The "Half Man" In Two And A Half Men Is Richer Than You

17-year-old Angus T. Jones (seen here with his fluorescent gingerling of a brother) of Two and a Half Men will continue to play Jake Harper on the show for the next two seasons in exchange for $300,000 per episode and a $500,000 signing bonus. Basically, CBS filled their dump truck with crisp hundred dollars bill, backed it onto Angus' front yard and dropped that shit. Angus is making it rain thanks to people like my mom who will stab a trick in the froat with a rusty spork if you interrupt them during Two and a Half Men (I will send her a hate note in a Precious Moments card on your behalf).

TMZ says that CBS has ordered 48 episodes of the show, which means that Angus' piggy bank will be filled with $14.4 million not including bonuses. Charlie Sheen makes $2 million an episode, and Jon Cryer gets around $450,000.

Angus needs to close his ears and hum a loud tune whenever Charlie Sheen tries to give him financial advice. Dude does not want to waste all of his money on overpriced pussy peddlers, the bad shit and fancy cars he will eventually drunk drive into the canyon near his mansion. Learn from Gary Coleman and MC Hammer. Angus wants his future to look like this:

In the future, Angus does not want to be selling his Underoos on eBay and hosting the opening of mobile phone kiosks in exchange for a gift card to Walgreens. Scratch that. That was a bad example since being a professional panty seller on eBay is better than being Frankie Muniz.

Posted by: Michael K

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FML • I Can't With You • We Can All Go Home Now • Why Are You Doing This To Us?

Submitted by GazingBeauty on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:40am.

The kid should take some of that money and invest in some damn toothbrush and toothpaste!

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:35am.

He used to be a cute little kid -- growing into a fug Seth Rogin. I have to say that this kid is funny. Grab all the money. don't leave it all to Charlie for his crack whores -- meaning the wife.

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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie

Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:33am.

Angus plays the best character on that show. He steals every scene he is in. I have a really hard time buying Cryer as a hetero and Sheen just looks used and busted. He cannot portray the handsome playboy anymore when he usually looks like he needs a hit off his crack pipe or his head is going roll off his neck. Sheen looks like under his clothes, he has the physique of Moe the bartender. The housekeeper is a great character, played well by the actress in that role and I am so happy the big boobied Chelsea is gone. Her character made me want to gag.

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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i

Submitted by mikidais on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:26am.

The show is pretty raunchy and funny. But it's ridiculous that Charlie make so much $$ when he is just playing himself.

Jon Cryer needs a new agent-wtf with the salary.

Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:11am.

I'm baffled too. I don't know anyone who watches this show! the only time I did was involuntarily, because it was being shown on a Continental Airlines flight.

(the ginge is cute, though)

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Submitted by IrishFury on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:09am.

I am nothin' but stunned at how that shit show is so popular. I've seen bits of the show about three times and the presmise is the same. Charlie is a whore with tons of women, Cyrer is a goofball and the kid rolls his eyes sarcastically (but lovingly) at his wacky family's antics.

It's like groundhog day once a week.

I'm delighted he'll be making this much money as I can promise he really will go the Frankie Muniz way unless he buys his way onto SNL.

Oh and he can now afford teeth whitening. I hope he invests in it.

I will say that this kid is no media whore nor a tabloid one so I like him for that automatically.
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Dark-sided!

Submitted by vidz on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:08am.

That kid transitioned from cute kid to uggo fatty adult real fast.

I caught 2 and a half men a couple of times and I REALLY isnt good. I can't believe charlie is getting paid 2mill for a role that requires no acting at all. It makes me sick, almost as sick knowing Terry Richardson is the no 1 fashion photog when everybody knows is a pseudo-rapist pedophile. THe only bright spot was their stalker neighbour girl. I don't understand how this can be the no.1 one show in America when good shit like pushing daisies and dead like me are cancelled. Americans, sometimes, you fucking suck. Yeah, and thanks for Jersey Shore too. It's premiering here next week.

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"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." Oscar Wilde

Submitted by Flatsy on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:07am.

That ginge kid is adorable.

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I can't deal with this commotion.

Submitted by kokoskitten on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:05am.

who the fuck watches this show ?????

and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...

Submitted by Datura on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:03am.

Submitted by Bunnyman on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 11:21am.
Why are they paying such astronomical sums of money for such a mediocre show? Is it one of those shows that only old people watch, like Matlock or Murder She Wrote? What is its demographic?
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The one time I watched it, there were jokes about hookers and innuendos about oral sex. I'm not sure old people are watching this one, unless they just leave that station on all the time. (Which would account for some of the shite on tv that's popular in ratings)

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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb

Submitted by Datura on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:01am.

That ginger baby is pretty adorable. His parents will never lose him in a crowd... unless they're trying to.

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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb

Submitted by i_heart_jack on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:55am.

I've never seen the show. But watching the promos for the syndicated episodes on a local channel (which they air during their news broadcasts), it looks like a really dumb show. None of the "funny" spots have ever made me laugh. Or even smile.

Submitted by Dallas on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:51am.

He was cute when he was very young.......not so much now! Phew...

Submitted by Bunnyman on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:51am.

Why are they paying such astronomical sums of money for such a mediocre show? Is it one of those shows that only old people watch, like Matlock or Murder She Wrote? What is its demographic?

