Shut Your Mouth, Kelly Preston Is Pushing Out A BABY!!!
Many many many ex members of Scientology who were lucky enough to not get tossed into a volcano by the fiery hand of Xenu upon their exit have talked openly about L. Ron Hubbard's silent birth shenanigans. Scientologists believe that a newborn baby has already been through some serious shit and the last thing it needs is its mother's "MAH PUSSAY IS BLOWIN' UP" screams knocking the womb jelly out of its precious ears. During a Scientology birth, no music, talking or screeching is allowed. Can you imagine pushing out an entire human out of your twat hole and some motherfucker says to you, "SHHH." L. Ron Hubbard IS HATEFUL!
Anyways, because of this, Radar's news that Kelly Preston is going to stick an epidural in her tongue during labor isn't surprising at all. Apparently, Kelly did the whole SHHH labor thing for all her children, so obviously she's going to do it with this one. A former high-level member of Scientology explained the silent birth process like this: "One is meant to be as silent as possible so as to not give the child a 'birth engram' with 'hypnotic' type phrases and sounds that will re-stimulate him later in life. Engram is a term used in Scientology that refers to a 'recording' of a past painful event not normally accessible to the conscious mind."
You might be wondering how John Travolta is going to keep from flailing and wailing like Minnie Mouse getting waxed when faced with Kelly Preston's vagina, but that's not going to be a problem. The most stressful thing John and Kelly have to deal with is picking out a fourth-trimester baby pillow with a silent zipper and quiet feathers.
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"and even fertility and thus the dream of a baby at the inappropriate age of 46"
It's not inappropriate, not everyone is infertile at that age you moron
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 11:57am.
Here's the real Scientology. Take some time and read these. If they don't scare the shit out of you...don't know what will.
http://www.lermanet.com/paulette-cooper/
Shit, that was fucking scary. To think that Scientology had so much money, power, influence and connection in the 60s itself.
Also WTF with the scieno room mate ledge thing. so hardcore!
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"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." Oscar Wilde
Can the woman from the Church giving birth scream? I mean, we know it isn't Kelly this time around.
Ah money, it can buy you anything: beauty, style, glamour, an awesome lifestyle, the riches of the world (travel, adventure etc) and even fertility and thus the dream of a baby at the inappropriate age of 46. Yup. Had this been some middle class couple who lost a child and wanted to have another one, they would still be weeping. But with money...you can even buy life. At least more so than most people.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Ah, labor. FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!!! I had one with an epidural and one without. And sooo not by choice. Princess was out in an hour and a half, but what an excruciating hour and a half. Back labor is no joke. I felt like my spine was being ripped out of my back.
Funny how you instantly forget the pain as soon as you see their little faces. Not doing it again, though. Thanks, tubal ligation!
On topic, Kelly and John are complete assholes and completely undeserving of the privilege of having children.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
How can you birth a pillow??????????
babybunny, I think it might have been the morphine. I'm pretty sure I went through my two bags in record time. :D By the way, I am very, very sorry for your loss.
I was pregnant with one child in my thirties and by the time I was 8 - 9 months, my feet would swell so bad it looked like bread baking around twine when I wore my orthopedic mary janes. haute couture footwear? don't think so. you're lucky if you could squeeze a toe in anything other than flip flops. and yeah, best believe I had moon face going on. AND I was ordered to bedrest by the 35th week.
You know that by the time you're in your 3rd trimester, your body contains 3 times the volume of fluid that it contains when you're not pregnant?
I know plenty of women breeze into their 9th month looking beautiful and unswollen, but rarely are those women 48, and rarely are those women pregnant with twins. No matter how young and healthy you are, twin pregnancies are just no joke. you WILL swell, and I highly doubt you'll be up to mugging for the camera. unless you're a shameless fame whore, of course.
so yeah...not pregnant. my question is what in the world would be the purpose of walking around all day to all sorts of celeb events wearing a pillow in your drawers. what is she trying to prove and to whom is she trying to prove it.
unless I'm overthinking it and Xenu just blasted off to the Crab Nebula with her cerebral cortex and she just can't help this wholly psychotic and delusional approach to life.
