Jessica Simpson Thinks Eating This Will Be Weird
Papa Joe sucks at picking out a bought piece for his daughter Jessica. I mean, word is that Eric Johnson's checking account is a MAN DOWN CODE 10 SITUATION and he's a VEGAN! Jessica "Real Girls Eat Meat" Simpson is spreading her glazed ham cheeks all over a VEGAN! Jessica's farts are meatier than a Brazilian barbecue, so an extra serving of vom must come up Eric's froat when she dutch ovens him. Jessica puts creamed beef in her morning coffee and brushes her teeth with pork paste on a Slim Jim, so how is this going to work exactly? Eric must be serious about his gold digging.
Because Jessica is filled with more meat than John Travolta on a Saturday night, she's not really looking forward to having a vegan Thanksgiving tomorrow. Jessica tells Jimmy Fallon (via People) that she's afraid of sticking Tofurky in her mouth, because it's going to be all "jiggly and weird." Tofurky is like, "Speak for yourself, heffah!"
Jessica had this shit to say about eating potatoes with no cream and yams without condensed milk, "After getting out of the NFL, [Eric] went to this healer and is very healthy. For Thanksgiving we have to make a Tofurkey! It doesn't sound right! It's gonna be jiggly and weird. I'm from Texas – I'd fry a steak. We eat all casseroles and giblets!"
The last time I ate Tofurky, I had to wrap my piece in bacon, dip it in Bisquick, throw it in the Fry Daddy and sprinkle chunks of steak fat on top of it in order to get it down my throat so I feel her pain (no, I don't). Eric should just cover Jessica's Tofurky with spray chocolate if he wants her to eat that shit without crying about how it's making her feel all weird inside.
Or if Eric wants to keep her off turkey for the rest of the year, he can tell her that due a giant batch of hormones getting mixed-up with IVF, every single turkey comes complete with a turkey fetus inside of it this year:
Here's Jessica and her paid piece leaving their hotel in NYC last night.
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Whahahaa! Pregnant turkey! Either Jessica ate that pregnant turkey or she herself is a pregnant turkey!
CO-DEPENDANT? Jessica Simpson has no control of her life and she knows she fucked it up with Nick. What an idiot.
what do tiger's dream of when they take a little tiger snooze.
Submitted by Pinkismyblack on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 6:52pm.
Eating large amounts of soy causes brain shrinkage. It can be good for you but in small quantities.
Like anyone is going to make miss piggy eat anything that she doesn't want to. She is so desperate to please/hold on to a man that she would do anything. I hate girls like her.
On a side note tofurkey is pretty nasty. And I'm a vegetarian. Usually there are plenty of other things to eat on thanksgiving without having to resort to that.
Amy seriously defective if she doesn't realize that turkeys don't get "pregnant". This person should not be hosting Thanksgiving dinner. This is just basic stuff.
I always suspected this idiot redneck - no talent - dipshit didn't give head. Well, now I'm convinced.
*****Jessica tells Jimmy Fallon (via People) that she's afraid of sticking Tofurky in her mouth, because it's going to be all "jiggly and weird." *******
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In a time of universal deceit
- telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
*George Orwell*
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Those who exchange liberty for safety deserve neither; AND LOSE BOTH!
*Benjamin Franklin
blueangel- If soy is "one of the worst things you can eat", how do you explain Japanese who eat soy? (Or any other asian cuisine that uses it.) Did you know that tofu making is thousands of years old?
Although any pre-packaged convenience type food (like Tofurkey or Quorn) can be unhealthy, it's not any different than others.
What's disturbing about that video is that the chick was crying because the turkey might have been "pregnant". I don't get it- if you're ready to snorf down on a dead carcass, what's a little more meat? Like you didn't know turkeys reproduce, or what?
I don't get that about some meat-eaters. -How offal and dark meat is gross, but the white bits aren't? It's all animal!
I don't eat pears, but can you tell me what's wrong with them, stake_spike?
This trick is the pickiest eater on the planet. She acts a fool when she eats things like pears FFS. He must really be hard up for cash beacuse the only thing she eats is cow and chicken so good luck trying to make this work.
This bitch and her big mouth again? Why can't she just go away??
and btw, I stuff my bird with a very traditional stuffing and eat it. Haven't gotten sick yet. If I do, oh well. I'm enjoying life, not walking on egg shells around it. :D
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 1:37pm.
I tried it once, so I'll happily knock it. My body felt horrible, like I was lacking a vital form of nutrition.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I could never get serious with anyone that was a vegetarian. I've got nothing against veggies at all, in fact, I commend those that choose that lifestyle because I sure as hell couldn't do it! I come from a family of Balkans and we like our lamb and "cevapcici".
Although I do love me the occasional veggie burger!
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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K
I ate some Tofurky one year...I think it was Quorn or some shit. Anyway, it really wasn't bad. Tasted just like the real thing to me. Wasn't jiggly or anything, had a texture.
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"It really is the simple things in life that give you a reason to take your pants off during a work day." -- MK
Dude is starting to look really worried about the tofurkey he's about to marry.
no, Quorn is not banned in the UK. I live in London and just enjoyed some last night. The Southwestern 'chicken' patties are delish!
Doesn't this dumb bitch in the second video realize that birds lay eggs, and there wouldn't be a de-feathered, cleaned, fetal carcass just laying inside a full-grown turkey?
The girl in the vid should not be in charge of preparing a thanksgiving feast much less operating an appliance that has the potential to burn a house down.
Since the guy seems to be vegan for health reasons and not for ethical ones, they might have a chance. If he starts feeling sorry for the animals, then forget it. He will most likely feel grossed out by Jessica gorging on carcasses.
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The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E42ndfjnP1g
Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 1:36pm.
Does anyone else find it odd that they don't hold hands? They're always arm in arm like best girlfriends.
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I always figured she isnt steady on her feet when her increased size in high heels (and possibly sauced).
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Wok out with your cock out!!
His "healer" needs to learn about nutrition. Soy is one of the worst things you can eat. Tofurkey is made out of soy and other processed crap. She should cook a turkey and let him enjoy his "healthy" soy.
Submitted by letinstar on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 12:11pm.
as for this woman flipping out over the "pregnant turkey, she should've done a full cavity search, wash and marinate before stuffing that bird...
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I was thinking the same fucking thing. How well did she clean the turkey if she didnt notice something will in the turkeu already? Did she cook the giblets-in-the bag also?
I remember my sis-in-law did that one yr. I heard the year b4 that she cooked the frozen turkey so only 1/2 the turkey was cooked. BWAAHAH my mother refuses to eat anything my sis-in-law cooks.
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Wok out with your cock out!!
No meat, chicken or fish for me and I don't feel like I'm missing out on something. Don't knock the veggie diet till you've tried it. There's a vast array of food items you can use for your meal besides meat. Eating meat always made me feel like a porker, kinda like Simpson looks in some pics. So glad I kicked the habit 18 years ago.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Does anyone else find it odd that they don't hold hands? They're always arm in arm like best girlfriends.
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You're welcome to your opinion unless it differs from mine.
So I guess she's not allowed to swallow? Or are only animals cute enough to be spared? Aaaw vegans...nature's joke.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Jeeps - true that on the bagged salads and being contaminated.
What was it here? 2 years ago there was a major e-coli break out from Fresh Express??? Which, is grown here locally and it wound up being found that the workers were shitting in the fields.
I like quadruple wash everything.
I wonder how long Jessica's collection of clubbed baby seal pelts will last after hippie boy moves in?
I will never figure out why vegans are always trying to tranform grains and vegetables into something that resemebles meat.
And so what if my turkey is dipped in bleach before it leaves the plant. I dip my bird in bleach every morning.
Oh, Jessica. Just call this thing off before the New Year! It's not gonna work. Just be single and work. Put out a good album, so we can remember that you could actually sing. It's okay if you don't have a man. He doesn't even look that into her, anymore.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 10:21am.
How the fuck could anyone eat this nastly looking thing? I mean look at it, That's just plain gross!
My thoughts exactly.
Oh wait, you meant the tofurkey? oh I meant that bimbo Jessica
why is this bitch still relevant??
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Parents like White Oprah and Billy Ray should move to Canada where abortion is legal and Plan B is over the counter.
OMG he does look like Tori's husband! I couldn't put my finger on why he looked like such a loser but now I know!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
She's a closed-minded idiot. This marriage will never happen, and if it does, they'll be divorced in less than 6 months.
Tofurky actually isn't too bad, but for meatless "meats," Gardein brand is king. That shit is amazingly delicious! If Jessica doesn't want a meat substitute, they should just make something else. There's really no need to replace the turkeys on a Thanksgiving table, even if you want to keep with "tradition." Pilgrims didn't even serve turkey at the first Thanksgiving, and that wasn't popularized until the mid-1800s.