And that little kid is beyond ugly. He wins the Baboon Ass award for Friday, October 8th.

Submitted by The Mad Catter on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:50am.

Submitted by sugar free on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 11:03am.

The thing is, these dumbasses who get paid out the ass to recite lines on bad shows ARE shaping the minds of future generations, and for the worse.

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19 Cats and Counting!

THE FULL RELEASE LOOP

What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR

Submitted by mike on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:46am.

I've never seen the show.

I'm going to have to investigate the identiy of this IHeartMtDEW character. That sounds like that could be one of my country cousins.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:44am.

Jeebus, what an unfortunate looking kid. And the redhead might look cute now, but I'll bet that in a few years he'll look as ogrish as his older sibling.

Oh, and swarm-of-locusts, ITA.

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"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer"

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:38am.

2 1/2 men sux!

Submitted by darlingjulie on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:37am.

He looks like Caroline from RHONJ

Submitted by WinnieT on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:34am.

Well clearly this is another sign that it's time for me to end it all.

That show's a steaming pile of dog cum and it baffles me that it's so highly rated in America. However, that boy is clearly not growing into his looks, so he'll obviously need all the money he can get if he's ever gone to lose his virginity.

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped"
- Elbert Hubbard

Submitted by luscious_t on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:33am.

that show is SO bad - i don't get it :\

*****
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
Well, it's worse than war, it's worse than death
There ain't too many left who ain't been
Eaten by the monster of love
(Don't let it get me!)

Submitted by sugar free on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:33am.

this society is so messed up when memorizing lines from a page and delivering them with feeling warrants a bigger salary than shaping the minds of future generations or protecting society from violent criminals.

*kicks soapbox*

Submitted by aliana.lohan on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:28am.

whoever watches that show should be sterilized, immediately

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:18am.

i don't watch shows that shamelessly pay a junkie, gun-wielding, asswipe 2 million per episode...
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don't slap me cuz i'm not in the mood....

Submitted by Athina on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:14am.

This show was funny for about five minutes. I can't watch it now. They use the same old lame jokes over and over again.

The Big Bang Theory is much funnier.

Submitted by FilthyBitch on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:12am.

God I tried to watch that show and it was horrible.

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"Fuck tomatoes!" - MK 8/11/10

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:12am.

Leenie - TRUFAX. I did a double take because my guy's hair is that exact color.

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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green

Submitted by Aerialgreen on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:10am.

Oh MK, but unlike that old bald man Muniz, this guy is actually grown up to adult height and will have his full mane of hair way past 25 AND by his choice.... money can't buy that ~~:D

Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:08am.

I hope he saves some so he can buy baby bro a piece of tail when he gets older too. *********************************************************************************** Kenny Powers: There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:09am.

Submitted by K2 on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 10:31am.

Charlie is overrated. In every scene he has a drink in one hand and a woman in his bed

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oh and don't forget his oily tan crossed legs. What's that about? It's so creepy.

Submitted by chica robotica on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:06am.

Jon Cryer is underpaid!!! And I don't even watch this show. This is what you pay Duckie and the guy who starred in that wonderful show, The Famous Teddy Z!? Blasphemy!

Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:05am.

I hope he spends some of it on veneers. And the ginge baby is cute, but there is a waaaaaayyyyy cuter one out there *side-eyes Uvy*

Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:04am.

Another example of cute kid actors that morph into unfortunate looking adults. Frankie Z, The I see dead people/forrest gump jr. kid, etc..
He is the worst actor. I thought he was very funny and natural when it started but all he does lately is mumble something then exit stage left. Good job if you can get it I suppose.

Submitted by SpiceDong on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:03am.

I am surprised at the abismal difference in salary vs. Charlie Sheen who essentially plays himself in that show...and they all have almost the same screen time in the few episodes I have watched. Is nto like Charlie is such a huge star...it is not 1987 anymore. 2MM is even more than what the Friends bitches got per episode.

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"The best way to keep your figure is to give your food to the hungry" - Audrey Hepburn

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Submitted by K2 on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:01am.

Jon Cryer should be paid more than that booze hound,drug addict, prostitute addicted -wife beater!!! They can't even throw him $1mil per episode ... he's funny as shit ... and he's sober!

Charlie is overrated. In every scene he has a drink in one hand and a woman in his bed ... is that REALLY acting?! Yes, we understand that the show is based on this alcoholic mess but it's an ensemble cast and they should all be paid somewhat equally.

Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:01am.

I always find it fascinating that child actresses that put on more than one extra pound are destroyed but this kid is a certified chubby pumpkin and you never hear a word about it. He may as well get that money because I don't see a transition to adult parts in his future.

Submitted by eat.pray.vomit on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 9:00am.

Is Angus his government name?

Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 8:59am.

RED RED LIKE A DOG DICKHEAD!*********************************************************************************** Kenny Powers: There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.

Submitted by The Mad Catter on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 8:56am.

THAT LITTLE KID IS THE DEVIL!!!!! I would be watching the fuck out for DEMONIC TOYS in their house because that is seriously some demon spawn shit.

As for the Half Man, he can keep his money. He deserves it for permanently associating himself with one of the shittiest, most ridiculed shows of all time.

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19 Cats and Counting!

THE FULL RELEASE LOOP

What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR