Sandra Lee Is Pissed She Didn't Think Of This
This is real recipe for MICROWAVED BACON on Food Network's website from the advanced culinary mind of Rachael Ray also goes well with her recipe for hot water (Directions: Put porcelain mug under the red spout on your water cooler. Flip up. Fill mug to top. Flip down.) and pre-cut honey dew (Directions: Open package).
For being so simple, this recipe is a huge damn mess! But you know what's not a mess? The comments! Comments that were howled by the Three Wolf Moon themselves. I guess nothing brings out hot sarcasm like the scent of burnt bacon stuck to a paper towel. Here's a few, but you should really spend time with all of them:
Then, when I tried to drop the plate, and it wouldn't let go of me, I started madly waving my arms around trying to get it off. In the middle of flailing, the plate flew off, and crashed through the large picture window in my kitchen. Between the time the window broke, and when I started flailing, the bacon also flew off and got stuck on the wall. The dog, being a dog, charged the wall-bacon, and began devouring everything that even remotely smelled of bacon, including largish chunks of drywall. Oh, crap, I hope it wasn't that Chinese drywall that has the chemicals that cause cancer...
By cascalonginess on November 11, 2010Tried this recipe last night. The bacon was great, but the paper towels tasted awful.
By LocalBoyMakesGoo on November 11, 2010That's not what "late night bacon" means in my house.
By Crazy Uncle Dan on November 09, 2010Does anyone have a good recipe for Banana? I typically take one from the bunch, peel it, discard the peed and eat it. But I feel like I am missing something. Any recipe for Orange would be helpful too.
By runge2002_730663 on November 09, 2010I don't stay up very late. Can you post a recipe for early morning bacon? Also I'm new to the whole microwave thing. Do you have a recipe for microwave popcorn? The bag says to stop when the interval between pops is 2-3 seconds, but the pops always happen too fast for me to start counting.
By sammy_hagar_pork_n_b on November 10, 2010
via Food Network Humor (Thanks Kel)
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She may be annoying, but I would so do here, and so would you/your husband/your boyfriend.
Submitted by eat.pray.vomit on Thu, 11/11/2010 - 9:27pm.
My god, I despise this fat freak with the motor skills of a hooved animal.
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LMAO. I am so using that as my sig line, if I may.
Submitted by JoJo on Thu, 11/11/2010 - 9:58pm.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Thu, 11/11/2010 - 9:27pm.
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You're not stupid, the situation is different. Were you boiling it to poach, or to hard-boil it? Besides, eggs don't come with directions, but bacon does. So embrace your pursuit of epicurean knowledge!
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Actually, I always thought I hated hard boiled eggs...until I had them in a spinach salad. Wanted to try to hard boil them so they peeled easily. There's the tricky part! Now I realize that I actually do like hard boiled eggs. Now microwave bacon....meh.
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Okay, here's my Rachael Ray tip of the day:
Don't use super-fresh-just-home-from-the-store-or-outta-the-hen eggs. They won't peel right. Use them when they're about 5-7 days old. Put a lil vinegar in the water; that helps them not to crack. Boil for 15 mins, then drain the hot water and immediately soak them in cold water in a different pan or bowl. throw in some ice for good measure. When room temperature, peel the eggs. Should work fine.
Who says I can't cook? lol
Submitted by anna hannah on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 1:53pm.
What a stupid Bitch!!!! Microwave Bacon, for anytime. Two pieces of papertowel on bottom of plate, plain white papertowel, not the kind with any colored print because the color is not good for you MICROWAVED and can cook into the bacon, again DUMB BITCH. Place bacon on papertowel, don't overlap, yes it's true, don't do that. Place two pieces of WHITE papertowel on top of bacon, cook on high for 6 minutes, check bacon, if it's cooked take it out, if it's still raw put it in again for a minute. Repeat again if it's still not cooked. What dumb ass cooks bacon in a microwave for 13 minutes, you'll burn your fucking house down.
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LOL!!! Tell it like it is!
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"Don't trust anyone I could blindfold with dental floss."
-Submitted by karmaskull on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 4:51pm.
Now I just need her recipe for last night toast and I'm all set.
Best comment.....
"I find it interesting that to the left of this recipe (? you have an add for a microwave Bacon/Meat Grill and a Cast Iron Bacon Press. Okay how may people tried the cast iron bacon press in the microwave? "
Holy hell, I read thru the comments and almost pissed myself from laughter and as a matter of a fact, I DID piss my husband off because he thought I had flipped my lid from laughing!!
