Sarah Jessica Parker Is Like A Wilting Flower
Sarah Jessica Parker tells Elle Magazine that like most living things in this world (excluding the ageless Shauna Sand, of course) she's getting old and she can already see herself entering the matinee buffet phase of her life, but she refuses to chop and stretch her face out of fear that she'll look like something you might find in Jocelyn Wildenstein's stables. Yes, getting old is scarier than a Ke$ha video!
Although, it's really not. I can't wait for that shit, because that's when you really don't have to give a fuck about anything. Is that kid kicking the back of your chair making your last nerve splinter? Curse that brat out and tell 'em Santy Claus is made of lies (no, he's not). Use the "BUT I"M OLD" defense in a court of law and you'll get an automatic NOT GUILTY!
When I was at the theater the other day, some pepaw passed out and started snoring so loudly that I'm sure he melted every box of Breathe Right at the Duane Reade down the street. At first I loaded a "STFU" onto the tip of my tongue, but then I realized he's old. I almost wanted to cover him with a chenille throw and have a plate of warm chamomile cookies waiting for him so he has something sweet to nibble on after his nap. See. Getting old is getting RIGHT. I can't wait until my state of mind is permanently set to WHO GIVES A FUCK (no question mark needed).
Anyways, here's a couple of quotes SJP neighed out to Elle:
On meeting her babies squared: "[Meeting them] is hard to describe. Everything is suspended. I can't even tell you what other sounds were in the room. I loved them immediately, but everything--their size, the shape of their heads, the color of their hair, their noses, their eyes--was new to me. They looked surprisingly different from James Wilkie, which I wasn't expecting."On how her aging face is like something out of Planet Earth: "I don't know what I can do about the aging. Yes, I am aging. Oh my God, I'm aging all the time. It's like those flowers that wilt in front of you in time-lapse films. But what can I possibly do? Look like a lunatic?"
Who needs to go under the knife anyway when you've got a dozen Photoshop tools to erase your wrinkles and make your skin looks like it's manufactured by Rubbermaid. And what did they do to her eyes?! They gave SJP those BLACK SWAN demon eyes. It's making me want to shake her while screaming, "What happened to my sweet girl!!!!?"
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I don't mind Sarah Jessica Parker. She's a pretty well known actress at this point and if she really wanted to, she could dig for tons of publicity but she doesn't.
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"Look inside the executioner's hood, I will show you his grimace!"
-Darzamat (Blackward)
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I think she has a beautiful smile, seems kind and smart, and she has the same niceness she had as a kid, and I love that- can't find the video of her when she was about 13 and on Johnny Carson or something, but it was adorable. She also doesn't show off about her supposed generosity or even her body, despite being healthy. Though I did prefer her early nineties look of a little less muscle. LOVED her in Hocus Pocus. She needs to go back to character roles, IMO, or maybe theater, but it's really hard not to see her as Carrie. Love her clothes also.
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"Don't trust anyone I could blindfold with dental floss."
-Submitted by karmaskull on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 4:51pm.
If she quit smoking, she wouldn't age so fast. Just sayin.
...or take a page outta Catherine Zeta Jones' book and botox-the-hell-outta-ur-face/restylane + eye lift.
No, don't gain weight. In pap's shots she isn't too skinny, sorta has saddlebag hips.
She really needs to gain 20 pounds and she would look less drawn and haggard. She always reminds me of a witch... and not Glinda the good witch!
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/entertainment/2002812478_dlisted20...
Submitted by Datura on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 2:37pm.
Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 12:43pm.
Maybe it's because I, too, have a longass horseface but I've never found SJP to be as hideously ugly as some consider her to be. I also think she has gorgeous hair.
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I don't think she's hideous either, and I thought she was quite pretty around the mid 90's. I get that round faces are considered cuter because they're more childlike, but don't understand the idea that long face = hideous. It's kind of an Eastern European standard to have a long face and a curved nose.
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Totally agree. So what if she doesn't have a typical cookie cutter look?
