they were that fragile - i have around 100 - but i always have an ashtray at hand, so that might be my secret with them.
FUCK the orchid.
Keith ROCKS!
Stones will always beat scissors AND orchids!
*********************************************************Life is short. Laugh at it.
Is she sure he just put his ciggie in there? I can totally picture him taking a leak on it.
-------------------------------------------------------
Who are you calling silly cow?
For those who haven't already seen Keith naked here are the pics:
http://fullfrontalfriday.blogspot.com/search/label/Keith%20Richards?zx=3...
Fuck. I've killed a bunch of orchids (and I don't smoke anymore) But VT is hard on the pretty bitches. So I don't blame Keef. He prolly thought it was: Whoa!!! Scissorhands!
*chanting as always*
Orchids not so hard to grow, if you live in a temperate climate. This is what you do: put them outside in a shady spot in the summer, hopefully where it can rain on them. In winter, make sure they get enough light and if you put them in the bathroom, keep the door closed after your shower so they can sit in the humidity. Not so expensive, either, since Trader Joe's and grocery stores started selling them for $20 or less.
grim reaper mutha fker
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
...it weakly cooed out, "Keef did it." -MK
Fking LOLOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why,
Some plants can get a disease called tobacco mosaic disease or something like that if you ash in them. I'm sure Keef neither knows that or cares.
--------------------------------------
19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
Submitted by z-listed on Thu, 12/09/2010 - 7:59pm.
I hate smoking, I quit that nasty habit 15 years ago. And I hate people who break smoking rules.
__________________
I quit about a year ago, and if I can do it anyone can. I smoked for over 40 years and was very emotionally addicted. I used the nicotine lozenges for a couple of weeks, but the physical addiction really isn't that big of a deal. nicotine withdrawal isn't that bad, just irritating. it's the emotional addiction of having the cigarette, lighting it up, holding it, the physical sensation of inhaling and exhaling smoke, etc. that keeps people hooked. if you can get beyond that, quitting isn't that difficult and the lozenges can help. i love the smell of a burning cigarette but the after lingering smell is supernasty.
settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared
The drug-addled cockroach that refuses die.
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫
Miss your fucked up ways on my fucked up days.
I know, I know, you women are lucky. (I forgot to add those gorgeous French hos like Catherine Deneuve.)
Keef Richards is the bogeyman for drug users. We don't go overboard and stay away from certain substances because if we're not careful, we can end up dead or maybe worse, look like Keef or Iggy Pop.
Bjork You, all that proves is women age better than men, especially when there is an evil photo-shopper out there!
Keith Richards, 66:
http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/35000/Keith-Richards--35000.jpg
Nancy Wilson, 73:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_X_d6JjJ00I4/R7xS0ow1fsI/AAAAAAAALdo/ORq6cAsPrX...
Ruby Dee, 86:
http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl0/1/13839/04_2008/RubyDeea_JimS_150...
Cher's mom, Georgia Holt, 84:
http://ll-media.tmz.com/2010/11/19/1119-who-you-rather-credit.jpg
I hate smoking, I quit that nasty habit 15 years ago. And I hate people who break smoking rules.
However, I have just finished Keef's book, "LIFE" and I just cannot hate on the man! The book is long, but a great read.
*humming "Dead Flowers"*
Reading Keef's best selling book right now so maybe I should try to defend him by saying that I do try to grow orchids and they aren't all that easy...unless you live in a tropical climate. I mean, mine's still alive but no flowers. And Keef is still alive, too:) Rock on, baby.
Perhaps the issue isn't about buying a new one but about some folks feeling that rules are for everyone else.
Orchids are hard to grow and anyone who knows plants/gardens knows this.
Submitted by agirl on Thu, 12/09/2010 - 7:43pm.
\ The public libraries of NYC are in crisis right now with the mayor cutting funding severely.
__________________
Scary...Maybe Keef can donate some funds and save the libraries!
Bitch please if this NYPL employee has enough $$ for some fancy-schmancy flower then she has enough to replace it. The public libraries of NYC are in crisis right now with the mayor cutting funding severely. Anyone who has a job at any NYC library (there are two other systems besides NYPL) and doesn't lose it in the months ahead (there were layoffs earlier this year and there will likely be more in January/Feburary) is lucky, flower or no flower.