Food Network Humor for the fucking WIN. RayRay is trash.
My brain hurts just thinking about this. WTF...how does this silly cow have her own show is beyond me sometimes.
"Mah Boo releasing his inner cunt is my porn." MK
Can I use a hand towel? Paper towels are wasteful and bad for our planet.
Will this work for Turkey bacon too??
What a stupid Bitch!!!! Microwave Bacon, for anytime. Two pieces of papertowel on bottom of plate, plain white papertowel, not the kind with any colored print because the color is not good for you MICROWAVED and can cook into the bacon, again DUMB BITCH. Place bacon on papertowel, don't overlap, yes it's true, don't do that. Place two pieces of WHITE papertowel on top of bacon, cook on high for 6 minutes, check bacon, if it's cooked take it out, if it's still raw put it in again for a minute. Repeat again if it's still not cooked. What dumb ass cooks bacon in a microwave for 13 minutes, you'll burn your fucking house down.
Well, unfortunately, my microwave blew up due to my attempts to prepare "afternoon pork n beans" (recipe neglected to tell me to remove them from the can (DAMN YOU MARTHA!! so I attempted this recipe over my gas stove (Ramsey never mentioned a pan - DAMN YOU! unfortunately, the drippings from the bacon erupted in a nuclear mushroom cloud of hot grease, singeing my eyebrows and searing my nose hairs.The doctor gave me a cream for the 2nd degree burns & my plastic surgeon says it'll only take 2 grafts to return to somewhat normal. Never did get my bacon though. Meh, I'll stick with toast. Now, where's the fork? I gotta clean out the toaster
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UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!
-Tourette's Guy
Submitted by LaChaylo on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 12:35am.
AWESOME. I didn't have paper towels, so I used a couple of maxi pads for super absorption of the bacon grease. Works wonders!
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Bwahahahahah - too hilarious. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I'd love to know which dlisters posted on RR's site. Comedy gold.
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
What the shit?!!
*prints recipe; wonders if it'll work w/ extra thick slices*
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
Oh shit, how can you not love the food network. Those comments were AMAZING.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
OMG at the freakin hilarious comments, and I thought we were funny. Seriously though, Rachel Ray and Sandra Lee are the epitome of white trash cooking so the microwave bacon "recipe" is no big surprise.
sarcasm is the best!
Gross, why bake bacon in the microwave? It doesn't take THAT long to prepare in a skillet on the stove. Even an idiot can place bacon between paper towel sheets in the microwave--that's not a real recipe at all.
As another person said, why not follow the instructions on the package, instead of having a talentless, no-neck poseur who can't even cook real food like Rachael Ray explain it to you? God, I can't believe she's actually paid money to post that imbecility.
BTW, I cook quite well and know my way around the kitchen.
LMFAO at the comments!!! "this recipe saved my marriage" hahahahahahahahahahaa
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
LOL!
"is that what that box on my wall is?? i thought it was a time machine, and have been researching various ways to make it work. as most live things that go in it are not by the time they come out, i thought it was just a glitch in the space/time continuum. now i know better!"
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
LOL which one of you is "luciteheels"?
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
CokeyBloke wrote:
"I believe the real question is...who eats bacon late at night?"
umm...Kyra Sedgwick.
(they don't call her 'The Closer" for nothing!)
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UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!
-Tourette's Guy
I'm glad I've managed to avoid this mess of a TV chef, and actually avoid having to cook anything, and still feel smugly superior to Rachael Ray and her band of half-wit foodtards that can't even SEE that Anthony Bourdain and Paula Deen are the ONEs.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
This is truly comedy gold! Everything from the idea, to the "recipe", to the comments, to THE FACT THAT FOODNETWORK.COM EVEN PUBLISHED THIS! I mean, for fuck's sake.
I think the ladies at FoodNetworkHumor.com linked to this post awhile back, and I nearly died of snort-laughter then. Now there's even more hilarious comments! It almost restores my faith in humanity knowing there's so many funny, clever people out there - but then I remember this Late Night Bacon recipe, and my faith is once again crushed.
"I made this with a slight variation. I put the bacon in the microwave and while it is cooking I cut the lights out. I stood in front of the microwave in my darkened kitchen and said"KEVIN BACON" 3 times. Kevin Bacon appeared in my kitchen and forced me to watch "The Air Up There". I plead with him to just kill me and get it over with, but he cackled with glee and made me watch the extended director's cut with commentary! I hate him so bad!"
I believe the real question is (and don't you sick motherfuckers attack me on this one): who eats bacon late at night?
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Guilty. But now I've got to try this paper towel recipe.
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"It really is the simple things in life that give you a reason to take your pants off during a work day." -- MK
I believe the real question is (and don't you sick motherfuckers attack me on this one): who eats bacon late at night?
OMG, i had to come back to it... which one of you is responsible for the Snooki comment? I m still snort-laughing after ten minutes..
I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!
i have been laughing uncontrollablely for 10 minutes at the comments left on the food network website...
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Just wait til your ball sack is jangling around your knees like santa's bells and your brows are meeting your eyelids -stolen from: Urfugginjokin on Holy Moly on 10/13/10
Great find!!
It has all the great makings of a nice Dlisted thread!! bwaaaaa
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Lmao re Snookie!
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
OMG FUNNIEST THING IN AGES THANKS
MK AND ALL U FUNNEH PEEPS!!!
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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"
I LOVE this mess....this is too funny...
Which one of y'all wrote this?:
"I made this in my EZ bake oven. It took nine days. On the fourth day, the bulb burnt out so I replaced it with one from a tanning bed. Five days later, out came Snooki.
How do I get her to leave? "
I think they're making people register to comment now. It seemed like you didn't have to the first time I went in but the memory isn't so good, so I could be wrong. Not enough microwaved bacon, I guess. :D
best post ever
I've heard Rachel Ray is MAJOR bitch. I used to work at the Sagamore Resort and have heard from people that used to work with her that she's fake and a real C U Next Tuesday kind of person.
And this, kids, is how you phone your work in. Watch and learn.
Haven't read the previous comments yet, so I don't know if this has already been said: MK, so your screen name is "cascalonginess"?
I tried to leave comments but they're not posting grrrr!
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'' The Master would not approve! ''
Dear Racheal,
I know how to walk and I know how to chew gum, but is there any way I can do those two activities simultaneously? Please advise.
Seriously, reason #5873629 to hate Oprah; she introduced the world to this moron.
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Just a friendly reminder for chi-chi awareness month ;)
I know it was you bitches posting over there, and for that I love you :)
I feel like we should move to the food network website, everybody from here wrote something I know that.LOL
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Actually her biscuits came out better because of one thing. She has severe arthritis which prevents her from mixing the dough as much as a healthy person would. Turns out that most people overmix the dough.
The few comments I had time to read made me LOL. The one about amish bacon, in particular. They had to use a lighter because the bacon electricity was verboten. Bwhahahaha. Things like this always give me a little extra faith back in humanity. :)
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 12:56am.
A serious question: is Ray being humorous here or is she really as thick as 8 slices of Late Night Bacon?
LOL, I was also wondering if she actually featured this on her show, 30 Minute Meals. I don't think it qualifies.
A serious question: is Ray being humorous here or is she really as thick as 8 slices of Late Night Bacon?
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I couldn't stop laughing! The comments are the best ever! worth going through...love the one about Sooki and more! Lots of smart asses around :)...hahah!
Submitted by Callan on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 12:27am.
Submitted by sofster101 on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 12:24am.
Finally! It's nearly midnight. I've been waiting all day! I can finally make this late night recipe.
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It's after midnight here in NJ. I've been enjoying this wonderful recipe FOR ALMOST AN HOUR.
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AWESOME. I didn't have paper towels, so I used a couple of maxi pads for super absorption of the bacon grease. Works wonders!
but srsly, MK, SHAME on you for dignifying this squirrel woman with Sandra Lee on the caption! The goddess of the HO-made is my hero. Sandra Lee has no shame in her game of lazy bitch no-cooking skills! Bitch has made lazy no-cooking ass hoors like me PROUD of pouring the latest, greatest wine coolers in our fine crystal, purtying them up with a slice of citrus, sprig of mint, or full-on toothpick chock-full of stabbed canned mixed fruit, and calling a righteous COCKTAIL!
Submitted by Callan on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 12:27am.
Submitted by sofster101 on Fri, 11/12/2010 - 12:24am.
Finally! It's nearly midnight. I've been waiting all day! I can finally make this late night recipe.
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It's after midnight here in NJ. I've been enjoying this wonderful recipe FOR ALMOST AN HOUR.
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You are lucky then since I'm stuck in the central time zone here in Illinois. I wonder if Rachel Ray will post a revised late night bacon recipe that accounts for time zone variations.