There's a Russian girl in my class who has similar features: very long face, a less than round tip on her nose, tiny eyes ( as well as dark circles). She's very self conscious about her looks (though she seems to have a healthy self-esteem) and I just want to tell her that she's beautiful. Today our instructor was giving her make-up tips as she did her make-up and she looked great after.
Submitted by Inigo Jones on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 5:28pm.
I was reading an old People while I waited to have my car worked on. There was a big story about Jennifer Grey and how she's bravely battled neck pain since her and Matthew Broderick's accident in Ireland in the 80s.
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Woah! I'd never heard of that.
for a real laugh checkout
SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse
(dot com, of course!)
Submitted by Sugartits on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 4:20pm.
I thought the point of Photoshop was to make someone look more attractive, not like they took apart her face and then put her eyes on backwards.
And yeah, I just hit 40 and I can tell the free ride is over.
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Aw shit. I turn 40 this month.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
I was reading an old People while I waited to have my car worked on. There was a big story about Jennifer Grey and how she's bravely battled neck pain since her and Matthew Broderick's accident in Ireland in the 80s.
I was thinking, YOU'RE having neck pain? What about the family you wiped out whose members are either dead or mourning since then? YOUR neck pain is a nice reminder of the pain you and he caused because you were high and screwing around. Grey, of course, failed to even acknowledge the pain she had caused.
Saw this old cow starry eyed and drooling over Nancy Mother-Fucking-Pelosi - in the east room of the Whitehouse - what the fuck did this wench do to get into the Whitehouse? What great contribution to humanity has she done to warrant such an invite? Oh that's right, Barrys' standards are so low - hollywood “elite” just have to pay for an day pass - Go ask Stretch Pelosi… queen of botox - your all time hero - how she stays so scary looking and fresh. Stem cells???
I thought the point of Photoshop was to make someone look more attractive, not like they took apart her face and then put her eyes on backwards.
And yeah, I just hit 40 and I can tell the free ride is over.
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"You gonna give me my car, or do I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet?" Repo Man
She needs to put on like 5 pounds and she won't look so haggard. I was shocked to find out that she was the same age as Kristen Davis.
She should get her nose done at least. It's only going to get bigger and droop as she ages.
Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 12:43pm.
Maybe it's because I, too, have a longass horseface but I've never found SJP to be as hideously ugly as some consider her to be. I also think she has gorgeous hair.
:::off to eat my own bag of oats:::
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I don't think she's hideous either, and I thought she was quite pretty around the mid 90's. I get that round faces are considered cuter because they're more childlike, but don't understand the idea that long face = hideous. It's kind of an Eastern European standard to have a long face and a curved nose.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 1:55pm.
Submitted by Gin-n-Juice on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 12:45pm.
I agree. There was a study done on the human face where men were shown pictures of women with beautiful faces and average bodies, women with amazing bodies and homely faces etc. and the majority of the time the men chose the women with the beautiful faces over the women with the perfect bodies. Babies prefer attractive faces too...
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I think that is interesting but something doesn't make sense. When people say whether someone is attractive, just being overweight means you are unattractive regardless of your face.
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That's why I said average bodies and not heavy set or obese.
its name was to be William Pretentiousmiddlename Dumb Regular Last Name the Third, and he would be known as "simply Wil." So we all began referring to him as "simply Won't."
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AHAHAHAHA ! 'simply Won't'. Nice.
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HEE HAWWWW
*********************************************************Life is short. Laugh at it.
Submitted by Gin-n-Juice on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 12:45pm.
I agree. There was a study done on the human face where men were shown pictures of women with beautiful faces and average bodies, women with amazing bodies and homely faces etc. and the majority of the time the men chose the women with the beautiful faces over the women with the perfect bodies. Babies prefer attractive faces too...
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I think that is interesting but something doesn't make sense. When people say whether someone is attractive, just being overweight means you are unattractive regardless of your face.
