Prince William & Kate Middleton's Wedding Date Announced
If April 29th is your born day, wedding anniversary or the creation date of your favorite dildo, then you should know that you won't be celebrating any of that shit that day. All of your celebratory energies need to be focused on Kate Middleton and Prince Big Willie, because April 29th has been tattooed on the ass cheek of Britain as their official weddin' day! Or for most Brits, it will be another day in April where they get to tell their alarm clocks to fuck off before filling their coffee makers with scotch and Tang. No work for them!
The BBC says that soon-to-be Princess Kate and Prince William have chosen Westminster Abbey as their wedding location, because it's like really British, or something. Westminster Abbey is also the place where Queen Elizabeth got married, and where Princess Diana's funeral took place. Prince William's private secretary released this statement about the wedding plans:
"We know that the world will be watching on April 29, and the couple are very, very keen indeed that the spectacle should be a classic example of what Britain does best. Prince William and Catherine have made it very clear that they wish everybody to be able to enjoy the day with them. Consequently, the day will be a proper celebration for the nation and the realms.
Having said that, the couple are very mindful of the current situation, and for example, Prince William has already expressed a clear wish that any involvement by the armed forces should rely in great part on those servicemen and women already committed to public and ceremonial duties."
Coincidentally, April 29th is also the date that at the bottom of the Village Voice's online news section, one of the headlines will read: Drunken Crazed Gay In A Princess Costume Arrested At The Abbey Bar In Brooklyn For Doing Unpublishable Acts of Depravity With A Homemade Prince Harry Doll.