Anyway, Keef will likely send her a new one as an "I'm sowwy" gesture. QUITCHERBITCHEN!
ETA - NYPL got TONS of publicity when he did an author reading & Q&A there for his new book. Another reason for this person to STFU.
The tip of his noise is either really wrinkled or a piece of silly putty has been added on.
Orchids are so pretty but 'spensive! Always wanted to try growing some though. As for Keef, meh, he probably just breathed his skank druggie breath on the poor thing and it keeled over.
**********
He probably just breathed on it. His exhale formed in the image of Voldermort and touched the orchid, causing it to wilt and die
Someone one told me cats pee on orchids but I could never verifuy that. Ours don't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grow your own dope: plant a man.
Maybe she shouldn't have let him smoke in her fucking office.
___________________________
"TISSUE, PLEEEEAZE!"
he's an asshole and i don't think he is nearly as big of a junkie as he makes himself out to be. his skin doesn't look that bad either. it's heavily lined but it looks well nurished and the color is good
settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared
I bet if Keith Richards walked on the set while they were filming the show Walking Dead, they would think he was one of the actors in full makeup and costume.
I really doubt that he gives a damn about anything but himself, so this isn't really surprising. I am surprised he didn't just tap them onto the floor.
God he must stink...
============================================
...the end
And there goes another entitled shithead who doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself! Way to go, fuckbrain!
PS - Orchids are easy... just keep in a bright (not direct sun) window and water once a week. Easy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
Just to add - orchids are my most favorite flower - I don't love him because he did that. I just think he is such a fascinating train wreck and so amusing. Orchids are SO hard to keep alive though!
I am taking a mental note of your hangover cure, charlie.
Although I usually think cosmetic surgery is unnecessary, in Keith's case I'm prepared to make an exception.
I heart Keith Richards.
what's the worst crime you can commit. treason or murder. i've heard a lot of people say it is treason. in dante's inferno that was the worst offense with treason people actually in the mouth of satan.
settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared
Damn man can he not put 2 and 2 together, books plus fire equals bad news.
And hell yes orchids suck. I've tried 4 times and each time they stopped blooming within 5 days and within 3 months they were dead. I live in Texas we're not without humdity, I watered it, gave it miracle grow, kept in the right sunlight, they're just too fucking difficult.
What kind of nutter runs to the paper to tell them Keith Richards killed thier plant (days later) by smoke? NUTTER
This fossilized piece of wrinkly jerky again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grow your own dope: plant a man.
his nose is confusing me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
kiss my ass!
he probably pissed on that flower pot too...and he's had so many chemicals pumped into him that his piss must be radioactive.
-------------------------------------------------
"I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU...Eat dirt and die, TRASH!!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSEntl9Ys_c&feature=related
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Reminds me of a great line on the old Mary Tyler-Moore show where Mary is upset because a geranium died on her even though she had done what Happy Homemaker Betty White had recommended: put some coffee grounds in the pot. "Poor little thing", said Rhoda. "It probably hadn't slept in weeks."
speaking of keith i finally found a hangover cure: alka seltzer cold plus. it will knock out your headache, calm your stomach and sedate you but doesn't have the acetametaphine to fuck with your liver. but don't take if you are still boozed up. wait until you are fairly certain the alcohol is gone and you just want to feel better. the shit really works. it really does. but you can't drive on it.
settle down charlie m. did your daddy hate your momma? maybe she was a filthy whore like oksana...Submitted by lovethejared
I don't believe it. Keith is actually an accomplished gardner so I don't see him doing that.
<"Someone gave me an orchid once and that bitch died within a day.">
Especially frustrating when they're plastic.
I take defiling orchids very seriously.
TEAM NOT KEITH.
************
Riverman
Dropping ashes inside something that is not an ashtray is just tacky, pretty much what this junkie is completely made of.
**************
-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
It's surprising in this day and age Keith can find suitable, clean virgins to supply him with the fresh blood he needs transfused monthly.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
"You're disssthphicable!!!!!"