I love her. Like some of you said, she's a great actress, actually has TALENT and is not the Jessica Alba type who probably sucked off some Hollywood producer to get where she is. She also seems down to earth and not pretentious, and she made a clothing line that doesn't have shirts that cost $300 or something ridiculous like J. Lo, Heidi Klum and all those other bitches with clothing lines. She is one of my favorite celebrities.
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It's the second law of thermodynamics. Get used to it, girl.
(kiss this)--------------------------->>> (_!_)
I can't stand that "James Wilkie" business. Broderick's dad was named James (the actor, from whatever show he was on), but the guy's been dead forever. It's not like there'd be mass confusion if they dropped the Wilkie pretense. Like that isn't going to cause him to get the shit beat out of him at his poncy day school.
I'd assumed SJP used the J because her name is ordinary, and was already taken by some other actress. Or maybe her agent or parents came up with it; she was just a kid when she started performing.
SJP has never come across as a pretentious person (and she's from Ohio, so it's not a Southern thing in her case), so I was never irked by her three-name name, but the first-middle action for her kid is obnoxious.
I got an e-mail at work once from the insufferable wife of some guy down the hall. They'd finally crapped out a child, and she was announcing that its name was to be William Pretentiousmiddlename Dumb Regular Last Name the Third, and he would be known as "simply Wil." So we all began referring to him as "simply Won't."
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Cause I can't work a job
Like any other slob
Punching in and punching out and sucking up to Bob
Marrying a bitch
Having seven kids
Giving up and growing old
And hoping there's a god
I like SJP and she works it the best she can with what she has been given.
Gotta give a heaux credit for that alone!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Submitted by SoulTaker on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 12:43pm.
Maybe it's because I, too, have a longass horseface but I've never found SJP to be as hideously ugly as some consider her to be. I also think she has gorgeous hair.
:::off to eat my own bag of oats:::
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Sometimes she looks pretty and other times she looks like a witch. She has amazing legs though. I thought she looked hot in Honeymoon In Vegas.
Submitted by Scheherazade on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 12:00pm.
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 10:53am.
Reality check time...men often will let a homely face slide by, if it's attached to a rockin' hard fat-free little body. Butter faces with great bodies have no problem getting men. One chick I work with has a body like a world class super model but a face that's just all kinds of NO. Bitch gets more men than anyone in the office.
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See im inclined to think it's the other way around. I think men notice the face before anything else and as long as you're proportionate, they're with it. Maybe it's just the dudes who are attracted to me or the people in my circle, but a pretty girl trumps hot body every time and if someone is going out with you because of your body, it's usually just a sex thing.
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I agree. There was a study done on the human face where men were shown pictures of women with beautiful faces and average bodies, women with amazing bodies and homely faces etc. and the majority of the time the men chose the women with the beautiful faces over the women with the perfect bodies. Babies prefer attractive faces too...
Maybe it's because I, too, have a longass horseface but I've never found SJP to be as hideously ugly as some consider her to be. I also think she has gorgeous hair.
:::off to eat my own bag of oats:::
I can't hate on her because she was flat-ass broke as a kid and has paid her dues as a performer. She was in "Annie" and has definitely trained as a dancer, singer and actress and has a strong work ethic. She's not where she is because she's pretty and sucked off some producers.
I also like her because she's more New York than Hollywood.
Although she owes me an apology for SATC because that shit got out of hand and how long do we still have to deal with frivolous spoiled bitches thinking they're Carrie or Samantha?
It's the MAKEUP. The eyeliner extending in towards the inner corner of the eye to -- I assume -- lengthen the eye.
Oprah's people do the same thing to her, but her eyes are AFS-style far apart so it's okay.
It's fucking retarded.
stoney: yeah, I thought they must have
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
Actually, they HAD to have. You can't just pick up ballet as an adult and pass as a prima New York ballerina, or any kind of ballerina for that matter. It takes years of training.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Snowy, I do believe both of them studied ballet as kids and young adults, and then they went through grueling 8 hour a day months long training for the film.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 10:53am.