KA - some women are blessed with fairly unpainful labor pains, like you.
Unfortunately some of us (points to self) get unGodly back labor and the pain is almost too much to bare.
dementa - NO SEX? HAahahah!! Seeing the penis will traumatize the baby? I guess the baby can see through the placenta, through the uterus and through a closed cervix?
Interesting.
oh and yeah to be OT:
this bitch is really having a kid and I'm the god damn Queen of England. Bow before me.
I had my son with no drugs. I birthed him myself - the doctor just stood back and watched. If you've ever had bad menstrual cramps, that's what it feels like. Well, they get worse. HAHA. I won't lie and say it's not painful, but the cool thing is, our bodies just take over and know what to do (aren't we great, us women??) I know this isn't how it goes for everyone, so I would never put down another woman for making different choices, I'm just saying - don't be scared!! It is definitely one of the BEST moments of your entire life - trust. I am getting weepy just thinking about it right now. :)
I also think she is borrowing Katiebot's pillow.
Yeah, I've seen women pregnant with multiple babies who were only in their thirties, and by the third trimester they looked tired, grouchy and really uncomfortable. No perky smiles.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
submitted by ditquoi...can I haz some of what you haz..as in drugs...I would love to see things morph into a Batman cartoon...kewl...all I can say upon thorough examination of Ms. Preston is bitch is SO NOT biologically pregnant...at 48 first of all and with boyz...twins no less...I believe you would be sicker than a sick dog....but what is killing me is her UNPREGNANT face (no weight gain there...yeah right!!)...only in the stomach area...so not right...and mainly cause when I was preggers in my 40's (lost them both)...docs told me every day how unbelievably high risk it was...and to llaayy lllooowww...she always looks so perky and happy...so not the face of a 48 year old woman with boy twins....she be faking...sorry, but I never believed it anyhow...and pics since have confirmed something ain't clean in the milk!!
Re: orgasmic birth - Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA??????????? I am preggo for the first time and fucking TERRIFIED of popping a person out of my cha cha. My cha cha is new at this and I think it is going to hurt like a mother. I cannot imagine how an orgasm results from all that pain.
Not to mention...I don't think I want to have an orgasm while giving birth in front of my doctor, my mother, my mother-in-law, and my husband???? That sounds awkward.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Scientholes are so dumb. They are really, really dumb. Fo real.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 1:36pm
It would make sense for women to have orgasms during childbirth, it's the brains way of protecting you from pain (self-preservation).
Submitted by The Mad Catter on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 12:05pm.
I'm sure the surrogate is a Sea Org slave, so they'll probably just slit her throat and remove the baby after that.
Submitted by icallbs on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 1:34pm.
You don't think Revolta would have married her if she didn't have man hands, do you?
Submitted by ditquoi on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 12:35pm.
It's probably another attempt to "prove" that Scienobots are superior mentally and physically. Remember when Tommygirl was insisting that then-baby-Suri could already read?
Submitted by Green Is Good on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 12:27pm.
That's why I fucking hate that woman. I actually felt a tiny shred of pity for Revolta because he actually seemed grief-stricken and ADMITTED that his son was autistic. But that bitch still hasn't admitted it because heaven forbid that there be any real diseases that can't be fixed with thetan removal!
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 12:15pm.
Do not combine logic and Scientology! They are like ammonia and bleach!
Srsly apparently birth screams are traumatic, but the mom yelling, "I hate my body! These hemorrhoids are disgusting! I look gross!" during pregnancy is okay.
They also say that pregnant sex will traumatize the baby because it will be like being molested to see the dad's penis. Never mind that the penis doesn't go anywhere near the baby, and they couldn't be able to identify the damn thing even if it did!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Miss T has performed an act of Lesbianism???!!!!
