Hot Slut Of The Day!
Angeles Duran, a Spanish woman who is now the official owner of the bright, hot thing in the sky called the sun. Angeles has notarized papers proving this, so don't try to tell her otherwise.
Angeles tells the Spanish paper El Mundo (via Daily Mail) that what she's doing is completely legal and she has no idea why nobody has thought of this before (Ms. Duran, please allow me to escort you into Mr. Burns' office).
Some American dude already owns the moon and some other planets, but nobody has registered ownership of the sun before until now. Angeles says, "There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first."
The sun's new pimp is already making plans to charge every single person on this planet who spends time with her main ho. Angeles says that if you use the sun, you must pay her a fee. She's going to give half of her earnings to the Spanish government, 20% to her country's pension fund, 10% to research, 10% to end world hunger and 10% to herself. Oh, and for those of you out there who refuse to pay up due to the fact that the part of your brain that operates REASON still works, Angeles hasn't figured out how to deal with you yet.
You know, you can't blame a crazy bitch for trying and there are a few people who will fall for this mess. Just think of all the money Angeles is going to make from Jessica Simpson! Besides, now you know who to sue for assault when the sun's rays scorch your nipples during nekkid ass nekkid sunbathing in your backyard. And you also know who to sue for harassment when you stumble out of your one-night-fuck's apartment at 8am and the sun takes your hangover to another level. And when it's overcast and rainy, you can sue Angeles for both fraud and abandonment. Yeah, this is going to work out well.