Reality check time...men often will let a homely face slide by, if it's attached to a rockin' hard fat-free little body. Butter faces with great bodies have no problem getting men. One chick I work with has a body like a world class super model but a face that's just all kinds of NO. Bitch gets more men than anyone in the office.
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See im inclined to think it's the other way around. I think men notice the face before anything else and as long as you're proportionate, they're with it. Maybe it's just the dudes who are attracted to me or the people in my circle, but a pretty girl trumps hot body every time and if someone is going out with you because of your body, it's usually just a sex thing.
>.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.< >.<
The best thing about being a medical assistant is you get to wear scrubs!
that cover shot is horrendous...
those poor photoshoppers need to do overtime because she always makes the same horse face in every single god damn picture
SJP has had at least one nose job:
http://news.makemeheal.com/images/sarah-jessica-parker-nose-job.jpg
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
While SJF was having her eyes done, it's too bad she couldn't make them bigger. Eye-job or no eye-job, lining inside the lashes may enhance the color of one's eyes, but it makes them look smaller. And in her case, it makes her nose look larger and her face look longer. Bad idea.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
The bloom is off the rose. Sadz.
:(
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Athina -- you're right about the guys dating ugly girls. Honestly, though, if I were a guy, I'd prefer dating a pretty woman with a little meat on her bones than a skinny-minny with an ugly face, but hey, that's just me.
Snowpiece -- I hear ya. I used to work at a prestigous law firm and we'd throw the name around, too. WilkieWilkieWilkie...
Bitch, please. She's full of shit. She had her eyes done a few years ago, and god only knows what else. Someone give her a sugar cube and put her back in the drafty barn.
Good for her, we have enough alien looking bitches running around planet earth now. She doesn't need to add to the mix.
Reality check time...men often will let a homely face slide by, if it's attached to a rockin' hard fat-free little body. Butter faces with great bodies have no problem getting men. One chick I work with has a body like a world class super model but a face that's just all kinds of NO. Bitch gets more men than anyone in the office.
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Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 10:23am.
Sushi -- I agree with you. I never got that her character on SATC was so hot and so gorgeous and got all these men. I guess she has a cute enough, if slightly scrawny, physique, but she is NOT cute at all. Really -- huge beak, long face, witch chin with that hideous mole she had removed a couple of years ago; all together, it's not a pretty picture.
Do either of the actresses have a background in ballet?
I wonder how well they pull the dancing off, stoney can let us know
LOL DWM
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 12/03/2010 - 10:46am.
DWM: I'd rather we have a cat fight!
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Jack just made a mess in his pants.
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
Stoney: WORD!
we should set up a dlisted Fauxgayelle Field Trip to see it
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
If she's really that at peace with herself then sincere golf claps to her. I'm incredulous, though.
I recall seeing Oprah interview Demi Moore and she talked a good game too--came across level headed, humble, normal. But we all know that shit ain't true!
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
DWM: I'd rather we have a cat fight!
Twat Muffin all I know is it's a law firm where my little PR co-worker used to work and she always talks about it with her accent
WIlkieWilkieWilkie, LOL
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
I like her. She never claimed to be a beauty and never acted like she was. I'm surprised at the obvious horse comments on here. It's so 5th grade.
what is her profession finally?is she an actress? a fashion icon? a spokesperson of ugliness in hollywood jungle?fuck her,she is as shallow as the rest of them.
I WANTED to give her some My Little Pony Points for trying to keep it real, but then I remembered her quote comparing a shit-soaked baby diaper to the smell of freshly cooked food, and I have to reneg.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
Jeaneee -- yeah, I could see the double name thing being a cultural kind of thing down south, but I think Sarah, rather Sarah Jessica (excuse me), does it to be pretentious.
Slow day at work...
I urge everyone to google "Jessica Parker is a horse" and you will discover a fab site with photos of her and horses. So entertaining.
*** what goes down, must come up ***
I am DYING to see Black Swan. I don't want to take the Canadian though because there's no way I will seem even halfway attractive and unobese coming out of the theater after seeing that.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."