I would not want to eat anything this dumb bitch is cooking - anyone that stupid is not going to know how to cook "clean"
oh - and not cleaning the bird properly, then STUFFING it - best way to get SICK
and while i'm on it - all these delightful salad kits - you know - the ones that claim the greens are "triple-rinsed"......best scenario for salmonella ever. NEVER eat this shit right from the bag
wash everything! the workers that pick this shit are migrant workers - they are not properly housed, fed, or have appropriate healthcare facilities. They shit where they pick the food - no lie - not their fault - companies like Dole won't spend the money to make sure that the food they are selling comes from clean farms - and the farms won't spend the money to care for their migrant workers - and this is just the USA! You gotta know it's worse in asia and south america.
oh Christ - I think I'll throw out my Turducken - I am sure all 3 birds have been bathed in chemicals.
(slinking away before I ruin Thanksgiving)
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
1.) She's jiggly and weird
2.) I tried Quorn once and had a severe allergic reaction - it's banned in the UK/ Australia b/c it's vat grown mold that is dangerous.
3.) He has that sickly vegan look
4.) He also has the Tori Spelling Husband creep factor.
Amy's a stupid ho. Birds hatch from eggs. DUH!
To the moron in the video - Turkeys lay eggs!
No wonder she's gotten fat. She's gone vegan which is the equivalent of strapping on a feed bag of grain. She needs to low carb it. Bring on the steak, Jessica.
Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 12:02pm.
I thought that too. When I first saw that picture I thought, "So she'll be eating some kind of bread with herbs in it, big deal." Then I realized "HOLY SHIT, that's the main course!"
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Jeeps, I'm not hungry yet. I even passed up coffee this morning my tummy so jacked.
But at least the chills and fever seem to be gone.
no dry turkey for us..we'll be having chicken and other non porky meats...
as for this woman flipping out over the "pregnant turkey, a) i thought turkeys laid eggs and b) she should've done a full cavity search, wash and marinate before stuffing that bird...
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Just wait til your ball sack is jangling around your knees like santa's bells and your brows are meeting your eyelids -stolen from: Urfugginjokin on Holy Moly on 10/13/10
Submitted by Jeepster on Wed, 11/24/2010 - 11:54am.
Dlisters:
This year I am cooking a TURDUCKEN!!!!!
I am so flippin excited! A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey.
This is more scientifically awesome than a flying car!!!!
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uhmmmmm.....you lost me at "TURD"
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"Home remedy #108: IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
M.E.
Glad to hear you are hungry - from the sound of it, tomorrow's meal will fix you up right.
Yeah - I forgot about how oily Duck is....hmmmm. Well - I'm either gonna see delighted faces all around me tomorrow, or my guests will be chasing me around the yard with pitchforks.....
gotta embrace the adventure!
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Jeeps, I'm still sick, feeling icky, achey etc. No more vom's though. And I'm only thinking about food because after two days of no food, I'll probably be hungry tomorrow!
And for me, the turducken was too flavorful. Duck is a very oily, stronger tasting meat than chick or turkey, and since it's in the middle, the flavor crosses over into all three meats.
But you may like that. It just wasn't for me.
oh-oh
M.E. - not flavorful - or too MUCH flavor???? (this experiment of mine may not be repeated, but it's too late now)
Hey - How can you even THINK of food after your stomach-crisis of yesterday????
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"
Looks like bakery rye bread with carraway seeds on it.
What a stupid looking food!
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OH SHIT ITS DARREN SHAWPUH, ONE OF THE MOST HARDEST HITTING SAFTYS IN DA LEAGEEEEE!
While Chestica is enjoying her Tofuturkey, I'll be slurping down my prime rib with horseradish au jus, garlic smashed potatoes and steamed green beans.
Regarding the pregnant turkey clip:
How many people here know that turkeys are hatched from eggs, and that it can't be pregnant like that ? raises hand waves wildly
speaking of stupid vapid twats.
Jeeps - I had Turducken a couple years ago. Was NOT impressed with the mixture of the flavors.
What the hell is the point of Tofurkey? It just looks repulsive. Why not get some good vegetarian Indian food or something and not torture your holiday guests?
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
oh - and this guy HAS to be a bullshitter - isn't Jessica wearing a fur and leather jacket in one of the thumbnails???
He so Vegan...but animal-clothing on his woman is ok?
"vaya con huevos mi amigos"