I know everyone's gone from this thread already, but I wanted to chime in and say that it is possible to have an orgasm during childbirth.
Yes I did. *blushes*
kelly's arm from the elbow to fingertips is freaking me out. stop that.
man I'm kind of jealous of you guys who got to push. I had preeclampsia and they had to drug me up and give me a c-section. I got an epidural right as the pains were hitting so I never felt anything worse then a really bad cramp.
I didn't eat for 5 days and between that and the drugs, one night, the room "changed"...like piece by piece, the room turned into a Batman cartoon...you know the really good Batman cartoon drama where everything is drawn on black backgrounds? it was "noir" like that, except I saw Spider Man. so piece by piece, the room morphed into a scene out of a Batman cartoon, and then I saw Spider Man in the corner.
Those were some goooooooood drugs. :D
@kokoskitten: Me too; I remember he used to keep it on his bedhead and I would stare at it but was too afraid to pick it up. Thank God he never got into that mess.
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Submitted by boomsy on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 1:10pm.
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I was totally mesmorized by that book cover in the 80's. I always thought it was some kind of satanic book so it scared me when I was like 8 or 9.
and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
I remember as a child in the 80's how they used to have commercials for that Scientology book 'Dianetics'; my dad even had a copy at one point and the book just fascinated me for some reason. (I never read it; the cover was just really interesting.) It's crazy to think as ridiculous as the "religion" is they still have so much staying power...
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
All the effort of keeping the baby from ever being traumatized will be for naught the first time he walks in on his fat dad balls deep in a filipino houseboy. That and the fact that he'll have to go through life with a name like "Cessna Citation CJ2+".
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
by the way I had read up on all sorts of birth stuff when I was pregnant, I did come across the "orgasmic birth".
now, it's one thing if you happen to experience pleasurable sensations in inappropriate situations. shit happens.
the thing is, some of these people were making out as the woman is giving birth.
that...is just v to the ile and cra to the zee y'all. there's no need to turn an auspicious occasion like the entry of a new human in the world into a get-ur-rocks-off session. it's just ick...I just can't.
Popping out a baby is gross. Scientology scares me.
And yes, I am well aware that there is a 99.99% assurity that Kelly's carrying around Katiebots pillow.
The only sound at this "birth" will be the ripping of Velcro as her fake baby bump is unhooked...
She's pregnant with twins and her face hasn't blown up at all? Yeah hometrick has pillows under that dress.
urmomma - yep, aliens, space ships and shit. And if I remember correctly, L. Ron's timeline of when he stuffed all our thetans into a volcano, doesn't match with the history of the creation of earth.
Stupid douche didn't read up on his history before creating a stupid "religion"
Since we all know that Kelly's not actually having a baby, the point is moot. My BFF is engaged to a guy who weighed around 10 pounds when he was born and BROKE his mother's hip on his way out. She's worried, as she should be.
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You're welcome to your opinion unless it differs from mine.
Hmmm. Yeah it's easy to "give birth" silently when you are NOT EVEN REALLY PREGNANT in the first place.
I'm sorry if it's true that she's just wearing a pillow in her panties just to appear to the world as though a 47 year old can vaginally birth mentally- and physically healthy children, then that is truly THE most psycho thing I've ever heard in my life.
Because seriously, no one in the world gives a shit whether your 47 year old ass queefs the babies out yourself or hires someone to do it for you. It's a personal decision...just like having a baby who will be 18 when you are 65 and qualify for SS.
I mean what is she trying to prove, and to whom is she trying to prove it? but whatever and to whomever she's trying to prove, it's all a lie? so she marches around all day with ever-growing pillows stuffed into her drawers for months and months on end? URF??
get help...that's some seriously effed up shit.
Morons!! $cientology is what killed their son Jett!!
