Jessica Simpsons Boozes The Pregnancy Rumors Away
Either Jessica Simpson is a considerate mother-to-be who wants to turn her womb into a non-stop booze party, or she's completely fetus free. Papa Joe has already asked Jessica to pee pee on a stick (that visual is illegal in most states so proceed with caution) so that he can tell the media with complete confidence that she is not knocked up, but some have remained skeptical. But Page Six says that Jessica drowned that rumor in a glass full of tequila at Stanton Social in NYC on Tuesday night.
Jessica showed up with an entourage of 20 including Papa Joe, her rent-to-own fiance Eric Johnson, her assistant and a bunch of bodyguards (HA!). A witness-type said that they watched as Jessica swallowed margaritas and sent a river of tequila down her froat. The witness opened their mouth and said this, "They were very well-mannered and drank basil lime gimlets, pineapple 75's, Maker's on the rocks, margaritas and wine. They ordered a lot of food. Jessica let her guard down enough to steal a few kisses from her fiancé in front of papa Joe. Jessica, Eric and the crew settled on shots of Don Julio to finish out the evening."
That's that, I guess? That means Jessica won't digitally belch out endless Tweets about how her pregnancy farts have a top note of baby powder and how she needs to apologize in advance to her delivery nurses since she's sure her b-hole is going to make a serious mess during delivery. BOO for us!
Here's more of Messica and Mr. Messica leaving their hotel in NYC last night and making their way to JFK.
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this brainless, talentless skeez needs to learn to fake laugh with her big horse mouth closed 'cause nobody wants to look at that big cow's chaw of gum she's constantly got going in there.
what a complete no class hick!
I hate her cause she's a lying, plastic bitch that uses people and causes to promote crap products noone wants. Like pretending she was abused just as she puts out a country record and saying to people at a concert "If you've been abused just walk away in a pair of Jessica Simpson boots." I hate her cause she made money out of promoting the ideal of the thin woman and didn't give a shit about the fatties til it suited her. I hate her cause she's dumb and talentless. I hate her cause she fakes engagements to get at her ex and promote shite records. I hate her cause she lies about her extensive plastic surgery. And I hate her cause the ugly man faced, treestump shaped bitch just won't go away!
She sounded OK singing in NYC on tuesday...and of course she has nice tits!
Looks like she's wearing Mondo's shirt!!
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
all I know is that once you hit your late Twenties in bloat galore....i speak from experience.....(and i've been pretty much in shape most of my life) = (
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"Home remedy #108: IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
I don't hate her either. Her body type is like mine. Course, I don't drink like a FISH....but then again,I'm older and wiser too.
Yum to basil-lime gimlets. That gives me an idea...
The alcohol covers up her steak-breath.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein.
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Add Mariah Carey to that list, husbands_and_wives.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Project:Runway fans, JSimp and her bubba are indeed wearing Mondo tee shirts! Yay Mondo!
Its just weird she takes daddy everywhere.
You sure Papa Joe didn't ask her to pee on him? *going straight to Hell*
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Do not read, as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious, for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live~ Flaubert
I guess this the way to go for young Hollywood women otherwise they'll end up alone. Find a man with a shitty job or no job and allow him to devote himself completely to making you happy. Jessica Alba and Cash, Jessica Simpson and her "I'm dropping out of Wharton to be a full time kept man" fiance Eric, and Christina Aguilera and her new personal assistant boyfriend.
They want all the power in the relationship and the man kissing their ass 24/7. Oh well, nothing powerful men haven't been doing for years.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Why would you take an assistant out with you to party? To wipe your ass?
I'm straining my brain to remember this ONE song of hers I used to enjoy and for the life of me I can't remember how it went.
But then again I was 15, and swore to god Nick Carter would take my virginity. *shrugs*
Basil lime gimlets! That's my new drink! Made them for thanksgiving. Stupid husband was in charge and refused to put in the basil i picked. Still tasted great.
I do not agree that she could ever sing. She belts out her songs and practically screams them, then the producers tune it up so it sounds decent on the recordings. When she sings live it's like an eardrum abortion.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by NovaNightly on Thu, 12/02/2010 - 10:46am.
ElB said we're all cute and chubby....lol.
NEVER! I spelling mistake, i meant cute and chobby! Chobby is slang in UK for sexy!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Not for nothing but I remember back in the day, many many moons ago, when this bitch could actually sing. Do you remember?
It's hard to recall the last time she dropped a decent hit, or we heard from her for her vocal range and not for her porking's shortchange. It's actually kinda sad.
Did I just defend Jessica Simpson? Surely, I'm ovulating.
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 12/02/2010 - 10:35am.
Um did ElB just call us all FAT!?!?!?!?!
WHAT? As if! Never! I know for a fact all the female posters here are slim and gorgeous AND YOU especially. I think it might be some kinda time difference reading mistake!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
ElB said we're all cute and chubby....lol.
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
She's a drunken fool, that is why she is gaining weight consistently.
duh.
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On your marks, now ready set
Let's get loaded and forget
-Elvis Costello
Um did ElB just call us all FAT!?!?!?!?!
I don't hate her but I like to make fun of her!
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
Never thought she was pregnant...girl has been obviously enjoying her food and booze. She always seems to get like that when she finds a man. Guess that chunk is just her happiness showing. lol...
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
All together now...
Met her on my CB, said her name was Mimi
Sounded like an angel come to Earth
(Come to Earth)
But when I went to meet her
man you should've seen her
Twice as tall as me, three times the girth
(girth)
Oh my fat baby loves to eat
(loves to eat)
A big ol' Buddha belly
and her breasts swing past her feet
(Feet)
My fat baby loves to eat
My big ol' fat-ass baby loves to eat
I'm just mad at her because she can't sing and neither can her sister but they both insist on doing it.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
How this talentless mass of desperation and daddy-issues is still relevant is beyond me. I could care less if she were chubby and happy, but she's just plain pathetic.
I really wish she'd stop peddling lame Christmas music ripped of Mariah. It's awful and my ears can't take it.
She isn't bright but doesn't claim to be either. And that hideous show wasn't helpful. Yeah, she's probably pretty insecure. I just can't throw Kardashian/Hilton level hate at her.
Submitted by Dr. Dick on Thu, 12/02/2010 - 10:09am.
El Bastardo--I also don't get the hate. Like a lot of women her weight fluctuates. Kinda like that she doesn't smoke and vomit to stay ano-thin like a lot of her peers.
Maybe its because of the show she was in 'chick o the sea' comment. Never watched it...dunno. I like her...even with the open mouth...makes me think good thoughts! :)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Submitted by El Bastardo on Thu, 12/02/2010 - 10:06am.
Shes cute and chubby, thats why I like her. Its also why I like most of the posters here! Thin or thick, shes a babe and I have no idea why people hate her.
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I don't hate her. But she seems so dumb and can't be 2 seconds without a man on her arm. It looks desperate.
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MK, I love you like a fat kid loves cake - MissJaneTexas
Who wants to bet this farce never makes it to the altar?
It is infuriating to look at this minus-5 talent, 80 IQ having heifer with her millions and her entourage, and her George Glass fiance, stuffing her fat face and drinking like a sailor, while so many deserving, talented people struggle.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Nice hat Eric
She doesn't look fat here to me except in the face. Also, she's not flashing her ring...shocker.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
El Bastardo--I also don't get the hate. Like a lot of women her weight fluctuates. Kinda like that she doesn't smoke and vomit to stay ano-thin like a lot of her peers.
So she's not preggers, just boozy and hongray like the rest of us? Ok. Just ok. Feeling...indifferent. LOL
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Shes cute and chubby, thats why I like her. Its also why I like most of the posters here! Thin or thick, shes a babe and I have no idea why people hate her.
Meanwhile, I'm bored and snowed in :(
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Grown assed woman and she has to "steal" kisses from her fiance in front of her father? I mean, it's sweet that she's not tryin' to make him jellis and all but still...
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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green
Well, she got what she wanted out of the rumours, a little publicity. Now she can quietly fade back into obscurity where she belongs.
I for one am glad she's not.
imagine having a mother who doesn't know chicken of the sea is fucking tuna.
yet another mouth breathing peckerwood the world doesn't need.
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You smell like cheap weed and applesauce.
"her rent-to-own fiance" *snicker*
bless her fat fucking ass... she always looks so damn greasy.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
This picture says everything: Her clueless gaping maw and the "fiance" looking for an exit.
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MK, I love you like a fat kid loves cake - MissJaneTexas
What in Ed Hardy hell is she wearing?
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
that girl can drank...which explains her unfortunate tummy situation & all that bloat.
Like I said, she is just a fat, smelly loser.
Hate this bitch!
Jessica is starting to look like Kirstey Alley 2.0 minus the comedic talent.
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"Arrested for Prostitution!!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dOLUhHfuCwfeature=related
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Ugh. As if anyone is interested enough in Jimp to write down and entire fucking bar menu of her eatin' vittles. Miss Piggy needs to put down the diet of carbs and beer or stop fucking complaining that people call her fat mom ass fat. Seriously, how many kids does she look like she's had? I have no doubt that she has to "steal kisses," 'cause ain't nobody wants to put their mouths on her shnasty hamburger-grease retarded worm lips. Fo realz.
Nice fucking Mondo t-shirt. I'm glad you supported him and he lost. Tacky fucking tasteless slut.
So, what you are saying is, she's just plain fat! Right?
Two things:
- So he just follows her around every day? I don't know if I'd want a man who'd be happy doing that.
- Is she wearing a Mondo (T-shirt)?!
Or maybe she's into the whole FAS thing.
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West