LEAVE THE CULT UNLESS YOU ALSO WANT TO F-CK UP YOUR DAUGHTER AND UNBORN CHILD ALSO, DUMB@$$ES!!!
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Just a friendly reminder for chi-chi awareness month ;)
This is a fucking cult. It is irritating as all hell to me to have people call it a religion. This cult is just bigger than the others...AppleWhite Gang/Heaven's Gate to mention one.
A religion that actually believes that in past lives they were on another planet...they fancy themselves former spaceship-ridin'-mutherfukken-aliens.
Fuckin' freaks. and not in a good way.
**I ALT 12 you!**
Submitted by loozer on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 9:05pm.
UrMomma!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyngFurWy14
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 10:50am.
Hoffalina - yep. I hate Kelly too, mostly because she was so hell fucking bent on covering up Jett's autism, she went apeshit on fighting for a cure for Kawasaki disease, organizing all these walks, benefits, etc....all the time she could have been shedding more light on autism and her sons REAL needs.
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CO-SIGN. They ignored their kid's real problem. Now she's 47 years old(her dusty eggs and John's dusty sperm are a bad combo); and they still want to try for a perfect kid to replace the one they neglected.
And let's not forget their bullshit crusade against Psychiatry and the prescription of any psychotropic drugs. Tools. If anybody needed Abilify, it's their psycho midget, cult leader.
"Let's also not forget this "religion" was created by a SCIENCE FICTION WRITER!"
Whose 'religion' seems to be based on "silence fiction".
=-=-="Wah wah wah, I was attacked!"=-=-=-
Well, I give Kelly credit. At least she's a method actress -- she's gained weight just like a real, live pregnant lady.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
So, if Scientology is so concerned about the "first impression" when a baby is born and the rule of silence. Shouldn't the mother remain in a confined, sound proof room, not allowed to speak during her pregnancy since, as soon as the fetus develops it's ears, it can hear from outside the womb. Wouldn't THOSE first sounds be the first impressions?
*snickers*
Cult freaks.
Yeah, good luck with that SILENT BIRTH shit.
There are plenty of cultures that regard noise during childbirth as a bad omen. One culture even doesn't let the mother shower or bathe for three days after delivering.
Weird, so the Sciento slave surrogate who carried Damien Travolta will hand her the replacement son in total silence, then?
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
well I think removing a pillow from ones stomach in "labor" should be done quite easily and quitely....too bad they still think we are buying this bullshit "pregnancy"..$cientology is such bullshit it is unbelievable that anyone in their right or wrong mind would choose to believe this yammering nonsense....good luck with your quiet pillow removing labor...should be a breeze!!!
Submitted by caprica six on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 11:52am.
Why can't there be a religion that promises just great sex forever without strings attached or fking $$ donation baskets?? I need answers.
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Hello Church of the Dlisted.
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
Here's the real Scientology. Take some time and read these. If they don't scare the shit out of you...don't know what will.
http://www.lermanet.com/paulette-cooper/
http://www.lermanet.com/scientologynews/penthouse-LRonHubbardJr-intervie...
http://www.lisamcpherson.org/
http://www.lisamcpherson.org/lisapics.htm
There was another anti CO$ link I had saved, that I went to link and it's obviously been taken over by the CO$.
Scary ass shit.
I'm going to dial up Xenu and tell him I can't with this shit. He needs to come back on his space airplane and pick these fuckers up.
Funny how many well-adjusted, smart people were produced with lots of screaming and yelling.
For a science fiction writer, Hubbard didn't care much about actual science.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Cookie-Slore on Wed, 10/27/2010 - 11:34am.
I saw a documentary a few months back about something called "orgasmic birth." It featured a lot of women in birthing pools acting like they could hardly contain the ecstasy of shoving out a watermelon through their hoo-ha.
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I also declare that documentary FULL OF LIES!!!!
Those chicks were probably faking it and are in need of counseling for the mental issues that would lead them to fucking fake an orgasm during childbirth!
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON